Monday, 25 May 2015

THE TOON 2 THE JELLIED EELS MOB 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted 'high noon bells' Munday 25th May 2015

"IF YI HIGHER THAN the mackems CLAP YI HANDS!"
"GET THE CHAMPAGNE  OOT!"

At last!---sommik to cheer!---sommik to celebrate?---After 12 lang weeks of misery we can finally let wor hair doon and party!

The fact that it came doon to the last day of the season, not knowin' wethaa we would be heedin' for Rotherham, MK Dons or Chelski next season, made it the worst day for finger bitin' since we went doon @ Villa in 2009!

The talk in The Bodega Bar before the match waz 'just that' az we downed more liquid lubrications than normal before a game to make sure we were a bit 'comatosed' by kick off time!
Veteran 'old git' fan 'Dave from York' telt me that he had just completed 65 years of watchin' The Toon and had witnessed 5 relegations! <(lets hope this wasn't 'number 6' today!)
"65 YEARS OF SADNESS!"

I arrived on the concourse of 'level 7' to witness an amazin' event!---The Fat Controller waz speakin' on the telly!?-----and told the SKY reporter that he WAS'NT leavin' til we'd won a 'cup' and that he would invest some money into new players etc and spend and punch 'above our weight'! <(az he weighs a 'canny bit' he must meeen aboot £100,000,000!) 
('The Geordie Times' said that he wouldn't attend the game--so he obviously reedz this website and decided he HAD to come to prove us wrong!)


"SUPER HERO SPIDERMAN!"

Then to the main event!---We started off well and nearly took the lead @ The Leazes End in the forst minute when Riviere shot across the box to huge roars from the crowd--who were 100% behind the team!

"LET THE FINGER BITIN BEGIN!"

There waz a scare a couple of minutes later @ The Gallowgate End when Wiiliamson clattered Valencia in the box but the ref waved 'play on'!
The lad who sits 2 seats from me had hiz transistor radio plugged into hiz right lug and waz listenin' to the Hull v Man U game!

He telt us that Hull had had TWO goals disallowed and that they were 'aall over' Man U! <(the nerves were janglin'!)

We were the better of the 2 sides in front of us az (thankfully!) 'The Jellied Eels Mob' were 'p*ss poor'!

It waz 0-0 at half time and 0-0 at Hull, meanin' that WE were still in 'the drivin seat' to avoid relegation, az Hull HAD to win to gan above us!

And then in the 2nd half the vital breakthrough came!--- Super hero 'Spiderman' crossed the baall to 'The Sissoko Kid' and he heeded home past the disppearin' West Ham keeper to lift the roof off the groond!

WE were on 'a high' and then a few minutes later Anita broke clear to race up the pitch with 3 colleagues in pursuit with ne West Ham defenders in sight!--It must be '2-0' we thought but Anita tried to pass the baall, but goalie Adrian somehow managed to save it and the easiest chance to put the game beyond doubt waz gone!

However!---With Hull and Man U still at stalemate and with just 5 minutes to gan, wor survival waz completed when super hero 'Spiderman' hit a shot from the edge of the box which deflected into the net off a defender and off he raced to the dugout shirt twirlin' in the air to be congratulated by a very relieved John Carver and the rest of the coachin' staff!   GAME OWER! FINGER NAIL BITIN' OWER!--

Lets gan on 'the hoy' and celebrate wor great escape from the abyss!---More good news waz to follow when we foond oot that the SMBs had lost 3-1 at Chelski, meanin' that we finished above them in the final leegue table az we partied in 'The Leazes End Club'! "If yi higher than the mackems clap yi hands!" the packed club sang az we danced the night away! <(had we won a 'cup' or something?)

It waz then off to 'The Newcastle Arms' where 'Grumpy Stumpy' had promised to buy a bottle of Champagne, shud we avoid the drop! ---Some joy? at last in an aaful season to forget!

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Williamson,
Dummett, Sissoko, Anita (Gouffran 88), Colback,
Gutierrez <(Spiderman!), Riviere, Cisse

Attendance: 52,094 (3,000 'Jellied Eels' shoutin' for 'Fat Sam's heed! <(he waz sacked 3 minutes after the final whistle!)

Final average attendance for season: 50,263 (3rd highest in Britain again!) *      

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