THE TOON 1 THE CHERRY PICKERS OF BOURNEMOOOTH 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 🔔 bells’ Sunday 19th April 2026

“THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL CONTINUES UNABATED!”

Just when you 'Fink' it cannot get any worse, then it does!

Another shocking defeat add to the ‘collection’ and wor 5th home defeat in wor last 6 games!

The mood woz flat at the start of the game, and so it proved, with misplaced passes and lost possession the order of the day!

Wor players didn’t look ‘up for it’ and there woz anly one outcome in the end!---Another late goal against---and another defeat!

The 'highlight'? of the forst half for us woz a shot from Harvey Barnes at The Leazes End, which narrowly missed the post, which livened the crowd up a bit!

But that woz it in the forst period, with Bournemoooth just az bad!

However!--In their forst meeningful attack in the 30th minute, an inocuous cross from Rayan woz completly missed by wor defence and an unmarked Marcus Tavinier had the simple task of toe pokin' the baall ower the line to give 'The Cherry Pickers' the lead! (They are nicknamed 'The Cherries'!)

Another similar chance fell to them a few minutes later, but Evilinson somehow missed the baall unmarked, which should have put them 2 up!--This brought a toxic reaction from some of the crowd, who were thouroghly frustrated by wor performance! 

Withoot both goalies havin one shot to save between them, in the forst half, we went in 1-0 doon, with some boooin from the crowd! (A regular habit in the last 4 home games!)

The 2nd period saw us liven up a bit and a loud cheer when Bruno woz introduced in the 62nd minute!---We eventually we got an equaliser in the 68th minute when William Osula fired home from close in!-- A very lenghty 5 minutes VAR check for offside woz taken, with the goal eventually given! 1-1

This really livened the crowd up a bit, but we were soon brought back doon to Earth late on, when Truffert fired in from close range unmarked of course!---This happened in the 85th minute and yet again we conceded late on--for the FIFTH time in the last 6 home games!

This promted many to heed for the exits az the 1,700 away fans, high up in The Leazes 'Gods' celebrated!----The sour point woz that the Bournemoooth players kept wastin time and faynin injury, after their goal, to the annoyance of the Toon fans who stayed til the bitter end!---9 minutes stoppage time woz added, but even if it had been 9 hours, we still would'nt have foond another equaliser!

There woz more boooin az the final whistle sounded, from some of those who had suffered til the very end! (NOT from us by the way!---we have never bood the team, even in the dark days of 2nd tier futbaall!) 

Az far az ah can remember, their goalie Pertovic, didnt have one shot to save in the entire match!----And come to 'Fink' of it, neethaa did Aaron Ramsdale in The Toon goal! (Pleeeze correct me, if I'm wrang!?)

We stay in 14th place in the table. with any hope of European futbaal now gone!----

This woz Eddie Howe’s 8th attempt to beat hiz former club in the Premyaa Leegue—and 8th failure to beat them!

Another one to forget and another one where Match of the Day will be deleted withoot even watchin it!

Attendance: 52,109 (1,726 'Cherry Pickers')

WOR FLAGS 'SHOW RACISM THE RED CARD' DISPLAY, WITH BANNERS FEATURIN' THE FORST 11 BLACK PLAYERS TO PLAY FOR NUFC!

SIX GAMES TO SAVE WOR SEASON!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells’ 🔔 Friday 17th April 2026

AN OLD BOURNEMOOOTH PROGRAMME FROM AN FA CUP TIE IN 1973 WHEN BOURNEMOOOTH WERE IN THE OLD 4th DIVISION!  NUFC WON 2-0 IN FRONT OF 33,930 (SUPERMAC AND AN OG BY CAVE) (IE: THEY CAVED IN!)  THE NEW EAST STAND HAD JUST OPENED THAT SEASON AND WOZ FEATURED ON AALL THE NUFC PROGRAMME COVERS!

Starting tomorrow afternooon, we really must play better against The Cherry 🍒 Pickers, than we have done durin wor last 3 games! 

Wor biggest fear iz if Bournemoooth take the lead, some of the crowd will turn and the atmosphere could become toxic! ☠️

Wor visitors have taken an allocation of 1,700 tickets ( Full allocation for away teams iz 3,100)

Sadly, some of wor fans have short memories and have forgotten what Eddie Howe haz done for this club and are bayin for hiz heed!

But just who could replace him, we ask?

The next 6 games will tell us which direction we are heedin!  Finish 14th where we are at the minute,!? or climb back into the top half and claim a place in one of the lesser European competitions!?

Bruno could retorn after missin the last 12 games, but Fab Schar and Emil Krafth are still crocked and will play nee part in the proceedings!

Joelinton iz suspended for 2 games after picking up hiz 10th yellow card at Palace!

5 of wor remainin 6 games ARE winnable, with the anly really hard one, wor next away game at ‘The Arse’ on Saturday week! (er! Wor last 3 Prem home games were winnable, but we lost the lot!)

Bournemoooth are unbeaten in 11 games since we beat them on pens in the FA Cup in January! Ominously, they beat title contenders ‘The Arse’ at ‘The Em’ last week! 

Hopefully there will be a vast improvement from us tomorrow at ‘3:00 bells 🔔’ 🙏🏻 

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday az per usual!  

So “Watch this space intentleee!”⬇️

NUFC SEASON TICKET WAITIN LIST TO BE STARTED!

 Posted ‘5:00pm 🔔 bells’ Thorzday 16th April 2026

Breakin' news that NUFC are to open a season ticket waitin list for next season, reaches us from ‘Secret Pigeon’, who flew to The Geordie Times HQ to tell us the news!⬇️

“A NEW NUFC SEASON TICKET WAITIN’ LIST IZ TO BE STARTED NEXT SEASON! COO! COO!”

The club says that it’s FREE to join the waitin list BUT! you MUST be a Mags Member to get on the list!⬇️

Az the prices of Mags memberships are £47, £37 and £20 for Junior Mags, it’s actually NOT FREE after aall to join the list!⬇️

A minimum of 250 season tickets will be made available next season, with priority given to those who have purchased memberships for the last 2 seasons!

Those in the lower priority groups however, have virtually nee chance of gettin their hands on one!⬇️

The club aren't daft.  The donkey’s carrot 🥕 iz to get even more memberships in the blind hope that those who join now will eventually get a season ticket!

Aalso existing members MUST renew or lose their place in the queue, az they won't be eligable!

ARCHIVE MATCH REPORT FROM 1988

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells’ Wedinzday 15th April 2026

With a blank midweek again The Geordie Times haz ‘dug up’ a match report from the opening of Dunston’s groond 38 years ago!

They were caalled Dunston Federation Brewery in those day and the groond woz named Federation Park after the Federation Breweries in Dunston! (Their sponsors at the time) Now long gone I’m afraid!

Ground number 087 ⬇️

087 federation park, dunston (nufc xi)

 Ground number 87

Date of First Visit: 15th August 1988

Federation Park, Dunston

Dunston Federation Brewery 1 (Davison)

Newcastle United XI 3 (Coxall, Craig, Bogey (pen)

Friendly fixture for ground opening

Attendance: 1,000 (estimated)

FEDERATION PARK 1988 •••A FENCED OFF FIELD*** NEE STANDS, NEE FLOODLIGHTS!

"COME ALONG AND SEE THE STARS OF NEWCASTLE UNITED!"

Az the drunken magpie flies Federation Park (Now UTS Stadium) and St. James’ Park are 1.6 miles apart across the Tyne! (Googled it!)

Yet in terms of size and support its aboot a million miles and 10 league divisions apart!

This woz the official openin' of  'The Fed’s new groond and news of ‘The Toon's visit had been the talk of Dunston for days!

A poster woz pinned to the waall of the now sadly demolished ‘Cross Keys’ boozer near Dunston Staiths advertisin the match and it read: OFFICIAL OPENING OF GROUND BY WILLIE McFAUL—COME ALONG AND SEE THE STARS OF NEWCASTLE UNITED (McFaul woz the manager!)

The 'stars', az it torned oot, wornt even playin'!

Instead NUFC had sent a bunch of mainly resorve and junior player, while some of the stars (Andy Thorn, Dave Beasant etc) were just spectators like the rest of us!

I'm writin this in April 2026, nearly 38 years after this game woz played and sadly just a few months after Willie (Iam) McFaul had passed away!

The Dunston groond back then, woz simply a fenced off field with hard standin aroond it with nee cover or seats of any description! (See top photo)

There were nee floodlights eethaa and a smaall cabin behind the goal doubled up az the clubhoose at the time!

Dunston were in The Northern Combination and NUFC were in the old Forst Division (now the Premyaa Leegue)

A large crowd had turned up to see the ‘stars in stripes’ but like aa say it woz anything but!

It didn’t take the Toon XI lang to take them lead when Coxall scored in the 2nd minute!  It stayed that way til bang on half time when Craig doubled the lead, with the home side strugglin to contain their ‘big brother’ from across the river! 

HT 2-0

The second period woz the same and the NUFC XI increased the goal gap in the 54th minute when a Dunston defender gave away a penalty!

Up stepped Ian Bogey to shoot into the back of the net for a 3-0 lead!

(The Bogeyman did have a handful of 1st team appearances, but played mostly in the resorves)

‘The Fed’ then got a consolation goal through Davison, to add a bit of respectability to the scoreline!

There were nee more goals, so it ended 3-1 to the ‘No Stars in Stripes’ at the final whistle! 

NOW UTS STADIUM*** NOW DUNSTON UTS FC

THE CRYSTAL BALLERS 2 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

Posted from 8:16 pm 🛎️ bells’ onwards on the train back from King’s Cross, Sunday 12th April 2026

“WHERE’S THE CORNER FLAG?”

“NOT! A GOOD TIME TO BE A TOON FAN!”

After a 3 week break, after playin 2 games a week for 4 months, you would have thought NUFC would be rejuvenated, after a much needed rest, but we couldn’t be more wrang!

Yet again we played in wor aaful green away strip, when there woz nee colour clash.?

Az well az wor aaful strip, it woz an aaful game az well, az both teams put in a lack lustre performance! 🎭 

We were marginally the better team in the forst half and we took the lead in the 43rd minute when Wil Osula fired from close range from an excellent Lewis Miley cross!

HT 1-0 to us!

The second period woz az dull az dish waataa, but the turnin point came in the 65th minute when Palace brought on Mateta, who proved to be the game changer!

Just when it looked az though we would hang on for the 3points, Mateta had other ideas and he equalised in the 80th minute with a heeder from a Mitchell centre, that Toon goalie Aaron Ramsdale couldn’t get near! 1-1

But the killer blow came deep into stoppage time, when Sven Botman needlessly grabbed Lerma’s arm in the penalty area and the ref pointed straight to the white spot!

Mateta took it, but Ramsdale woz unable to stop hiz shot az the baall entered the net!  2-1 to them after 90+4 minutes!

Bizarrely, Wissa and Elanga were then sent on for the last 2 minutes, but not surprisingly, it woz too little tooo late az the full time whistle blew!⬇️

 Havin’ been on the pitch for just 2 minutes, Wissa then swopped shirts with Mateta at the end of the match!— unbelievable!

The dejected Toon fans gave light applause and a few booos to the team, az we made wor way to the exits! FT 2-1 to them!

Amazingleee NUFC have dropped 25 points from winnin positions this season and would be 2nd top , just 3 points below leaders Arsenal IF we could have held on to those leads!

Instead we find worsels in 14th position, with a European place now lookin a lang shot! 🔫

Just how a ‘not so’ ‘Steady Eddie Howe’ can survive this ‘wobble’ iz anybodys guess?🤔

This iz NOT a good time to be a Toon fan, for certain!😵‍💫

Attendance: 25,141 (2,687 p*ssed off Toon fans!)

*Pub crawl pix!⬇️ (6 new ones for this season, plus one we’ve been tee many times (The Barrel Vaults)  Runnin total for this season iz 160 different drinkin dens!

“WE MUST BE BARKING 🐕 MAD!”⬇️

We stopped in a hotel in the Barking district of London the neet before the game and did a mini pub crawl! (Just 4 drinkin dens, includin the Ibis hotel bar)

It took a while to find them!

Little did we naa when we booked wor hotel, but Barking haz the lowest number of drinkin dens oot of the 32 London boroughs---Trust us to pick a hotel there!

THE SPOTTED DOG 🐶 

THE VICTORIA ⬆️⬇️

DE LOUNGE

IBIS HOTEL BAR, BARKING

Next day we heeded for Norwood Junction station, which iz the nearest to Selhurst Park!  We did 2 boozers and the second one, which we have been tee loads of times on previous visits, charged me £19.80 for 2 pints of IPA!⬇️

Thats £9.90 a pint! (In thin plastic glasses!) The most av ever paid for a pint in the UK—How lang before its ower a tenner in London?

THE CHERRY TREE— A MERE £7 A PINT!

After the match—and to drown wor sorrows, we heeded for a regular haunt at St Pancras next door to King’s Cross!⬇️

A WETHERSPOONS BOOZER £3.60 A PINT!

THE CRYSTAL BALLERS V THE TOON*** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Saturday 11th April 2026

 

PALACE V NUFC PROGRAMME 1970

It’s 56 years since The Geordie Times forst visited Selhurst Park in sooth London, to watch The Toon in August 1970, when NUFC lost 1-0!

If I remember rightly, there woz a grass bank at the back part of the Holmesdale Road end, where the double decker stand iz now!  Toon fans were in the opposite open end, where the supermarket iz now!

 There woz nee segregation in those days and you could gan anywhere you like and paid cash at the tornstiles!  Nee paper tickets needed and of course mobile telling bones were a thing of the future!⬇️

It was primitive then and it’s still primitive now, with the shallow rake of the away section, makin it impossible to see the near side corner flag at the Holmesdale Road end, even though I am 6 foot taall!⬇️

VIEW??? FROM THE AWAY SECTION!

*Sven Botman iz still oot, alang with Bruno and Fab Schar, but Lewis Miley iz in contention for a place in the squad!

*(Although we hear 👂 that The Toon are are toyin with the idea of puttin Botman in a mask to protect hiz broken nose! 👃? 

Palace have won just 3 of their 15 home Premyaa Leegue games this season, drawing 7 and losin 5, so this iz a great opportunity to collect the 3 points, to climb the table!  With the possibility of the top 7 qualifying for Europe next season, this iz a great chance to gain some groond! (11 places in Europe are possible IF certain teams win the 4 cups on offer!---highly unlikely!)

Palace beat Fiorentina 3-0 in the first leg of their Conference tie on Thorzday, but the Italians wirnt very good! (Watched it on a ☠️ channel at an unknown address!)

NUFC sit in 12th place in the table, with 42 points, just 4 points behind Brentfaad in 7th

It’s still "aall to play for",  with 7 games left!

And more importantly, just ONE game per week, so that the players (and fans!) can recover from travel sickness! (unlike the previous 4 months, with 2 games per week, every week!)

That’s 6 very winnable games (v Palace, Bournemoooth, Forest, 🌳 West Ham, 🥩, Brighton and Fulham) and one ‘toughie’ at The Arseholes!

"Bring them on!" 🤪👍🏁

* Will dee the match report on the train back from King’s Cross tooneet!

Az per usual 

 “Watch this space fort misstaykz!”

*

THREE MILLION REASONS TO BELIEVE!

 Posted 'high noon bells'🔔 Thorzday 9th April 2026

“ANY SPARE CHANGE PLEEEZE!?”

The Geordie Times iz gannin from strength to strength, az we have now past the 3 million pageviews landmark!

The month of March woz unprecedented, az we recorded nearly two thirds of a million hits! (663,742) and in one day alone on Friday March 20th we got 84,912 pageviews!

We recorded 2 Millions pageviews on Xmas Eve and 3 million 2 days ago--- 103 days for a million 'hits'   The Geordie Times started in 2010 and it took ower 14 years to get to the forst million mark (5,110 days by wor calculations!) So to dee the latest million in just ower 100 days iz mind bogglin! 

We have aalways said that The Geordie Times iz advort free, but beecoz of the cost of gannin to the away games it haz nearly emptied mee NUFC piggy 🐷🔨 bank!

For example, wor trip to Azerbaijan cost an eye 👁 opening £1,500 coz we had to book up very late, az the direct charter flight from Toon airport to Baku airport woz cancelled at the last minute--- and so we had to make other very costly arrangements to travel to Edinburgh by train, catch a 4 hour flight to Istanbul in Turkey— and then another 3 hour flight to Baku! (and the same way back!) A 6,000 miles roond trip!

And then the visa and hotel price on top, and then add the drinkin den and scran money on top of that! (Had to pay for the visa twice, coz the forst application woz rejected!?😱)

(6 away European games, plus 18 away games in the UK and 4 away U21games)—-And with 4 away games still to gan (3 in London!) it izzint cheap!

Beecoz of wor depleted funds and the fact that European games cost on average £500 per trip (not including the Baku trip) we are gannin to try Google’s ‘Ad Sense’, where adverts are placed into The Geordie Times, to try and rake in in some much needed capital!💰

The Toon divvint have much chance of qualifying for The Champions Leegue this time, but The Europa League and Conference Leegue (God forbid!) are within reach!

The Conference Leegue haz teams from the Welsh Leegue, Andora, Gibralter and places we have never hord of before, from ‘the back of beyond’—Like Qarabag from Azerbaijan for example!  ie: Very expensive indeed! 💰 

Unusually: 

“Watch this space——for adverts!” 

DUNSTON 1 BRADFAAD PA 0 (Easter Saturday) *** NEWTON AYCLIFFE 0 DUNSTON 3 (Easter Munday)

 Posted ‘6:00pm bells 🔔 Tuezday 7th April 2026

"WELCOME TO SCOTLAND!---WHEY, NOT EXACTLY!"

“EASTER 🐣 EGG 🥚 STACY!”

Ower the Easter 🐣 weekend we needed wor ‘fix’ az The Toon had a blank weekend, due to wor exit from the FA Cup!

And so we did a Dunston Double Heeder, with their home game in the Northern Premyaa Leegue East Division, on 🐣 Saturday —-and their away game on 🐣 Munday!

Forst up woz their home game v ex Futbaall Leegue side Bradfaad Park Avenue, where a bumper crowd of 421 torned up at the groond! (Bumper, az it woz nearly 200 more than wot they normally get!) (30 or so Park Avenue-ites!) The game woz really a play off 6 pointer with Bradfaad just one point behind Dunston, in the last play off place!

If it wasn’t for the Dunston’s ‘larger than life’  goalie, Dan Lowson, who made some brilliant saves in the forst half, it could easily have been 4-0 to ‘The Park Avenue-ites’ at HT, az they were well on top!

The Bad Blue Boys of Dunston played much better in the 2nd period and just when we we thought that the game would end goal-less, up stepped Dunston’s Sado to fire 🔥⚽️ home from inside the penalty area in the 88th minute,  to send the vast majority of the 400 plus crowd into Easter egg🥚stacy ! (sic!)

That’s the way it ended and the result meeenz that Dunston moved 4 points clear of Bradfaad in the race for a last play off place, to reach The Northern Premyaa Leegue Premyaa Division next season!

"SCOTLAND!--SCOTLAND!--HERE WE COME!"

2 days after this and we were on wor travels to Newton Aycliffe in Coonty Durham, 30 miles south of  Dunston on 'The Tyne', on the supporters bus, for Dunston’s Easter Munday fixture at The Ashcourt Stadium! (3rd visit to this groond!)

33 had travelled doon on the bus, (16 ‘Dunston Ultras’ (teenagers!) at the back and ‘The Oldies’ (like me!), at the front, includin the driver!), plus others on the team bus and in jam jars (aboot 75 Bad Blue Boys (and girls) in total, includin the Dunston committee!)

We arrived at the clubhoose at 11:20am bells’ 🔔 to find oot that it wasn’t open til ‘high noon 🕛 bells’ (An absolute disgrace!) SO we had nee choice but to heed for the nearest boozer, which woz a 10 minute walk away across a duel carriageway! 

It woz caalled Gretna Green and az usual ah sent a Whatsapp message to wor lass, to tell her where I woz!

“I’m in Gretna Green!” I told her!

"Wot are you doin' in Scotland?"---I'm confused?" she replied (The forst town across the England/Scotland border)

"So your in Scotland, don't understand?" she went on!

"It's a PUB caalled Gretna Green in Newton Aycliffe!" I told her, and sent a picture of the boozer!

"Aarrr right-- I havvint got mee glasses on!" she replied!

Anyway, enough of that!---we heeded back to the clubhoose (In ENGLAND!) which woz now open and then onwards to the match, after somemore 'liquid lubrications'! (hic!)

We entered the tornstiles at the groond and within 2 minutes of the ‘1:00 bells 🔔 kick off, Dunston took the lead, when David Robinson rolled the baall across the six yard box and it trickled ower the line and into the net! 1-0 to Dunston!

The visitors were well on top and it woz soon 2-0 when a penalty woz awarded in the 32nd minute for a bad foul in the box!

David Robinson took it to double their lead! (See video at the start of this report!)

DAVID ROBINSON'S PENALTY!

Bang on half time another penalty woz awarded at the opposite end, this time to Aycliffe after Harvey Neary fouled an Aycliffe attacker, who woz clean through on goal!  Not anly woz a penalty awarded, but the Dunston man got a red card az well!

Divvint naa who took it?, but Dunston goalie Dan Lowson guessed the reet way and saved the shot!

The Dunston hero from Saturday (see Bradfaad report above) woz the hero once again! HT 2-0 to The Bad Blue Boys in RED!⬇️

Against 10 men, Newton Aycliffe were again 2nd best in the 2nd half and the away side forthaa increased their lead, when David Robinson completed hiz hat-trick, to put the game to bed🛏 in the 82nd minute! 3-0 to Dunston final score!

Attendance: 345 (75 or so from Dunston, az mentioned!👏) 

News woz awaited from Bradfaad PA, who, if they’d lost, would have been 7 points adrift!

However! they had won by 8 lucky goals to nil against Brighoose, to boost their goal difference and keep the pressure on, with 3 games to play!

Unfortunately I will miss them aall,  az their fixtures clash with NUFC games, which must take priority, I'm afraid!

Hopefully IF they make the playoffs, wor games won’t clash!?

Fink (NUFC mad-sad groundhopper!--and part time Dunston fan!)

"WE WOZ THERE!"🠟