Monday, 30 November 2015

THE CRYSTAL BALLS 5 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Updated '10:38am bells' Black Munday 30th November 2015
ONE SUNDAY 'RAG' SEZ IT AALL!

"BLACK    SATURDAY!"

Just when yoo thought it couldn't possibly get ANY WORSE---then it does!--The 'feisty' trainin' sessions ordered by 'The Brollyless Wally' through aall of last week obviously did us the world of good after the Lestaa debacle last Saturday!

We actually started off well and scored after just 10 minutes when Papiss Cisse heeded home at the Holmesdale Road End to send the 2,800 diehards in the away enclosure into raptures!
THE TOON ATTACK THE HOLMESDALE ROAD END DURIN'
THE FORST HALF (view from row 3)

HOWEVER!---just SEVEN minutes later we foond worsels 2-1 DOON az Palace fought back straight away when a deflected McArthur shot hit Dummett and flew past Elliot in The Toon goal to level things just 4 minutes after wor opener!---worse waz to follow just 3 minutes after this when Bolasie fired home from 10 yards oot!--Wor heeds dropped after the 2nd goal and it waz anly a matter of time til the home side got anothaa!---and it came in the 40th minute when Zaha slammed the baall off the ground and it rebounded into wor net!

Really, it waz 'game ower' by now az wor disfuctual <(hope av spelt that reet!?) team couldn't find an answer--once again!

At half time McClaren replaced attacker Perez with defender Lascelles? <(damage limitation or wot???)---- it did no good---coz!---Within seconds of the restart it waz 4-1 to 'The Crystal Balls' when an unmarked Bolasie heeded past Elliot to 'put the game to bed' for certain!
A VERY RARE ATTACK IN THE 2nd HALF!
(IZ THAT SHEARER IN FRONT OF US?)

FANS IMPLOSION!

Toon fans beside me and in front of me started arguin' aboot McClaren and "shud he stay or shud he go!" and a fracas <(we naa aall the big words!) nearly ensued az more disagreein' fans got involved and stewards had to intervene to stop fights startin'!---HAZ IT REALLY COME TO THIS!---wor own fans fightin' with each othaa ower wor abysmal form?
Chants of: "We're s**t and we're sick of it!", "Your not fit to wear the shirts!" and a couple of vorses tellin'  'The Fat Controller', to: "Get out of our club!--yoo fat cockney bustard!" then followed!

Anyway!---it waz 5-1 deep into stoppage time when McArthur completed wor humiliation to send us 2nd bottom of the division with just 'The Hazbeenz and Villians' below us!
McClaren's 'feisty' trainin' sessions through the week have obviously had there effect!

After the match we heeded for 'Warren Street' on the tube to drown wor sorrows (yet again!) in several drinking establisments in the vicinity, where we drank some very appropriately named beers! ---
"WE MUST BE MAD FOLLOWIN' THIS LOT!"

before catchin' the '9 bells' train back to The Toon from King's Cross!--a jorney we will have to repeat in just a fortneets time from today, when we travel to Sporz in "norf Landan!"!  ---"HELP!"

PS: Anybody finkin' that we shud 'hoy' a few resorve players 'into the mix' against 'The Liverbirds' next Sunday had better 'fink' again, az they were comprehensively beaten 3-0 at Macclesfield on Saturday against Stoke resorves---(a new groond we could'nt gan te, az it clashed with the 1st team game at Palace!)  

Toon 'team'?: Elliot, Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Dummett, Colback (Gouffran 70), Anita, Sissoko, Wijnaldum (De Jong 70), Perez (Lascelles 46), Cisse
(Unused subs included £13 million man Thaurvin and £12 million man Mitrovic!--- Wot does THAT tell yoo aboot wor transfor policy under Graham Carr?) <"it's NOT funny, man!"

Attendance: 24,833 (2,800 thouroughleee p*st off Toon fans!)

PS SPECIAL THANX TO 'MAL THE INGLISH SKOOL TEECHAA' FOR THE TOP HEADLINE HE'D THOUGHT UP BEFORE THE MATCH HAD EVEN STARTED!


Post match Warren Street tube 'pub crawl'

Prince of Wales Feathers
Sorry aboot the blurred picture, but we were 'canny sorved'
 by the time we got here!

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