Saturday 31 October 2015

THE TOON v THE P*SS POTTS OF STOKE *** THIS AFTERNOON

Posted '10:04am bells' Saturday 31st October 2015
LOOK THROUGH ANY (PUB!) WINDOW YEAH!
'THE GALLOWGATE END' FROM 'THE STRAWBERRY' UPSTAIRS WINDOW

We gan into this Halloween weekend game lookin' for wor forst home win on a Saturday for EIGHT MONTHS! <(that's reet!--it's 8 months since we beat 'The Hazbeenz & Villians' 1-0 in February!)

Wor anly othaa home victories came against West Ham and Norwich--both played on a Sunday afternoon!
That's just THREE wins @ SJP in the Leegue this year!

Anothaa shockin' stat iz that we have anly scored THREE away goals since we beat Hull in January!--Iz it any wonder we couldn't score against The SMBs last Sunday, despite havin' 70% of the play??? (Hull iz wor ANLY victory away from home this year!)

The P*ss Potts will wear their traditional red & white stripes this afternoon---which begs the question---why? did we play in wor away strip @ The SOS!? (Floggin' away shirts and NOT tradition iz 'oot the window' theeeze days!)

Lets hope its not a 'Halloween horror show' and that a few 'tricks and treats' are forthcomin' for the St James' Park faithful! (Average gates so far this season a credible 48,700 plus!)

A full match report will definatleee appear here sometime tomorrow! <(PS sorry for not deein a match report from last week--but it waz toooo painful to write!)

Thursday 29 October 2015

THE TOON v THE P*SS POTTS OF STOKE *** SATURDAY AFTERNOOON

Posted '12:47pm bells' Thorsday 29th October 2015

'OSCAR AWARDS THIS WAY!' >>>>>>>>>>>>>

We gan into yet anothaa 'must win game' on Saturday <(how many times have we said that now!?) when we take on Mark Hughes Stoke side who have been 'buoyed' by a Leegue Cup win ower Chelski on Tuesday neet and progress to the qwaataa finals.

'The Wally (withoot) the Brolly' tells us that he iz 'confident' az we have "played well" in wor last 4 games, claimin' 4 points oot of a possible 12! <(this includes wor 6-1 annihilation @ Man City!)

Lets hope Thourvin doesn't torn up in hiz tuxedo and dicky bow tie on Saturday az we are scrappin' for wor lives and NOT hostin' the 'Oscar awards'---az he seems to think???
'SOMEWHERE INSIDE ST JAMES' PARK!'

We will have more on aall this tomorrow and Saturday <(the match and not the 'Oscars'!) and will just have to wait and see which Toon team torn up on the day <(hopefully the one that beat Norwich 6-2 and NOT the one that lost 2-1 to Wotfad!)

Wednesday 28 October 2015

"WE WANT THE REF IN THE LEAZES!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 28th October 2015


"WHO'S YI FATHER REFEREE!?"
It haz of course been conformed wot we aalready knew!  Coloccini's red card @ The SOS haz been owertorned and he can now play against 'The P*ss Potters of Stoke' this Saturday.

The fact that we had to play the whole of the 2nd half with 10 men because of the ref's mind bogglin' decision to send 'Fab' off, makes it even worse az we can't replay the 2nd half with 11 men ---can we!?

Meeenwhile!---NUFC have been charged for NOT controllin' wor players ower the incident when they protested loudly to the incompetent man in the middle Madley!

In othaa words we are gettin' charged for bein' in the RIGHT!---despite the fact that the 'sweet FA' have decided Madley waz in the WRANG!

It's an efffin' joke!

Perhaps we shud ambush the ref and hoy him in 'The Old Leazes End', az Toon fans used to chant "We want the ref in The Leazes!" in the 1960's, when bad decisions were given against us!--------------------If ANLY we COULD!

Tuesday 27 October 2015

IT'S A DOG'S LIFE!

Posted 'high noon bells' Tuesday 27th October 2015

"A 'DOG IZ FOR LIFE!"

Forst of aall--apologeez for not updatin' this website since the weekend--but! az yoo can imagine we didn't feel 'up to it' following wot happened on Sunday!
In wor previous FIVE games against the SMBs we played abysmally and lost, but this time it waz two very bad refereein' decisions that cost us the game we shud have won easily!

However!--this doesn't make the pain of losin' to them yet again any eezier and the fact that we conceded 2 daft goals in the 2nd half makes it even harder to take! 

Yet again we must re-group for Saturdays encoontaa with 'The P*ss Potts of Stoke and simply MUST win it---or else!

Originally 'The Wally withoot the Brolly' said "Judge me after TEN games!"---and then changed hiz mind when things went pear shaped!
2nd bottom with just SIX points from those games and ONE win doesnt look good on hiz C.V.!
How much langer can he last if disaster follows disaster???

A certain 'Fat Controller' will ne doubt press the 'panic button' at some stage shud results fail to improve!

"A dog iz for life!" they say---and so iz NUFC---there's NE ESCAPE!

*'Dog' iz  Geordie slang for Newcastle Brown Ale

Saturday 24 October 2015

BIG FAT SAM'S SMBs v THE TOON *** 'HIGH NOON BELLS' **** THIS SUNDAY

Updated '10:37am bells' Saturday 24th October 2015

The build up to wor biggest game of the season iz in full flow az we wait in anticipation/trepidation? for the so caalled 'Desperation Derby' game on Sunday and we have been allocated wor usual 'paltry' 2,800 tickets!

Followin' wor MAG nificent 6-2 win ower 'The Canary Custards of Norwich' last Sunday 'The SMB's are now the ANLY club oot of the 134 in the Inglish and Scottish leegues NOT to win a game so far this season! <(lang may it continue!)

Az usual we are gannin on 'The School Run Bus to Hell'^ and will catch one of the 'yellow peril double deckers' to the 'Stadium of "SSHHhh!---Yee Naa Wot!" @ '10 bells' come Sunday for the ONE HOUR plus 'snail trail' past The Gatesheed Monstrosity <(Angel!) and alang The Washington Highway <(20 mins normal drivin'!)

Most boozers are openin' @ '9 am bells' in The Toon and divvint forget that the clocks gan BACK an hour, so yoo will have even less/more time? catchin' up on your 'beauty sleep' in the mornin'!

There's one thing for certain aboot this game----After the win against Norwich last Sunday, we have much confidence than we did a month ago and can anly hope and pray that we PLAY like we did last week and NOT az we did in the 2nd half collapse against Man City 3 weeks ago!

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Munday if we win and 'god naaz when' if we divvint!


Monday 19 October 2015

THE TOON 6 (SIX!) THE CANARY CUSTARD CRUMBLES 2 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted '10:47am bells' Munday 19th October 2015

"GINI IN A BOTTLE!"

In wor last article (see below) we said that there waz a 'chink of light' at the end of the tunnel and after won fantastic 6-2 win ower Norwich yesterday the tunnel entrance iz lookin' much closer!

Gini Wijnaldum waz of course the star of the show with 4 (FOWER!) Magnificent goals to send us up to the 'dizzy heights' of 18th in the leegue table---just 2 behind Bournemoooth in 17th place---and safety!

The sequence of events were az follows:

1-0 up---Sissoko passes the baall to Gini Wijnaldum and he calmly fires home @ The Gallowgate End after just 15 minutes on the clock.
THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE GOAL (1st half)
VIEW FROM THE VERY BACK ROW OF THE MILBURN STAND

1-1---After a scare 3 minutes later when the visitors hit the post they equalised after a defensive mix up, Bezua slots the baall home.

2-1 up---Sissoko crosses and Gini gets a good heeder which flies past Ruddy after 26 minutes

3-1 up---7 minutes later Perez fires home after hiz forst effort waz blocked

3-2 up---We shoot worselz in the foot once again az just ONE minute later Redmond pulls anothaa goal back

4-2 up---Mitrovic chest the baall doon and hits a fantastic shot which gives Ruddy 'nee chance' @ The Leazes End in the 64th minute

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES END (2nd half)
(PHOTO BY JAMIE AGED 5!)

5-2 up----Gini completes hiz hat-trick after he again heeds home, this time from a Janmaat cross

Just 3 minutes later 'The Custard Crumbles' <(Delia's own recipe!) hit the post once again to send the norves janglin'---even though we are 3 goals clear!

6-2 up!---finally we can 'relax' az 'The Gini in the Bottle' once again wellys the baall into the visitors net to score hiz FOURTH and final goal of the game with just 5 minutes remainin' to complete the scorin' az 'The Canary Custards 'crumbled'!
GRANDSON JAMIE GETS A CLOSER VIEW OF THE ACTION
THROUGH HIZ 'NOCULARS' <(AZ HE CAALLS THEM!)
MEEENWHILE! GRANDSON ZAC ENJOYS 
HIZ 1st EVER GAME IN 'THE STRAWBERRY CORNER'!
(Photo by 'DADDY' CRAIG)

Lets hope we have torned the corner now after NINE attempts at winnin'---BUT! this IZ NUFC and we have seen this aall before---Imagine we are on an open topped double decker bus celebratin' wor win and then the bus driver makes a wrang torn and hits a low bridge!---This iz the life of an NUFC supporter!
Lets hope we don't hit 'the low bridge' next Sunday @ The Stadium of "SSHHhhh! yee naa wot!"

There's one thing for certain though!---we will gan into this game with a lot more confidence than we had just a fortneet ago! "HOWAY THE TOON!"
LUCKY MASCOTS!---
GRANDSONS ZAC AGED 4, WHO WAZ ATTENDIN' HIZ 1st EVER GAME
& JAMIE AGED 5, WHO WAZ ATTENDIN' HIZ 1st LEEGUE GAME
OF THIS SEASON, ENJOY THEMSELZ IN THE
'BODEGA BEER BAR' BEFORE THE GAME! 

Toon team: Elliot, Janmaat, Dummett (Haidara 65), Tiote (Anita 46), Coloccini, Mbemba, Sissoko, Colback, Mitrovic (Cisse 88), Wijnaldum, Perez

Attendance: 47,006 (2,000 wearin' custard coloured shirts in The Leazes End!) *


Sunday 18 October 2015

THE TOON v THE CANARY CUSTARD CRUMBLES <(Delia's own recipe!)

Posted '9:33am bells' Sunday 18th October 2015

"A CHINK OF LIGHT ---PERHAPS!?"

Followin' the results yesterday, there IZ a 'chink of light' at the end of the tunnel IF we can beat 'Delia's Mob' this afternoon @ St James' Park
At the bottom 'The mackems' lost to WBA, Bournemoooth lost heavily at Man City, Wotfad lost 3-0 at home to 'The Arse' and The 'Hazbeenz and Villians' lost at Chelski---meeenin' if we can produce wor forst win of the season at wor NINTH attempt then we will move up to the dizzy heights of 18th! in the table and just TWO points off Bournemoooth in 17th place!

Failure to win however will meeen that we will gan into the 'Desperation Derby' next Sunday @ 'The SOS' with ne wins alang with 'The SMB's---and will be the ANLY 2 teams oot of the entire 92 leegue sides who would have not won a game this season!

So!---lets hope and pray we CAN at last 'break wor duck' and break the despondency that haz enveloped Tyneside ower the last 3 months!

Coincidently 'The Geordie Times' 'pageviews' have went doon considerably ower the last 3 months and wethaa this iz due to 'YOO LOT' not wantin' to read depressin' reports time after time--OR!---you're gettin' sick off readin' the same old c*ap week in week oot iz open to conjuncture! <(whatever that meeenz?)

However we WILL 'plod on' and bring yoo a full match report sometime tomorrow az per usual---lets pray it's a 'good-in'!?  

Saturday 17 October 2015

TAALK ABOOT BURYIN' YI HEED IN THE SAND!

Posted 'high noon bells' Saturday 17th October 2015
McCLAREN VISITS WHITLEY BAY BEACH!

Yet more amazin' statements have been uttered by 'The Wally (withoot!) the Brolly'

Taalkin' aboot the lang torm injury to goalie Tim Krul: 
"It's a massive blow for us!---He's a vital player and he would get us 18-20 points a season with the way he plays!" <(Krul played in the forst 8 games and we have THREE points to show with him between 'the sticks'!)

NOT SO GREAT expectations!: Before the season started both wor 'beloved' MD 'Penfold' and McClaren said (in so many words):
"We expect a top EIGHT finish and a good run in the cups!"
Now after a terrible start and defeat to Sheff Wed resorves in the Leegue Cup the 'goalposts have been moved' and a 40 point target iz now wor aim! <(highly unlikely we'll get that eethaa, me finks!)

The Leegue table etc-- On hiz arrival he said that we shud judge him after TEN games---He now says:
"I don't look at the table, not the first half of the season and DEFINATLY NOT the first TEN games!"

A GAME OF ONE HALF!:
"ONE half wonders!"
After the disastrous 6-1 defeat at Man City he made the players watch the FORST half of the game (when it waz 1-1) but SWITCHED THE TELLY OFF! for the SECOND HALF debacle?:
"WE played really well for 45 minutes!"
AYE!--that's reet Steve, but why not show them the total collapse in the 2nd half az well?---IZ he in denial??----IZ he buryin' hiz heed in the sand????---We leave yoo to draw your own conclusions!

RIP TOBY!

Posted '11:05am bells' Saturday 17th October 2015

Very sad news reaches us aboot the passin' away of a Toon fan known az 'Toby'
'Toby' who waz 60ish waz a loyal fan who travelled home and away with hiz mates 'Robbo', 'Mac' and company for many a year!

RIP TOBY you will be sadly missed by us all!

Friday 16 October 2015

"AFTER EIGHT---WE'LL BE AALREET MATE!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 16th October 2015
STEVE'S FAVE CHOCS!

'The Wally (withoot!) the Brolly' haz just come oot with an amazin' statement, sayin' that:
"WE SAID AFTER THE ETIHAD THAT OUR SEASON STARTS NOW!"---"IT'S KIND OF BEEN AN EXTENDED PRE SEASON AND NOW WE HAVE TO START PLAYING!"

Wot McClaren meeenz in effect iz that wor forst EIGHT leegue games have been wiped from the record books and we can concentrate on the start of the season NOW!
NE points from NE games gives us a chance to 'catch up' and he will ne doubt tell us that a 'Champions Leegue place' iz 'up for grabs'!
The anly problem iz! ---we will have to replay the away disasters at the likes of Swanzee, West Ham and the 6-1 defeat at Man City and the home debacles against the likes of Wotfad and Sheff Wed resorves! <(in the Leegue Cup!)

But not to worry!---The 'Brolly-less' Wally went on to say!:
"AS LONG AS WE CONTINUE MAKING PROGRESS--- <(We nevaa realised that a 6-1 defeat waz 'progress'???) WHICH I BELIEVE WE ARE (???)---AND THEY BELIEVE WE ARE (???)---THEN WE KEEP GOING!"

Bring on 'The Canary Custard Creams'! <(Or shud that be 'THE AFTER EIGHTS'!?)

Thursday 15 October 2015

THE TOON v DELIA'S CANARY CUSTARD CREAMS *** SUNDAY AFTERNOOON!

Posted '2:15pm bells' Thorsday 15th October 2015

'STRAWBERRY CORNER' FROM 'THE STRAWBERRY' UPSTAIRS WINDOW

WE don't play til Sunday by which time we could be EIGHT points off safety if  'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom beat 'Big Fat Sam's' SMBs on Saturday afternoon!

Injuries to Tim Krul, Rolando Aarons, Steve Taylor, Emmanual Riviere and Gabriel Obertan rule them oot, although Daryl Janmaat, Paul Dummett, Kevin Mbabu and Massadio Haidara shud be involved!---not sure aboot Jack Colback?

With just ONE win in the last NINETEEN attempts in the leegue, gannin back to last season, these are indeed desperate times for anyone of black n white persuasion!

Wor beleaguered and desperate 'Wally (withoot'!) the Brolly' manager haz said that we have played 8 tough games so far this season!---Honest Steve---aa nevaa realised that WATFORD at home waz a 'tough game'!

Failure to win will surely send 'The Fat Controller' into 'panic mode'! (az well az the rest of us!)  

MH17 VERDICT


Posted '11:56am bells' Thorsday 15th October 2015

News that we aalready knew anyway waz conformed this week.
Flight MH17 which both John 'The Undertaker' and Liam 'from the Lamp' were on board with 296 other unfortunate people waz shot doon by a Russian buk missile ower the Ukraine on 17th July last year!

Of course the Russians blame the Ukrainians and vise versa, but it won't bring them back---will it!

Both John and Liam were great friends of wors and are of course very sadly missed by aall and will never be forgotten by us!
RIP  

Tuesday 13 October 2015

BOURNEMOOOTH TICKETS ON SALE!

Posted '11:30am bells' Tuesday 13th October 2015

THE AWAY SECTION @ BOURNEMOOOTH
Tickets for wor trip to Bournemoooth next month are now on sale to season ticket holders with 150 loyalty points or more (those who have been to at least 150 away games!)---£23 quid each for the 1,250 tickets allocated

Monday 12 October 2015

LIFE IZ 'KRUL' FOR TIM!

Posted '9:55am bells' Munday 12th October 2015

News that we just didn't want to hear haz come through that forst choice goalie Tim Krul iz OOT for the rest of the season after injurin' hiz right knee in Holland's game against Kazakhstan on Saturday!
He haz cruciate ligament damage to hiz knee after twistin' it on the artificial torf in Astana and waz seen leavin' the stadium on crutches after the match which Holland won 2-1.

Understudy Karl Darlow iz aalso carryin' an injury which meeez thord choice keeper Rob Elliot will be 'hoyed into the deep end' next Sunday in wor crucial home game against 'The Canary Custards' of Norwich! ---"Things just gan from bad to worse!"

Sunday 11 October 2015

GROUND NUMBER 317 --- CITY FOOTBALL ACADEMY COMPLEX (PITCH 8), MANCHESTER CITY

Ground number 317
Date of First Visit: 10th October 2015
Pitch 8, Academy Complex, Manchester

Manchester City U18s 6
Newcastle United U18s 1 (McNall)

FA Premier U18s League
Attendance: 75 (Estimated by Glennn!) (includin' 3 mad-sad groundhoppers, plus wor number 11s faathaa!)

"PRISONER CELL BLOCK 8!"   ^^^^^^
("IT'S JUST LIKE WATCHIN' THE FORST TEAM!")

Before anybody accuses 'The Geordie Times' of nickin' the above headline off  'nufc.com' , az they have the same one---(the one in brackets) then think again!---coz WE thought of it when Man City put the baall into the net for the 3rd time in the 25th minute of the forst half!

We were dreadful!---and conceded after just 2 minutes when the home side simply 'walked the baall' into the net---it waz 2-0 barely 2 mins later when wor defence went 'walk aboot'!

PITCH NUMBER 8 *** THE TOON ATTACK 'THE ACADEMY END'(1st half)
THE CITY OF MANC STADIUM IZ ON THE LEFT WITH
IT'S 'BABY SISTER'  ACADEMY STADIUM TO THE RIGHT  

When the 3rd one went in wor minds flashed back to the previous week when wor forst team were hammered 6-1 'ower the road' in their main stadium!

It waz 'fower-nil' 8 mins into the 2nd period when again 'The Blue Moonies' simply walked through wor defence to score!
A needless penalty given away by Pedrah made the score 5-0 ----and then a miracle happened!---WE actually scored through Lewis McNall who's shot waz deflected past their keeper 3 minutes from full time----but then 'City' hammered the final nail into wor coffin deep into injury time to make it the SAME SCORE az the NUFC forst team just 7 days before!

THE TOON MAKE A RARE 'SORTE' INTO THE MAN CITY BOX (2nd half)

"YELLOW WRIST BANDS AND AALL THAT!"

To get into the complex before the game waz a nightmare, with barriers, fences and locked tornstiles barrin' wor way.
To make sure we got in 'Glennn from Ashington' (who I waz travellin' with) said we shud say that we were related to a Toon player and telt me that wor goalie waz called Brendan Pearson (A'm not 'clued up' aboot the U18s team az it's ages since a'v seen them play!)
"NO ENTRY!"

The guy on the forst barrier asked us who we were, but unfortunately aa had a 'brain warp' and aa waz just aboot to tell him that we were related to a Toon player called Brendan Rodgers!--- but just az aa waz aboot to say 'Rodgers' aa remembered hiz proper name---in the nick of time!--- and so he let us in to park wor motor! ('Phew---it waz a close call!')
The 2nd obstacle waz the tornstile and we had to ring a buzzer to get through to somebody on an intercom---again we telt him we were related to a Toon player! ---and he 'buzzed us in'!

The 3rd and final obstacle waz in reception, where again we telt the lassie behind the desk that we were related to a Toon player.
She told us to hold wor hands oot so she could place 2 yellow plastic bands around wor wrists! (honest--aa felt like a tagged prisoner!)---and pointed us in the direction of 'Pitch 8' where the game waz to be played! (The yellow wrist bands bein' wor 'tickets' to get in!)---aall this hassle just to watch an academy game!

"SING IN THE BUS STOP!"

It waz disappointin' to say the least that the game waz NOT gannin to be played at the 7,000 capacity Academy Stadium az we expected, but instead on one of the many floodlit pitches on the complex next to it!
The facilities were fantastic though--and aall the pitches had  seated shelters for aboot 50 spectators-------never mind!---we can aalways gan back sometime in the future when wor U21s play at The Academy Stadium---(az lang az we divvint lose 6-1 again!)


ROTTEN FROM THE TOP TO THE BOTTOM!

Some damnin' stats for wor 1st team, U21s and U18s:
Between them to date, they have won just ONE game oot of a possible TWENTY TWO played this season!---The ANLY success comin' from a solitary 3-2 win for wor U18s v Man Utd U18s in September!

PS: One of the 3 mad-sad groundhoppers, namely 'Byzy', had been to the Ing-er-land game against Estonia the neet before and had travelled up from London for the U18s game.
He waz stoppin' 'on the drink' aall neet, az he didn't have a hotel booked--and then he waz off to Lithuania from Liverpool airport at '6 bells' on Sunday mornin' for anothaa Ing-er-land game on the Munday neet! (Dedication?---OR!---shear stupidity?)

Friday 9 October 2015

BLANKETY BLANK!---WHEY! NOT QUITE FOR THE MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted '1:28pm bells' Friday 9th October 2015



'LITTLE SISTER' WITH 'BIG BROTHER' IN THE BACKGROOND!

With the forst team in inaction once again ower the weekend becoz of yet anothaa International break, we have decided to heed for Man City (once again!---and for the 2nd time in a week!) az wor Under 18s are playin' Man Citys equivalent at their new purpose built academy stadium ower the road from their main groond!
The game kicks off at '1:00pm bells' tomorrow and there are a huge number travellin' doon from the north east for 'this one'!----'The mad-sad groundhopper' <('ME'!) and 'Glennn from Ashington'!

The rest of the (so caalled!) groundhoppers are pre-occupied in the followin' locations---Poland <(for a p*ss up and a local game!)---Portugal <(for a holiday!)---and Lithuania <(where Ing-er-land are playin'!) <(update: "Oh no they are NOT!--Lithuania U21s are playin' Ireland U21s?)

Lets hope that it ISNT the same scoreline az last week when we were here!

A Geordie Times match report and pix on this game will appear here on Sunday sometime!

SMB SELLOOT!

Posted '12:43pm 'bells' Friday 9th October 2015
300 YARDS FROM THE STADIUM OF "SSshhh! YEE NAA WOT!"
"DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIVE IN THEEZE SHACKS?"

Not suprisingleee wor allocation of tickets for wor forthcomin' game v The SMBs @ The SOS later this month have been selt oot!
But not before the loyalty points dropped to az low az 60 from the 100 forst needed to apply for one!  (1 loyalty point from each away gamed attended ower the years!)

Thursday 8 October 2015

FIXTURE CHANGES FOR LIVE TELLY IN DECEMBER!

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 8th October 2015

Wor forst fower games in December have aall been picked for live telly az the vultures and wild dogs wait to 'pick us off' in the Premyaa Leegue desert!

Wor beleaguered 'Wally with(oot) a Brolly' manager/heed coach haz 'begged US for more time and to "stick together!" <(think aa hord that one before the Man City game Steve!!!!

Wor December fixtures nuw look like this:

Sun 6th '4 bells': The Liverbirds @ SJP (SKY)
Sun 13th '4 bells': Sporz @ White Hart Lane (SKY)
Sat 19th '5:30 bells': The Hazbeens & Villians @ SJP (SKY)
Fri 26th (Boxin' Day) '5:30 bells': The Toffee Noses @ SJP (BT)
Mon 28th '3 bells':The Baggie Troosers @ The Hawthorns(Ne TV)

Sunday 4 October 2015

THE BLUE MOONIES 6 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2015-2016

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 4th October 2015

"COWBOY BREAKFAST BLUES!"
"YEEE HAAA!"

The trip started @ '8:35 bells' when we caught the train to Mancland for the '3 bells' kick off.

A big brekky in Yatesys in the centre of Manchester waz the order of the day when we got there!
Aa didn't have my readin' glasses when aa read the menu but opted for a 'Cowboys Breakfast'---mistakenly thinkin' aa would get roast buffalo, grilled sausages etc--but aa couldn't read the small print and when it arrived it consisted of a fried egg, bits of bacon and chopped up sausage in a large bowl of aboot 5,000 beans!
THE BIG KICK OFF!---IT WAZ STILL 0-0 AT THIS POINT!

The lads reeely toll the p*ss and ribbed me aall day aboot it and then it waz time to gan to the match!-----We did well in the 1st half and held our own and even took the lead through Mitrovic which waz greeted with wild celebrations in the Toon section! (he then had a goal disallowed for offside--but it looked very close!)

Wor 'joy' wasn't to last though and Aguaro levelled things just before the break!

And then in the 2nd half!----total disaster az we collapsed like a pack of cards with Aguaro scorin' FOWER more and one from De Bruyne in the space of just THORTEEN minutes!
There waz still half and hour to gan and a record defeat looked on the cards--but City took pity on us a took off their five goal man and thankfully there were ne more goals to compound wor misery!

We were 'has-beans' and had lost 6-1 and I waz HAPPY!---coz it could (and should) have been much worse than this!
"BEANZ MEANZ SCREAMZZZ!" "AAAaaarrrggghhh!!!!"

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Mbemba, Coloccini, Mbabu (Laselles 53), Sissoko (Tiote 66), Anita, Gouffran (Thourvin 66), Wijnaldum, Mitrovic, Perez

Attendance 53,850 (3,000 traumatosed Toon fans!)

The post match 'drownin of the sorrows' 'gargels' took place here!


'THE COLONEL'S MATCH TICKET!
GUESS HOW OLD HE IZ?

Friday 2 October 2015

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOONIES *** TOMORROW AFTERNOONIES!

Posted '1:50pm bells' Friday 2nd October 2015
HAPPY DAYS!---SISSOKO SCORES IN WOR 2-0 LEEGUE CUP WIN LAST SEASON!

The stats make very worryin' readin' for wor visit to Mancland tomorrow az we haven't won a Premyaa Leegue game in ELEVEN previous attempts since City moved to their new abode from Maine Road! (Although we DID beat them 2-0 away in the Leegue Cup last season!----wor one and anly solitary success @ The City of Manc Stadium)

We aalso gan into this game tryin' to win wor forst leegue game of the season at the EIGHTH attempt!---failure to do so will meen that this is the WORST ever start to a Premyaa Leegue season for us!

Trawlin' back through the history books, yoo have to gan back to the 19th century for wor worst ever start to a season when we didn't win in the forst TEN attempts before beatin' 'The Liverbirds' 3-0 @ St James' Park in November 1898!
Anothaa damnin' stat iz that we are the ANLY team oot of the 92 leegue sides NOT to score an away goal this season!

Tickets are still on sale to Toon fans in the expanded stadium and lookin' at mee ticket a'm in the middle tier of the stand! (apparently we now get 3 tiers of the stand in the corner!)
The fact that we cannit sell aall wor tickets for a 'local' game away sez everything aboot wor current predicament! <(we naa aall the BIG words!)

Wor train gets into Piccadilly (Manchester) @ '11.06 bells' tomorrow mornin', which gives us plenty of time to get 'completleee comatosed' before the '3 bells' kick off!

We can anly hope that we play like we did against Chelski last week and NOT like we did against Sheff Wed in the Leegue Cup!--

Watch this space for a match report on Sunday---and pleeze! pleeeeze! anothaa 2-0 win like we did in the Leegue Cup last October and NOT anothaa 5-0 hammerin' like we suffered in the Premyaa Leegue under 'Pieman' Carver's disastrous leadership in February this year!---but this iz NUFC and ANYTHING can happen!

WOR OBSESSION WITH THE INTER CITIES FAIRS CUP *** McFAUL GETS A MENTION!


Posted '12:45pm bells' Friday 2nd October 2015
THORSDAY'S 'RONNY GILL'

ONE DAY!---that's aall it's taken for the 'Ronny-Gill' to mention the Fairs Cup yet again (see article below!)
This time it waz because it waz Fairs Cup goalie Iam McFaul's birthday yesterday!
(In the last 7 days wor Fairs Cup win in 1969 haz been mentioned 3 times)

Thursday 1 October 2015

WOR OBSESSION WITH THE INTER CITIES FAIRS CUP *** 5 DAYS BETWEEN MENTIONS

Posted '12:48pm bells' Thorsday 1st October 2015



Last Friday we said that we thought that it would be ne more than 10 days before 'The Ronny-Gill mentioned the Fairs Cup again!

We were reet!---az it anly took FIVE days az it waz mentioned in yesterdays 'rag' with the story focusin' on wor defeat of Inter Milan in the competition way back in 1970!
The question on everbodys lips! <(or at least mine anyway!) iz how many days can they gan this time withoot mentionin' it!?
(We will keep yoo posted!) 


IZ THE HIGHWAYS AGENCY RUN BY A MACKEM?

On a completlee different subject---aa waz drivin' back from Redditch in deepest Worcestershire last neet and waz diverted FOWER times!
The M1 waz shut at Nottingham so I had to divert up the A38!
The A1 waz shut at Scotch Corner so I had to divert up the A19!
The A19 waz shut at the Tees flyover so I had to divert through Smogland!
The exit to the Washington Highway waz shut so I had to divert alang The Felling Bypass!
EVERY set of traffic lights on this road changed to RED when I got anywhere near them! (aboot 10 sets of lights!) <(they must have been waitin' for me!)
The joys of truckin'!

Lets hope NUFC have better luck on Saturday when we face Man City away! (Match build up to this game tomorrow)

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