Tuesday 31 October 2017

WE TOLD YOO SO ON SATURDAY!

Posted 11 00 pm bells Tuesday 31st October @ Woodall sorvices truck park M1

News reaches us that after guidin the SMBs to a joint English record of not winnin for 19 home games in a row, that 'Larry' Grayson haz been peddled just 16minutes after they drew with Bolton to equal the record!

We told yoo on Saturday in The Geordie Times that he woz seen in The Tudor Rose in Dunston and woz 'a dead man walkin'!

Its unbeleeevable that they have sacked such a brilliant manager who oversaw NO home wins under hiz tenure!
The anly blot on hiz CV in the 15 leegue games he woz in charge woz a solitary away win at Norwich!

More news from
The Stadium of Ssshhh!!! (Ye naa wot!)




THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 31st October 2017
 THE TOON ATTACK THE 'FISHWICK END' WHERE WE WERE HOUSED (1st half)
(View from row 'P')

"TELL ME WHY?---I DONT LIKE MUNDAYS!"

Anothaa away game against one of the 'so caalled' lesser teams and anothaa 1-0 defeat, when we shud have got sommik oot of the game!
Palace goal here Merino woz missin' with a back injury and with ne punch up front we couldn't break doon the Bornley defence az sideways pass after sideways pass left us in 'no mans land' in midfield for most of the game!
ACTION AT THE FAR END (2nd half)



One goal would decide this game we thought and it came from the home side in the 75th minute when a missteak by Perez near the centre circle resulted in a shot which woz parried by Elliot in The Toon goal, aanly for the rebound to fall nicely to the feet of Hendric who woz 2 yards oot and he hit a shot into the roof of the net, which your great-granny could have scored!

1-0 to 'The Hillbillies' az we desperatleee tried to get the equaliser and late on Hayden and Manquillo went very close to findin' the net but instead fooond the advertisin' hoardings behind the far goal and the game woz lost! (the 14th time in a row that we have failed to win an away game played on a Munday!)

A 'wake up caall' if ever there woz one az we slid 3 places doon the table to 9th after this and the othaa weekend results!

Up til now we haven't played ANY of the 'so caalled' 'big six' away from home, but will do in the next couple of months!

9th place might soond OK, but with tough games against Moan U, Chelski and 'The Arse' to play away soon, we NEED the 3 points against Bornemoooth at SJP next Saturday, for certain!

Toon team: Elliot, Manquillo, Lejeune,Yedlin, Diame (Gayle 83), Shelvey, Richie (Murphy 79), Atsu, Perez (Hayden 76), Joselu

Attendance: 21,031 (2,500 Toon fans facin' a 'reality check'!)



WE REMEMBER THE WAR HEROS BEFORE KICK OFF




THE PRE MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE
IN BORNLEY TOON CENTRE 






* 

Monday 30 October 2017

THE BORNLEY HILLBILLIES v THE TOON *** TOONEET!

Posted '10:22am bells' Munday 30th October 2017

"WE DONT LIKE MUNDAYS!"

At the bequest of SKY telly we are on wor travels across the Pennines tooneet to see The Toon play Bornley high up in the hills at Turf Moor, their home since the 19th century!
It's sure to be freeeezin' up there, so if yoo are gannin, be sure to wrap up in some warm clothes!
                     ⇊

Aall games in this leegue are tough and it wont be 'easy peasy' come the '8 bells' kick off time!
Not suprizingly we have sold wor full allocation of 2,500 tickets in this 20,000 capacity venue.

We hardly ever play well away on a Munday and this will be wor FOURTEENTH attempt at winnin an away game on the forst day of the week! (Wor last Munday away win woz at Bolton 2-0 SIX years ago!)

We are currently 8th in the table after the weekends results and shud we draw we will move up to 7th place and a win would propel us up to 6th position!

Would we be happy with a draw?---well the answer iz YES! az any points gained away from home are good ones!

We are settin off this afternoon at '2 30 bells' and after pick ups at various places we shud arrive at wor destination by '5 30 bells'

A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here sometime on Tuesday---watch this space az per usual!

Saturday 28 October 2017

THE BAD BLUE BOYS of DUNSTON v THE BENFIELD BENDER SQUAD *** NORTHERN LEEGUE

Posted '1:40pm bells' Saturday 28th October 2017

SOMEHOW I 'FINK' WE WILL END UP IN HERE!
(YOU'VE GOT TO RUN FAST TO GET TO THE FRONT OF THE QUEUE!)
With oot a Toon game til Munday neet (v Bornley) it woz decided to heed for Dunston where 'The Bad Blue Boys' are takin on 'The Benfield Bender Squad of east Newcastle in 'The River Tyne derby' at Federation Park!

A storm force gale iz blowin az we speak and this will surely make the game a lottery! (and meenz we will have to spend a bit more time in the clubhouse to shelter from the storm!)

A match report of sorts will appear here later today (or tomorrow mornin'---dependin on how much we've had to drink!

Updated from 2 30 bells onwards
                            Team sheet

HT  BAD BLUE BOYS  0
         BENDER SQUAD 1

FT BAD BLUE BOYS 0
       BENDER SQUAD 3
The corner  flag bends
In the wind!

Played in a force 8 gale the game woz a farce but Benfield adapted better to the conditons

Attendance 200 est
The official attendance woz 198 so aa wasnt  that far oot! (30 from The Bender Squad)

After the match aa heeded for The Tudor Rose in Dunston for somemore 'liquid lubrications' and woz amazed to see the SMBs manager 'Larry' Grayson in the bar!?  ---who looked much the worse for wear and like 'a dead man walkin', after hiz team's 2-1 defeat at home to Bristol City!!!
Geordie Times excluuusive!







Friday 27 October 2017

MORE TELLY FIXTURE ANNOONCEMENTS TODAY! (ALLEDGEDLEEEE!)

Posted '1 00pm bells' Friday 27th October 2017

Anothaa roond of telly fixtures for the end of December and the whole of January are due to be announced sometime today and 5 of wor fixtures between those dates could (and probably will!) be affected
Those fixtures and current dates are:---


"Ne Where Near" Brighton home Sat 30th December 

The P*ss Potts of Stoke away Mun 1st January

Swanzee home Sat 13th January

The Blue Moonies of Mancland away Sat 20th January

Bornley home Wed 31st January

We will keep yoo unformed when any fixture changes happen today ASAP---az per usual---"Watch this space!"

Update midneet bells
NE TELLY FIXTURES ANNOONCED!!!
"THE BUSTARDS!!!"

Thursday 26 October 2017

BORNLEY ARCHIVE MATCH REPORT FROM 1974

 Posted '2 00 pm bells' Thorsday 26th October 2017

Wor next game iz at Bornley next Munday and The Geordie Times haz 'dug' the match report up from wor forst visit to Turf Moor 43 years ago in 1974
"TAKIN' THE P*SS!"
(see ground 034 Turf Moor Burnley, below) 

Wednesday 25 October 2017

"EVERY PICTURE TELLS A STORY!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 25th October 2017
"PUT YOUR HAND IN THE AIR!---SIMPLE SIMON SEZ!"
The SMB players limber up in front of their legions of loyal fans
Many of whom were disguised az empty pink seats!

We divvint normally mention the mackems in 'The Geordie Times', if we can help it!---BUT!---we couldnt help notice the shear number of their fans who torned oot for the clubs 'open day' in the skool half torm holidays, az featured on 'Look North' yesterday dinnatime!
SMB 'supremo' Simon 'Larry' Grayson looks totally overwhelmed and gobsmacked
at the vast number of fans who torned oot in support of him and the team!




SPOT THE CROWD IN DIGUISE---
NE SIGN OF OWNER ELLIS SHORTARSE, THOUGH?



Tuesday 24 October 2017

THE TOON U23s v SPARTA PRAGUE 'B' *** TOONEET AT BLUE FLAMES!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 24th October 2017
BLUE FLAMES (AKA WHITLEY PARK)

"CZECH' IT OOT!"

If yoo are at 'a loose end' tooneet then why not heed for Benton where wor U23s are takin on Czech side Sparta Prague's 'B' team in the Premyaa Leegue International Cup @ '7 bells'.

The game iz at Whitley Park/Blue Flames and admission iz free to season ticket holders and members (£3 and £1 for others)

Unfortunateleee 'yours truly' wont be there az av got to gan to graft, but ---'fear not'! 'The Geordie Times' WILL have a match report online sometime near midneet from wor intrepid groundhoppers who WILL be there!

Update 11 pm bells by Tex Taylor, intrepid Toon traveller

The Toon won 2 1 through an own goal in the forst half and a Dan Barlaser 'belter' in the 2nd half with a 30 yard effort which gave to Sparta keeper ne chance!
Attendance 491 includin 3 Sparta Prague groundhoppers!

Sunday 22 October 2017

THE TOON 1 THE CRYSTAL BAALLS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted '11:00am bells' Sunday 22nd October 2017
MIKEL MERINO (2nd Toon player from left) HEEDS THE WINNIN' GOAL!
(GEORDIE TIMES EXCLUUUSIVE PHOTO!)

"HAPPY BORTHDAY DEAR JAMIE!"

A dour game against a Palace side that came for 3 points (rather than 'parkin the bus' for a point) and they "shaded it' in the forst half az WE couldnt get oot of 'forst gear'!
Atsu did have a shot which hit the side nettin--'but that woz az good az it got for us!
In total aa cant remember eethaa team havin a shot on target, which tells yoo a lot aboot the forst half!  
But Cabaye woz a very lucky man az he made a horrendous tackle on Yedlin which could have broken hiz leg and anly got a yellow card istead of a red one!   0-0 HT
1st HALF ACTION AZ WE ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END

It woz a bit better in the 2nd period and the forst shot on target came Diame's way in the 70th minute at The Leazes End (if my memory sorves me correctly?)
A minute later Shelvey had a shot blocked and we started to get on top!

It woz grandson Jamie's 8th borthday and aa woz prayin for a win for him, but az the clock ticked doon it looked az though the game would peter oot into a goalless draw!
2nd HALF ACTION AT THE LEAZES END

However! My prayers were answered with fower minutes left on the clock when supersub  Mikel Merino (who had come on in the 55th minute) heeded past Speroni in the Crystal Baalls goal from a Matt Ritchie corner, to win the game az the crowd roared in relief!

A game that will probably be last on Match of the Day for sure! ( PS it woz 2nd last!)

Ne one woz happier than Jamie and the 3 points were hiz best ever borthday present! az we moved up to the 'dizzy heights' of 6th in the table!

Aaltogether now!
"Happy borthday to yoo!
Happy borthday to yoo!
Happy borthday dear Jamie!
Happy borthday to yoo!"
Jamie's borthday cake!
Baked by Nana Maureen

Toon team: Elliot, Yedlin, Lascelles, Lejeune, Manquillo, Hayden (Merino 55), Shelvey, Ritchie, Perez (Diame 66), Atsu, Joselu (Mitrovic 78)

Attendance: 52,251  includin' Ing-er-land manager Gareth Southgate, plus a very p*ssed lookin' Sting and Jimmy Nail
(2,000 Palace)
JIMMY NAIL (right) LOOKS TOTALLY P*SSED OFF!
(IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE!)
(BEFORE WE SCORED!)



PS: 'STING' MADE AN IMPROMPTU APPEARANCE AFTER THE GAME

IN THE 'HOOCHIE COOCHIE' JASS CLUB IN PILGRIM STREET
AND SANG A FEW SONGS!
(He admitted that he woz "Worse for wear"!) 

*



Friday 20 October 2017

THE TOON v THE CRYSTAL BAALLS

Posted 6:30pm bells Friday 20th October 2017 @ Trowell sorvices truck park, M1 southbound


Tomorrow afternooon @ SJP we face a rejuvenated Roy Hodgson's side who picked up their forst points and GOALS last week against the current leegue champions, Chelski!


We are so pleezed that Palace scored last week to end their unwanted zero 'goals for' record, az if they hadn't scored, then guess wot wud have happened tomorrow!

We musint underestimate them az we gan into the game on a 3 match unbeaten run!
Ne games are easy in this division (just ask Chelski!) but we shud have enough to collect the 3 points and (hopefully?) climb a couple of places up the table!

A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here sometime on Sunday----Az per usual ---watch this space!

"POWER TO THE PEOPLE!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 20th October 2017

At last!---someone haz listened to 'us fans' and 'SKY' and the Premyaa Leegue (who were under immense pressure!), have decreed that aall proposed games on Xmas eve, includin NUFC @ 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of West Ham, have been abandoned and we will visit London Stadium for the very forst time on Saturday December 23rd @ 3 bells (the original time and date)

The Liverbirds and The Arse's fans aalso kicked up aboot a possible tea time kick of on Xmas eve, with ne way of getting home after the game az transport gans off orly on that day!
Their game will now be played on the Friday neet of 22nd December!

The anly downside for us iz that wor game away to The OAPs of Chelski now kicks off @ 12 30 bells on Saturday 2nd December @ SKY's bequest---which meeenz we must travel doon the day before to guarantee makin the kick off (see story below of wor visit to Sooothampton last week, when some fans missed the game when their train broke doon!)
One of THREE London away games in December! 
(We play The Arse away az well on Saturday December 16th)

For The Toon's rearranged fixtures up until 27th December see the article below this

Thursday 19 October 2017

"CHRISTMAS CRACKERS!"

Posted '6 30pm bells' Thorsday 19th October 2017 @ Trowell sorvices truck park

The NUFC telly fixtures for orly December and Xmas have just been released and are az follows!



Chelski, away 12 45 bells, SKY, Sat 2nd Dec

Lestaa, home 5 30 bells, SKY, Sat 9th Dec

The Toffee Noses, home 7 45 bells, (Ne TV) Wed 13th Dec

The Arse away 3 00 bells, (Ne TV) Sat 16th Dec

The Jellied Eels Mob, away 3 00 bells, (Ne TV) Sat 23rd Dec

The Blue Moonies, home 7 45 bells, SKY, Wed 27th Dec

Fixtures after this still to be picked for live telly


TELLY GAMES ANNOONCED TODAY! (ALLEDGEDLEEE!)

Posted 2 30am bells Thorsday 19th October 2017  
Updated high noon bells!

Todays the day when the Xmas telly games are said to be released and we wait with trepidation to see if we are playin West Ham in London on Xmas eve, plus othaa unsocial fixtures!

Its nearly high noon bells and still ne news of where we will be gannin ower the Xmas period

The Geordie Times will update az soon az we find oot! -''-"Deep breath!"

Wednesday 18 October 2017

"AMANDA'S HAVIN' A GANDER!"

Posted '1:15 pm bells' Wednesday 18th October 2017

We hear that British financier Amanda Staveley IZ interest in buyin' NUFC for hor firm PCP Capital, but iz offerin £50-100 million less than 'The Fat Controller' wants!

The back page of
Today's 'Ronny Gill'


More on aall this az it unravels!


Monday 16 October 2017

SPORTS DIRECT MEGA MILLIONS SALE!

Posted 6 30 pm bells Munday 16th October 2017 at Trowell Sorvices truck park M1 (southbound)
"Sale now on!
£350 million or
nearest offer!"

News reaches The Geordie Times via the '5 bells' news on mee truck radio on the M1 that NUFC owner known affectionatly to Toon fans az 'The Fat Controller', haz put the club up for sale--(again!) and wants it sold by Xmas
Affter 2 relegations and several othaa relegation battles under hiz 'leadership' in 10 years, he haz finally seen sense and iz sellin up--hopefully to an affluent arab or a very rich Russian billionaire, who will bankroll wor great club and have us challengin for major honours---we dream on and await with baited breath az to who will actually buy us!

Of course we've hord aall this before and wont reeely beleeeve it, til it actually happens!?

PS: He iz so desperate to sell that he iz offerin' the club in staggered instalments, just like yoo were buyin' a 3 peeece suite on 'tick'!
(get now!--pay later!)


Watch this space for more details az they unravel!

SOOOTHAMPTON 2 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2017-2018

Posted from 'high noon bells' onwards Munday 16th October 2017

Wor 10th visit to St Mary's Stadium ended in a 2-2 draw and if you'd asked me before the match I would have settled for that.
But we reeely shud have won this, but for a daft tackle in the penalty box by Leujene in the 2nd half cost us the 3 points, az Sooothampton convorted the resultin' penalty to bring the game back to 2-2!

With the backin' of a selloot 3,000 plus fans in the Northam End, we attacked that goal in the forst half in wor new aall blue change kit (light blue tops, dark blue shorts)
We had sold 3,200 tickets for the game but some fans didn't make it az the '8 bells' train on the Sunday mornin' broke doon with a dodgy wheel and it took them FOWER HOURS (4 hours) to get to York ---a ONE hour jorney normally! Some fans 'gave up' and torned back, while othaaz hired a mini bus and taxis to get them there! (A very expensive way to get from York to Sooothampton!)
We (luckily) had travelled doon the day before and had nee problems gettin' there!

We started off well and took the lead in the 20th minute when an Atsu shot rebounded to Hayden 20yards oot and he planted the baall into the net to send 'the faithful' into raptures!---and that's the way it stayed until the break!

And then just after the restart the home side equalised through Gabbadini who squeezed the baall past Elliot in The Toon goal!

Straight away we regained the lead at the othaa end when a through baall from Richie foond Perez who wellied the baall into the net in the 50th minute!---could we hang on?---the answer woz NO! az that daft tackle by Lejeune (when the baall woz ne where near the goal) left the ref with ne choice but to give the penalty which Gabbiadini convorted!

Lejuene had a chance at the very end to redeem himself, but hiz heeder woz cleared off the line by a Sooothampton defender!
Final score 2-2!

Wor jorney back to Waaterloo Station in London woz horrendous!
I managed to get a seat in the mad scramble to get on the train BUT! an elderly gentleman with a handlebar moustache pushin' a wheeled zimmerframe got on and kindly asked me and the lad next to me if we would give up wor seats az they were disabled seats!
I volunteered and gave him my seat, but then had to stand the entire 2 hour jorney back to London, with people packed around with ne where to move!---MY good deed for the YEAR! ---for certain!

We managed to grab a quick pint in The Scottish Stores boozer near King's Cross and then endure a 4 hour jorney back to The Toon in a near empty train (in complete contrast to the Waaterloo train I had TWO seats to meesel!)

It woz 'nice and peaceful' until we got to York station where 2  very drunken 'happy slappers' got on!
They were dead loud and told anyone who cared to listen that they lived in Carmel Road North in Darlo and then started on aboot how they liked 'hot dogs'!---(NOT! the ones yoo get in a tin!)
PS: for those of yoo under the age of 16 readin this--ask your mammy and daddy wot that meeenz!

They soon shut up though when the ticket inspector told them they had 'Cross Country' train tickets which wornt valid on 'Virgin Trains' and they were charged an extra £25 each!
They WORNT 'happy bunnies' after this and complained that they had 'open tickets' to the inspector!---He said "yes they are, but NOT for Virgin Trains"!
They staggered off the train at Darlo and we had peace again for the final 30 mins of the jorney back to The Toon, where we eventually arrived at '2 am bells', some 8 hours after gettin' on the forst train in Sooothampton!

After a few hours kip "ZZZZzzzz!!!!" I woz up again at '11 30 bells' to write this report before heedin for work and a 440 mile roond trip to Redditch in Worcestershire in mee truck at '2 30 pm bells'
NE REST FOR THE WICKED!

Team line ups to follow later at Woodall Sorvices truck park on the 'M1' when I stop for a 45 min break on the way back from Redditch!


(Sometime later at 'Woodall' at 11 15pm bells)
Toon team:  Elliot  Lascelles  Yedlin  Lejeune  Manquillo  Ritche  Hayden  Shelvey  Atsu (Murphy 82)  Perez (Merino 63)  Joselu (Gayle 68)

Attendance 31,437 (3,200 Toon tickets sold but there were a few empty seats due to that train breakin doon and some very unfortunate fans missin the game because of that!)
(One of many reasons to gan doon the day before!)

For more 'pub crawl' photos see next article doon!


Tuesday update:
 Wor U21s were in action at St Mary's last neet in front of a 471 'crowd' and were slaughtered 6-2 and witnessed by 'Glennn from Ashington' who stayed an extra night to watch it!
Now THAT'S what yi caall 'A MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER'!





Sunday 15 October 2017

SOOOTHAMPTON v THE TOON PUB PHOTOS

Posted 11 am bells and throughoot the day Sunday 15th October 2017

London Kings Cross pub crawl last neet
Blondie enjoys a 'light' ale!



This pint of 'dishwater'  

cost £5 15 in the above boozer!


SOOTHAMPTON



HALF TIME  1  0  UP!☺
(HAYDEN)
FULL TIME   DREW 2  2
(PEREZ)

BACK IN LONDON---POST MATCH


A full Geordie Times match report and pix will appear here tomorrow dinnaatime!




ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST