Tuesday, 29 December 2015

PAVEL RIP

Posted '4:07 pm bells' Tuesday 29th December 2015

The very sad news haz reached us that former Toon goalie Pavel Srnicek haz died this afternoon at the age of just 47 followin' a heart attack last week

Wor thoughts are with hiz family and friends at this difficult time

RIP PAV

BERWICK STRANGERS X1 v TOON X1 **TOONEET @ Shielfield Park, Tweedmoooth

Posted '3:33pm bells' Tuesday 29th December 2015

The Toon are sendin' a team up to Tweedmoooth this evenin', where they are playin' a friendly against Berwick
£5 for big kids and U16s FREE!
Kick off iz @ '7:30 bells'

Update Wednesday mornin'

The Toon X1 won 3-1 against a Berwick Strangers X1 with wor goals comin' from Longstaff, Gallacher and Broccoli in front of a smaall crowd of 388

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEAGUE 2015-2016

Posted '11:00am bells' Tuesday 29th December 2015
"NO!"---"IT'S NOT THE NORTH SEA!"--"IT'S THE OUTSKIRTS OF YORK!"
("THERE'S A FARMHOOSE AND VILLAGE UNDER THERE!")---
---("SOMEWHERE!")

"AN INSULT TO WOR INTELLIGENCE!"

After battlin' through the floods of York on the '7:25 bells' train to New Street, Bormingham, *("Whey!", hardly 'battlin' through the floods---more like watchin' York drown az we passed by on the train with wor feet up, drinkin' cans of 'easy rider', wonderin' just how those affected were copin'!)
We expected at the very least a 'battlin' display from The Toon az well, after aall the 'hype' surroundin' the 'injustice' of wor defeat at home to Everton just 2 days before on Boxin' Day (see that match report forthaa doon the page!)

*(PS: Honestly, wor hearts gan oot to aall the people who have been affected by the terrible floods--it must be heartbreakin' to be flooded time and time again!)

Wot we got from NUFC waz the usual garbage that we have been so used to this year, az we gave in meekly to a poor WBA side who bombarded wor goal in the forst half with wave after wave of shots and corners to keep wor rooky goalie Karl Darlow very busy (Rob Elliot had felt unwell before the game and Darlow waz hoyed into the fray!)
Honestly!---it would have been more excitin' watchin' paint dry on 'wor part' az we hardly ventured up the field and we were (very!)glad to see the half time break!
A 'VERY' RARE ATTACK ---COLOCCINI (dark strip on left)
HITS THE POST IN FRONT OF THE TOON FANS!

Both Dummett and Coloccini hit the woodwork in the 2nd half and Mitrovic seemed to be pulled back az he waz aboot to take a shot in front of the Toon faithful behind the goal, but penalty claims were waved away by the ref ---but they waz the anly 'highlights' of this half for 'us' az we continually gave the baall away, shyed  oot from tackles and played across the field and backwards!--instead of gannin forward! <(ie: A 'complete' shambles!)

The killer blow came just after the Mitrovic incident, when Darlow failed to hold a Darren Fletcher downward heeder and it squeezed underneath him and into the net for the anly goal of the game!

'The Wally withoot the Brolly' iz unbelievable!---claimin' that we in fact "played ever so well!"--- matched West Brom in every department and didn't deserve to lose---which game waz he watchin', like????
Does he think we are so stupid and gullible that we will believe anything that he says???----hiz ridiculous comments are an insult to wor intelligence and have NOT gone doon well with the Toon fans!

The match stats tell a very different story to McClaren's however!

The Baggie Troosers had a total of 22 shots of which 5 were on target and 18 corners, compared to 'wor' 7 shots, (nearly aall weak efforts!) of which anly TWO were on target (1 in each half!) and 6 corners!
We aalso committed twice az many fouls az them (14 to 7), many of them needless when we lost possession!  

The Leegue table doesn't lie, Steve and we gan into the new year 3rd bottom with a pathetic 17 points from 19 games at the halfway point of the season---Indeed, with just SEVEN wins oot of a possible THORTY EIGHT games played this calendar year, it beats the previous worst in livin' memory, which waz NINE wins in 1961 (relegated 1960-1961) and NINE wins in 2008 (relegated 2008-2009!)
Alan Shearer totally contradicts wot McClaren had just said moments before
on Match Of The Day

Next up iz 'The Arse' away on Saturday---a groond where we have conceded 14 goals in wor last 3 visits!-----Arsene Wenger must be rubbin' hiz hands!

Toon team: Darlow, Coloccini, Dummett, Janmaat, Mbemba, Sissoko, Colback (Thourvin 86) <(WHY?), Anita (Tiote 27), Wijnaldum, Mitrovic, Perez (De Jong 72) <(WHY?)

Attendance: 26,313 (2,700 insulted Toon fans!)


The pre and post match gargels took place 'here' in Bormingham city centre

   

Sunday, 27 December 2015

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOON! *** PERHAPS?

Posted '9:00 pm bells' Sunday 27th December 2015

Tomorrow afternoon we face WBA away in the Premyaa Leegue and we can anly hope that we get there az there iz severe floodin' in York az we speak!
Of course we have to travel through York to get to Bormingham New Street and then onward to West Brom and we are not sure at the moment if York Station iz affected by the floods!
We shall soon find oot tomorrow mornin' (snorkels and flippers at the ready!)

THE TOON 0 THE TOFFEE NOSES 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:38am bells' Sunday 27th December 2015
THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL (1st half)

"CRISIS @ CHRISTMAS!"

With Swanzee winnin' in the orlier kick off, sendin' us back into the bottom 3,  it waz vital that we got oot of the blocks and went for Everton 'from the off'!
But it waz wor visitors who made aall the orly play az they attacked the Leazes goal and it seemed just a matter of time before they scored az the rain lashed doon!

We had wor chances though when a  Gini Wijnaldum heeder waz expertly saved by Tim Howard in 'The Toffee Noses' goal!

Rob Elliot had anothaa blinder and kept Everton at bay and we somehow went into the break on level torms 
2nd HALF KICK OFF

 We were much better in the 2nd period az we tried to make the breakthrough, although wor forst shot on goal in this half didn't come til the 75th minute!

The key moment of the game for 'The Toon' came when Mitrovic from 5 yards oot fluffed hiz chance---when it waz easier to score!

ACTION @ THE LEAZES END (2nd half)

And then the heartbreak at the end, when, 3 minutes into stoppage time Elliot punched the baall oot @ The Gallowgate End, anly for the baall to find the heed of Cleverley and he 'cleverly' nodded the baall back towards goal and it somehow foond the back of wor net, to send the 3,000 Toffee Noses in level 7 of The Leazes End wild with delight, while' 'I' held my heed in my hands in despair!

There waz ne time for a come back at this late stage and the 3 points were lost az we plunged back into the 'mire'!

18 games played---17 points gained!---37 points dropped! That's an average of 0.94444444444 points per game!---and if we keep this up, wor end of season total will be!-------(deep breath!)
---35.8888888887 points (accordin' to mee fone calculator!)
"CRISIS?---WOT CRISIS???"

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Dummett, Mbemba, Coloccini, Anita, Wijnaldum, Sissoko, Colback, Mitrovic, Perez (Thourvin 87)

Attendance: 51,682 (highest of the season!) (3,000 + Toffee Noses!) *

Saturday, 26 December 2015

THE TOON v THE TOFFEE NOSES *** TODAY @ '5:30 BELLS'

Posted '10:03am bells' Boxin' Day 2015
^ "LET'S HOPE IT IZ!" ^

We gan into today's game with a shockin' stat---we have won just 7 leegue games oot of 36 in this 'calender year', so far!--and failure to win wor last 2 games of the year against 'The Toffee Noses' this evenin' and 'The BaggieTroosers' on Munday afternoon will mean that we will have won the least number of games in a 1 year period in livin' memory!
(9 games iz wor previous worst since the 2nd World War ended 70 years ago!)

Quite simply, we must win today or face the prospect of faallin back into 'the quagmire zone' once again!
Some of wor players divvint help the cause by boastin' that we won't be in a relegation battle come the end of the season (Coloccini) and that we will finish in the top TEN come May (Mbemba!) 

The sad reality though---IZ!-- we WILL be in the relegation 'dog fight' for the rest of the season, az with just 4 wins oot of 17 so far this season, this tells yoo that for certain!----UNLESS! ---'The Fat Controller' 'puts hiz hands in hiz pockets' to buy some quality players in the January transfor window!

WILL he 'gamble' on 'The Brolly-less Wally' 'to keep us up' with the present mediocre squad--OR!--will he spend some of hiz vast fortune on makin' sure we divvint gan doon?---we shall soon find oot!

With just 17 points from 17 games it doesn't take a mathematical genius to work oot that this iz an average of just ONE point per game <(me finx?) and by the end of the season at this rate we will end up with 38 points from the 38 games played!---relegation form in any othaa season! (We ended up with 39 points last season and just avoided 'the drop' on the very last day!)

Wot will happen on this rain sodden Boxin' Day???---it's anybody's guess???---and az we've said so many times in the past---this IZ NUFC and anything can happen!

A full match report will appear here on Sunday!---lets hope it's a 'MERRY XMAS' after aall!


Thursday, 24 December 2015

GET WELL SOON PAV!

Posted '10:54am bells' Xmas Eve 2015

News that wor former goalie Pavel Srnicek iz still in an induced coma followin' a heart attack saddens us greatly.
Pav iz anly 47 and waz oot joggin' last Sunday in hiz home town of Ostrava in the Czech Republic, when he collapsed!

Wor thoughts are with him and hiz family!
Get well soon mate! ----"Pavel iz a Geordie!"

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

GROUNDHOPPIN' DATES FOR YOUR DIARY FOR THE NEXT MONTH!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Tuesday 22nd December 2015

KEY: Gold= 1st team home game  Yellow=1st team away game
Pink=U21 game    Green=U18 game

Boxin' Day (Saturday): The Toffee Noses @ SJP @ '5:30 bells' (SKY)

Monday 28th Dec: The Baggie Troosers @ The Hawthorns @ '3 bells'

Tue 29th Dec: Berwick Strangers v Toon U21s @ Shielfield Park @ '7 bells' (Friendly)

Sat 2nd Jan: The Arse @ The Emirates' @ '3 bells'

Wed 6th Jan: Toon U18s v AFC Wimbledon U18s @ SJP @ '7 bells'

Sat 9th Jan: Blackborn U18s v Toon U18s @ Brockville Village @ '11 bells'
Sat 9th Jan: Wotfad @ Vicarage Road @ '3 bells (FA Cup 3rd roond)

Mon 11th Jan: The Hazbeenz & Villians U21s v Toon U21s @ Bescot Stadium, Waalsall

Tue 12th Jan: Manc Muppets @ SJP @ '7:45 bells' (SKY)

Sat 16th Jan: U18s v Man C U18s @ Little Benton @ '11 bells'
Sat 16th Jan: The Jellied Eels Mob @ SJP @ '3 bells'

(PS: 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have been to them aall--so there are ne new groonds for us to visit!) 

Monday, 21 December 2015

ON THIS DAY 47 YEARS AGO! *** QPR AWAY!

Posted '1:35pm bells' Munday 21st December 2015
SHEPHERD'S BUSH IN 1968


'The Geordie Times'z 2nd ever visit to London happened on this day in 1968 when we drew 1-1 with QPR in Shepherd's Bush.

A archive match report from that game appears below!
"Servin' wor apprenticeships !"

Sunday, 20 December 2015

THE TOON 1 THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '11:27am bells' Sunday 20th December 2015

THE PICTURE ISNT BLURRED---IT'S 'CHUCKIN IT DOON'!

"WE TOLD YOO SO!"

We said in wor run up to this match that NUFC were capable of 'shootin worsels in the foot' and that's exactly wot happened @ SJP yesterday evenin' in front of the live telly cameras! (see article below!)

Against a poor Villa team we dominated the forst half az torrential rain started pourin doon from the heavens!
The breakthrough came in the 38th minute when the baall fell nicely to 'Fab' Coloccini a few yards oot and hiz shot waz deflected in to give us a desorved half time lead @ The Gallowgate End!

Aa took mee 6 year old grandson Jamie to the match az he waz 'a lucky mascot' the last time he came, when we beat Norwich 6-2 a couple of months ago!
The rain waz faallin that hard the pitch waz gettin' waterlogged and aa had visions of the game havin to be abandoned because of this, but luckily it abated in the 2nd half az we went 'for the jugular'!

The tornin point came on the hour mark, when (somehow!) a point blank heeder from De Jong on the far post @ The Leazes End went wide, when it waz so much easier to score!---a goal that would have sealed victory!

However-this gave wor visitors some confidence and they went for an equaliser straight away--just az Perez had came on for the dejected De Jong!---Seconds after the substitution, wor visitors raced away up the pitch, where the baall foond Villa's Gordon Awey, who torned quickly on the edge of the Gallowgate box to hit an unstoppable shot past Rob Elliot in The Toon goal--a contender for 'goal of the month' undoubtedly!
From wot shud have been 2-0 up to 1-1 in the space of 2 minutes waz a 'gut wrencher' for certain!

Perez then missed a glorious chance at the very end to claim the 3 points when he blasted high ower the bar!
'The Hazbeenz' had had a couple of chances to win the game az well, but it ended 'aall square and we had to settle for a solitary point!

At least 'Jamie' hadn't seen us lose!

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS AND THE TOP PIC!?
ITS NEAR THE END OF THE GAME AND THE RAIN HAZ EASED OFF
AZ WE ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL!
Bad results for us elsewhere (apart from the mackem's getting beat!) meenz that we dropped to 17th position, just 3 points above Swanzee, who play West Ham @ home today!
Shud they win, then we will be in the bottom 3 again, come Xmas Day!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Coloccini, Dummett, Mbemba, Sissoko, Colback, Anita (Thourvin 71), Wijnaldum, De Jong (Perez 60), Cisse (Mitrovic 33)

Attendance: 48,234 (1,500 Hazbeenz & Villians) (Had wor visitors sold their entire allocation (3,200) then the attendance would have been around aboot the 50,000 mark) * 

Friday, 18 December 2015

THE TOON v THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS *** TOMORROW EVENIN'!

Posted '2:20pm bells' 'Black Eye' Friday 18th December 2015
Papiss Cisse (partially hidden by number 28 Sammy Ameobi) 
scores the anly goal of the game @ SJP last season

We gan into tomorrows game against the bottom side of the division lookin' for wor thord win 'on the boonce'
Villa havvent won @ SJP for 10 years, with 'us' winnin' 6 times and 3 draws in that period!

Of course (az we aalways point oot!) this IZ NUFC and the potential to 'shoot worsels in the foot' iz aalways 'on the cards' and at the back of wor minds!

Hopefully this wont happen and if results gan wor way ower the weekend we could well move up to the 'lofty heights' of 14th in the table and leave 'The Hazbeenz' well adrift in last position!

Tickets are still on sale and we expect anothaa 50,000 crowd @ 'The Cathedral on the Hill', although we don't know just how many wor visitors will bring to 'level 7 of The Leazes End?

A full match report and pix will appear here az per usual sometime on Sunday---az ever!---"watch this space!"

Footnote: Just in case yi divvint naa---''Black Eye' Friday iz when the Xmas party goers are in 'full swing' (literally!) and by the end of toneet many will be sportin' 'black eyes' az they get into 'drunken stupor' arguments in the packed bars!---and az for me?---A'm tooo old for 'aall that' and will be drinkin' 'local' and keepin' well away from 'The Toon' toneet!

LET THE STRAIN TAKE THE TRAIN!

Posted '9:43am bells' Black Eye' Friday 18th December 2015
"SOMEWHERE ON THE 'EAST COAST' MAIN LINE!"

"DO YI 'FINK' THEY DE IT ON PURPOSE!?"

News that wor away game against Chelski on Saturday 13th February haz been changed to a '5:30 bells' kick off for live telly haz reached 'The Geordie Times'
That's still ok to get the '9 bells' train back from King's Cross, then!?

NO! coz the last train back iz @------'7:48 bells'! due to engineerin' works on the East Coast line!
This meeeenz!---that it iz IMPOSSIBLE to catch the last train yem az the match wont finish til close on '7:30 bells', givin' us barely 20 minutes to run to the nearest tube station on the Kings Road in Chelsea and catch the tube to KX---a total jorney time of at least 45 minutes from the final whistle to the train!

This meeenz!---that unless we gan by bus (ne chance!) or leave orly (anly if we are gettin' hammered!) then we will be forced to stop owerneet in London ---and the forst train back on the Sunday mornin' takes ower 4 and a half hours! (normally 3 hours)
due to 'line work' of course!

"SOMEONE UP THERE DEFINATELY DOESNT LIKE US!"

Thursday, 17 December 2015

ILKESTON v TOON MATCH REPORT *** COMIN' SOON!

Posted '1:25pm bells' Thorsday 17th December 2015

'The Geordie Times' iz busy workin' on wor match report from Ilkeston, where The Toon's U18s won 3-2 last neet in the FA Youth Cup!
It shud be on-line by tooneet at the latest---meeenwhile!--A'm off to buy some Xmas prezzies and 'devour' a few 'liquid lubrications' in the processs!---watch this space later! "hic!"

ground number 318 new manor ground, ilkeston, derbyshire

(Ground number 318)

Date of first visit: 16th December 2015
New Manor Ground, Ilkeston, Derbyshire

Ilkeston U18s 2
Newcastle United U18s 3 (McNall, Heaney 2)

FA Youth Cup 3rd round
Attendance: 927 (7 'NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' + 10 or so 'exiles'!)
The attendance waz 455 more than Ilkeston's 1st team average gate for this season ---which iz!---472---highest 534!


"VICTORY FROM THE JAWS OF VICTORY!"

1st goal scored by Lewis McNall   (I hope yiv got good eyesight!?)

The jorney doon to deepest Derbyshire waz pretty uneventful apart from the usual traffic jams en-route az aa picked up the 'hoppers' at various locations!
A magnificent 7 of us travelled doon and we arrived @ 'The Manor Born' @ '6 bells'---3 and a half hours after departure from Pink Lane in The Toon!
I asked the lassie on the tornstile just wot age concessions started az it said on the sign that it waz £3 for adults and just £1 for concessions!
She didn't know, but let me in for ONE POOND when I telt hor I waz ower 60! <(quick!--pass mee zimmer frame!)
"The MAGnificent 7!"

'The Robins' clubhoose inside the groond waz wor forst port o call  after payin' the 'extortionate' admission price, where a pint of 'Worthy' in a thin plastic glass, waz the order of the day <(NE concessions for the beer mind!)

A *healthy crowd which I estimated to be around aboot the thoosand mark had come for Northern Premyaa Leegue Ilkeston's 'big day' (more than twice the number they get for a 1st team game!) and they were in good voice az the game kicked off!
(*'Healthy' in terms of crowd size and NOT beer gut SIZE!---of which there were many!)

However!--It waz The Toon's youngins who dominated the forst half and we took the lead in the 16th minute when Lewis McNall slotted home after the baall had rebounded off the Ilkeston post and fell nicely for him!

Wor lead waz doubled in the 33rd minute when 'Mac' Heaney's shot waz deflected into the back of the Ilkeston net!

It waz 'game ower' (or so we thought!) when again, Heaney had a shot which waz deflected to completleee wrang foot their keeper--and we 'were cruisin'!

Of course this IZ NUFC, albeit at the junior level, so when Ilkeston pulled a goal back through sub Roy Lee in the 2nd half on the hour mark with a toe poked effort, it waz aall of a sudden 'panic stations'! (this waz Lee's 1st touch of the baall!)
Just TWO minutes later and they pulled anothaa one back when Lee (again) heeded past Paul Woolston in the Toon goal az wor defence crumbled like a piece of Christmas cake!

There waz an anxious last 15 minutes az the clock tower in the corner of the groond ticked doon and we had visions of the game gannin to extra time and penalties!
Action in the 2nd half at 'The Clock Tower End'

One Ilkeston fan behind me who waz taalkin to hiz mate in a very loud voice, didn't realise this and waz hopin' for a replay so he could sample the delights of St James' Park, az he thought that hiz sides 2nd goal waz in fact an EQUALISER! <(The 'dickhead' had obviously missed one of wor goals and didn't naa that there were NE replays anyway!)

Anyway!--we somehow managed to keep the home side at bay az the crowd roared them on--but it waz to 'no avail' az we held oot to win the contest in normal time!---just!
 
It waz then the lang drive back to Tyneside via York to drop 'Dave from York' off, then to Middleton St George to drop 'Alex of St George' off, then to Whitley Bay to drop 'Biffa the Beer' off, then to Ashington to drop 'Glenn from ---(yes yiv guessed it!) Ashington' off, then to Throckley to drop 'The Mad Professor' off and finally to the banks o' the Tyne to drop ME and 'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' off!  ('Blondie' had parked hiz 'jam jar' at wor hoose and waz drivin' back to Langley Park in Coonty Durham where he lives!) A 387.4 miles roond trip in mee canny tranny 'bespoke' mini bus!

"SPOT THE TYNE BRIDGES!"

In othaa words EVERY ONE of 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' lives miles (and miles!) apart from each othaa!
"WE WAZ THERE!"


Team sheet---"Torn your heeds to the left to read!"

PS: THE TOON WILL PLAY AFC WIMBLEDON @ SJP IN THE NEXT ROOND
(Date and time to be conformed)


Wednesday, 16 December 2015

ILKESTON U18s v THE TOON U18s *** FA YOUTH CUP *** TOOONEET!

Updated 'high noon bells' Wednesday 16th December 2015
"TO THE MANOR BORN!"

"THE MAGNIFICENT 7!?"

Tooneet 'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' are off on wor travels again when we heed to the Derbyshire toon of Ilkeston for wor FA Youth Cup 3rd roond tie @ The New Manor Groond

7 of us are travellin' doon in mee 'canny tranny', come mini bus and are departin' from Pink Lane near 'the Central' @ 2:30 bells' for the '7:45 bells' kick off!
Admission iz just £3 for big kids, £1 for zimmerframeites and FREE for U16s accompanied by a 'big kid' 

A full match report and pix on this game will appear here sometime on Thorsday afternoon! 

Monday, 14 December 2015

SPORZ 1 THE TOON 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '110:58am bells' Munday 14th December 2015
THE TOON (in dark blue) ATTACK THE FAR GOAL IN THE 1st HALF

"SUPER SUBS SINK SORRY SPORZ!"

The day started of badly when wor train broke doon near the village of Langley Moor in Coonty Durham and we were stuck for ower half an hour az the train driver tried to fix the Pantaloon which connects with the owerheed electrified wires on the top of the train ("ER!" --that shud be Pantagraph NOT Pantaloon!)
"A VIEW TO DIE FOR!"---"FOR 45 MINS AT LEAST!"

Anyway after an anxious wait, where we had the 'priviledge' of lookin' oot the train window onto a local 'beauty spot'---namely a scrapyard with wrecked cars stacked on top of each othaa!----we were finally 'on wor way again' and eventually arrived into King's Cross 45 minutes late!

It waz then off to 'Manor House' on the tube where we met up with the rest of the entourage <(we naa aall the big words!) in 'The Brownswood' boozer!

Again, ne one waz confident aboot this game, despite wor unexpected 2-0 win against 'The Liverbirds' the week before!

It waz then off to White Hart Lane and wor scepticism seemed justified az a lack lustre performance waz played oot in front of us in the forst half!--(although we did shoot worsels in the foot in the 5th minute when a De Jong shot which waz heedin' for the back of the net waz blocked by CISSE?, who somehow got in the way of the effort!?) ----and then aa got a text message off 'Barry from The Newcastle Arms' back home! "I've got a good feeling about todays game, mate!", he said and ne sooner had I put my 'telling bone' back in my pocket, disaster struck when a Eric Dier back heeder couldn't be kept oot by Elliot this time and Sporz had the lead just before the break! <(wot were yoo sayin' Barry?)

The 2nd half waz much better and we came oot lookin' for the equaliser! It waz still 1-0 to Sporz however az the clock ticked doon and then two inspired substitutions torned the game on it's heed when Mitrovic and Perez came on for the inaffective De Jong and Cisse!
Just when it looked az though we were heedin' for anothaa defeat in the capital, Coloccini heeded across the box and up stepped Mitrovic who toe pocked the baall into the Sporz net after a scramble in the box!--1-1 after 75 minutes!
'GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE!
 COLOCCINI (far right) HEEDS THE BAALL ACROSS THE BOX
JUST BEFORE WOR EQUALISER FROM MITROVIC
'JUST ONE' SECOND LATER!
 

We were happy to settle for a point at this stage, but Perez had othaa ideas and just after Mitrovic had missed a glorious chance to win it, HE DID with a great shot deep into injury time which Lloris in the home goal waz unable to stop az the baall hit the back of the net to send the 2,500 Toon fans into crazy celebrations!---It waz tooo late for a comeback and the ref blew for full time a few seconds later and for the thord time in a row we had claimed the 3 points @ White Hart Lane!---Not anly that! but Perez had won us the game there for the 2nd year in a row az well!

The celebrations continued in central London after the game, before we caught the train back to 'The Toon', which waz runnin' late again!----but who cared!---we were nuw up to the dizzy heights of 15th in the Leegue!
"I told you so!" said 'Barry' in anothaa text message!---Yoo certainly did Barry!---yooo certainleeee did!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Coloccini, Dummett, Mbemba, Sissoko, Anita (Gouffran 91), Colback, Wijnaldum, De Jong (Perez 63), Cisse (Mitrovic 72)

Attendance: 35, 768 (2,500 or so very happy Toon fans!) *

Saturday, 12 December 2015

SPORZ v THE TOON **** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 12th December 2015
HAPPY TIMES!--PEREZ (number 17) CELEBRATES WOR 2nd GOAL
@ SPORZ IN THE LEEGUE LAST SEASON (We won 2-1!)

We travel doon to 'The Smoke' tomorrow mornin' for the 2nd time in a fortneet, to take on a Sporz side who have anly lost once this season so far!
Wor last visit to the capital waz a complete disaster--losin' 5-1 to Pardew's Palace at Selhurst Park!

The '4 bells' kick off iz live on SKY and The Toon section iz a complete sell-oot, although they havvent said just how many tickets we have been given?

Rumour haz it that we will send oot an unchanged team from the one that beat 'The Liverbirds' 2-0 last week, so lets hope we can get  'back to back' wins for the forst time in ower a year!

Wor last 2 Leegue visits to White Hart Lane have in fact resulted in victories for 'us' (2-1 and 1-0) although we did lose 4-0 in The Leegue Cup there last season.
Sporz are unbeaten at home this season ---so far!

The trains back from King's Cross are of course 'DRY' at the bequest of 'The British Transport Dibbles' and bottles of 'Fanta' and 'Diet Cokes' are the 'order of the day' on the retorn jorney! <(we've got to look after wor 'figures', yi naa!)

In othaa news, wor FA Cup game against Wotfad away haz been conformed az gannin aheed @ '3 bells' Saturday 9th January--the same time and day az The SMBs game against 'The Arse' @ The Emirates!

To add 'spice' to the day, aall East Coast Main Line trains to London will be divorted through!---sund-lind! because of on gannin line work!
That meenz thoosands of Toon and mackem fans will be on the same trains to King's Cross!-----Shud be 'fun and games'!

Thursday, 10 December 2015

AWAY DAYS TICKET NEWS

Posted '1:30pm bells' Thorsday 10th December 2015

Tickets for wor away game against Sporz this Sunday are completeleee sold oot (allocation TBC), az are tickets for 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom on Munday 28th December and 'The Arse' on Saturday 2nd January!
Wor allocation for WBA iz 2,700 and 2,000 for The Arse <(we could have had more but the club's shameful policy of takin' the minimum numbers of tickets still applies!)

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

"OH NO!----WHY CAN'T WE JUST KEEP WOR TRAPS SHUT!?"

Posted '11:33am bells' Wednesday 9th December 2015

Followin' wor 2-0 win against 'The Liverbirds', some of the players have been gettin' carried away' and are predictin' great things by the end of the season.
Rather than 'play doon' wor win on Sunday followin' disastrous 5-1 and 3-0 defeats, Sissoko haz claimed that: "We can finish in the top ten!"--which will surely 'put the mockers' on wor visit to White Hart Lane next Sunday, when we play Sporz (who incidentally!) are unbeaten at home in 8 games this season!

Indeed shud results gan against us on Saturday we could find worsels BACK in the bottom 2, come Sunday mornin'!

Why can't we just keep wor traps shut!? and de wor taalkin' on the pitch and not some 'hot air' on the back page of 'The Ronny-Gill'????

Tuesday, 8 December 2015

"200,000 REASONS TO BELIEVE!"

Posted '12:35pm bells' Tuesday 8th December 2015

'The Geordie Times' haz reached a new 'historic' milestone <(or shud that be mill-stone?) for we received wor TWO HUNDRED THOOOSADTH! (200,000th!) pageview late last neet!
We thank each and every one of yoo for loggin' into this daft site in these difficult times for NUFC fans!

We are aalso in the 'Top 20' of world wide websites---"ER!" that's in the 'Top 20 MILLION oot of the 30 million websites aroond the planet, that iz!---We are in 19,563,591st place az we speak!--and are rated 2 and a half stars oot of 5! (see below!)

Az per usual in New York City, King Kong haz climbed to the top of 'The Empire State Building' in 'joyous celebration' of this momentous event!

"Keep the faith!"

"FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROADSSSS!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 8th December 2015


January 9th?
January 23rd!
The FA Cup draw haz been unkind to us yet again, az we must travel to Elton John's Wotfad in the 2nd week of January and then again at the END of January for a Leegue fixture!
Add in the fact that we are away to Sporz this comin' Sunday and The Arse on January 2nd, this meeenz we have to travel 'to and fro' to King's Cross in London ne less than FOWER times in the next 6 weeks!
A total of 2,500 rail miles in aall--and of course expensive train and game tickets to match!

To complicate things the SMBs have drawn 'The Arse' away in London on the same day and we envisage that 'The Dibble' will not want thoosands of rival fans travellin' on the same trains and drinkin' in the same boozers around King's Cross!--So one of the games will undoubtedly be moved!

We will keep yoo informed of any forthaa developments!

Monday, 7 December 2015

THE TOON 2 THE LIVERBIRDS 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:37am bells' Munday 7th December 2015

"OH YEE OF LITTLE FAITH!"

Aall the talk in 'The Bodega' before the match waz just how many goals 'The Liverbirds' would put past us that afternoon, but the pessimists amongst us (includin' 'me'!) were resigned to a heavy defeat, especially after wor 5-1 drubbin' @ Palace the week before and wor visitors stunnin' 6-1 win away to Sooothampton last midweek!

Although we didn't have a shot on goal durin' the forst half neetha did 'The Liverbirds' and we went in aall square at the break!
THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END (1st half)

A goal-less draw waz the best we could expect in the 2nd half, we thought, but Gini Wijnaldum proved us aall wrang with a deflected shot in the 69th minute @ The Leazes End which sent the biggest crowd of the season @ SJP into raptures!

Could we somehow hold on?---'The Mickey Mousers' were not on top form, thankfully, and missed several chances, with sub Sturridge missin' a golden chance not lang after wor goal, which he normally puts away! <(but not this time!)

A goal for them waz then ruled offside by the linesman on The Milburn Stand side of the pitch, but this proved to be a wrang decision in TV replays az good fortune shined on 'us'!
2nd HALF ACTION @ THE LEAZES END

And then the fourth official put up FIVE minutes of stoppage time to loud boos from the crowd az THREE minutes waz wot we expected!---But NOT to worry az Wijnaldum raced doon the pitch and connected to a through baall pin-point from Sissoko and he lifted the baall slightly ower ex mackem goalie Mignolet and into the empty net! 2-0!
It waz tooo late for a comeback and we took the 3 precious points to move up to 3rd bottom, level on points with Bournemoooth and Norwich just above us and above the SMBs who drop to 2nd bottom a point behind!

A totally unexpected result in this topsy, torvy season---wot next @ White Hart Lane next Sunday when we tek on Sporz, who are unbeaten at home in 8 games!?--Who naaz with this lot?, but at least we had a bit of fightin' spirit at last!

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Dummett, Coloccini, Mbemba, Sissoko, Colback (Gouffran 77), Anita, Wijnaldum, De Jong (Perez 68), Cisse (Thourvin 82)

Attendance: 51,273 (wor biggest crowd of the season by nearly 900) (3,200 Liverbirds) <(half that number by full time!) *

Sunday, 6 December 2015

THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS *** THIS AFTERNOOON @ '4 BELLS'!

Posted '9:44am bells' Sunday 6th December 2015
HAPPIER DAYS! *** LAST SEASON WE WON 1-0!

A mixed set of results on Saturday mean that we are firmly entrenched in the bottom 3 until at least next week, as even an unlikely win today would still see us in the relegation zone followin' Bournemoooth's suprize win at Chelski last neet, which lifts them to 4th bottom, 3 points clear of us, level with Norwich and both with a better goal difference than us! (unless WE win by a cricket score today!) <(very highly unlikely!)

We actually beat today's opponents 1-0 @ SJP last season, with Perez scorin' the anly goal of the game to claim the 3 points, but with wor current form and their current form the 'cricket score' mentioned iz likely to be for them, shud we implode once again!

We will find oot @ '6 bells' when the match iz ower and hope (somehow!) that these 'feisty' trainin' sessions 'championed' by 'The Brollyless Wally', finally pays off!

Match report an pix will be on-line sometime tomorrow az per usual

Friday, 4 December 2015

"GEORDIE TIMES' EXCLUUUSIVE! *** CARVER HOPES TO 'RE-BUILD' IN MLS

Posted '9:22pm bells' Friday 4th December 2015

John 'the pie' Carver, wor failed manager from last season, who lost 8 games in a row and nearly got us relegated from a relatively safe position when he took ower, says he wants to try hiz luck again in America!
He waz at FC Toronto 6 years ago in the MLS (Major League Soccer) and fancies a retorn to North America
"I want to go somewhere where I can build something!" he told 'Goal USA'---and 'The Geordie Times' haz foond the perfect place for him to 'build' in New York City!
A Lego model of The Empire State Building, New York!
(MLS = Miniature Lego Skyscraper!)

THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '1:15pm bells' Thorsday 3rd December 2015
(Updated Friday 'high noon bells')

A READY MADE EXCUSE!


"My excuse THIS time?"---"The ball was the wrong shape!"
Followin' on from Palace's record 5-1 win in The Premyaa Leegue against 'us'! and wor record defeat against 'them' (wor previous worst waz a 3-1 revorse!), we face a rejuvenated Scouse outfit who won 6-1 @ Sooothampton in the Leegue Cup qwaataa finals on Wednesday neet!So shud we lose heavily on Sunday (az iz expected by many!) then McClaren haz a ready made excuse, pointin' to 'The Liverbirds' huge win on the south coast az the reason, when he does hiz usual 'smiley' post match interview on the telly!

Things are so desperate @ The Toon that we have recalled Mike Williamson from hiz loan spell at Wolves to try and shore up wor 'sieve like' defence! <(the same 'Mike Williamson' who we tried to sell in the summer az he waz deemed "Surplus to requirements!")

Havin' won just 19% of wor games this calendar year, which iz the worst in wor entire 123 year history!, we look for just wor FOURTH leegue win of the year @ SJP and SECOND home win of this season!
(This iz wor EIGHTH home game, by the way!)

To get that 'top 8' finish which we were promised in September (see article below!) we need to average TWO points a game til the end of the season!---which iz 'title winnin' form'!!!
Az wor average so far iz HALF A POINT a game, then that 'promise' looks a bit 'broken' at the minute---divvint yoo 'fink'???

More to follow on aall this dribble in the next couple of days!


Updated 'high noon bells' Friday

'The Wally (withoot!) the Brolly's desperate, depressin' and bizarre quotes:

After the 5-1 defeat at Palace he said: "That was not us!, That is not Newcastle United!" <(So if it's 'not Newcastle United' then I wasted approx. £150 on tickets, travel, food and beer and got oot of bed at '3:30 bells' in the mornin' to travel doon to London to watch anothaa team!---Who the hell waz I watchin' then, Steve??? 

"Nobody is happy at this football club!" <(Tooo true!)

"All of a sudden we have went three steps forward and five or six steps back!" <(ONE step forward---TEN steps back, more like!)

"People question a lack of fight and character from these players and it appears that way!" <(Doesn't say much aboot your leadership then, does it?)

"But these are young players, this is what they are going through!" <(The clubs policy IZ to buy YOUNG PLAYERS!---yoo knew that when yoo took the job!)

"We believe in these players, but confidence is very fragile!" <(WHY!?--It's surely your job to instil some confidence in them!!!---Yoo ARE the 'gaffer' after aall!)

Footnote: Mike Williamson who waz recalled from Wolves because of wor injury crisis will MISS the game on Sunday az he tweeked hiz hamstring just minutes after returnin' for trainin'!---Yoo coulnd'nt make it up! <(not that he's much good anyway!)

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

"BOARD'-ERING ON THE RIDICULOUS!" ************ A MESSAGE FROM PENFOLD

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 2nd December 2015

Exactly 3 months ago today, wor 'beloved'? MD known affectionately to Toon fans az 'Penfold' sent me a 'personal' e-mail which went like this:

Message 02/09/2015

'A NEW CHAPTER!'

A MESSAGE FROM THE BOARDROOM

Dear 'Fink'

As the transfer window closes, we are delighted by what we think has been a very strong summer of business for our club.

We've secured ourselves four exceptional senior players in Georginio Wijnaldum, Aleksander Mitrovic, Chancel Mbemba and Florian Thourvin, as well as landing the exciting emerging talent of Ivan Toney.

I hope you have been impressed by what you have seen from them so far. We are confident that they will continue to improve and will add significantly to the quality and success of the team. 

In addition we are delighted to agree a new deal with our captain, Fabricio Coloccini and one of the figurehead's of our club. 

(He went on to say)
Our strategy is clear---Quality over quantity---We want the best young players available to us.
We have brought in high calibre players who will make an immediate impact.


Steve and his team

We have set Steve a target of a top eight finish and to win a trophy.


A new chapter

Your support is magnificent and truly valued. On behalf of the board and my colleagues I hope that this can be a new chapter of positivity and progression for Newcastle United on and off the pitch.

Best wishes

'Penfold' your 'beloved' MD 



A MESSAGE FROM 'FINK'

"I await in anticipation and with baited breath for your next personal e-mail to me!"  <(THREE MONTHS AND STILL WAITIN'!?)

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