Friday, 27 February 2015

FIXTURE CHANGE AZ EVERTON BEAT YOUNG BOYS! <(NOT literally!)

Posted '2:00pm bells' Friday 27th February 2015

'The Toffee Noses' 7-2 aggregate win against Young Boys of Switzerland in the Europa Leegue meens that wor away game against them haz been moved from Saturday 14th March to Sunday 15th March with a '4 bells' kick off time! (Az they will now be playin' in Europe the previous Thorsday neet!)

THE TOON v THE HAZBEENZ & VILLIANS *** TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 27th February 2015


ACTION FROM LAST SEASON @ SJP---NUFC WON 1-0 (REMY)

Tomorrow @ '3 bells' we face a 'six pointer' when we take on basement boys Villa @ St James' Park and a win would see us move 13 points clear of them and forthaa away from the relegation zone!
A draw or defeat however will see us hoverin' above 'the abyss' and with ne home wins since December, this iz not beyond the realms of possibility!

Since 'Whey Aye the Pie' Carver took charge at the start of January wor home record reads: Won NONE, Drawn TWO, Lost ONE

Squad news: Spiderman Gutierrez retorns to the fray after a lang illness and iz sure to receive a rapturous welcome shud he come on and we wish him well!

Jack Colback starts a 2 match ban for receivin' hiz TENTH bookin' of the season against Man City last week, while De Jong, Dummett, Steve Taylor and Tiote are aall oot through injuries!

Amazingleee!---(considerin' wor plight!) there will be a 52,000 crowd in attendance az the anly tickets left on sale are the 300 returned by Villa, who will have a 2,700 followin' in 'level 7' of The Leazes End!

History lesson: We forst played Villa @ St James' Park 117 years ago on 1st October 1898 when we drew 1-1 in an old 1st Division game. Ootside right, Joe Rogers got wor goal in front of a 25,000 crowd that day!

Geordie Times history: 1975! when we won 3-0 with Supermac scorin' twice and Tommy Craig gettin' the othaa in front of  35,604 (Can't remember which 'end' I waz in that day?)

A 3-0 win tomorrow would de very nicely---but divvint haad yer breath!

Aall time record: We have played 'The Hazbeenz & Villians' a total of 158 times in wor history and have won 69, drawn 34, lost 55 times!

A full 'Geordie Times' match report & pix will appear here sometime on Sunday---az per usual ---"watch this space!"

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

ONE MILLION YEARS B.C. !

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 25th February 2015

Aa listened to Man City's Champions Leegue game against Barcelona on mee truck radio az aa travelled doon to the Bormingham area and in the forst half 'Barca' were a class above their Inglish rivals and could easily have been 5 up by half time! (it ended up 2-0 in their favour!)

Flashback to Saturday evenin' when City were the dominant force against 'us' and again could and shud have been 5 up at half time (3-0 actually!)

It's hard to believe that less than 18 years ago WE led Barcelona 3-0 through a Tino Asprilla hat-trick in the Champions Leegue in 1997 where WE tore the Spaniards apart!

Can yoo imagine wot 'Barca' would de to us now????---That game seems like a MILLION YEARS AGO (B.C!) (Before Carver!)

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

THE JOHN ALDER COLLECTION AUCTION

Posted '1:11pm bells' Tuesday 24th February 2015
THE 3 TOP PROGRAMME'S IN THE DISPLAY CABINET
FETCHED AN AMAZIN' £5,560 IN TOTAL!

We are pleased to tell yoo that the auction of 'The Undertaker's' memorabilia raised ower £26,000!

Aaltogether there were an amazin' 240 lots which took several hours to auction!

JUST SOME OF HIZ VAST COLLECTION!

£3,200 waz raised for the 1924 FA Cup final programme---£560 for the 1932 FA Cup final programme and £1,800 for the rare Pecsi Dozsa programme from the 1970 Fairs Cup run!

John's last match programme and a 1970's scarf waz bought for £240 and £200 respectively by hiz family who wanted them az a lastin' reminder of him!
SOME MORE RARE PROGRAMMES
AND HIZ 1970's SCARF! (middle shelf)

Aall proceeds went to The Bobby Robson Foundation.

John waz without doubt The Toon's number ONE fan AND collector and he (and Liam, who waz with him on that ill fated flight to New Zealand) are sadly missed by aall who knew them!

RIP JOHN and LIAM

Monday, 23 February 2015

THE BLUE MOONIES 5 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Updated '11:30am bells' Munday 23rd February 2015
THE TOON ON A RARE ATTACK IN THE 2nd HALF

"HOW MANY GOALS THIS TIME!?????"

Forst of aall, apologies for not updatin' this 'horror show report' yesterday, but aa waz at 'The John Alder Collection Auction' @ St James' Park yesterday mornin', where a Magnificent £26,000 waz raised by the sale of aall hiz vast memorabilia! <(more on that tomorrow!)

'Apologies' were aalso forthcomin' from 'John "whey aye the pie" Carver' for wor abject display @ The City of Manc Stadium, when we gave away wot iz surely the quickest ever penalty, conceded by Anita with just 27 seconds on the clock when he torned the wrang way and brought Dzeko doon in the box! (Anita Harris would have done better!) ^^^^^

Convorted by  Aguaro we were soon 2 behind 10 mins later when Nasri had aall the time in the world to place hiz shot past Tim Krul in The Toon goal to end the contest then and there!--after ELEVEN MINUTES!

It waz at this point I wished I waz in a boozer somewhere gettin' totally 'sloshed' to obliterate the shambles unfoldin' in front of me, from my memory!

The Toon fans behind Krul's goal were resigned to wor fate and it waz just a question of when 'The Blue Moonies' would get their thord az we were absolutleee aaful once again on wor travels!

The 3rd came of course!---in the 21st minute, when Dzeko simply waalked through wor 'defence'? to place hiz shot beyond wor beleaguered keeper!

'Pie-man' Carver <(he likes the odd 'snake and pigmy' variety!) and the rest of hiz coachin' staff just sat rooted in the away dugoot, not naain just wot to de az they twiddled their thumbs and scratched their heeds! <(white flags at the ready!)

1st HALF ACTION (view from row 'W' seat 377 Sooth Stand level 1)

Somehow we got to the break withoot concedin' any more---but again we wondered just how many the home side would get in the 2nd period, such waz the huge gulf in class between the 2 sides! < (aboot az wide az the mouth of the Tyne!)

It didn't take lang!---6 minutes!---when Silva hammered the baall past Krul and just 2 minutes later he added a 2nd, similar to hiz forst! 5-0! with still 38 minutes on the clock and anothaa hammerin' waz on the cards!
However==for reasons unknown, City took their foot off the gas and thanx mainly to Tim Krul who made some great saves, nothin' more waz added to wor 'away goals column'!
A 5-0 defeat somehow felt like a relief!---theeze are indeed dire times for anyone who follows the 'black & whites'!
Just look at wor away record this season against the current top 7 at the moment: Chelski 0-2 --- Man City 0-5 --- The Arse 1-4 --- Man U 1-3 --- Sooothampton 0-4 ---  The Liverbirds "still to play!" (last season  1-2) ---Sporz 0-4

We just can't hack it against the 'big boys' <("er!" Sooothampton az well???) That's ELEVEN leegue defeats in a row against 'The Blue Moonies'---a shockin' record that iz the worst in wor history!

Carver's CV now reads: Played 8, won ONE game in TWO months, drawn 3, lost 4!
Toon fan 'Tex Taylor' who waz fortunate not to be there and watched it on the telly, said yesterday: "We may az well be in The Championship!---at least we won't get humiliated there!" <(divvint bet on it!)

Toon team: Krul. Janmaat (Ryan Taylor 70), Coloccini, Williamson, Haidara, Sissoko, Anita (Abeid 46), Colback, Perez, Cisse, Gouffran (Obertan 86) <(why???)

Attendance: 45, 602 (just 2,000 Toon fans in the lower tier of the away end) <(we sold both tiers for the Leegue Cup tie!) *


The pre and post match 'gargels' took place here!
Manchester
Manchester
York (on the way back!)

 



Friday, 20 February 2015

THE BLUE MOONIES v THE TOON *** TOMORROW TEATIME

Posted '12:12pm bells' Friday 20th February 2015
HAPPY TIMES!---THE LEEGUE CUP ORLIER THIS SEASON --WE WON 2-0!

Tomorrow we are off to Eastlands for the 2nd time this season when we take on Man City in a live telly game @ '5:30 bells' and can anly hope that the result iz the same az the last time we were here in The Leegue Cup a few months ago, when we won 2-0 thanx to goals from Aarons and Sissoko!

However!---in the Premyaa Leegue era we have lost the last TEN times against them <(which surely must be an unwanted record?) and wor prospects look bleak to say the least, given wor current form!

There are a number of 'crocked' NUFC players who will NOT be participatin': Steve Taylor, Siem De Jong and Paul Dummett will aall be missin', while Remy Cabella and Cheik Tiote's fitness remains a big worry!

The game iz a complete sell-oot, but we have ne idea if NUFC have taken up wor full allocation of tickets for the away end like we did in The Leegue Cup! <(we shall see!)

History lesson: We forst played Man City 115 years ago (sorry! 122 years ago!) on 21st October 1893 @ Hyde Road when they went by their previous name of 'Ardwick'
We won 3-2 thanx to goals from Joe Wallace, Tom Crate and an own goal and 3,000 were present in this old 2nd Division game.

In total we have played them 173 times, winnin' 71, drawin' 39 and losin' 63 times!

'Geordie Times' history: An FA Cup replay @ Maine Road 46 years ago when we lost 2-0 in front of a 60,000 plus crowd! (Archive match report below---ground 007)  *

A full Geordie Times match report on tomorrow's game will appear here sometime on Sunday (hopefully!?)

007 maine road manchester city

(GROUND NUMBER 7)
Date of First Visit: 29th January 1969
MAINE ROAD, MANCHESTER

MANCHESTER CITY  2
NEWCASTLE UNITED  0

FA CUP 4th ROUND REPLAY
ATTENDANCE 60,844 (4,000 Toon fans)


"WHEN THE BELL TOLLS!"

A'd played 'the wag' from school to watch this one az it was a Wednesday neet game and heeded for Morden Street in the Haymarket, where the supporters club busses used to leave from.

Then horror! upon horror!----aa spotted a gadgie who looked remarkably like one of mee school teachers caalled Mr Burdon, waalkin' towards iz alang Porcy Street!!!---az he got nearer and nearer aa realised that it actually---WAS HIM!!!

In a state of 'blind panic' aa ran into the nearby 'tool sheds' that used to be in Morden Street (now Eldon Gardens cark park) to avoid him seein' iz and stayed there until he'd passed by!
To make sure he'd gone aa stood on a netty seat on mee tip-toes and peared oot of the tiny frosted glass windows which owerlooked the street and waited there 'til the busses torned up! (aa wasn't takin' any chances!)

Luckily!--he hadn't 'clocked iz', so when the busses arrived aa sneaked oot with mee coat collar torned up and wooly Toon hat pulled doon to mee eyebrows and hid at the back of the bus to avoid detection!---PHEW!---it was a 'close caall', but DUTY CAALLED!
If aa remember correctly there were aboot ten busses gannin doon and the convoy crossed the Tyne Bridge at 'high noon bells' precisely!

Mee forst visit to Maine Road was aalso mee forst ever away cup tie to see 'the lads', AND! (incidentleee!) it was aalso the forst time that a'd 'played the wag' from school to watch them!

Maine Road was built smack bang in the middle of a hoosin' estate in Moss Side and was suroonded by 'Coronation Street style' terraced hooses with thick smoke belchin' from their chimney tops.

Cobbled streets added to the 'ancient look' and there was an 'aad biddy' in a pinny on hor hands 'n' knees scrubbin' hor front door step just ower the road from the main stand entrance, as the crowds decended on the groond from aall directions.
SCRUBBERS AT WORK IN MANCHESTER!

Shih had an 'Ena Sharples style' hairnet on hor heed, alang with the obligatory curlers in hor hair az was the 'fashion' in them days, to complete 'The Coronation Street effect'! 
(Moss Side iz a bit different theeze days, with drug related gang violence and shootings, an everyday occurrence!---how times change!)

('Battle-axe Ena' would never had allowed it!)

Once inside, the groond looked quite impressive as it had cover on three sides with the anly uncovered part bein' the end that we were in behind one of the goals.
The 'City end' unusually was actually on the 'side' facin' the main stand and this was naan as 'The Kippax' which was a huge standin' terrace which ran the full length of the pitch.

The one thing that sticks oot in mee mind aboot these cup ties, was an aad wifey with bleached blonde hair who was dressed from heed to toe in City's colours ringin' a geet big bells in both cup games!
It was aalreet listenin' to it for a few seconds---but she just kept on!---and on!---and on!, ringin' the bloody thing non stop!---to the great annoyance of meesel and the rest of the Toon fans!
(Aa put mee hands ower mee lugs but it still made ne difference!)

In the forst game at St James' fower days orlier, which ended goalles, the fans in The Leazes End (who had a very 'dry' sense of humour!) started chantin'---"UNCLEAN!--UNCLEAN!", very time she rang the bell, and it had iz in stitches, aa can tell yiz! (In the middle ages anyone who had typhoid, cholora or the plague, had to gan roond ringin' a bell, shoutin' "UNCLEAN!", tih warn people that they were comin', so that they could scarper, SHARPish!)

At the replay shih was in front of the main stand next to the players tunnel and as soon as the game started shih was 'at it' again!
On closer inspection with mee 'mincers' it looked like one of them school bells that the teachers would ring when 'play time' was ower!
And for a split second aa stood still (as yi had ti de when the teacher rang the bell!) but suddenly remembered exactly where aa was and started jumpin' aboot with the rest of the Toon fans who were givin' their City counterparts a rendition of 'The Blaydon Races' to droon the noise of the bell oot! (for a couple of minutes at least!)

Anyway!---Man City were current league champions (havin' won the league at Newcasel the previous May!) and the class difference between the clubs would prove too much for us (alang with that F*****' bell!) as wor strikeforce of 'Wyn the Leap' and 'Pop' Robson were kept at bay by the City defence.
(Man City's team, by the way included 'one' Colin 'BELL'!---would you believe!)

City were clear favorites to win the replay with odds of 14/1 to win the cup, while Newcasel were comparative ootsiders at 33/1
Toon manager 'Smokin' Joe Harvey had taken his squad to Blackpool the day before to prepare for the game, but there was controversy surroondin' his players. His squad consisted of the 12 players who had faced City in the forst game (includin' sub Dave Elliott) plus Geoff Allen as a resorve.

Recent signin' Arthur Horsfield had been taken alang aalthough he wasn't elegible to play. In those days players had to be registered with a club for 14 days before they were able to play in an FA Cup tie and he didn't qualify. Nevertheless!---'Smokin' Joe' took him alang to make him feel part of the club and to get to naa his new team mates.

The forst game had been aall ticket, but City hadn't been able to sell their full allocation. Nevertheless, 57,944 mostly screamin' Geordies had crammed into St James' to see the game.
This figure was even exceeded at Maine Road where the attendance was 60,884 which included aroond 4,000 Geordies.
This meant that a total of---"er!"---(hang on a minute while aa gan and get mee calculator!)---118,838 fans had passed through the tornstiles to attend the two games! (not bad---"eh!")

Both sides seemed rather norvous durin' the openin' exchanges, aalthough City seemed less effected. Yet it was The Toon who went closest forst when Pop Robson flashed an 18yard shot that went just ower the bar.
But it was the Mancs who opened the scorin' forst after just six minutes play when Neil Young fired past McFaul in the Toon goal to a huge 'din' from the home crowd and (or course!) a huge 'ding' from 'that' bell!
The Toon shud have equalised when a lang high shot from Pop Robson hit the bar from close in.

The Magpies were made to pay for that miss when City increased their lead in the 69th minute when Booby Owen stabbed the baall home (the bell soonded louder than ever!) and wor 'Wembley dream' was ower!  

"Oh whey!"---a thought, as we heeded back to wor coaches----"At least we divvint have to listen to that F*****' BELL anymore!" ("Er!"---for another season at least!)

Footnote: Man City went on to win the FA Cup at Wembley that year---while Newcasel were left to gan for their aan 'cup glory' in Europe in the shape of The Inter Cities Fairs Cup!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)
  

Thursday, 19 February 2015

JOHN THE UNDERTAKER'S MEMORABILIA SALE *** THIS SUNDAY @ SJP

Posted '12:39 pm bells' Thorsday 19th February 2015

The vast collection of programmes, books and othaa memorabilia of The Toon's number one fan and great friend of ours, John 'The Undertaker', gans on sale in an auction @ St James' Park this Sunday with aall procceds gannin to The Bobby Robson Foundation

John, tragically lost hiz life alang with fellow Toon fan and friend 'Liam from the Lamp' in the MH17 horror. (when their plane waz shot doon ower the Ukraine az they travelled to New Zealand to watch The Toon)
John waz an unbelievable supporter who had anly missed one game in ower 40 years (due to a family bereavement) and had visited a grand total of ethaa 332 or 333 grounds (we're not sure exactly) to watch NUFC's 1st team, the resorve and junior teams in action!
(We believe that this iz the most by ANY fan from ANY club!) 

He had aalso been to 116 consecutive European competition games home and away az well!---from 1977 onwards!
(Again---a record that will be hard to beat!)

Viewin' starts on Saturday from '10:00 bells' to '4:00 bells' and again on Sunday from '10:00 bells' til noon when the auction starts!
There are 224 lots aaltogether in hiz huge collection and lot prices range from £20 to £2,000

One programme in hiz collection which iz very (very!) rare iz the Pecsi Doza away programme from The Inter Cities Fairs Cup campaign in 1970 and we believe that John had paid quite a considerable sum for it! (see top of page)

Hiz last ever game waz against Oldham in wor forst pre season game of this season before the tragedy unfolded two days later and that programme iz up for auction az well!

We can't be there on Saturday, az of course we have a game away to Man City, but we will be there on Sunday to witness the auction and will let yoo know just how much waz raised.

RIP JOHN!   

Wednesday, 18 February 2015

"NE CUPS TO CHEER!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 18th February 2015

Match comments from wor new futbaall correspondent
'Curious George'!

The Toon went oot of their last two cup competitions in two days when the U18s lost 3-0 to Chelski in The FA Youth Cup qwaataa final on Munday neet and last neet the U21 resorve side lost 3-1 to Morpeth Toon in The Northumberland Senior Cup semi final!

On Munday a MAGnificent crowd of 11,664 torned oot @ St James' Park to cheers the youngins on and they nearly did it! by takin' the holders Chelski to extra time---But 3 goals in that period from the visitors finished us off !

And then last neet @ 'Blue Flames' in Benton a MUGnificent crowd of 405 watched on az Morpeth Toon from The Northern Leegue, knocked us oot at the semi final stage of The Northumberland Senior Cup---Tom Heardman gettin' wor anly goal of the two games!

Monday, 16 February 2015

THE TOON U18s v CHELSKI U18s *** FA YOUTH CUP QWAATAA FINAL **** TONEET @ SJP!

Posted '11:11am bells' Munday 16th February 2015
FA YOUTH CUP ACTION @ SJP 2 YEARS AGO v DARLO U18s

After the weekends FA Cup results ( not includin' 'us' of course!) where both The SMBs and The Smoggies were eliminated <("ha!ha!") there iz now just ONE north east team left in any of the cup competitions, namely wor U18s, who play holders Chelski @ '7:05 bells' toneet @ 'The Cathedral on the Hill' in The FA Youth Cup. (The reason the kick off iz @ '7:05' iz because it iz bein' shown live on Chelski TV!)

Unfortunateleee 'yours truly' wont be there az aa have to gan to graft, but we are sendin' a new mystery reporter to cover the game for 'The Geordie Times'!---and a full match report on the game will appear here tomorrow and hiz/hor identity will be revealed then! <(bet yi cannit wait to see just who it iz!?)

Admission toneet iz FREE TO AALL via The East Stand and because of this NUFC are hopin' for a big crowd to cheer on wor youngins to the semi finals!

Sunday, 15 February 2015

THE HEEDBANGERS 1 NUNEATON BORO 2 *** CONFERENCE

Posted '11:06am bells' Sunday 15th February 2015

"IT'S JUST LIKE WATCHIN' 'THE TOON'!"

ADAM CAMPBELL (centre of pic in white shirt) PUTS
'THE HEEDBANGERS' AHEED FROM THE SPOT!
 

With ne Toon games to gan te it waz decided to heed for 'The Heed' and take in their Conference game against bottom side Nuneaton!

'Tex' Taylor and Les 'the Heedbanger' were my drinkin' companions and we started off in 'The Crown' in Coatsworth Road in Bensham for the customary pre match 'liquid lubrications'!

Just ower the road from 'The Crown' in Windmill Hills there are breathtakin' views of The Toon and St James' Park in particular from the high vantage point!

It waz then a mini bus ride with a few othaa Heedbangers and we arrived @ Gatesheed Stadium just before kick off in anticipation of a big victory for Gatesheed!

Think again!---just like The Toon's previous two games this waz absolute garbage az relegation fodder Nuneaton wernt there just to make up the numbers!

The Heed took the lead through Toon loanee Adam Campbell from the penalty spot in the 6th minute and the big victory waz lookin' good! ----"WRANG!"

ACTION AT 'THE BYKER WAALL END' 
(the 'Byker waall' in the east end of Newcastle can be seen
on the horizon across the Tyne)

The game just petered oot after this and just before the end of the half we decided to gan to the concourse for some much needed 'lubrications'---but the queue waz massive and to top it aall Nuneaton equalised in forst half stoppage time! <(which we of course, missed!)

Aa waited til the queue died doon and ended up missin' a few minutes of the 2nd half az aa downed mee can of 'Worthy' in a plastic container in the concourse!

Back on the terraces the natives were gettin' restless az The Heed just couldn't break doon the visitors defence---and then disaster struck when Nuneaton were awarded a penalty of their own which waz convorted to the delight of the 20 odd diehards who had made the jorney to Tyneside!
THE 20 ODD NUNEATON FANS CAN JUST BE SPOTTED BELOW
THE LETTER 'B' IN THE FAR STAND
(the letters stand for Gatesheed Metropolitan Borough Cooncil!)

That's the way it ended and the teams came off to loud booin' from the fans and a slatin' for the coachin' staff!

Gatesheed's play-off hopes now look bleak and we heeded for The Railway Club next to the High Level Bridge for the post match 'gargels' to discuss anothaa horror show futbaall match!
"It's just like watchin' The Toon!"

Attendance: 1,047 (26 Nuneaton diehards!) *

PS:
We said yesterday that 'The Geordie Times' would reveal wor new futbaall correspondent today--but protracted negotiations with hiz agent are still on gannin' and we shud? have sommik to tell yiz tomorrow! (hopefully!)  

Saturday, 14 February 2015

"BLANKETY BLANKETY BLANKETY BLANK!"

Posted '10:32am bells' Saturday 14th February 2015

"YOU'LL NEVER! GET RID OF ME, IF YOU FOLLOW NUFC!"

Yet again for wot seemz like a fortnightly occurrence theeze days, we have anothaa blank weekend to fill in thanx to wor disastrous elimination from the FA Cup on January 3rd @ Lestaa City!
The resorves and junior sides arnt even playin' this Saturday eetha makin it a 'blankety blankety blankety blank' weekend for those of us who 'need a fix'!

Ironically, wor U18s are in action on Munday neet @ SJP in the FA Youth Cup qwaataa final, when we play current holders Chelski @ '7:05 bells' (FREE ADMISSION to AALL in The East Stand!)

And then on Tuesday neet wor U21 resorve side play Morpeth Toon for a Northumberland Senior Cup semi final tie @ Blue Flames, Benton @ '7:30 bells' (EVERYONE MUST PAY!)

I say 'ironically' az I will be at graft both neets on mee usual night trunk truck run to the Bormingham area and will be unable to attend eethaa game! <(my priority iz AALWAYS to attend 1st team games and then new groonds for lesser games!)

But fear not!---'The Geordie Times' team will be oot in force at both games to bring yoo a match report the followin' day and we will have anothaa new member to add to wor team of dedicated correspondents, who will be revealed sometime tomorrow! <(watch this space!)

Meeenwhile!-- 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston are in FA Vase action today @ Glossop North End and we wish them well in their quest to get back to Wembley, where they won the trophy in 2012

Thursday, 12 February 2015

THE CRYSTAL BAALLS 1 THE TOON 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '1:43pm bells' Thorsday 12th February 2015

"ARE YOO PARDEW IN DISGUISE!?" <(ne doubt aboot it!)
THE TOON (in grey) MAKE A RARE 'SORTE' INTO THE PALACE BOX
IN THE 2nd HALF!

Aa divvint want to soond like a broken record!, but for 'Stoke' last Sunday read 'Palace' last neet!

Anothaa aaful performance where the baall waz given away continuously and kicked high up the field aimlessly--and two passes were the most we could seem to put together!
Shots on target were virtually 'NIL' and Pardew's pitiful Palace were ne better than us, in a game where we hardly crossed the half way line in the 2nd half!

Both goals were scored at 'The Holmesdale Double Decker Stand End' and the one bright spot of the game for us waz when Pappy Cisse heeded home from a reet hand cross from Janmaat just 3 minutes before the break to set us up for wor SEVENTH win 'on the boonce' @ Selhurst Park!  (Coloccini then got hit with a coin thrown by a tosser from that end, which just missed hiz eye!)
1st HALF ACTION AT 'THE DOUBLE DECKER END'!

It wasn't to be though az we huffed and puffed wor way through the 2nd period which waz virtually spent in wor own half of the pitch!
The Palace equaliser waz an accident waitin' to happen---and it did in the 73rd minute when Campbell fired home!

Late defensive substitutions by Carver to 'save the point' then happened to loud disapproval from the 3,000 or so Toon fans in the away section with chants of "Are yoo Pardew in disguise!?" az Palace went for the winner!

Indeed!---BOTH teams are in 'Pardew's mould' az of course Carver haz just carried on the same system when Pardew 'jumped ship'!

Anothaa one to confine to the dustbin I'm afraid!
'POST' MATCH ACTION!

After the game John Carver said (unbeleeevibleee!):
"That's another game unbeaten!"---"That's ONE win, THREE draws and TWO defeats now, which is NOT bad in this League!"

"Hang on just a minute though, John!"---in othaa words that's SIX points in SIX leegue games (an average of ONE point a game!)---enough to get yoo relegated in a normal season! <(ne mention of the FA Cup defeat by Lestaa City, mind! (That's ONE win in SEVEN games, with THREE draws and THREE defeats under hiz guidance since he took the reigns!)

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Williamson, Coloccini, Haidara, Colback, Sissoko, Cabella (Dummett 85), Perez (Riviere 91), Gouffran, Cisse (Abeid 77)

Attendance: 25,118 (3,000 or so Toon fans) *      

Wednesday, 11 February 2015

THE CRYSTAL BAALLS V THE TOON *** TONEET

Posted '10:25am bells' Wednesday 11th February 2015

THE LAST TIME WE WERE HERE (SEPTEMBER!) RIVIERE SCORES FROM
THE PENALTY SPOT IN THE LEEGUE CUP---WE WON 3-2!

For the 2nd time this season we must heed for the depths of sooth London where we take on 'I beg your Pardew's Palace side @ Selhurst Park <(comin' here once mid-week iz bad enough---but TWICE!???)

We are on the '12:25 bells' choo choo train to King's Cross and shud arrive in good time for some customary 'gargels' aroond that area!

Team news: Siem De Jong haz suffered a collapsed lung and will be oot for the foreseeable future, while Steve Taylor, Ronaldo Aarons, Rob Elliot and Cheik Tiote are aall 'crocked' and wont feature toneet @ '8 bells'!

Selhurst Park iz a lucky ground az far az we are concerned and we are gannin for wor SEVENTH win in a row there! <(lang may it continue!)

History lesson: Amazingly wor forst ever visit to Selhurst Park waz az recently az 1965 when we drew 1-1 in an (old 2nd Division game in front of 21,756. Bobby Cummings scored wor goal that day!

'Geordie Times' history: 45 years ago! (see ground number 014 archive report from 1970 which iz printed below!)

A full 'Geordie Times' match/hootch report will appear here az per usual in good course! *

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

THE TOON U21s 1 THE ARSE U21s 2 @ ST JAMES' PARK *** MONDAY NEET

Posted '11:11pm bells' Tuesday 10th February 2015 <(better late than never!)

Match report by wor new female futbaall correspondent
'Rosie Bear'!

Followin' on from 'Beanpole' Crouch's 90th minute equaliser for Stoke the day before, 'The Toon' fell to their 2nd cruel blow in two days @ SJP when a last gasp goal from 'The Arse' U21s gave the visitors aall 3 points at a less than packed groond!

'The Arse' took the lead in the 36th minute when Iwobo weaved through The Toon's defence to beat goalie Freddie Woodman @ The Gallowgate End!

Then in the 55th minute Dan Barlaser shot through a crowd of defenders to level things and send the 1,000 plus crowd, mostly housed in The East Stand, wild with delight!

That 'delight' didn't last, however, and deep into stoppage time Lipman heeded home @ The Leazes End to secure the 3 points for The Arse's 2nd string in this U21s 2nd Division game.
The Toon, despite this result, remain 'top of the tree' in forst place in the table!

Attendance: 1,305 (highest of the season home or away!)  *

Monday, 9 February 2015

THE TOON 1 THE P*SS POTTERS of STOKE 1 ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2014-2015

Posted '10:42am bells' Munday 9th February 2015
"THE QUESTION ON EVERYBODYS LIPS PRIMEMINISTER---IS!"----
"IS WATCHING US TALK ABOUT THE ECONOMY AND DEFICIT 
MORE INTERESTING THAN WATCHING
NEWCASTLE v STOKE ON SKY?"
"WELL! THE ANSWER HAS GOT TO BE YES!!!"

"MR BEAN SPOILS THE PARTY!!!" 

A visit to The Newcastle Arms before the match told it's own story on just wot the attendance waz likely to be, az the bar waz half empty just two hours befor kick off, when normally it would be 'packed to the rafters'

A few 'liquid lubrications' later and it waz time to heed for The Milburn Stand level 7 to take up wor seats and the huge gaps in The Leazes End away section told us that this would be the lowest crowd of the season (Stoke had sold less than half of their 3,000 allocation of tickets!)

If yoo were watchin' this match in the hoose then yoo surely would have reached for the 'remote' and switched the telly ower to sommik more interestin' like 'The Politics Show' with Andrew Marr!

For us who were sat freeezin' inside SJP it waz a different story az we didn't have that option and just had to sit and suffer this dross on the pitch below us!
CABELLA SENDS IN A FREE KICK @ THE LEAZES END (1st half)

A truly aafil game between two mid-table sides who were lookin' ower their shoulders at even worse dross below us in the table!

By half time we were wishin' that it waz 'full time' az both teams gave the baall away time after time and that 5-1 victory against them last season seemed a very lang time ago! (and highly improbable today!)

VIEW FROM THE MILBURN STAND BALCONY TOWARDS THE EAST STAND

Jack Colback proved to be wor savior when it looked certain that the game would end goal-less when he fired home in the 74th minute @ The Gallowgate End to awake the lifeless crowd from their slumbers!
Reely!--he shouldn't have been on the pitch az a bad tackle from him on a Stoke players not lang before, waz waved on when a bookin' waz deserved. He should have been sent off az this waz hiz 2nd bookin' of the game but the ref Mr 'Friend' thankfully missed the incident!
Super-sub'? Gabriel Obertan then missed a great chance to win the game when he 'fluffed hiz lines' inside the box---and a forthaa chance from Perez who weaved through the visitor defence, only to blast the baall high ower the bar, when it waz easier to score, would prove to be very costly indeed just a few minutes later!

THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END GOAL

The P*ss Potts' then sent on their 'secret weapon', namely 'Bean Pole Crouch' with just 10 minutes to gan and some frantic defendin' @ The Leazes End from us looked to have secured the 3 points---BUT!---with just seconds to gan before the board waz raised for stoppage time up stepped 'Mr Beanpole' to heed home at the near post with Tim Krul in The Toon goal well and truly beaten!

A predictable result, but with 2 valuable points chucked away (yet again!) it leaves us stuck in 11th place, 11 points above the drop zone!

Toon team: Krul, Janmaat, Haidara, Anita (Cisse  65), Coloccini, Williamson, Sissoko, Colback, Perez, Cabella ( Obertan 69), Sammy Ameobi (Abeid 86)

Attendance: 47,763 (the lowest of the season which waz originally predicted by 'The Geordie Times'--but we changed wor minds when we hord that they had slashed prices to try and get bums on seats, but it didn't work this time!---wonder why???) (No more than 1,300 P*ss Potts' who sang 'Delilah', by Tom Jones umpteen times---WHY?---Tom Jones comes from sooth Wales, NOT Staffordshire!???)   *


In othaa news The U21s are takin' on 'The Arse U21s @ SJP @ '7 bells' tooneet, if yoo fancy freeezin' to death again!

Az iz usual in theeze situations when 'The mad-sad groundhopper' can't get to a resorve or junior game because of 'graft', we will be sendin' a new member of wor team to report on toneets proccedings!---watch this space tomorrow to find oot just who he/she iz!
PS: will be updated on Tuesday neet sometime <(remember! we bring yoo aall the news forst hand, second!

Saturday, 7 February 2015

THE TOON v THE P*SS POTTERS of STOKE *** TOMORROW AFTERNOON!

Updated '9:50pm bells' Saturday 7th February 2015
ACTION @ THE BRITANNIA STADIUM ORLIER THIS SEASON (we lost 1-0)

Tomorrow @ '2:05 bells' Mark 'sour puss' Hughes brings hiz 'P*ss Potts' to SJP for a live SKY telly game!
Just why? SKY chose 'this one' iz anybodys guess az I'm sure that most fans who have ne interest in eethaa team will NOT be rushin' to their local to watch it!???

Because of slow ticket sales and the fact that wor visitors wont bring many fans, prices have been slashed and yoo can buy a 'big kids' ticket for £20 for level 7 of The Leazes End and a sprogs ticket for a fiver!

The lowest crowd of the season waz predicted by us, but givin' the above prices, that might not be the case and we could even get a 50,000 plus crowd! <(we must be mad!)
(Wor lowest crowd so far this season iz 49,119 when we played 'Broken Nose Bruce's' Hull side!)
 
Team news: Gabriel Obertan, Paul Dummett and Ryan Taylor are back in the squad,  but Taylor's namesake Steve iz still side-lined, while Rolando Aarons and Rob Elliot are still 'crocked' and Cheik Tiote iz on African Cup duty with the Ivory Coast!

History lesson: Wor forst ever meetin' with Stoke @ SJP happened 117 years ago on 20th April 1898 when we won 2-1 in a 'test match' (play-off) for promotion to the (then) 1st Division.
17,000 were in attendance and Johnny Harvey and Will Smith got wor goals!

'Geordie Times' history: A 3-1 win in front of 39,408 (includin' me!) on 24th March 1967, some 48 years ago, with Peter Noble gettin' a 'brace' and John McNamee gettin' the othaa goal!

Last season we beat them 5-1 on Boxin' Day, with Remy (2), Gouffran, Cabaye and Cisse (pen) scorin' wor goals in front of 51,665---A repeat of that tomorrow afternoon would be very nice indeed! 

In total we have played 'The P*ss Potts' 89 times in wor history, winnin' 43, drawin' 20 and losin' 26 times!

Posted Saturday dinnaatime:
In othaa news we can tell yoo that North Shields FA Vase tie against Phoenix Sports this afternoon iz ON!---az iz Gatesheed's FA Trophy tie against Wrexham @ Gatesheed Stadium (both '3 bells' kick offs)
Dunston's Vase game at Glossop waz caalled of yesterday due to a frozen pitch!

PS (much later!)
North Shields won 4-1 in front of a 1,000 plus crowd, while 'The Heedbangers' drew 2-2, but lost 5-4 in a penalty shootout after extra time! 
 
 

EVERTON U18s v THE TOON U18s @ FINCH FARM



Posted Saturday dinnatime!---LIVE FROM SCOUSERLAND!


LIVE ACTION FROM THE 1st HALF THANX TO 'SECRET PIGEON'S' CAMERA!

We have 'flown' wor secret undercover reporter ---non othaa than 'Secret Pigeon' to Finch Farm, (at great expense!) where Everton U18s are playin' wor U18s---the game kicked off @ '12:30 bells' and we can bring yoo live upates now from 'Secret Pigeon's mobile 'telling bone'!

'12:34 bells' (4th minute): Everton gan aheed after Toon keeper Harker kicks the baall straight to one of their strikers and he puts the home side 1-0 up!

'12:57 bells': 2-0 to home side ---Toon hardly in Everton half!


'1:05 bells': 3-0!---anothaa howler from wor keeper! Cross at ground level and wor keeper pushes the baall into hiz own net!---I could have stopped it with my wing! <(Secret Pigeon!)
 
'1:08 bells' : That's 4!---I hope my battery does not die at this rate!

HT 4-0 to Everton! ---The Secret Pigeon haz had az many touches az the Everton keeper!

"ER!"---It's time for 'The Geordie Times' to 'gan on the hoy' and we will update yoo the final score later!---lets hope it isn't a cricket score!

Update '2:55 pm bells'
Back from the boozer for sommik to scran!

'1:43 bells': That's 5!---with the 'Six Nations' underway this could be a rugby score!

'1:57 bells': Everton no 15 sent off for horrific tackle on Heaney

'2:02 bells': George ne well? scores a screamer from ONE yard--hopefully starting the biggest comeback since the Arsenal game (4-4!) 5-1 to Everton!

Final score 5-1 ---Off back to my perch to warm up! "Coo Coo!"

Crowd: 46 (includin' the security guard who telt me not to stand behind the goal in case I got hit by the ball!)

Friday, 6 February 2015

THE ULTIMATE DISASTER DAY!

Posted '12:37pm bells' Friday 6th February 2015

"WE'RE DOOMED!!!"

43 years ago yesterday, NUFC suffered wor worst defeat in wor entire history when we got knocked oot of the FA Cup by a certain non leegue team whose name begins with the letter 'H'

'The Geordie Times' waz unfortunate 'in the extreeeme' to witness this 'disaster' aall those years ago and it gives mee NE PLEASURE WHATSOEVER to publish this archive groond report (below!)from 1972

021 edgar street hereford


 

 
(GROUND NUMBER 21)

Date of First Visit: 5th FEBRUARY 1972

EDGAR STREET, HEREFORD

HEREFORD UNITED  2 

NEWCASTLE UNITED  1 (MacDonald)

F.A. CUP THIRD ROUND, REPLAY

ATTENDANCE 14,313 (1,000 or so disbelievin' Toon fans!)

 

"WIH NOT GANNIN TIH HERTFORD!, MAAN!!"---"WIH GANNIN TIH HEREFORD!!!"

 


What canna say aboot this game?, the ultimate nightmare, and mee worst EVER! game watchin' the Toon!.

Me and ' Punter the Hunter'! <("He comes from Lobley Hill!") decided tih hitch hike doon for the replay, after non league Hereford's shock two's each draa in the forst game at St. James'.

 

It was f***** freezin' as wih set off for the Welsh border country. Ah had a foldy road map tih keep wih 'on the reet track' and after aboot five hours and a dozen lifts later, wih hit lucky, as the car driver said he was gannin tih Hereford.

F***** brill!, wih thought!. We were 'cream crackered' and fell asleep exausted in the back of his 'jam jar aalmost straight away.ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

"Hereford!, Hereford!---here we come!"

.---Er'---well!---not exactly!.

After aboot two hours he woke wih up.

"We're here lads!", he shouted az he stopped at a road junction.

Ah looked oot the window and saw a sign for London---

Bloody LONDON!!???.

"Where the hell are wih---like?", ah said, wipin' the sleep from mee 'mincers'!

Driver: "HERTFORD, MATE!".

"Wih not gannin tih HERTFORD!, MAAN!!"---"Wih gannin tih HEREFORD!!!", ah shouted at him! az 'Punter the Hunter' looked ready tih strangle him!

"Sorry mate, thought you said Hertford!".

'SHIT!'----We were ower a hundred and fifty f***** miles from wor destination, and time was gettin' on!.

 

Wih said wor farewells (cursin' him under wor breath!) ,waved him off, (two fingers style!) and started PANICKIN'!!!.

We looked at the map and decided that the best course of action waz tih 'hitch' across country, via Oxford.

The next lift (sometime later!) waz from a 'Yank' in a big flash 'jam jar', who, in a broad American accent said he waz heedin' for some univorsity IN Oxford. (GREAT!)

Wih jumped in the back seats and he asked us which 'highway' we wanted? '

Quick az a flash', ah said that ah would'nt mind 'Stevie Highway' (who played for Liverpool!)

(Az yih might expect----he DID'NT! get the joke, az he looked like one of them American basebaall fans who did'nt have a clue aboot the 'worlds greatest game'!----so ah did'nt elaborate!)

 

"ER!---Just keep gannin' this way mate!", ah said pointin' towards the road aheed.

He gave iz one of those: 'I CAN'T UNDERSTAND A F****** WORD YOU'RE SAYING'---looks!, and carried on in the direction of mee index finger!

"Are yoo heading for some kind of 'pop festival"?, he then asked curiously? , lookin' at wor 'barnets' in the process through hiz rear view mirrah! (wih both had lang hair at that time!, az it waz aall the rage in the orly seventies!) ('T' Rex'---'Slade'---'Led Zep' and aall that!)

"Not exactly man!"---"not exactly!",said 'Punter',puttin' on a 'hippy style American accent'!

He did'nt ask us anymore questions and dropped us off on the ootskirts of Oxford.

 

"Cheers Buddy!", said 'Punter', salutin' him az he drove off intih the distance!

Wih had tih wait aboot half an hour for wor next lift, but we were in luck, as the gadgie was gannin 'wor way'! and after a couple of more lifts, we eventually arrived in Hereford, EIGHTEEN HOURS! and SIXTEEN LIFTS! from Tyneside!.

(Aye---wih coonted them!)

 

'Punter' asked the local 'Officer Dibble' ,who waz deein’ ‘the roonds’ on hiz push bike where the groond was?

 

"AARRRR!---IT'S BESOYD YONDER CATTLE MARKET!", he said as he pointed us in the reet direction.

"YOU'RRR NOT FROM NEWCASTLE BOIY ANY CHANCE ARE YOO?", he enquired with a puzzled look on his face!. (Obviously a 'Sherlock Holmes' in the makin', az 'Punter' waz wearin' a black 'n' white bobble hat with the Newcastle crest on the front of it!)

 

"WHEY AYE, MAN---COURSE WIH ARE!", ah said.

"AINT YOO 'EARD?"---he replied, in a voice that sent ‘shivvvers doon mee spine’!,

“IT’S BEEN CALLED OFF AGAIN!!!”



“WE’RE DOOOMED!!!!”


 



Mee ‘Fred Astair’ just stood on it’s end!, and ‘goose pimples’ enveloped
mee face! az it felt az though a’d been telt that a close family member had just ‘snuffed it’!

(Aaltogether, the match had been postponed aboot ten times because of a frozen pitch!)

 

WIH COULD’NT BELIEVE IT!---we were SHATTERED!---FROZEN!  ---STARVIN'!---THIRSTY!---DOG TIRED!---AND!---F*****’  TOTALLY PISSED OFF!.

AAL THIS F*****’ WAY AND THE F*****’ GAME’S OFF!!!.

 

Wih heeded for a local 'greasy spoon' cafe for a hot drink and some 'Desperate Dan', but aall that was left tih eat were some chocolate f***** biscuits! and what looked like a stale 'stottie cake'!.

It DID'NT! look 'ower clever', so wih opted for the  'biccys' instead!.

"FOWER OFF THEM BISCUITS, PAL!", ah said tih the aad 'gadgie' with the 'handlebar moustache' behind the coontaa!, pointin' towards the 'said' 'biccys'.

 

 "AAARRRRR!---FORRRR WOYFORRRZ!", he said az he hoyed them on a plate.

(Translation: "AAARRRRR!---FOUR WAFERS!")

Wih just burst oot laffin', at his 'Worzel Gummage' style accent!.

(Wih had tih laff!---or wih would'iv F***** CRIED!)

After a few 'dodgy looks', he served iz, and wih sat doon tih wor tea 'n' woyforrrz!---(sorry!---wafers!)

 

Wih then headed for the local 'drinkin' establishments' tih drown (and 'down'!) wor sorrows!.

Scrumpy cider was on the 'menu' at EIGHT PENCE A PINT! (At last!---some GOOD! news!?)

(That's reet!---EIGHT F***** PENCE!) so---(as yih dee!) wih got totally 'rat-arsed'! alang with some other Toon fans who'd aalso made the wasted journey doon by the supporters club, and at 'chuckin' oot time', they managed tih sneak us onto their coach for the lang trip yem!.

(Wih hid behind the seats at the back of the bus!)

                                        

 

"THE ULTIMATE! DISASTER!"

 

When the game was eventually played, wih both headed back tih Herefordshire, prayin' that the match would be on!.

(This time on the supporters bus!---which took seven hours!)

Anly tih witness the most televised goal in 'futbaall history'!----scored (on a ploughed field!) by---yee naa who!

(and then prayed, that the ref would abandon the match, tih put wih oot of wor misery!) (nee such luck!)

 

Of course in the orly seventies there waz nee such thing az aall seater stadiums and the vast majority of the crowd waz 'shoehorned' intih every available space! (perimiter waalls, roofs, floodlight pylons, anything!)

 

The thoosand or so Toon fans who were unfortunate enough tih be there!, were behind one of the goals. At the front some wooden beer crates had been placed behind the goal line az improvized seats so that the youngins' amongst the crowd could get a better view of the proccedins' on the shallow terraces, and they stretched from corner flag tih corner flag!

(That's REET! F***** BEER CRATES!) 

The anly problem waz---that fans behind THEM!could'nt see a thing!, because the 'little brats' at the front were STANDIN' on them! for a better view! (Taylor Report!----divvint mek iz laugh!)

 

Soon, the crowd behind pushed them ontih the runnin' track and that's where they ended up sittin' az the game kicked off!

Look!---a'm writin' this some forty three years after that 'fateful day' and it STILL! HAUNTS IZ!--- SO!--- aall give yiz a (very) brief match report!---that's aall yih gannih get!

 

The game waz crap until 'Supermac' gave wih the lead late on in the second half and  we'd aall thought wi'd won---UNTIL!--- (horror upon horrors!) a 'last gasp' equaliser which haz become the most televised goal in futbaall history, forced the game intih extra time!

 

Oot of frustration, 'Punter the Hunter' picked one of the beer crates up and hoyed it ower the top of the crowd!

It hit a 'Dibble' who waz waalkin' aroond the pitch, smack on hiz bonce, knockin' hiz helmet off and knockin' HIM! clean oot!

 

The 2nd most televised goal ever! from the non leegue side, then followed in extra time----followed by hundreds of 'anoraks' runnin' across the clarty 'pitch'!---FULL STOP!*  

(That iz mee last recollection of the match!)

 

Tih cap it aall!---WIH PLAYED IN A F*****’ AALL RED! STRIP IZ  WELL!

 

DISASTER DAYS!???----

THIS ONE WAS THE ULTIMATE DISASTER!---

NEE KIDDIN'!!!. 

 

                                                       

 

©FINK™ (The Mad-Sad Grundhpper!) 

 

 

www.groundhoppers@hotmail.com

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