Thursday, 5 December 2013

THE SWAN LAKERS 3 THE TOON 0 ***PREMYAA LEEGUE 2013-14

Posted '2:40pm bells' Thorsday 5th December 2013
THE TOON (in dark blue) ATTACK THE SWANZEE GOAL
FROM A RARE CORNER! (View from row 'S')

"NINETEEN (and a half!) HOURS OF PURE PURGITORY!"

The torturous bus jorney started off ootside St James' Park, where aa boarded the coach just before '10 am bells' and 10 minutes later we were off on wor 750 mile 'epic'? roond trip to sooth Wales!

Withoot borin' yoo to death aboot bein' held up in jams and roadworks, we eventually arrived ootside Swanzee's groond at 'qwaata past six bells', some EIGHT hours (plus) after leavin' Tyneside!

This meant that we didn't have much drinkin' time before the kick off so we heeded for 'The Harvester' next to the groond, where three pints of 'Strongbow' were quickly dispatched doon mee 'Gregory', before heedin' for the tornstiles.

More than *2,000 Toon fans had made the awkward lang jorney and they were in good voice in anticipation of anothaa good result in the offing az the game kicked off! ---WRANG!
Wot we got waz one of wor 'Mr Hyde' performances and any excuses that ref Howard Webb didn't give us at least THREE blatant penalty shud not detract from an aaful performance @ The Liberty Stadium by us!

Both teams were c*ap in the forst period, with the anly action of note that aa can remember bein' a heeder by Loic Remy that waz tipped around the post by Swanzee keeper Vorm!


"THE WEBB OF DECEIT!"

And then in the second period 'the wheel came off' <(just like in a vorse of 'The Blaydon Races' song!) after we were denied TWO blatant 'hand baall' penalties for Remy and Cabaye and a shove in the back for Gouffran in the box, makin' THREE major penalty decisions missed by Webb??? <(yoo shud gan to 'Specsavers' mate!) 

Swanzee then took the lead through Shelvey when hiz shot waz deflected off Debuchy and az we didn't look az though we could hit a barn door at this stage it looked 'game ower' at this point!

Two forthaa home goals sealed wor fate az we faced wor forst defeat in five!
Like aa say Howard Webb didn't help us one bit, but wor inability to have any shots on target in the 2nd half proved to be wor doonfaall! "THREE NIL---TO THE REFEREE!"

We then faced the torturous jorney yem via detours for motorway closures arrivin' yem at '5:30 am bells' and nineteen hours plus after leavin' from St James'***
"NEVER AGAIN!" <(whey! aa said that the last time az well!)

Toon team: Krul, Debuchy Williamson (Yanga 77), Coloccini, Santon (Haidera 56), Sissoko, Tiote, Cabaye, Gouffran, Remy Shola Ameobi (Obertan 67)

Attendance: 20, 457 (more than 2,000 Toon fans?) <(some sources say anly 1,000 plus?) < (looked aroond aboot the 2,000 mark to me---like!)

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