Monday, 25 November 2013

THE CONSETT HILLBILLIES 1 TOON XX11 2 ***GROUND 306 ***BELLE VUE STADIUM, CONSETT

Ground number 306
Date of 1st Visit: 24th November 2013
Belle Vue Stadium, Consett, Coonty Durham

Consett  1
Newcastle United XX11 !  2  (Adam Campbell, Mystery Man 1?)

Friendly Fixture to open new groond
Attendance: 1,200 (estimated)

"THE CONSETT PARTY***OR!****
THE MUTHAA IN LAWS PARTY!?" 

The afternoon started off near the 'banks o the Tyne' @ '4 bells'  when we set off in 'The Caped Crusaders' new 'bat-mobile' ('plus 2' on hiz temp gauge!) for the 12 mile torturous jorney through the rush hour traffic to Consett high up in the moontains of Coonty Durham where we arrived half an hour later! <("Er!"---the jorney wasn't that bad!)

After parkin' up in the 'Hillbillies' club car park we made for the Travellers Rest a couple of hundred yards up the road for some much needed 'sustenance' to waam us up <(John Smith's!) az it waz 'minus 5' by then!  

It waz then onward to the new Consett clubhouse where a pint of Banks Bitter waz purchased by 'yours truelee'!
It looked like dorty dishwaataa and tasted just the same az aa struggled to drink the noxious substance! "AAaaaggggg!!!!!"

The clubhouse waz packed, mainly with scantily clad lasses who were to perform at 'The Consett Party' openin' ceremony, with dancin', handstands and somersaults on the pitch az Peter Beardsley opened the new groond! <(they are a hardy lot up here---that's for sure!)

'Dave from York then entered the bar and telt us excitedly that this waz hiz 250th groond watchin' The Toon, becomin' anly the FIFTH Toon fans to have joined 'The Qwaataa of a THOOSAND'  Grounds Club! <("Well done Dave!---yoo sad b*stard!")
(For the record the othaaz are 'The Caped Crusader', 'Glennn from Ashington', 'Biffa the Beer' and little ol' me!, 'Fink' ('the mad-sad groundhopper'!)

Dave then informed us that hiz 'sidekick' and fellow 'mad-sad groundhopper' 'Alex of St George' WASN'T comin' az he had decided to attended hiz mutthaa in laws 70th borthday party, instead of 'The Consett Party'! <(wots the world comin' to???)

Threats of divorce proceedings from their lass and bornt Sunday dinners with luke waam, lumpy Bisto gravy, for the next SIX MONTHS, 'blackmailed' him to de the former, but wot 'muthaa in law hater' Les Dawson would have made of it aall iz anybodys guess???

"ALEX!---YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO 'THE MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS!"

The match was delayed 25 minutes to let the crowd in az we froze to death near one of the corner flags in the Arctic conditions, where we had stood for FORTY MINUTES! <(honestly!---we wished that the match could have been ower before it had started!)

Played on a synthetic pitch we took the lead through Adam Campbell in the 30th minute with a low shot, before the home side equalised orly in the 2nd half.

By this time mee 'tootsies' on mee right foot were freezin' 'off' az aa jumped up and doon tryin' to keep waam!

We regained the lead late on through 'Mystery Man 1? who heeded the baall in from a corner taken by 'Mystery Man 2', az we played virtually an entirely different team in the 2nd period from the 1st! <(and we didn't have a clue who most of them were?) <(Under 16s we suspect!)
In total 22 players were used by us includin' 52 year old Peter Beardsley!
THE WINNIN' GOAL! 'MYSTERY MAN 2' TAKES A CORNER
AND 'MYSTERY MAN 1' HEEDS HOME (CENTRE OF PIC)

Attendance: 1,200 (estimated) (approximately 300 fans were there at the finish!) <(includin' us, who had severe frostbite by this time!)

PS: and for the record!, we later foond oot that the corner waz taken by Joe Kerridge and the winnin' goal waz scored by Jamie Cobain! 



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