Monday, 9 February 2015

THE TOON 1 THE P*SS POTTERS of STOKE 1 ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '10:42am bells' Munday 9th February 2015
"THE QUESTION ON EVERYBODYS LIPS PRIMEMINISTER---IS!"----
"IS WATCHING US TALK ABOUT THE ECONOMY AND DEFICIT 
MORE INTERESTING THAN WATCHING
NEWCASTLE v STOKE ON SKY?"
"WELL! THE ANSWER HAS GOT TO BE YES!!!"

"MR BEAN SPOILS THE PARTY!!!" 

A visit to The Newcastle Arms before the match told it's own story on just wot the attendance waz likely to be, az the bar waz half empty just two hours befor kick off, when normally it would be 'packed to the rafters'

A few 'liquid lubrications' later and it waz time to heed for The Milburn Stand level 7 to take up wor seats and the huge gaps in The Leazes End away section told us that this would be the lowest crowd of the season (Stoke had sold less than half of their 3,000 allocation of tickets!)

If yoo were watchin' this match in the hoose then yoo surely would have reached for the 'remote' and switched the telly ower to sommik more interestin' like 'The Politics Show' with Andrew Marr!

For us who were sat freeezin' inside SJP it waz a different story az we didn't have that option and just had to sit and suffer this dross on the pitch below us!
CABELLA SENDS IN A FREE KICK @ THE LEAZES END (1st half)

A truly aafil game between two mid-table sides who were lookin' ower their shoulders at even worse dross below us in the table!

By half time we were wishin' that it waz 'full time' az both teams gave the baall away time after time and that 5-1 victory against them last season seemed a very lang time ago! (and highly improbable today!)

VIEW FROM THE MILBURN STAND BALCONY TOWARDS THE EAST STAND

Jack Colback proved to be wor savior when it looked certain that the game would end goal-less when he fired home in the 74th minute @ The Gallowgate End to awake the lifeless crowd from their slumbers!
Reely!--he shouldn't have been on the pitch az a bad tackle from him on a Stoke players not lang before, waz waved on when a bookin' waz deserved. He should have been sent off az this waz hiz 2nd bookin' of the game but the ref Mr 'Friend' thankfully missed the incident!
Super-sub'? Gabriel Obertan then missed a great chance to win the game when he 'fluffed hiz lines' inside the box---and a forthaa chance from Perez who weaved through the visitor defence, only to blast the baall high ower the bar, when it waz easier to score, would prove to be very costly indeed just a few minutes later!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END GOAL

The P*ss Potts' then sent on their 'secret weapon', namely 'Bean Pole Crouch' with just 10 minutes to gan and some frantic defendin' @ The Leazes End from us looked to have secured the 3 points---BUT!---with just seconds to gan before the board waz raised for stoppage time up stepped 'Mr Beanpole' to heed home at the near post with Tim Krul in The Toon goal well and truly beaten!

A predictable result, but with 2 valuable points chucked away (yet again!) it leaves us stuck in 11th place, 11 points above the drop zone!

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Haidara, Anita (Cisse  65), Coloccini, Williamson, Sissoko, Colback, Perez, Cabella ( Obertan 69), Sammy Ameobi (Abeid 86)

Attendance: 47,763 (the lowest of the season which waz originally predicted by 'The Geordie Times'--but we changed wor minds when we hord that they had slashed prices to try and get bums on seats, but it didn't work this time!---wonder why???) (No more than 1,300 P*ss Potts' who sang 'Delilah', by Tom Jones umpteen times---WHY?---Tom Jones comes from sooth Wales, NOT Staffordshire!???)   *


In othaa news The U21s are takin' on 'The Arse U21s @ SJP @ '7 bells' tooneet, if yoo fancy freeezin' to death again!

Az iz usual in theeze situations when 'The mad-sad groundhopper' can't get to a resorve or junior game because of 'graft', we will be sendin' a new member of wor team to report on toneets proccedings!---watch this space tomorrow to find oot just who he/she iz!
PS: will be updated on Tuesday neet sometime <(remember! we bring yoo aall the news forst hand, second!

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