Saturday 30 June 2018

"WHEY AYE!----IT'S KI !"

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 30th Joon 2018

"AT LAST!---ANOTHAA SIGNING!"

NUFC have made wor 2nd signin' of the summer transfor window with the aqusishun (Geordie Times spelllin'!) of Ki Sung-Yueng from Swanzee on a free transfor az he became a free agent!

He iz a 29 year old Sooth Koree-an international and played in The World Cup v Sweden and Mexsico and woz an unused sub in their famous victory v Jawmany a few days ago!

He haz 93 caps for hiz country and haz played 166 Premyaa Leegue games for Swanzee!

Rafa said: "I am pleased to welcome Ki to the club. It was an easy decision to bring him here!
He is the captain of his country, a good character and he will be a good addition to the squad!"

Ki will be the 50th different nationality to play for us in the Premier Leegue!

Welcome to The Toon!

Aaltogether now!
"The Yueng ones, darling we're the Yueng ones!"
"And Yueng ones should never be afraid!" (sic!)😨


      The back page of Saurday's ''Ronny- Gill'


Friday 29 June 2018

ING-ER-LAND KANED!

Posted '12:47pm bells' Friday 29th Joon 2018

FT Beljim resorves 1  Ing-er-land resorves 0

To leave top goal scorer and captain Harry Kane oot of the startin' X1 and make EIGHT changes to the team that annialated Panamaar 6-1 iz unforgiveable!
Wot the hell Soothgate woz 'fink'in aboot iz anybody's guess!

And so it came to pass that they lost 1-0 in a terrible match against Beljim (who themsels made NINE changes from their previous game!) and will face Columbee-aa (16th in the rankings!) instead of Japaan (61st in the rankings!) in the next roond, which could well end in tears yet again!----Lets hope not!

A total selection shambles if yoo ask us!

PS: Some have said that finishin 2nd meenz that Ing-er-land have an easier run in and will have an extra day off!
8 of those who played against Beljim WONT start against  Columbee-aa anyway so it wouldnt make any difference!---would it?

Thursday 28 June 2018

WORLD CUP LATEST!

Posted '2:55am bells' Wednesday 28th Joon 2018
"DON'T MENTION THE WORLD CUP!"

Wed 27th Joon
Sorbia 0  Braazill 2
Switzaaland 2  Costaa Reekaa 2
Mexsico 0  Sweedin 3
Sooth Koree-aa 2  JAWMANY 0!

ING-ER-LAND EXPECTS!----
TO REACH THE WORLD CUP FINAL!😨
(Wishful finkin' we 'Fink'!)

Thu 28th Joon
ING-ER-LAND v Beljim
Panaamar v Tune-issy-aa
Japaan v Pole-lind
Senegaal v Columbi-aa

PS: Its rumoured than the Beljin manager Martinez iz gannin to play hiz 2nd 11 in the game that kicks off at 7 bells!
Surely Ing-er-land can beat Beljim resorves?😨

Updated much later:

Well actually!---- NO!



Wednesday 27 June 2018

ADVORTISEMENT




FROM RUSHAA WITH LUZ!

Posted '2:00pm bells' Saturday 16th Joon 2018
Updated '11:37am bells' Munday 18th Joon and then a day late onwards! (This IZ 'The Geordie Times' after aall!😨)
View of Luzhniki Stadium, Moscow, where the openin' game 
and final of the 2018 World Cup will be played
(Geordie Times pic from 2013 when 
NUFC drew 0-0 with Anzi in The Europa Leegue)

Results so far from the World Cup

JOON
Thu 14th
Rushaa 5 Sowdee Arabiaa 0 (Luz)

Fri 15th
Eegipt 0 Urigwy 1 (Yeka)
Murrocco 0 Irann 1 (St Petes)
Portugil 3 Spayne 3 (Sochi)

Sat 16th
Fraanss 2 Ostraliaaa 1 (Kazan)
Argenteeena 1  Icelind 1 (OTK)
Peruw 0  Denmaark 1 (Saransk)
Crow-ay-shaa 2  Nigeriaa 0 (Karl)

Sun 17th
Costaa Reeka 0  Sorvia 1 (Samara)
Jawmany 0  Mexsico 1 (Luz)
Brazilll 1  Switzaaland 1 (Rostov)

Mun 18th
Sweedin 1  Sooth Koreaa 0 (Nizhny)
Beljim 3   Panamarr 0 (Sochi)
Tunizziaa 1  Ing-er-land 2! (Volgo) 

Tue 19th
Columbee-aa 1  Japaan 2 (Samara)
Polind 1  Senegaal 2 (OTK)
Rushaa 3  Eeegypt 1 (St Petes)

Wed 20th
Portugil 1  Murrocco 0  (Luz)
Urigwy 1  Sowdee Arabiaa 0 (Rostov)
Iraan 0  Spayne 1 (Kazan)

Tho 21st
Denmaark 1  Ostraliaaa 1 (Samara)
Fransss 1  Peruw 0 (Yekat)
Argenteeenaa 0  Crow-ay-shaa 3 (Nizhny)

Fri 22nd
Brazilll 2  Costaa Reekaa 0 (St Petes)
Nigeriaa 2   Icelind 0 (Volgo)
Sorbia 1  Switzaaland 2 (Kalin)

Sat 23rd
Sooth Koree-aa 1  Mexsico 2
Jawmany 2  Sweedin 1
Belgim 5  Tune-is-ee-aa 2

Sun 24th
ING-ER-LAND 6  Panaamar 1
Jaapan 2  Senigaal 2
Pole-ind 0  Columbee-aa 3

Mun 25th
Sowdee Arabiaa 2  Eegypt 1
Uriqwy 3  Rushaa 0
Iraan 1  Portugil 1
Spayne 2  Murrocco 2

Tue 26th
Ostraaliaa 0  Perew 2
Denmaark 0  Franss 0
Icelind 1  Crow-ay-shaa 2
Nigerr-ee-aa 1  Argenteenaa 2


The 'IN'S' and 'OOT'S' so far!
Stoppin':
Rushaa, Urigwy, Fransss, Crow-ay-shaa, Belgim, Ing-er-land!, Spayne, Portugil

Gannin' yem:
Eeegypt, Sowdee Arabiaa, Murrocco, Peruw, Costaa Reeka, Sorbia Tune-issy-aa, Panaamar, Iraan, Murrocco









Tuesday 26 June 2018

NUFC SEASON TICKET DEADLINE EXTENDED!

Posted 3:50pm bells' Tuesday 26th Joon 2018
"IZ THERE ANYBODY THERE!?"

News reaches The Geordie Times that the deadline for season tickets renewals haz been extended by a week!

Lookin' between the lines we 'fink' that many fans are unhappy aboot the 20% price hike for some tickets (£120 in some cases!),
plus the fact that we have still to sign an outfield player  in the summer transfor window! (ie: they wont commit themselves til then!)

Hopefully this will push wor 'beloved'? absent owner into givin ' Rafa the Gaffa' some much needed 'dosh' to buy players before the window closes!

Rafa haz been spotted at St James' Park today, (for talks we presume) to get some clarity to which direction we are headin' (up the table to Europe OR doon hill again!)

We will of course keep yoo, wor loyal subjects posted to any developments on that score!
(One day late az per usual!😨)

THE ARSEHOLES 'ARSE IT UP' BIG STYLE!

Posted just after 'high noon bells' Tuesday 26th Joon 2018

Normally 'The Geordie Times' duzzint mention othaa clubs!--BUT!--we just couldn't resist it!😅

Monday 25 June 2018

"7 DAYS TO GAN!"---"AND COONTIN'!"

Posted '1:40pm bells' Munday 25th Joon 2018
WOR 'BELOVED'? OWNER!
HAZZENT SPOKEN FOR OWER A YEAR!


With just one week to gan before 'The Toon' retorn for pre-season trainin', we are still me nearer naa-in if 'Rafa the Gaffa' will stay or gan!
With just one porminent transfor in the window so far (the porminent signin' of on loan goalie Martin Dubravka), anothaa season of struggle iz in the offing!

The silence from wor beloved? owner and MD? Iz deafenin' once again!
WOR 'BELOVED'? MD
(HAVE YOO EVER HORD HIM SPEAK?)

'The Fat Controller's' statement ower a year ago (the last time we hord him speak!), that he wants a major trophy or Champions Leegue place before he departs iz laughable to say the least!
(He woz recently compared with North Koree-aa'z dictator Kim Jong-un!) >>>>>

If thats the case and with minimal spendin', he will be with us for a very lang time indeed!

Yet again the end of season optimism haz been replaced by dispair az the new season fast approaces!!!

Transfor latest:
IN: Martin Dubravka! <(that's 'IT' so far, folks!)

"FROM RUSHAA WITH LUV!"

Posted 11:15am bells Munday 25th Joon 2018

TOON FANS IN RUSHAA!
THE RUSHIN BRANCH OF THE
TOON ARMY MEET ALAN SHEARER!

THE NORTH SHEELDZ BRANCH OF
 THE TOON ARMY!
(RED SQUARE, MOSCOW)



Sunday 24 June 2018

"WHEY AYE! FIVE 'O'!" and "THE JOY OF SIX!"

Posted 1:55pm bells' from The Leazes End Club ( behind St. James' Park)  Sunday 24th Joon 2018

Half time in Rushaa
Ing-er-land 5  Panaamar 0
"STONE THE CROWS!"---JOHN STONES HEEDS ING-ER-LAND INTO THE LEAD!

*Updated '2:55pm bells'

Full time
Ing-er-land 6  Panaamar 1 !

ING-ER-LAND EXPECTS!

Posted '10:42am bells' Sunday 24th Joon 2018

At '1:00pm bells' today Ing-er-land play Panaamar in the World Cup and a win will propel them into the knockoot stages!

After stumblin against Tune-issy-aa with a last minute winner (Belgim slaughted them yesterday!) it iz an eezy game against the groups weakest team!
Lets hope it doesnt end in tears yet again!)
(Not yet anyway!)

Eyes glued to the big screens this afternooon with 'liquid lubrications' a plenty!

Updated much later!

The Geordie Times said it wud be an eezy game and we were REET! (JUST!)

Friday 22 June 2018

"THE MIND BOGGLES!"

Posted '1:22pm bells' Friday 22nd Joon 2018

NUFC U21's are to play in the Chekatrade Trophy again next season!
Wor resorve side, alang with othaa top flight and Championship resorve sides, will play against the 1st teams who are in Leegue 1 and Leegue 2

Its a 4 team mini leegue and last season wor resorves played against the 1st teams of Oldim, Port Vale and Crewe Alex!
Like last season, aall games must be played away from home at the lower leegue clubs groonds

The possiblity that we could be drawn against the SMB's haz crossed wor minds!

Can yoo imagine it---sund'lind's FORST TEAM v The Toon's RESORVES!😅

THE MIND BOGGLES!

Wednesday 20 June 2018

"12 DAYS TO GAN!"----"AND COONTIN'!"

Posted '1:11pm bells' Wednesday 20th Joon 2018

There are just 12 days til Toon players report back for pre season trainin' and not a single transfor haz been made (apart from on loan goalie Dubravka, who haz signed a pormanent deal!)

The question on everybody's lips---IZ!---will Rafa's patience finally run oot and heed for the exit door!?

Only one person can make sure that he DOESN'T!
(Are yoo readin' this 'Fat Controller'!?)

Monday 18 June 2018

A BARROW LOAD OF TROUBLE!

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 18th Joon 2018

Havin aalready booked the flight on the Munday mornin' of July 16th to Dublin for wor forst team game against St.Patricks Athletic on the Tuesday, we then find oot that wor U23s are playin' at Barrow on the Munday we travel to Dublin!

Az a'v nevaa been to Barrow's groond before, which iz a former leegue groond, it woz with long thought and careful consideration (aboot 5 seconds!) that I decided to 'bin' the flight to Dublin and catch the train to Barrow instead on the same day!
After the match in Barrow it's anothaa train orly the next mornin to Holyhead via Warrington---and then onward by ferry to Dublin!

A bit of a carry on, but bein a former leegue side, Barrow's Holker Street groond iz one a'v aalways wanted to tick off 'mee list'!

'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' await with trepidation to anymore fixtures planned that may 'clash' with aalready booked travel arrangements!😨


Thursday 14 June 2018

NUFC FIXTURES 2018-2019

Posted '2:00pm bells' Thorsday 14th Joon 2018

ST. JAMES' PARK FROM LEAZES PARK!

"De Va Ju!"

Wor openin game of the new season iz at home to Sporz, which iz exactly the same az last season!
Then its The Taffy Noses away in their retorn to the top flight!
At Xmas time we are away to The Liverbirds on Boxin Day and at home to Moan U on New Years Day
Then in February we gan groundhoppin' to Sporz new abode, which iz next door to their old one!

Because of copyright laws we will publish the fixtures in Geordie Times 'cryptic code'

Of course many fixtures will be moved for live telly and we wont find that oot for anothaa 3 to 4 weeks!
Aall games (at present!) are Saturday '3 bells' kick offs, unless stated! 
(We 'fink' that at least 25 of wor 38 games will be moved)

KEY: GOLD=HOME GAME   PINK=AWAY GAME

2018 AUG
11 SPORZ   H
18 THE TAFFY NOSES  A
25 CHELSKI  H
SEP
01 THE BLUE MOONIES  A
15 THE ARSE  H
22 THE CRYSTAL BAALLS  A
29 THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE  H
OCT
06 MOAN U  A
20 NE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN  H
27 SOOOTHAMPTON  A
NOV
03 WOTFAAD  H
10 BOURNEMOOOTH  H
24 BORNLEE  A
DEC
01 THE JELLIED EELS MOB  H
05 (WED) THE TOFFEE NOSES  A
08 WULVZZ  H
15 'UDDERSFEEELD  A
22 FULIM  H
26 (WED) THE LIVERBIRDS  A
29 WOTFAAD  A
2019 JAN
01 MOAN U  H
12 CHELSKI  A
19 THE TAFFY NOSES  H
30 (WED) THE BLUE MOONIES  H
FEB
02 SPORZ  A (NEW GROOND!)😁
09 WULVZZ  A
23 'UDERSFEEELD  H
27 (WED)  BORNLEE  H
MAR
02 THE JELLIED EELS MOB  A
09 THE TOFFEE NOSES  H
16 BOURNEMOOOTH  A
30 THE ARSE  A
APR
06 THE CRYSTAL BAALLS  H
13 THE BASIL BRUSH BRIGADE  A
20 SOOOTHAMPTON  H
27 NE WHERE NEAR BRIGHTIN  A
MAY
04 THE LIVERBIRDS  H
12 (SUN) FULIM  A







"HAVE YOO EVER SEEN A mACKEM IN MOSCOW?"

Posted '4:00am bells' Thorsday 14th Joon 2018

"From Rushaa with Luz!" 
RED SQUARE, MOSCOW

The World Cup kicks off in Moscow @ '4 bells' this afternoon in the MAGnificent Luzhniki Stadium, which will aalso host the final!
'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have of course been there before (az yi'd expect!) when we played Anzi Makhachkala in the Europa Leegue (roond of 16) in a near desorted stadium az Anzi play in a war zone 1,000 miles away to the east of Moscow! (hence why the game woz played there!)

In total 73 Toon fans managed to get visas plus 30 Russians who aalso supported us!
The crowd woz 5,000 or so in this 78,000 seater stadium!

Below iz a match report from that game  (ground 298 on the list!)

THE ANZI MAKHACHKEMS 0 THE TOON 0

Updated '9:40pm bells' Saturday 9th March 2013

(Ground number 298)
Date of First Visit: 7th March 2013
Luzhniki Stadium, Moscow, Russia

Anzi Makhachkala  0
Newcastle United 0

Europa League round of 16 1st leg

(Brief trip report---more to follow much later!)


The lang trip to Rushaa started off on the Wednesday mornin' @ '3:30 bells' when the taxi pulled up and we were whisked off to Toon Airport for the '6 bells' flight to Brussels.

From there we boarded wor next flight not lang after landin' and arrived in Moscow some 12 hours after leavin' Tyneside.
Customs waz suprizingleee easy to get through, (which we didn't expect) and we were soon on wor way to wor hotel which waz an hours train ride away plus havin' to negotiate THREE Metro lines to get there!<(it waznt easy!)<(it waz aall in Rushan!)

It waz in the middle of newhere next to a buildin' site and after a quick wash n brush up it waz doon to the bar for a quick pint before heedin' off to Red Square!
Unbelieviblee it waz ower NINE QUID a pint and so I opted to stay 't-total' until we reached Red Square!<(a'd anly brung £100 spendin' money, thinkin' that that would be enough!)

One taxi ride later and we were there, but it wasnt cheap there eetha, with beer between four and six quid a pint!

Next day it waz match day and we decided to gan to the groond orly to suss the place oot before heedin' across Moscow to visit Locomotiv Moscow's groond in the suborbs!
"IF YIV EVER WONDERED WHY LOCOMOTIV MOSCOW
ARE SO CAALLED***THEN NOW YI NAA!"

Temperatures were reportedly minus ten in the bitin' wind and so (az yi de!) several liquids were consumed before heedin' back to Red Square for the afternoon session.
From there it waz onward to the match which kicked off at '9 bells' local time (5 in England)

TOON FANS TAKE OWER THE LONDON GRILL
NEXT TO MOSCOW'S RED SQUARE!

70 odd faithful who had managed to get visas in time were in the away section behind the goal, plus a fortha 30 or so Rushans who were there to support us, givin us a total followin' of ower 100!
SOME OF THE 73 TOON FANS---LOOKIN TOWARDS
THE ANZI FANS IN THE MAIN STAND


Anzi fans were in the main stand and there looked to be 4 or 5,000 of them who had made the thoosand mile jorney from Dagestan az the match kicked off, with the rest of the 78,000 seater stadium totally empty!




"IZ THERE ANYBODY THERE!?"
(Apart from the 'Secret Police'!)
The temperature had dropped sharply by this time and mee 'plates of meat' were startin' to freeze up, despite iz havin' two pairs of thick socks on!
And az predicted by us, an understrength Toon X1 side started the game. (see team line up below)

The forst half waz az borin' az it gets and the anly action of note waz when Rob Elliot in The Toon goal tipped a shot ower the bar near the end of the half!
The plastic pitch didnt help of course and the 2nd half wasnt much better although Ben Arfa makin' hiz retorn after injury shud have done better when he tried to chip their keeper in front of the 73 Toon fans!
 Obertan aalso had a rare shot that he blazed ower the bar but that waz aboot it and we look forward to the 2nd leg next Thorsday @ St James'

Toon team: Elliot, Simpson, Yanga, Perch, Haidara, Cabaye (Tiote 84), Anita (Steve Taylor 75), Ben Arfa (Shola Ameobi 64), Marveaux, Obertan, Sissoko 

Attendance: 5,000 (73 Toon fans plus 30 Rushan Geordies az mentioned!)

It waz then back to Red Square for somemore liquid refrehments before heedin' back to the hotel in the orly hours!

By the next day the 'bit' had run oot and we had to get some more to satisfy wor 'thirst requirements'! and it waz then the 'torturous' jorney back yem via the Moscow Metro/train/2 flights and then WOR Metro from Toon Airport and finally a bus from 'the Central' and I arrived at mee front door @ '10:30 pm bells last neet totally 'cream crackered'!--"ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!" 

More fotoz from Rushaa!



^"IZ THIS BLACKPOOOL IN DISGUISE!?"^










Wednesday 13 June 2018

NUFC FIXTURES OOT TOMORROW

Posted '1:00pm bells' Wednesday 13th Joon 2018



Just one day to gan til 'the big day'---and NO!---a'm not taakin aboot the World Cup!
A'm on aboot the Premyaa Leegue fixture list for next season, which are released tomorrow mornin' @ '9 bells'!


A view of SJP from West Street, Gatesheed

Of course many of them will be changed for live telly, but at least we will get an idea of the approximate dates!

The Geordie Times doesnt have  copyright  ower the fixtures, SO we will have to de them in cryptic code (az per usual) to avoid any infringements or fines!😨

Watch this space tomorrow and we will guarantee that we will be last again to inform yoo, wor loyal subjects, of the impendin' dates!

Tuesday 12 June 2018

STAN ANDERSON RIP

Posted '2:55 pm bells' Tuesday 12th Joon 2018

It iz with great sadness that we hear of  former Toon skipper Stan Anderson's passing!

Stan was captain of wor 1964-65 promotion winnin team (az champions)
Indeed, Stan played in mee forst ever visit to St. James' Park in the orly 60's v Coventry

He woz 85 years old and died on Sunday!

Uniquely he aalso captained both the mackems and the smoggies!---- The anly player to captain aall 3 clubs!

RIP Stan


Sunday 10 June 2018

TOON PAIR WIN WORLD CUP!

Posted '11:25am bells' Sunday 10th Joon 2018

Congratulations to Ing-er-land and Toon players Freddie Woodman and Adam Armstrong in particular, for winnin' the U21s World Cup in Toulon yesterday!

Ing-er-land came from a goal behind against Mexico in the final to win 2-1 with goals from Deal Fry and Kieran Dowell to lift the trophy for the thord time in a row!

Well done lads!

Wednesday 6 June 2018

TIME NEARLY UP!

Posted '1:45pm bells' Wednesday 6th Joon 2018
Today's front page
in the 'Ronny-Gill'

News that a stalemate haz been reached in Rafa's contract negotiations reaches us!

Just why NUFC wont tie him doon to an extended contract iz annoyin' and frustratin to say the least!

2 months of talks seem to have hit a brick waall and no new signings are in the offing with the new season fast approachin!

Life iz nevaa easy under wor absent owner!---IZ IT!!?

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