POSSIBLE NEW PREMYAA LEEGUE GROOND!

 Posted ‘high noon 🕛 bells🔔 Saturday 31st May 2025

There could be a new Premyaa Leegue groond to visit in the near future for ‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers’!

And NO! we divvint meeen Evaatin’s new Dickhead Stadium (or whatever it’s caalled!?)

For Chelseee are considerin’ usin’ Twickenham Rugby 🏉 groond az an alternative venue while Stamford Bridge iz rebuilt—or even better news for ‘The Toonhoppers’—a brand new stadium at Earl’s court, which iz aboot a mile from ‘The Bridge’!

There are still hurdles to overcome however, az many local residents divvint want futbaall played at ‘Twickers’!

And aalso Richmond council have to give’the nod’ az well! (The district of London where the rugby groond iz!)

On top of that next season, there iz a possibility of several new groonds to visit in The Champions Leegue!

These are excitin’ times for ‘The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers!’🤪👍🏟️

More on that in a future Geordie Times post!

QUALIFYIN FOR THE CHAMPIONS LEEGUE IZ A 'GAME CHANGER'!

 Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 30th May 2025

*When NUFC lost at Brentfaad last Decembaa we were in 12th place in the Premyaa Leegue table and seemed a million miles from The Europa Leegue qualification, never mind The Champions Leegue!

Since then there haz been a remarkable torn aroond az we won The Carabao Cup at Wembley and eventually finished 5th to qualify for the most prestgious competition in world futbaall!

It iz definatly a 'game changer' az it meeenz we can attract some of the worlds best players and keep the ones we aalready have!

Az mee mate 'Big Al' (NOT the sheetmetal workers son!) said last week after wor 1-0 defeat at The Arse: "We have a great chance to win The Europa Leegue, but virtually nee chance of winnin The Champions Leegue!"

"Aye!" aa replied: "BUT some of the players we aalready have, like Isak and Bruno might want Champions Leegue futbaall instead, and the 'carrot' for attractin new players IZ bein in The Champions Leegue!"----"Aalso its worth at least 100 million quid to be in it!"---"And if we can persuade the best to come to NUFC, then why can't we at least get to the knockoot stage!"---aa added az a gulped a pint of 'eazy rider' doon mee 'john o groat' in 'The Grafton Arms', which iz a 15 minute walk from The Emerites Stadium!

The transfer window opens on Sunday and we expect that some deals will gan through not lang after that!

In a shock move that neebody expected, NUFC sporting director Paul Mitchell iz leavin' by mutual consent at the end of Joon! 

But we shouldnt worry too much az Steady Eddie, who haz just been given the 'freedom of Newcasil', will now link up with Steve Nickson the current heed of recruitment to try and get some quality players into wor squad!

The 'usual targets' have been mentioned, but The Geordie Times wont speculate or mention names until they are actually standin in front of The East Stand sign, wavin a black n white scarf above their heeds!

There are excitin times aheed----so hold on tight---The Toon are gannih take flight✈! (To Madrid,✈ Munich✈ and Milan✈!)

Az per usual! "Watch this space for any developments on the transfer front!"     

THE TOON 0. THE TOFFEE NOSES OF EVAATIN 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2024-2025

 Posted ‘2:22pm bells’ Munday May 2025

“THERE’S ANLY ONE THOMAS BRAMALL!”

A game we thought we’d have to win to qualify for The Champions Leegue, we lost, but still qualified coz of a ref’s blunder at 'The Theatre of Muppets'!

We started off cautiously, with wor opponents the complete opposite az they had nowt to play for—-And so it panned oot that they had several shots at The Leazes End in the forst half, while NUFC had 3 or 4 at The Gallowgate End, but both goalies were in top form, with 'The Pope' making some excellent saves while the mackem 'Piggy in the middle' in the Evaatin goal, aalso had a predictable blinder to try and deny us a place in the top European competition! (Hiz name woz changed by deed poll from Pigford by hiz dad, coz he woz bullied at school and nicknamed 'Piggy') 

We were norvous throughout and Evaatin were the better side in the forst half!

To cut a lang story short, the results elsewhere at half time meant that we were still in 4th place in The Premyaa Leegue table!—And Villa’s goalie had been sent off!—So far so good!

Disaster then struck in the 65th minute when Alcaraz heeded past The Pope from a Mykolenko cross, meaning that we dropped to 6th in the table in real time! 1-0 to them!

We then hord that Chelseee were winnin at Forest and that Man C were aalso winnin!

Then we hord some joyous news that Villa were losin 1-0 at Man U, so we were back to 5th!

The mobile phones were oot in force az we waited and watched norvously for more good news!—It came in the 88th minute, when we hord Villa were 2-0 doon to huge cheers from the crowd! (Never ever thought I would hear us cheerin a Moan U goal!)

2-0 against 10 men, surely even Moan U couldn’t fcuk this up!?

The final whistle went at SJP and the 1-0 defeat woz conformed! All the players looked on, not knowing if we had qualified—-and then the news we aall wanted came through that the final whistle had went at OT and we indeed had qualified for the 'top table'!

'Pigford' looked az sick az a pig 🐷 (sic!) az he trundled dejectedly off the pitch, even though hiz team had won!

The celebrations started on the pitch and in the stands az The Champions Leegue song blasted from the loudspeakers 📢! (Never seen celebrations like this when we have lost a game!--Fcukin crazy maan!)

We lost but we won! (If yoo see where I’m comin from!?)

Attendance: 52,221 (3,000 Toffee Noses)

It wasn’t until later on, az we watched MOTD, to see that Villa had had a perfectly good goal ruled oot, when the Moan U goalie fumbled and lost the baall and the Villa player fired into the net! 

Unfortunately for them, the ref, one Thomas Bramall had blown hiz whistle, az he wrongly thought that the goalie had the baall in both hands!

The disallowed goal couldn’t gan to VAR az the ref had blew hiz whistle before the baall entered the net! 

Emery the Villa manager had a mental breakdown on the touchline, az Moan U raced up the field just after this and scored the opener!

In other words, if Villa’s goal, 17 minutes from time had stood, then it would be highly unlikely that they would lose and so leapfrog 🐸 above us to 5th and drop us into The Europa Leegue!

Altogether now!

“THERE’S ANLY ONE THOMAS BRAMALL!” The man who put NUFC into The Champions Leegue!

THE BANNER SAYS: YOU ENTERED THE PITCH AS PLAYERS, YOU LEFT AS LEGENDS

WONDER WHICH TEAM HE SUPPORTS?

NOW HERE'S SOMETHING THAT YOO DIVVINT SEE EVERY DAY!

AN EVAATIN FAN SMOKIN A PIPE OOTSIDE THE BODEGA ON WESTGATE ROAD!

"THOMAS BRAMALL---GEORDIE HERO!"

“INSTANT KARMAS GONNA GET YOU!”

THE TOON v THE TOFFEE NOSES *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

 Posted ‘6:00pm 🛎️ bells’ Friday 23rd May 2025

THE FINAL CURTAIN! ("FIRESTICKS AT THE READY!")

5 teams are chasin’ the final 3 Champions Leegue places—But the good news iz!—-NUFC are in the drivin’ seats, coz IF we beat Evaatin on Sunday afternooon, then we will definitely be ‘in it’ next season!

If we qualify then it iz worth at least 100 million quid!

Of course the mackem that we aall luv to hate, gordon   jordan ‘little arms’🦖 pickford, will have a blinder to try and put a spanner 🔧 in the works to stop us qualifyin’!

Hopefully Alexander the Great (Isak) and Kieran Trippier are fit enough to retorn, after missin oot at The Arse last week in wor undersorved 1-0 defeat!

But sadly Joelinton iz oot and won’t feature!

The worst case scenario iz that we fail to beat The Toffee Noses and those below us win, we will end up in The Europa Leegue instead! A competition that iz much easier to win (Ask 17th place Sporz), than The Champions Leegue, where we will dee well to reach the knockoot stage!

Anyway!— we will be in Europe one way or the other and hopefully the ‘big one’

NUFC will be wearin’ wor new strip on Sunday!⬇️

Unbelievably, wor game iz NOT live on Sky or TNT, so The Toon won’t be az chocker az usual, with fans not lucky enough to get tickets unable to watch the match in bars and clubs!—Instead many will be in their own hooses with their ‘pirate’ 🏴‍☠️ ‘Fire🔥sticks’ 🦯 at the ready, to watch the game! (Gallons of booze at the ready!🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺 )

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Munday afternoon or evenin (Lets hope it’s a ‘good’in!🙏🏻)

Footnote:

Accordin’ to wor local rag, Evatin’z final ever home game will be against us at Goodison Park and NOT SJP!

THE NUFC MAGICAL MYSTERY PUB CRAWL TOUR 2024-2025

 Posted periodically (az we ticked the away groonds off, on wor travels), from wor forst game on 4th August 2024 to wor last game on 18th May 2025 (100 reached in 24 towns and cities!)

the remarkable hare, matlock, for an under 21s game v derby under 21s (see boozer number 011)

The NUFC away pub crawl tour 2024-2025 haz finally reached 'the 'end game'--- and in total we have visited 100 different drinkin dens at 29 away games! (23 forst team games and 6 U21s games)  4 more drinkin dens were visited at 'The Arse' to get to the 100 mark yet again for the 3rd season runnin'! (Ower a thord of them were in the London area: 35)

Since the end of Covid restrictions:

Season 2021-2022  80 different drinkin dens visited

Season 2022-2023 150 different drinkin dens visited (World record!)

Season 2023-2024 118 different drinkin dens visited

Season 2024-2025 100 different drinkin dens visited 

Some pubs we have visited numerous times, so first visits of the season only listed (*Numerous visits*)

Premyaa Leegue games, unless stated.

001 tams bar, south shields (south shields v nufc u21s)

002 1st cloud arena chilled beer bar (south shields v nufc u21s)

003 friend at hand, london (bmouth game) *

004 marquis of cornwall, london (bmouth game) *

005 lord john russell, london (bmouth game) *

006 norfolk arms, london (bmouth game)*

007 brewhouse and kitchen, pokesdown (bmouth game)

008 the way outback, pokesdown (bmouth game)

009 waterloo tap, london (bmouth game)

010 vat and fiddle, nottingham (forest, leegue cup game) (aalso for the premyaa leegue game)

011 the remarkable hare, matlock (derby u21s v nufc u21s game)

012 matlock sports and social club, matlock (derby u21s v nufc u21s game)

013 the picturehouse, stafford (wolves game)

014 the yard, stafford (wolves game)

015 the sun, stafford (wolves game)

016 east putney tavern, london (fulham game)

017 spotted horse, london (fulham game)

018 the vault (below putney pies), london (fulham game)

019 craft beer co., london (fulham game)

020 the mill bar and kitchen, manchester (everton game)

021 the barlow arms, liverpool (everton game)*

022 the north western, liverpool (everton game)

023 mable tavern, london (chelsea game)

024 aragon house, london (chelsea)

025 president hotel bar, london (chelsea)

026 betjeman arms, london (chelsea game)*

027 the bole bridge, tamworth (u21s v tamworth)

028 tamworth clubhouse, tamworth (u21s v tamworth)

029 the ram, newark (forest leegue game)

030 industry, nottingham (forest leegue game)

031 jb, newark (forest leegue game)

032: the grafton, bedford (palace game)

033: the craft beer cabin, london (palace game)

034: the spirit of endevour, boston (u21s v boston united)

035: ellenders, boston (u21s v boston united)

036: the botanist, london (brentford game)

037: the express tavern, london ( brentford game)

038: isaacs, ipswich (ipswich game)👆👇

039: the briarbank, ipswich (ipswich game)

040: gasworks, manchester (man u game)

041: peveril of the peak, manchester (man u game)

042: the britons protection, manchester (man u game)

043: the waterhouse, manchester (man u game)

044: heaton park, manchester (man u game)*

045: the volunteer, london (spurs game)

046: redemption, london (spurs game)

047: the swimmers at the grafton arms, london (arse league cup game) 👆👇

048 the tilley stone, gateshead (u21s v gateshead)

049 the metropole, gateshead (u21s v gateshead)

050 grey nags head, gateshead (u21s v gateshead)

051 85 cafe bar, travelodge hotel, birmingham (southampton game)

052 the giddy bridge, southampton (southampton game)

053 belgium & blues, southampton (southampton game)

054 the mayflower village, southampton (southampton game)

055 york tap, york (birmingham game)

056 the wellington, birmingham (birmingham game)*

057 newall street tavern, birmingham (birmingham game)

058 the queens arms, birmingham (birmingham game)

059 victoria tap, manchester (man c game)

060 track brewery, manchester (man c game)

061 barrel store, manchester (man c game)

062 the sir henry segrave, southport (liverpool game)

063 beer merchants tap, london (west ham game)

064 the cock tavern, london (west ham game)

065 the old ship, london (west ham game)

066 baxters court, london (west ham game)

067 the butchers tap and grill, marlow (wembley game v liverpool)

068 grand assembly, marlow (wembley game v liverpool)

069 marlow fc clubhouse, marlow (wembley game v liverpool)

070 mad squirrel, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool)

071 the falcon, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool)

072 the antelope, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool)

073 butlers, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool

074: 85 bar cafe, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool)

075 flint cottage, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool)

076 black sheep coffee, wembley, london (sold beer!) v liverpool

077 o'neills, high wycombe (wembley game v liverpool)

078 the old contemptables, birmingham (wembley game v liverpool)

079 the roebuck, birmingham (wembley game v liverpool)

080 the regent club, leicester (leicester game)

081 the amber rooms, loughborough (leicester game)

082 grove inn, manchester (man city u21 game)

083 the sun on the hill, birmingham (villa game)

084 the briar rose, birmingham (villa game)

085 the london and north western, birmingham (villa game)

085 bar cafe travelodge, east croydon, london (brighton game)

087 george (the), london (brighton game)

088 porter and sorter, london (brighton game)

089 spread eagle (the), london (brighton game)

090 ship (the), london (brighton game)

091 john harvey tavern, lewes (brighton game)

092 volunteer (the), lewes (brighton game)

093 lansdown arms, lewes (brighton game)

094 burrell arms (the) , haywards heath (brighton game)

095 slug and lettuce, london (brighton game)

096 green dragon (the), london (brighton game)

097 eaglet (the) london (arse leegue game)

098 bedford tavern, london (arse leegue game)

099 twelve pins (the) london (arse leegue game)

100 blackstock (the) london (arse leegue game)