LEEEDZ 0. THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Sunday 31st August 2025

“THE UN-TERTAINERS!”

There’s one thing for certain, this ‘bore draw’ 😴 would be certain to be last on MOTD last neet!

Wor new £69 million striker Nick Waltemade woz registered too late to be included in the squad! Aalso missin woz Anthony Gordon who woz sent off last week against Livaapoool and Joelinton, who iz carrying an injury, from a bad behind tackle from last weeks game!

And of course wor number 14 woz absent yet again in hiz quest to leave NUFC!

Add those 3 key players to the equation and it woz aalways gannih be a tough afternooon against newly promoted Leeedz, played in heavy rain!

Osalu, who led the line had a chance orly on az we attacked The Geldherd End in the forst half!

Jacob Murphy had an effort saved late in the half and just after this ‘Fab’ Schar had a shot which just went ower the bar, while the home side failed to muster a single shot on target! 

Angry Toon fans frustration boiled ower, with loud chants of “Isak iz a cnut!”, which woz applauded by the Leeedz fans, who joined in the chant! HT 0-0

The game woz live on the telly, but if yoo were a neutral watchin from home, yoo would be reaching for the remote control ‘off button’ for certain!

The second half wasn’t much better with Murphy havin a distance shot which woz pushed away by in the Leedz goal, az we attacked the Sooth Stand End!

Lewis Haall aalso had a shot which narrowly sailed ower the bar, while Leeedz forst shot didn’t materialise til the final minute of the game by Calvert Lewin, who’s shot woz saved by The Pope in the Toon goal!

FT 0-0 Wor 2nd away game of the season with a blank scoresheet!😱

An aaful game to watch, but the question iz?—- will Isak 🐍 be sold by the Munday ‘7pm 🛎️s’ transfor deadline!?— Anly the PIF naa the answer to that one!?

Attendance: 36,727 (2,900 very angry Toon fans!)

Pub crawl report! 3 in Leedz and the last one in York station. (3 visited in previous seasons)

Runnin total for season: 14

FRIENDS OF HAM, LEEEDZ

THE BREWERY TAP, LEEEDZ

HOWARDS BAR, INSIDE LEEEDZ GROOND

THE LINE WHISTLE, YORK STATION

FOOTNOTE:

A match report on wor U21s game in Birmingham on Friday afternooon will appear here sometime durin the week!

And very belatedly, there will be a match report on Gosforth Bohemians v Seaton Delavil in the Northern Alliance, which woz played a week gone Saturday!

(Simply had nee time to dee them!)

CHAMPIONS LEEGUE HERE WE COME!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells’ Thorzday 28th August 2025

Updated ‘6.05pm 🔔 🛎️s’

Updated ‘7.17pm 🛎️ 🔔s’

Updated ‘high noon 🕛 🔔 bells’ Saturday 30th August on the train 🚂 to wor away games at Leeedz

THE NEW ‘BLUE STAR’ CHAMPIONS LEEGUE FUTBAALL! 

A LUCKY OMAN OR WOT!?

FROM LEFT TO RIGHT:

 ST.NIX CATHEDRAL 🔹 THE ‘NEW’CASTLE 🔹 THE TYNE BRIDGE

*The draw for The Champions Leegue group stage takes place from '5pm bells' today (TNT SPORTS 1) and the permutations are mind boggling!---from possible away games near the Chinese border to north of the Arctic Circle!

'The Geordie Times' will be watchin' intently and nervously az the draw iz made! ONE team from each POT at SJP and ONE team from each POT away! 8 games in total (But nee teams from The Premyaa Leegue can be paired with each other)

Fingers (and toes!) crossed that we get to gan to Madrid or Munich and NOT to Azerbaijan or Kazakhstan (next to the Chinese border!)

Az per usual: "Watch this space from '5 bells' onwards for the prolonged draw, which could take forever to complete!" 😴👇

The draw haz been made between ‘5.30 🛎️s’ and ‘6.05 🔔a’

Sequence and dates of fixtures to be revealed on Saturday!  2 away games in France, 1 in Belgium and 1 in Jawmany!— Great distance wise!  Just ONE new groond though! Union SG of Belgium!🇧🇪 

Some great home ties az well!⬇️

UPDATED ON THE TRAIN TO LEEEDZ Saturday 30th August

DATES AND TIMES CONFORMED⬇️

2025

Game one: Tuezday 16,17,18 Septembaa at ??? 

Opponents????

Game two: Tuezday 30 Septembaa, 1st Octobaa at ???

Opponents???

Game three: Tuezday 21,22 Octobaa at ???

Opponents???

Game four: Tuezday 4,5 Novembaa at ???

Opponents???

Game five: Tuezday 25,26 Novenbaa at ???

Opponents???

Game six: Tuezday 9,10 Decembaa at ???

Opponents???

2026

Game seven: Tuezday 20,21 January  at ???

Opponents???

Game eight: Wedinzday 28 January at ???

Opponents???

BREAKING NEWS!⬇️ ‘7.17 🛎️s’

  

NEW GROOND! NEW GROOND!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 🔔 bells’ Friday 29th August 2025

ELITE PERFORMANCE CENTRE GROOND        HENLEY IN ARDEN

‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’ are off on wor travels az we speak, to Henley in Arden, where NUFC U21s are playin Bormingham U21s at their Elite Performance Centre training groond this afternooon at ‘2.00 🛎️s’

Originally the game woz supposed to be played at Stratford Town FC, but woz moved late last week, for some unknown reason?

It’s still a new groond though, albeit a trainin groond, but it’s another one to add to the list of Midland trainin groonds that we have visited!

In nee particular order, they are: Stoke, Leicester, Forest, Villa, Derby, WBA(twice!) (Nee wonder that we are known az ‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!’)

We travel back to Tyneside after the game and then it’s off to Elland Road tomorrow evening for wor forst team game v Leeedz! (It’s Aall go!)

A match report on the U21s game might not appear til Munday az the Leeedz game takes priority!

NUFC HOME TO BRADFAAD CITY IN THE LEEGUE CUP!

 Posted ‘10:55pm 🔔 bells’ Wedinzday 27th August 2025

The 3rd roond draw of the Leegue Cup haz just been made and we are at home to 3rd tier Bradfaad City—Date and time of game to be confirmed!(Septembaa 23rd, 24th or 25th)?

The draw for The Champions Leegue takes place from ‘5pm 🛎️ bells’ tomorrow and the permutations are mind boggling!—-from possible away games near the Chinese border to the Arctic Circle ⭕️ ⬇️

The Geordie Times will be watchin intently and nervously az the draw iz made!  ONE team from each POT at SJP and ONE team from each POT away! (But NEE teams from the Premyaa Leegue can be paired)

Fingers 🤞(and toes) 🦶crossed that we get to gan to Madrid or Munich and NOT to Azerbaijan or Kazakhstan (next to China!)🇨🇳 

Az per usual “Watch this space intentleee!”🙏🏻

THE TOON 2. THE LIVERBIRDS 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells’ Wedinzday 27th August 2025

(2 days late, but this IZ The Geordie Times!— Wot did yoo expect!???😵‍💫)

“T👿O☠️X😱I👹C”

The sequence of events were az follows az the teams entered the pitch to this very hostile atmosphere!

The Toon were on the front foot from the start,az we laid seige to the Leazes End goal! 

The anly problem WOZ!— wor star striker iz on strike to try and force a move to wor opponents!

So Anthony Gordon led the line az he did at Villa, but we couldn’t muster a decent effort on goal—and then Livaapoool broke away in the 35th minute when Gravenberch hit a low shot passed The Pope in The Toon goal! 1-0 to them!

Even worse woz to follow deep into forst half stoppage time when Anthony Gordon woz sent off for a bad tackle on Van Dyke! (A 3 game suspension!)

Immediately after the restart the Liverbirds doubled their lead when Etikike (who we had tried to sign!) fired home with another low shot into the corner of the net at The Leazes End—-and with just 10 men, aall looked lost at this point! 2-0 to them!

To prove everybody wrang, (includin me!) we made a fightback and scored twice through Bruno in the 57th minute, who dived to heed home a Livramento cross and then super sub Will Osula, who latched onto a Nick Pope punt up field in the 89th minute, to amazingly level things, az the belief of a very unexpected victory woz now possible az the crowd noise reached crashendo level! 2-2

But then (of course!) the killer blow!!! 💀 

11 minutes stoppage time woz added, when it should have been just 6 or 7 minutes —-and (of course!) in the 101st minute, against wor 10 men,  16 year old Ngumoha latched onto a pass upfield and hit the baall into the goal, to break everybody of a black n white persuasions hearts! (3-2 to them!)

Before aall this Joelinton woz wrestled doon in the box by Gravenberch—- a stonewall penalty, which the blind az a bat 🦇 ref and VAR, somehow didn’t see!??? 👀 (see top picture). 

Joelinton woz then injured by a bad tackle from behind, but unlike Gordon’s red card, there wozzint even a yellow for Livaapool’s Gravenberch!? (Joe had to be helped off the pitch)

Aalso injured and forced off, were Schar and Tonali to make it a very bad day aall roond!

If anly we had wor number 14 on the field, we would surly have won this game (And at Villa last week!)

Attendance: 52,230 (3,000 mickey 🐭 mousers!)

“IN EDDIE WE TRUST!”

*The draw for the 3rd roond of the Leegue Cup takes place after the Grimsby v Moan U tie tooneet!

The Geordie Times will of course tell yoo who we have drawn in wor defence of the silverware! (but definitely NOT the SMB az they got knocked oot by Huddersfeeeld last neet!)😂

The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers have been to every teams home groond who are left in the competition!—-So nee new groonds!😭

Az per usual “ Watch this space!”

THE TOON V THE LIVERBIRDS *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

💀Posted ‘high 🕛 noon 🔔 bells’ Munday 25th August 2025

T🥶O👿X👹I☠️C 

The above iz the anly way to describe wot the atmosphere will be like at tooneet’s game!

Aall Toon fans are sick to death of the last 2 months, where Sky, TalkSport and the rest of the media,try desperately to sell wor number 14, who haz went on strike and ‘downed tools 🛠️ 🪚 in a bid to force a move to a certain ‘darling’ scouse team! (And it’s NOT Evaatin!)

Then the Livaapoool fans, to add insult to injury, post on ‘Facebook’ and ‘Twitter’ etc, caallin’ us a ‘TinPot tiny club’!

Well!— We’ll certainly find just how ‘TinPot’ and ‘tiny’ we are, come ‘8 🛎️s’ this evening!

Toon fans will be ‘tanked up’ aftaa drinkin aall day on this bank holiday Munday—🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺etc! and this will add to the ‘toxic mix’under the lights at SJP!

The Sky telly audience will surely be a record for a Munday neet game, az fans of othaa ‘neutral’ clubs watch the proceedings unfold!

“Hold on tight this old Magpie bird, iz gonnaa take flight!”

NUFC TELLY TIMES FOR AUG, SEP, OCT

 Posted ‘4:53pm bells’ 🛎️ Wedinzday 23rd July 2025

Updated ‘high noon bells 🔔’ Thorzday 21st August 2025

The Premyaa Leegue telly times have just been released for Octobaa and anly ONE Toon game haz been effected!

Fixtures for August, Septembaa and Octobaa The Geordie Times predicted changes for Novembaa, below that! 

Correct predictions ✅ 7 

Incorrect predictions ❌ 2

August 2025

Saturday 16th. Villa away 12:30 TNT ✅  (0-0)

Munday 25th. Livaapoool home 8:00 SKY ✅ 

Saturday 30th. Leeedz away 5:30. SKY ✅ 

Septembaa 2025 

Saturday 13th. Wolves home 3:00 ✅

Tuezday 16th to Thorzday 18th. Champions Leegue game 1

Saturday 20th. Bournemoooth away 3:00 ✅ (Game could be moved IF we are playin in The Champions Leegue the previous Thorzday)

Tuezday 23rd to Wedinzday 24th. Leegue Cup 3rd roond

Sunday 28th. The Arse home 4:30 SKY ✅(Game could still be moved if eethaa team iz in Champions Leegue action the followin Tuezday!)

Tuezday 30th to Wedinzday 1st Octobaa. Champions Leegue game 2 

Octobaa 2025 

Sunday 5th Forest home 2:00 (SKY) ❌

Saturday 18th. Brightin away 3:00 ❌ 

Tuezday 21st to Wedinzday 22nd Champions Leegue game 3 

Saturday 25th. Fulim home 3:00 ✅

Novembaa 2025 Nee times or dates released yet

Saturday 1st. West 'am away 3:00 (Prediction: Live telly)

Tuezday 4th to Wedinzday 5th Champions Leegue game 4

Saturday 8th. Brentfaad away 3:00 (Prediction: Nee change)

Saturday 22nd. Man Citih home 3:00 (Prediction: Live telly)

Tuezday 25th to Wedinzday 26th. Champions Leegue game 5

Saturday 29th. Evatin away 3:00 (New Groond!) (Prediction: Live telly)

Decembaa 2025 (Will print fixtures in due course)

 

HOW TO 💩 IN YOUR OWN NEST AND BURN 🔥 YOUR BRIDGES BY ALEXANDER ISAK!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells 🔔’ Wedinzday 20th August 2025

THE SEVEN TYNE BRIDGES!

Two statements have been released on the Isak saga!

One by Isak and broken promises!?

And one by NUFC sayin they didn’t promise him anything!

It’s dead simple, Isak haz burnt aall of hiz bridges and haz 💩 in hiz own nest, az there iz ‘nee way’ that NUFC will let him gan to Livaapoool now, after he slagged the club off!

BRUNO ON INSTERGRAM, MINUTES AFTER ISAK’S STATEMENT!

                            ⬆️

Some Toon players arnt happy with hiz statement eethaaa!

ISAK STATEMENT⬇️

NUFC REPLY STATEMENT⬇️

THE HAZBEENZ AND VILLIANS 0. THE TOON 0 ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2025-2026

 Posted ‘high noon 🛎️ bells’ Sunday 17th August 2025

TOON IN THE GREEN STRIP. VIEW FROM ROW GG UPPER TIER

“PREMYAA LEEGUE CORRUPT AZ FCUK!”

The main talkin point of the game wazzint who woz playin, but who wazzint! (3 guesses?)

Withoot an out and out striker we couldn’t break Villa’s resolve, even when they went doon to 10 men in the 2nd half when Anthony Gordon woz hauled doon by Konza in the 60th minute, (who got an instant red card!) we still couldn’t find the back of the net!?

Elanga had a great chance orly on in the forst half, when he woz put clean through, but hiz shot woz deflected by the Villa keeper to keep the game scoreless in the 3rd minute!

He caused them aall sorts of problems in the forst half, but withoot a certain number 14 to lead the line, we couldn’t make the breakthrough against a poor Villa side!

In the 2nd half chants of “Premyaa Leegue corrupt az fcuk!” and “Fcuk PSR!” were sung by BOTH sets of fans, who are frustrated that we both arnt allowed to compete with the Cartel 6 even though we both have very rich owners!

The sendin off with half an hour to gan should have opened the floodgates for us, but instead we were ‘drip feeded’ az chance upon chance went ‘a beggin’!

THE MATCH WOZ ON A BIG SCREEN OOTSIDE THE GROOND—--------NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE!

What we need iz a quality centre forward!—OH! forgot!—we dee hav one cnut, who haz went on strike! 

FT 0-0

At the final whistle the Toon players came ower to thank the 3,000 fans for their support -and chants of “There’s only one greedy bastard!” reverberated aroond the away section, to acknowledgement from the green clad team , who clapped the fans for their support!

I wonder who they could possibly meeen???

Attendance: 42,526 (3,000 angry Toon fans az mentioned above!)

GANNIN FOR A BURTON!

*On the way doon on the Cross Country train🚂 an annooncement came ower the loudspeaker az we approached Derby station: “This train will NOT stop at Burton on Trent and the next stop iz Tamworth after Derby!  If you wish to travel to Burton you must leave the train at Derby and catch a connecting train!” This woz repeated 3 times and quite a few left the train to get a connection to Burton!

After we left Derby anothaa annoocement came ower the loudspeaker! “This train will now have an extra stop at BURTON ON TRENT in 10 minutes!”

Not much good to those who had departed the train at Derby! (Yih couldn’t possibly make it up!) 

Updated Sunday afternooon in The Strawberry next to SJP!⬇️

AALTOGETHER NOW! *** 🎶 WE DON’T CARE ABOOT ISAK! —- HE DON’T CARE ABOOT ME!—-AALL WE CARE ABOOT!—-IZ N-U-F-C ! 🎵 

Pub crawl photos in Birmingham 5! (1st 4 visited in previous seasons) runnin total for this season***10 (5 at Celtic)

THE SHAKESPEARE WOZ THE ANLY BORMINGHAM PUB WE HADN'T VISITED IN PREVIOUS SEASONS

“WE WOZ THERE!”

THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS V THE TOON *** SATURDAY DINNAATIME!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 🔔 bells’ Friday 15th August 2025

JACOB RAMSEY JETS INTO TOON AIRPORT!

Forst, the news that Jacob Ramsey jetted into Toon Airport in a private jet last neet for hiz medical and a fee of £43million includin add ons for the Villa midfielder haz been agreed between clubs! (Because of the unfair PSR rules, Villa have been forced to sell!)

We doubt very much that he will be available to play against hiz old club tomorrow, but yoo never naa with these things!?

Of course a certain number 14 haz downed 🪚 🔨 tools and will play no part!  If he doesn’t want to play for us, then why oh why did he sign a 6 year contract in the forst place?—Hiz rogue agent haz a lot to answer for, az does the media like Talksport and Sky Sports News who have tried their very best to sell wor star striker for the entire summer transfor window!😬

Anyway! let’s concentrate on wor forst Premyaa Leegue game of the season at Villa Park!

Anthony Elanga and Malick Thiaw will start, but we arnt sure just who will be in goal? The Pope or Aaron Ramsdale? Joe Willock will definitely not play 

The ‘12:30 🔔s kick off time doesn’t help anybody apart from the couch potatoes 🥔 and pub pundits🍺!

Because of the 💩 kick off time we are on wor train 🚂 travels this afternooon to New Street (Birmingham) and an owerneet stay in Ing-er-lang’s so caalled second city!— Bin strikes and aall!⬇️

THE SCENIC ROUTE TO VILLA PARK! 🐀 

 

A match and boozer report will appear here sometime on Sunday!

Az per usual “Watch this space!”

GATESHEED HEEDBANGERS 3. THE TOON U21s 4 *** NATIONAL LEEGUE CUP GROUP STAGE

 Posted ‘high 🕛 noon 🔔s’ Thorzday 14th August 2025

TOON PLAYED IN GREEN***HEFFERMAN (4) SCORED WINNIN GOAL!

“TOON TORNAROOND!”

An amazing come back saw wor U21s recover from 3-1 doon at The International Stadium to win the game in the 90th minute!

The goal sequences were az follows:

9th minute:The Heedbangers take the lead through Kaim Adom with a lang range shot! 1-0 to them!

14th minute: Sean Neave equalises with a fine effort! 1-1

21st minute: Harrison Chapman restores The Heedbangers take lead with a shot from inside the 6yard box! 2-1 to them! HT

49th minute: The home sides lead iz forthaa extended when Callum Bone fired a shot past Harrison in the U21s goal!  A bone of contention on wor part, perhaps?(sic!) 3-1 to them!

70th minute: When the game looked lost, up popped Fitzgerald to hit a low shot across the box to reduce the deficit! 3-2 to them!

83rd minute: A defensive error from Gatesheed’s Richardson, who torned the baall into hiz own net! 3-3

90th minute: When a penalty shootout looked the likely outcome, up stepped central defender Cathal Hefferman, who rose above The Heedbangers defence to heed past Shelvey in the home goal for a remarkable victory! (NOT Jonjo Shelvey by the way!) 4-3 to ‘us’ FT 

Attendance: 509 (Aall in the Main Stand)

*