Sunday, 16 March 2014

THE WACKO JACKO-LESS JIVERS 1 THE TOON 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-2014

Posted '12:50pm bells' Sunday 16th March 2014

"IT'S ENOUGH TO DRIVE YOO TO DRINK!"
"SPOT THE DRASTIC PLASTIC!"

The trip doon to King's Cross on the '6:30 bells' train from 'The Central' waz uneventful and we made straight for Hammersmith on the tube to sample the delights of a large brekky and a 'gargel' in The William Morris boozer!---WRANG!---When we got there @ '10:15 bells' we were telt that although we could porchase a brekky, ne alcohol could be sorved til '11 bells' on the orders of the local 'dibble' az there waz a futbaall match on! (the nearest waz actually QPR v Yeovil in nearby Shepherd's Bush!)

After 'demolishin' the 'said scran' we heeded back to the bar @ '11 bells' where 'Big Al' waz telt that he would have to drink hiz bottle of imported 'Edinger' ale oot of a plastic glass! <(on the orders of 'dibble' again yoo understand)
The bottle which he took to wor table waz 'glass' which of course totally contradicted their 'no glass' policy!'
To compound things, I then went to porchase a pint of 'Smiths' where (believe it or not!) aa waz given a PROPAA 'GLASS' glass by the barman!??? and az he gave it to me, aa quickly grabbed it, (spillin' some of the contents in mee haste!) before he had a chance to realise hiz 'missteak' and just wot he had done! <(and replace it with a plastic one!)
'Sarnie Steve' and 'Mal the Inglish Skool Teechaa' then came back with pints of Guinness in PLASTIC! <(yi couldn't make it up---could yi!???)

We then moved on a bit nearer to the groond, two minutes away ower the road, where we went into 'The Duke of Cornwell' on Fulham Palace Road fully expectin' to be sorved oot of 'the drastic plastic pots'---and GUESS WOT!???---YES that's reet!---we were aall given PROPAA GLASSES with wor beer! (yi couldn't ma---!)

"GET YOUR EXPENSIVE DISH-WAATAA HERE!"

Movin' on to 'The Crabtree' aftaa this, it waz back to DRASTIC PLASTIC again, where mee pint of luke waam beer (which tasted like coloured soapy dish waataa!) cost me the grand sum of fower poond, eighty pence! <(it waz 'easy rider' (cider) aftaa this at just £4:50!)

It waz then time to gan to the match which waz played in cloudless blue skies az the 'current bun' shon brightleee above!
"A CR*P VIEW AGAIN---FROM ROW 'H' !"
(VIRTUALLY THE SAME VIEW AZ LAST SEASON!?)

With top goalscorer Remy and key player Debuchy oot through injury we wondered just where wor goals were gannin to come from---and we were proved reet az John Carver took the place of Alan Pardew in the dugoot!
Anothaa 'Mr Hyde' performance waz in the offin' az we hoofed the baall upfield time and time again in wor aall blue change kit!--Fulham were even worse and we were glad when the ref blew for half time!

"THE WEBB OF DECEIT!"

The 2nd half wasn't much better az we humped the baall aimlessly up field once again, just like a Sunday leegue team would de!
And then came the tornin' point of the game!---Cisse, who waz put clean through, hit hiz shot straight at the Fulham keeper!---a foul from behind a minute later on De Jong went unpunished az ref Howard Webb waved 'play on' ---the baall foond Fulham's Dejagah on the edge of the box and he fired a shot that Tim Krul fumbled and it ended up in the back of wor net!---1-0 to the bottom team, who hadn't won in their previous NINE games!
"NICE VIEW OF THE CORNER FLAG, THOUGH!"

De Jong then had a heeder easily saved and then 'super sub'? Shola came on to save the day---but didn't!---and wor last 'throw of the dice' came when Adam Armstrong came on with just FOWER mins to gan (too little tooo late) although he DID manage a shot near the end! Then!---in the final second of the game wor goalie Tim Krul came up for a corner and the baall foond hiz right peg. He hit it straight at a home defender who raised hiz arm to stop it!---a blatent hand baall in anybody's book---but NOT Howard Webb's---who again torned a blind eye and blew for full time imedietly after this with strong protest from 'Timmy' waved away!

We trooped off back towards Hammersmith where more 'liquid lubrication' waz taken on board in 'The Suffolk Punch' before we made wor way to 'Edgware' for the final three 'gargel' locations! (see below!)


It waz then back to KX to catch the '9 bells' back yem! (a DRY train of course to compound wor misery!)

More pix and team line ups toneet---a'm of on the'hoy' now!---see yooo later!

Six hours later:---And here we are later toneet!---

Toon team: Krul, Yanga, Dummett, Anita (Marveaux 81), Williamson, Coloccini, Tiote, Sissoko, Cisse (Shola Ameobi 71), De Jong (Armstrong 86), Gouffran

Attendance: 25,664 (2,900 Toon fans plus many more in the so called 'mixed areas')

*'The Wacko Jacko-less Jivers'--an explanation: The Micheal Jackson statue that stood outside Craven Cottage in the 'Al Fayed' era haz now gone, so 'The Geordie Times' haz renamed them!

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