Tuesday, 23 December 2014

315 lostock academy, lostock, "ne where near bolton!"

(Ground number 315)
Date of First Visit: 20th December 2014
Lostock Academy, Lostock

Bolton Wanderers U18s  0
Newcastle United U18s  1  (Jamie Holmes)

Under 18 Premier League
Attendance: 43 (includin' 7 Toon fans)  <(3 of us were missin' at the start!)




THE TOON ATTACK THE BOLTON GOAL (1st half)

'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' picked me and 'Glennn from Ashington' up at the appointed time of  '9 am bells' in hiz jam jar and 'off we set' across the Pennines via Brough and Kirkby Stephen and doon the M6.
We had plenty of time to spare before the '12:30 bells' kick and I told 'Blondie' that there waz a boozer not too far from Bolton's main ground, which in turn, wasn't too far from their academy! (accordin' to the map!)

And then disaster struck!---az we drove doon the M6 a huge traffic jam blockin' aall 3 lanes suddenly appeared in front of us at junction 34!
A quick look at the map telt me that it might be a better bet to torn off there and find another way!---then!---aall of a sudden the traffic started movin' and we made the fatal missteak of stayin' on the motorway!  Half a mile forthaa on and we were stopped dead again and didn't move for 15 minutes!
Glennn foond a traffic report on hiz 'mobile' which said that a lorry had owertorned between junction 34 and 33 and 2 lanes were blocked!---hence the 'jam!

Time waz tickin' by and we soon realised that there waz 'ne chance' of makin' the kick off az we sat in the queue motionless for anothaa 20 minutes!---(and ne time now for a pre-match 'gargel', eethaa!)

The dreaded thought that we might miss the match aaltogether dawned on us at 'high noon bells' az we were still 30 odd miles from wor destination on "The Highway To Hell!"
And then at last the queue started to move and we passed a 'Malcolm of Brookfield' artic which had owertorned and waz the cause of wor delay!
'Full speed ahead' waz now the order of the day and we got to the game some 19 minutes late, but we were telt by a Toon fan who we think? iz  caalled 'The Secret Pigeon' <(see Burnley match report!) that it waz goal-less and that we had missed nowt!

The wind waz bitin' az we stood by the touchline, but at least it waz from behind us and not in wor faces!
And then in the 39th minute (20th by wor watches!) the deadlock waz broken when a cross from Jamie *Colburn foond Jamie Holmes and he neatly back heeled the baall into the Bolton net with the keeper stranded! 
*'Blondie Alan the Morris Dancer' haz since pointed out to me that the player who crossed the baall iz in fact caalled Jamie COBAIN!
(Well done 'Blondie' for spottin' my dilllibrit mistayk!) 

ACTION FROM THE 2nd HALF

Huge applause rang oot from the 7 Toon faithful present ("Er!"---wor hands were cold!) az the youngins celebrated in the right hand goal from us!

To wor left and in the far distance wor U16s were playin' az well on a higher level pitch but we have to tell yoo that we didn't have a clue wot the score waz from that game <(and still divvint!)

THE U16s GAME***IN THE DISTANCE!

There waz ne more scorin' in the 2nd period of wor game, (in wot waz a very drab contest!) and we ran oot 1-0 winners to record yet anothaa groond/pitch off 'the mad-sad groundhoppers list'

The jorney back waz uneventful <(ne holdups this time!) and we arrived back on Tyneside @ '5 bells' for some celebratory 'liquid lubrications'!


THERE WERE NE TEAMSHEETS, SO WE PRODUCED WOR OWN!



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