Monday, 30 April 2018

3rd 'TEAR' FUTBAALL

Posted '2:07 pm bells' Munday 30th April 2018

It's amazin'---isn't it!?----Less than 2 years ago the SMBs were celebratin' wor relegation and their survival in the top flight!
'Fat Sam the Ugly Man' did a jig of delight aroond the SOS pitch az their win against West Ham kept them up---and relegated us!

And less than 2 seasons later----and after wor promotion back to The Premyaa Leegue az champions at the forst attempt--- and their double relegation!---(needin' 2 attempts!)---- they find themsels in Leegue One, two leegues below us!---where they will play the likes of Accrington Stanley, Fleetwood Town, Wycombe Wanderers and 'good old' Gillingham (who can forget them and Tony Cascarino who put them in the 3rd 'tear' in 1987!)
A PLANE FLIES OWER SJP 2 SEASONS AGO



A BANNER ON THE TYNE BRIDGE



'FAT SAM THE UGLY MAN' CELEBRATES THE TOON'S DEMISE!

"YI NEED TO 'DOWNGRADE' THAT SCARF!"
"BET YOUR NOT SMILIN' NOW YOO OLD BOILER!"






AND NOW!--- JUST TWO YEARS LATER!
FORMER PLAYER DARREN BENT SCORES FOR BURTON
TO SEAL THEIR 3rd 'TEAR' FATE!









News that Geordie hero Sir Chris The Coleman haz been sacked reaches us less than a week after bein' knighted by the Queen for services to futbaall!

Owner Ellis Shortarse (who haz done a MAGnificent job az well!) haz sold the mackems to some consortium  from National Leegue side Eastleigh FC? who finished in 14th position! (It's the same leegue that Gatesheed are in--and they lost 2-0 to them a couple of weeks ago!----Soonds aboot their real 'level'!)





Sunday, 29 April 2018

THE TOON 0 THE BAGGIE TROOOSERS 1 **** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '10:30am bells' Sunday 29th April 2018
THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

"A ONE TO FORGET!"

On a freeezin caad afternoon (in April?) The Toon FROZE in front of the 52,000 plus sell oot crowd!

West Brom, who look doomed to life in the 2nd tier of Inglish futbaall, had nowt to lose and it woz obvious from 'the off' that we were in for a lang afternoon!

And so it proved az WBA took the lead when an unmarked Matt Phillips fired into the roof of the net at The Gallowgate End on the half hour mark, to send their 1,000 or so diehards high up in The Leazes End opposite, in raptures!

Reeelly, the ref shud have blew for full time, then, az it woz obvious that we wouldnt score if we played til Xmas!
This woz despite the fact that we hit the woodwork twice in the 1st period az well! (ie:'Lady luck' woz definatleee against us this time!)


ACTION AT THE GALLOWGATE END (2nd half)

The 2nd half wasnt much better and this woz 'A day to forget' for certain az we couldn't get oot of 1st gear!
This woz wor forst home defeat this year!

Swanzee'z home defeat v Chelski in the late kick off meant that we would definately be safe, az Swanzee still have Sooothampton to play, which meenz one of them wont be able to match wor 41 points total!

Lets hope that now the pressure iz off, that we can put in a much better performance at Wotfaad next Saturday!?

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejeune, Dummett (Murphy 58), Ritchie, Diame, Shelvey, Kenedy, Perez (Joselu 78), Gayle (Slimani)

Attendance: 52,283 (1,000 or so Baggie Troosers diehards!)

Footnote: We say 'The Baggie Troosers' az WBAs nickname iz 'The Baggies' az they used to wear 'baggie trousers' in the 19th century!

PS: Congratulations to Wycombe Wanderers who won promotion to Leegue 1 yesterday!
Guess who they will be playin' next season!?
"HA! HA!"πŸ˜…πŸ˜‚

Friday, 27 April 2018

THE TOON V THE BAGGIE TROOOSERS **** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Friday 27th April 2018
The Miburn Stand
lookin up from groond
level on Barrack Road

We face WBA at SJP tomorrow afternooon and anly a win will save them from relegation.
If they manage that, it will only delay the inevertable and they will still gan doon az games are runnin oot!

We know how their fans feel---after aall we've been through 2 relegations worsels lately and anly their most loyal fans will be in level 7 of The Leazes End!

NUFC on the othaa hand anly need a draw to be mathimatically safe and shud Sooothampton not win at Bournemoooth then we will be safe anyway!

A win for The Toon of course iz wot we want against a revitalised West Brom, who under their new caretaker manager Darren Moore, won their last away game at Man U! (Minus Pardew and Carver of course!)
So we can't be complacent in wor bid to finish in the top half of 'The Premyaa'!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here on Sunday!

Wednesday, 25 April 2018

STAND AND DELIVER!*** 100,000 TARGET REACHED!

Posted '3:15pm bells' Thorsday 12th April 2018 onwards
Updated '4 30pm bells' Friday 20th April 2018
Updated yet again '3:00pm bells' Tuesday 24th April 2018
Updated once more 10:10pm bells' Wednesday 25th April 2018


News that West Brom have failed in their bid to have safe standin' iz shear hipocrisy!

How come Celtic can have safe standin' in a 60,000 capacity stadium and not the rest of us?

Celtic Park's safe standin' area!
"Can WE have some pleeeze!?"
Anyone who gans to an away game naaz that yoo MUST stand to see the game az hardly anybody sits doon!

Give people a choice at least!
If yoo want to sit, yoo buy a seat ticket and if yoo want to stand, yoo buy a standin' ticket!
SIMPLE!

Leeds Rugby groond's new stand haz just been opened by the sports minister Tracey Crouch, with a STANDIN' AREA!----which she praised!
Yet she rejected West Brom's application!!!!-'-HIPOCRISY OF THE HIGHEST ORDER!

If its deemed not to be safe to stand then how come they can in Scotland and in rugby in Ing-er-land????

There's a petition dein the roonds to force a debate in Parliament which needs 100,000 signatures to get it debated
'The Geordie Times' haz signed it, az we personally prefor to stand anyway!

At the time of (forst) writin' this, nearly 25,000 signatures aalready!

Updated on Friday 14th April 2018
46,000 plus have now signed petition!

Updated on Wednesday 18th April 2018
More than 63,000 signatures have now been registered!

Updated on Friday 20th April 2018
80,000 have now signed!

Updated on Tuesday 24th April 2018
91,000 plus signatures so far---less than 9,000 to gan!

Updated on Wednesday 25th April 2018
104,000 plus have now signed, so the 'target' iz reached and will be debated in Parliament! 
" WELL DONE LADS AND LASSES!"

"SIGN IT NOW"!!!
Gan to:
https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/207040

We will keep yoo updated!

Tuesday, 24 April 2018

THE TOFFEE NOSES 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '1:52pm bells' Tuesday 24th April 2018
THE TOON ATTACK THE PARK END (2nd half)

"BACK DOON TO ORTH WITH A BUMP!"

Most of this game woz aboot the Toon fans slaggin off the mackems on their 2nd successive relegation at the weekend and goadin' Evaatin's smb goalie jordan pickford who used to play for them and iz a mackem born and bred!

Chants of: "Your just a sad mackem bustard!", "Stayin up---gannin doon!" and "You laughed at us when we went down!--but who the f*** iz laughin' now!", reverbirated aroond Goodison Park, but unfortunataly we went back to the dark days in late 2017 and put in an inept performance on the pitch!
ACTION AT THE GLADYS STREET END (1st half)

If yoo saw the match on SKY and were a 'neutral', yoo would have went for the remote control and switched the telly off, az this game woz terrible with passes gannin astray and balls lost aplenty!

The anly goal of the game came in the 53rd minute when Evaatin took the lead through Theo Walcott who hammered an unstoppable right foot drive into the roof of wor net, givin Toon goalie Debravka ne chance!

Thiz woz one of anly 2 shots from the home side with 'us' missin a great chance to equalise late on through Dwight Gayle who blazed hiz effort ower the bar!

A torned doon penalty appeal and a scramble on the home sides goal line in the very last minute failed to get us an equaliser and the game woz lost!

On the final whistle, pickford gave hand gestures to the Toon fans for the 'stick' he endured for the full 90 minutes, but it woz 'a hollow victory' for him, az hiz beloved team wont be comin to Evaatin next season---it will be Exeter or Wycombe instead!
And trips to Arsenal, Man City and Liverpool just a year ago, will be replaced by trips to Accrington Stanley, Fleetwood Town and 'good old' Gillingham (who can forget them, when Tony Cascarino put them in the 3rd Division in 1987!)

Happy days!---even in defeat!😊

PS: We are still not mathmatically safe, but Soothampton in 18th place MUST win their last 4 games and NUFC MUST lose wor last 4, for them to catch us! (highly improbable!)
Both West Brom and Stoke can't catch us!

Toon team: Dubravka, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejeune, Dummett, Ritchie (Murphy 79), Diame, Shelvey (Merino 83), Kenedy, Perez, Slimani (Gayle 63)

Attendance: 39,061 (3,000 Toon fans)

The pre match 'gargels' took place here!

Monday, 23 April 2018

THE TOFFEE NOSES V THE TOON *** TOONEET IN A TOP FLIGHT GAME!😊

Posted 'high noon bells' St George's Day 2018

We heed for the delights of Morseyside once again to take of Fat Sam's Evaatin at Goodison Park (ko 8 bells)
They have spent £100,000,000 more than us, yet they sit just one place and one point above us in 9th place! (AND we have a game in hand az well!--away to Sporz at Wembley!)

We are settin off in mee 9 seater canny tranny at '2 30 bells' and shud arrive aboot 3 and a half hours later at The Barlow Arms boozers not far from the groond!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime tomorrow!

Sunday, 22 April 2018

CHRIS COLEMAN IZ KNIGHED IN QUEENS BIRTHDAY HONOURS LIST!

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 22nd April 2018

Sensational news reaches The Geordie Times regarding the Queens birthday honours list!

For hiz services to futbaall Chris Coleman receives the ultimate honour!

"ARISE SIR CHRISTOPHER!
I KNOW I SPEAK ON BEHALF OF
ALL NEWCASTLE FANS WHEN I SAY THAT
YOU HAVE DONE A MAGNIFICENT JOB
AT  sUNDERLAND!"





" YOU LAUGHED AT US WHEN WE WENT DOWN---BUT WHO THE F*** IZ LAUGHIN' NOW!?"

Posted from '11:00am bells' onwards Sunday 22nd April 2018

'The Geordie Times' haz been inundated with photos from NUFC fans on WhatsApp since '5:00pm bells' yesterday when the joyous news that the mackems were finally relegated to Leegue One, reached us! (where they belong!)
There are quite a few photos and here's the forst one---ne doubt there will be many many more☺πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜€πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜„πŸ˜… watch this space!

The magical mystery tour iz waiting to take you away to Accrington Stanley, Fleetwood Town, Walsall, Wycombe Wanderers, Exeter City, Doncaster Rovers, Rochdale, etc etc!πŸ˜‚




"I used plan 'A' and wear going down!
To Accrington and Fleetwood Town!"

Letters page in
'The Ronny-Gill'
(Newcasil Chronicle)
April 25thπŸ˜‚







Saturday, 21 April 2018

BAD BLUE BOYS V TEEEM NORTHUMBRIAAA *** THIS AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:40pm bells' Saturday 21st April 2018
Updated St George's Day

With yet anothaa blank Saturday to 'fill in' (coz we dont play til Munday!) a'v decided to heed for Federation Park in Dunston where The Bad Blue Boys are takin on the university side of Northumbriaaa at '3 bells' in a Northern Leegue encoontaa!

Aa went to Gatesheed last Saturday, but with 2 Toon games on the Sunday (1st team) and Munday (2nd string at Wycombe) aa didnt have the time to de a match report on that game, which The Heed(bangers) won 2-0 v Eastleigh in The National Leegue

A'v got a bit more time this weekend so there WILL be a match report on the Dunston game sometime tomorrow!

Az per usual "Watch this space!"

Updated St George's Day 2018
The Bad Blue Boys 
on the attack at
'The Tea Hut End'!

The Bad Blue Boys drew 1-1 with Teeem Northubriaaa! The visitors took the lead in the 12th minute through Keiron Day!
The Bad Blue Boys orly in the 2nd half when Mark Fitzpatrick fired home!

However!--aa spent most of the match glued to mee phone for results elsewhere!
The joyous news that the mackems had been relegated for the 2nd season runnin' came through az aa entered the Dunston clubhouse after the game!

Needless to say aa got blind drunk az mee phone went 'ballistic' with the fantastic news from the SOS!πŸ˜…πŸ˜†πŸ˜„

Friday, 20 April 2018

"AALLMOST THERE!--WE'RE AALLMOST THERE!"

Posted '1:00pm bells' Friday 20th April 2018

Sooothampton's 0-0 bore draw away to Lestaa last neet meenz that they can anly equal WOR points total IF they win their last 4 games and WE lose wor last 5! (Very highly improbable!)

Az 'The P*ss Potters of Stoke' and 'The Baggie Trooserz of West Brom' CAN'T match wor points total, it looks virtually impossible to be relegated now!

Sooothampton's last 4 games are Bournemoooth home, Everton away, Swanzee away and Man City at home!😨

Thursday, 19 April 2018

NUFC FAT SAM SURVEY*** RESULTS!

Posted '12:50pm bells' Thorsday 19th April 2018
Updated Saturday 21st April 2018
Iz this man the fattest and ugliest conman
ever to have managed NUFC?

Everton fans have been asked to rate manager Fat Sam's performance, in a survey, which asks them to rate him from a scale of 10 to 0 (Hero to Zero!)

Most give him a zero score, so hiz future looks bleak, BUT! he will get yet anothaa huge redundancy package like he did at The Toon and elsewhere!

'The Geordie Times' haz decided to de its own survey on Fat Sam on hiz time at The Toon on a same slidin scale of
 10 to 0!
Usin' your skill, judgement and half a sheeps brain, let us naa what score y'id give him ASAP!


Question 1
Iz Fat Sam the fattest manager we have ever had?
The answer: Γ€YE!  by aboot 4 stone heavier than Rafa at 19 stone!😨 0-10

Question 2
Iz Fat Sam the ugliest manager we have ever had?
Answer: It woz a close caall az "The best manager in the world" John Carver pushed him close, but Sam's ugliness finally won the day!😨0-10
Question 3
Iz Fat Sam the biggest conman we have ever had?
Answer: DEFINATLEEE!😨0-10
Question 4
Iz Fat Sam the most negative and borin' manager we have ever had? "ZZZZzzzz!!!!"😴
Answer: Just, but Carver, Pardew and 'The Wally with the Brolly' ran him close!😨0-10
And finally
Question 5
How many brown paper bags did he discard at NUFC and aall the othaa clubs he haz failed at? (on a scale of 10 to 100!)
Answer: 73 empty brown bags in hiz wheelie bin woz the most popular answer!😨73-100!

VERDICT: Fat Sam MUST stay at Everton---until we play them on Munday neet at least!😨😨😨😨😨

Wednesday, 18 April 2018

WOLVES WOE!

Posted '4:25pm bells' Wednesday 18th April 2018
Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday

Amazing news reaches 'The Geordie Times' that the SMBs ticket office have cancelled some of the Wolves 2,589 away section tickets for their final home game of the season, just in case some Toon fans get their hands on them!
(The away section holds more than 4,000!)

Wolves, not suprizingly have asked for an extra allocation of tickets az they celebrate promotion to the top flight aftaa a 6 year absence!
The mackems REFUSED their request, az they were terrified of the fact that Toon fans would gloat at their demise, shud they gain admittance, like 2,000 did in 1987 when they were relegated to the 3rd Division by Gillingham! (So there will be at least 30,000 empty pink seats for the Wolves game!)

A Wolves loyalty points system iz in operation (just like The Toon) and anly the most loyal of their fans will get their hands on a prized ticket!
Diehard Wolves fans are hardly likely to sell them to Toon fans---are they?

The SMBs are a complete laughin' stock on and off the field!---What an absolute farce!πŸ˜…

YI COULDN'T POSSIBLY MAKE IT UP!πŸ˜„

Updated 'high noon bells' Thorsday

Just foond oot why some Wolves tickets have been cancelled!
Apparently one of their fans put hiz match tickets on Twitter and a Toon fan copied them, claimin that he had them!

The SMBs ticket office saw this and cancelled the tickets barcode so they can't get in!

PARANOIAAA TO THE EXTREEEEME!πŸ˜‚










Tuesday, 17 April 2018

333 adams park wycombe (v reading u23s)

Ground number 333
Date of First Visit: 16th April 2018
Adams Park, High Wycombe

Reading U23s 1
Newcastle United U23s 4 (Wilson, Bailey, Yarney, O Conner)

Premier League 2

Attendance: 150 (est) (6 NUFC mad sad groundhoppers + a few other exiles) (ie: 1 from London and 1 from Hong Kong!) (Honest!)
NUMBER 6 OWEN BAILEY (with the lang hair!) SCORES WOR 2nd GOAL!
'GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE!'

"FROM WHICKHAM TO WYCOMBE!"

3 of us set off from Geordie Times HQ at high noon bells for the lang trek to High Wycombe where wor U23s were playin Readings equivelent in a leegue game! (That's Biffa the Beer, Glennn from Ashington and Fink (me!)

I got the 'short straw' and woz drivin' on this 500 mile plus roond trip to deepest Buckinghamshire!
We have ne idea just why Reading play their resorve games at Wycombe Wanderers groond, but it woz a 'new one' for us and we wornt complainin'!

After hittin a traffic jam coz of an accident on the M1 near Sheffield we eventually arrived at wor destination at 5 30 bells some 5 and a half hours and 280.1 miles after leavin Tyneside!

The groond woz at the very end of an industrial estate in the middle of 'ne where' and woz surronded by a forest of trees!

We parked up and heeded for 'Monty's Bar' which woz the  name of the clubhouse situated underneath the main stand! (Shandy for me coz I woz the driver!)
And then 3 othaa 'saddos' came in, namely Dave from York, hiz 'sidekick', Alex of St George (who looked in a bit of an 'inebriated' state!) and Bysey!

Their wasnt one Reading fan in the bar, which woz virtually empty (apart from us!) just 30 mins before kick off, which gave us an indication of the size of the crowd!
"IZ THERE ANYBODY THERE!?"
THE 'PACKED' CLUBHOOSE!---30 MINS BEFORE KICK OFF!

It woz soon time to gan in and pay the £3 entrance fee and we took up wor places at the back of the tiny main stand!

The Toon were playin in their aall black change strip and went for 'the jugular' and were on top from the start az we attacked the left hand goal and took the lead in the 15th minute when Adam Wilson scored with a scrambled effort!
NUMBER 3 MACAUAY GILLESPHEY TAKES A THROW IN (1st half)

There woz ne more scorin til half time but Toon goalie Nathan Harker made 2 excellent saves to keep us in the lead!

The 2nd goal came came in the 52nd minute when Owen Bailey heeded home from a Barlaser free kick aa caught on mee bottom of the range camera phone! (see top picture!)

3 mins later it woz 3-0 when from anothaa Barlaser free kick, Josef Yarney heeded past the Reading keeper!
NUMBER 10 DAN BARLASER GETS READY TO TAKE THE FREE KICK
WHICH LED TO THE 3rd OR 4th GOAL (can't remember!?)

The 'home side' (Reading iz miles away!) then pulled one back on the hour mark throuh Tyler Frost but we regained wor 3 goal advantage 7 mins later from yet anothaa Barlaser free kick which this time foond the heed of Stefan O Conner to complete the scorin!

It woz then homeward which took nearly SIX hours due to roadworks and diversions and we completed wor roond trip at 2 45am bells and 560.5 miles later!


Footnote: This woz the 2nd 'Wycombe' groond I have been te! 
The othaa one woz a junior game at 'WHICKHAM' near Gatesheed many moons ago! when we won 6-0 in a friendly!




History lesson:
Adams Park, Wycombe woz the 82nd current Leegue groond that The Toon have played on oot of the 92
And 'The Geordie Times' haz been to everyone of them az well!😊

For the record the 10 groonds NUFC have nevaa played on are az follows:
Fleetwood, Rochdale, Newport, MK Dons, AFC Wimbledon, Northampton, Shrewsbury, Barnet, Bristol Rovers and Forest Green Rovers!
PS: We have seen NUFC play on the old groonds of Shrewsbury, Barnet and Bristol Rovers plus the old Wimbledon who played at Plough Lane!

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