Tuesday, 30 April 2013

"30,000 THANKYOOZ! AND 10,000 YANKYOOZ!"

Updated '8:20pm bells Tuesday 30th April 2013

"HANDS UP!***FOR 'THE GEORDIE TIMES'!"

Apart form the weekend disaster show, two things have happened in the last few days in regard to 'The Geordie Times' pageviews!

We received wor THORTY THOOSANDTH!<(30,000th!) owerseas 'hit' @ the weekend and yesterday we passed the TEN THOOSAND MARK<(10,000!) for 'hits' from the USA!

A mammoth total for a daft futbaall blog, divvint yoo think?***135 countries and territories aroond the world have now viewed us!<(plus of course, MARS!)

The celebrations (az usual!) started off in New York City @ the top of  'The Empire State Building', which iz now a 'tradition' amongst wor friends across 'the pond'!

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"
Yet again we thank each and every one of wor loyal reeeders from owerseas<>(and beyond!) for 'loggin in' at this difficult time!


Monday, 29 April 2013

"I BEG YOUR PARDEW!?"

Posted 2:50pm 'bells' Monday 29th April 2013
BACK PAGE OF YESTERDAYS SUNDIH SUN!

The backlash of Saturdays capitulation are startin' to reverberate aroond Tyneside, with many fans furious with wor performance ower the weekend!

Amazingleee, wor manager says he ISN'T! embarressed aboot wor worst home defeat for 88 years!  (Blackborn beat us 7-1 @ St James' in 1925!)< (Accordin to The Sundih Sun, 1925 was 87 years ago?)

The local 'rags' say it aall I think!
FRONT PAGE OF TODAYS  'RONNY GILL'! 

Sunday, 28 April 2013

THE TOON 0 THE LIVERBIRDS 6 <(SIX!)

Updated '8:45pm bells' Sunday 28th April 2013


I reeely divvint naa wot to say aboot this performance???
The worst home defeat in my lifetime and the worst in livin' memory of anybody aged ninety five or under!!!
It doesn't get ANY worse than this!<(and I meeen that most sincerely folks!) from a team who 'promised'? to make up for 'derby disaster day' a fortneet ago!
They let us doon badly again of course, with a performance that would have insulted a Sunday league pub side!
THE BACK PAGES OF BOTH FRIDAY'S AND
SATURDAY'S 'RONNY GILL'!

We are now just THREE games from 'the abyss' and just where the next point iz comin' from iz anybodys guess az confidence seems to be at an aall time low?

We can anly hope that 'The Blue Wigs' and 'The Hazbeens and Villians' slip up, az this iz the anly way we will keep wor top flight status!

Any othaa manager would have been sacked after this, or resigned in shame, but this iz NUFC we are taalkin aboot and we will find oot in the next week just which direction we are heedin'!

That's it for the 'match report' az there iz NOTHIN' 'to report' on wor abysmal performance, az 'The Liverbirds' were 'TEN classes' above us yesterday and could easily have had double figures!<(thank god that  '23 goal' 'Chomper' Saurez wasn't playin' for them!)

Where DO we gan from here?????????

Toon team?:Elliot, Debuchy, Steve Taylor, Yanga, Haidera, Perch (Ben Arfa 46), Tiote (Anita 65) Cabaye, Sissoko, Cisse, Gutierrez (Gouffran 46)

Attendance; 52,351 (49,351 shell shocked Geordies!) (3,000 Mickey Mousers takin' the p*ss!)

Much more to follow later!

Saturday, 27 April 2013

THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS ***THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated 11:15am bells Saturday 27th April 2013

'ACTION' FROM WOR GAME AT ANFIELD
ORLIER ON HIS SEASON!
A SPRINKLER GANS ON 'THE RAMPAGE' AND SOAKS HUNDREDS OF 'LIVERBIRDS'
IN THE EXECUTIVE AREAS! HA! HA!
 

Anothaa crucial game in this lang torturous season takes place today against 'The Liverbirds' @ St James' with a '5:30 bells' kick off for live telly!

We understand that Demba Cisse could well play, despite havin' a reported cracked rib and we've hord that captain Coloccini could play some part az well?<(we shall see!)
Cheik Tiote iz aalso expected to retorn to the fray, while Ben Arfa iz expected to be on the subs bench.

'Chomper' Suarez', of course, will be a massive 'miss' for them, after hiz 10 game ban for cannibalism, and az he haz scored 23 of their goals this season, 'this' will undoubtedly be a massive 'hit' for 'us'!

This iz wor penultimate<(divvint naa wot it meenz but it soonds good!?) home game of the season and iz a selloot az we write this.
Aalso a 'selloot' iz wor next away game against 'The Jellied Eels Mob' of "Eest Landan" a week today, where we have been allocated 2,000 tickets!

Gettin' back to todays game, 'The Liverbirds' fans have been warned by their aan club not to hoy flares or smokebombs, which of course haz happened in quite a few Toon games this season az well!

The wetthaa az aa speak, lookin' across the 'sacred river', iz freezin' caad and a howlin' gale iz blowin' with intermittent rain!

Az mentioned, the game iz a 52,000 plus selloot, with 'The Mickey Mousers' takin' up their full allocation az usual in 'The Leazes End gods'!

Match report az per usual to follow eethaa late toneet or sometime tomorrow mornin', when aa get oot mee 'scratcher'!

PS: Apologeez for not updatin' this site yesterday, but av been 'stowed off' with graft and have been to West Brom three days in a row! (The Bakery where aa gan te, iz ower the road from 'The Hawthorns!)


Wednesday, 24 April 2013

THE 'ROTTEN' F.A.***"HAVE THEY BITTEN OFF MORE THAN SUAREZ CAN CHEW!?"

Posted '10:35pm bells' Wednesday 24th April 2013
A DISGRACED MEMBER OF 'THE F.A.'!
("WE WISH!")
 

Foollowin'<(this isnt a misprint!) Suarez'z 10 match ban today for takin' a 'pineapple chunk' oot of an opponents arm, through video evidence, az the officials 'missed it', we have got ask the question just why didn't this happen to 'Callous' McManaman, who nearly broke Haidara's leg at Wigan the other week and who haz got away 'scott free' withoot so much az a warnin'???
Just how yoo can have one rule for cannibalism and anothaa for tryin' to break somebody's leg iz beyond us!

Of course Suarez will quite rightly miss wor game on Saturday teatime when 'The Liverbirds' come a'caallin' to St James' Park, but on the othaa hand, McManamen, it seems, iz free to de wot he likes and play in the FA Cup final!

The whole FA setup iz a complete and utter farce and they shud aall be placed into stocks like they did in 'The Middle Ages' and have rotten fruit and eggs thrown at them, forthwith!<(That's 'The FA, McManaman and Suarez!)

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPER NEWS! *** THE CAMBRIDGE BOAT RACERS 1 v THE TOON RESORVES 2 ***PLAYED TOOONEET!

Final update '9:20pm bells' Tuesday 23rd April 2013

"MONEY TALKS!"
"AZ YOO CAN SEE, RICHARD MONEY IZ 'ECSTATIC'
THAT NUFC ARE TO PAY THEM A VISIT!" 

There's great news for the 'younger' mad-sad groundhoppers amongst us, az we have arranged a friendly against Cambridge United @ The Abbey Stadium toneet @ '7:30 bells'!

Former Toon coach, Richard Money iz in charge of 'The Boat Racers' and had asked 'The Toon' for a friendly to celebrate the club's 100th annivorsary! 

'Golden oldies' like 'me'!? have been here before of course and wor last visit waz 20 years ago this month when we won 3-0 in the 'old' 2nd Division!

For that reason alone we wont be gannin'!---BUT!, 'Liam from the Lamp' and hiz sidekick 'Micheal the Mag', who were too young to gan back then, have hired a 'jam jar' and are heedin' doon this afternoon to add it to 'their list'!
It's a tenner to get in for 'grown ups' and a fiver for 'sprogs' and 'zimmerframites'! 

'Liam from the Lamp' iz deein' 'The Geordie Times' match report for 'this one' and we will have 'excluuusive' live reports online throughoot the evenin' by the wonders of text messagin'!

SO!***'tune in' to 'The Geordie Times' toooneet if yi want to naa the score forst!



Posted '7:55pm bells'

'GEORDIE TIMES' NEWSFLASH from 'The Abbey Stadium'!***Amalfitano fires home to put The Toon aheed in the 10th minute!
Goal correction time: Liam from the Lamp's watch iz wrang!---the goal time iz actually TWO! minutes!<(must be one of those 'Mickey Moose ones'!)

Updated '8:17pm bells'
Half time: 1-0 to The Toon!

Updated '8:25pm bells'
'Liam from the Lamp' haz just been hit by the match baall!<(but bein' a true 'Geordie Times' reportaa, he iz still 'carryin on'!)

Updated '8:43pm bells'
50th minute: Toon defender Mbabu concedes a penalty 1-1!
Correction: goal time actually 55th minute!<(Mickey haz got a lot to answer for!)

Updated '8:50pm bells'
Peter 'Pedro' 'Quasimodo' Beardsley haz just come on az a super sub for wor U21 resorve side!<(he IZ! anly 52 after aall!)

Updated '8:57pm bells'
69th minute: Liam iz nearly hit by the match baall again!<(it's caalled 'magnatism'!)
Attendance given az 1,302<(at least TWO Toon fans from 'The Big Lamp'!)
Correction: Attendance iz actually 1,502<(we'll get it reet one day!?)

Updated 9:17pm bells'
87th minute: GOAL!---Gilliead puts The Toon back in front with a deflected effort!<(or did it gan in direct, from a James Tavernier cross?)

Updated: '9:20pm bells'---the ref blows for full time!---The Toon win 2-1!

Special thanx to Liam and Michael from *'The Lamp' for this 'oot of depth' match report!

*'The Lamp'/Big Lamp' iz a place in The Toon not far from St James' Park on Westgate Road


PS: If yi cannit make it to Cambridge, The Toon U18s are playin' 'The Venky Chickens of Blackborn' @ Little Benton this afternoon!

PS: Too late if yi were thinkin' of gannin' to the U18s game!---just hord that we won 3-0 with Greg Olley and Adam Armstrong gettin' wor goals!

FROM 4th TOP TO 4th BOTTOM! *** "A SAD-SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS!"

Posted '2:40pm bells' Tuesday 23rd April 2013

'GEORDIE TIMES' COMMENT!


It's a sad-sad state of affairs when your manager admits that he will be 'happy'? to finish 4th bottom of the Premyaa Leegue followin' wor 1-1 draw against 'The Baggie Troosers of West Brom' on Saturday!

It's not so lang ago that anothaa Toon manager by the name of Bobby Robson waz sacked coz we were 5th in the table, with wor 'then chairman' 'Fat Freddie' demandin' a 'top 4' 'Champions Leegue' finish!

Of course 'I Beg Your Pardew' is reet, az most fans like meesel will be more than 'happy' just to survive in 'The Premyaa' this season!

Aa waz listenin' to snippets of the Man U v Villa game last neet at work and waz prayin' that the home side would get a boat-load of goals!
NOT! because aa like them or anythin' like that,<(aa cannit f*****' stand them!), but because a hammerin' for 'The Hazbeens and Villians' (who are just below us in the Leegue), would severely 'dent' their goal difference and be in wor favour!

Like aa say!---it's a sad-sad state of affairs when we've got to think like this!---isnt it!?

Monday, 22 April 2013

HEEDBANGERS STAY UP!

Posted '12:50pm bells' Monday 22nd April 2013

It's great to hear that troubled Tyneside club Gatesheed have avoided relegation from 'The Conference' and will play there again next season.

But just where they will be playin' iz anybodys guess az they have used ne fewer than FIVE! different 'home' groonds this season due to the state of the pitch @ Gatesheed Stadium!

The home venues that they have played at include: Gatesheed Stadium, Croft Park*Blyth, Brunton Park*Carlisle, York Street*Boston!, The Victoria Groond*Hartlepool and finally on Saturday, The Riverside Stadium*Smogland, where they secured their place in the top non leegue division by beatin' Ebbsfleet 2-0 in front of 500+ diehards!<(nearly az many az The Smoggies normally get!)

We wish them well for next season and hope that they can sort their new groond oot az well!

Sunday, 21 April 2013

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS 1 THE TOON 1 ***"WELCOME TO 'THE TORTURE CHAMBER'!"

Updated 'high noon bells' Sunday 21st April 2013
THE TOON (in maroon!) ATTACK
'THE SMETHWICK END'
(1st half---view from row 'V')

Life in the 'NUFC Torture Chamber' continued in the 2nd half @ The Hawthorns yesterday az we nearly 'hoyed it away' once again!

The pre match 'gargels' were conducted in The Royal Oak, where the bar waz packed with mostly Toon fans, with the odd 'Baggie' here and there!

One Toon 'fan'? who waz absoluteleee 'mortal', started singin'---"I'm on the front page of 'The Chronicle--find me if you can!"---a reference to those 'p*ss brains' pictured in 'The Ronny Gill' on Thorsday, who caaz'd trouble in the Toon last Sunday!>>>>>  

Anyway!---several 'Worthy bitters' were consumed before heedin' for the groond which waz a 10 minute waalk away in the brilliant sunshine!

The game started off well for us az we attacked The Smethwick End in wor *'ill-fated 'aall maroon' strip, where the 3,000 or so Toon fans were housed. (*Have we ever won in that strip?)

We didn't have to wait lang for the forst goal which came in the 8th minute, when, from a Cisse cross, Yohan Gouffran rose above the Albion defence, to power a heeder past their goalie which send 'the travellin' faithful' into raptures!

We had several chances after this to increase wor lead az we bombarded the goal and Demba Cisse in particular missed a glorious chance to double wor lead.
Steve Taylor, Sissoko, Cabaye and Debuchy aalso missed easy chances and we went into the half time break cursin' the fact that we wornt at least three goals up!

The 2nd half waz a 'different kettle of fish' with 'The Baggie Troosers' gannin aall oot for the equaliser!
We held oot til the mid point of the half when Jones beat Rob Elliot with a toe poked effort to level things.

THE TOON KICK OFF, TO START THE 2nd HALF----
LOOKIN' TOWARDS  'THE BIRMINGHAM ROAD END'

A 'Torture Chamber' like atmosphere then engulfed the Toon fans az the home side went for 'the kill'!
We were shambolic by this stage with some shockin' back passes, mistimed tackles and the inability to haad onto the baall for more than three seconds!

It looked for quite a while that we would 'blow it' az we bit wor finger nails to the bone and pulled wot little hair we had left, oot of their sockets!

But somehow we survived and a precious point waz in 'the baggie'<(excuse the pun!) in wor bit to stay above 'the abyss'!

Three bad results for us elsewhere however, meant that we drop doon THREE places in the table to 16th----but at least 'The Blue Wigs', 'The Biscuitmen' and 'appy' arry's Rag and Bone Men' got beat!<(off 'The Pulis P*ss Potts' who gan above us on goal difference!) 

Results which meen that the latter two bottom clubs mentioned, cannit catch us, az they can now anly get a maximum of 36 points!<(The Toon now have 37!)


Toon team: Elliot, Debuchy, Steve Taylor, Yanga, Haidara (Ben Arfa 77), Perch, Sissoko, Cabaye (Gosling 94!), Gutierrez, Gouffran (Shola Ameobi, Cisse

Attendance: 25,671 (3,000 + Toon fans in 'The Smethwick End' 'Torture Chamber'!)
  

Saturday, 20 April 2013

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS v THE TOON ***THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated '6:00am bells' Saturday 20th April 2013

With just five games to gan, it looks az though the fight to avoid 'the abyss' iz gannih gan to the last day of the season, unless!---we can pull off an unexpected victory in wor game against 'The Baggie Troosers' @ The Hawthorns @ '3 bells' toooday, and we are due to 'set off' in an hour and a half from now!

Confidence<(not suprizingleee!) iz at a low amongst the fans, but the players yet again have been tellin' the local 'rag' to, "blame us" (for last week) and that they, "will be up for it!" THIS TIME!<(for aboot the 100th time this season!)
(Lets hope so after last weeks performance!)

THE BACK PAGE OF YESTERDAYS 'RONNY GILL'!

The Toon 'end' iz a complete sell-oot, but we divvint naa just how many tickets we have taken?<(the minimum allocation yet again, ne doubt?)

Team news iz that goalie Tim Krul will be oot for the rest of the season with a dislocated shoulder and that Rob Elliot will once again deputise.
Fab Collocini who waz expected to retorn will now not feature and iz expected to retorn to the fray against 'The Liverbirds' @ home, a week tomorrow!---while Davide Santon iz 'oot' az well with hamstring trouble!

Full 'Geordie Times' match report and picx to follow eethaa later toneet or orly/late!? on Sunday mornin'!

Friday, 19 April 2013

THE TOON U21s 4 THE CRYSTAL BAALL GEEZERS U21s 0


Posted '11:20 pm bells' Friday 19th April 2013

"THE ANGEL GABRIEL!"
'THE ANGEL GABRIEL' (centre in white) SCORES HIZ
'HAT-TRICK' @ THE GALLOWGATE END!

A fantastic 'hat-trick' performance by Gabriel Obertan waz the difference between the two teams at a 'packed' St James' Park this evenin'!

Amalfitano foond Obertan in the 10th minute near the box and he made 'ne mistake' with a well placed shot @ 'The Leazes End'!

Rolandro Aarons doubled wor lead in the 25th minute with a curlin' effort which easily beat the Palace keeper 'aall ends up'!

It waz 3-0 within 2 minutes of the 2nd half when 'The Angel Gabriel' got hiz second, beatin' their keeper @ 'The Gallowgate End' with a low shot!

Hiz hat-trick came not lang before the end when a richochaded effort from him, fell nicely back to hiz feet and he proded the baall home, to seal a fine victory for the black 'n' whites!

Attendance 52,000!---"Er!"---empty seats that iz!---478 full ones! (ne Palace fans az far az we could see!)
"IZ THERE ANYBODY THERE?"


Thursday, 18 April 2013

THE TOON U21s v THE CRYSTAL BAALL GEEZERS U21s @ SJP!***TOOONEET!

Updated '11:40am bells' Friday 19th April 2013

A very rare event will take place @ St. James' Park toooneet!----Wor resorve U21 side will be playin' a home game @ 'home'!

Aye!---that's reet!--- we are actually gannin to play @ wor city centre HQ, instead of the aaful Blue Flames groond in Benton!---or behind closed door at Darsley Park!--which are both 'oot in the sticks' for many fans!

This iz anly the 2nd time this season that we will have let the resorves play @ St James'--the othaa bein' in  wor derby game against the SMBs, seven months ago, in front of a 1,776 'crowd'!<(wor highest home crowd of the season by a lang way!)

The game against 'The Crystal Baall Geezers' of sooth Landan in the 'Under 21 Resorve Leegue' kicks off @ '7 bells' and 'The East Stand' tornstiles will be open with free admission for season ticket holders and club members! (It's £3 for big kids & £1 for little kids and zimmerframeites!, who don't have season tickets etc!)

So make the most of this rare occurrence and 'get yerselz alang' and bring your lass and the 'sprogs' az well!


Resorve home games so far this season and where they were played:

SIX @ Blue Flames (aka Whitley Park)
THREE @ Darsley Park, behind closed doors!
ONE! @ St. James' Park!

Match report and 'excluuusive picx to follow!



Tuesday, 16 April 2013

LIONS OR LAMBS?

Posted '6:55pm bells' Tuesday 16th April 2013

ACTION FROM WOR HOME GAME AGAINST WBA
ORLIER THIS SEASON---WE WON 2-1!

It will take a hell of a lang time for 'the dust to settle' after Sunday's capitulation, but like we said yesterday, we 'must move on from there' and concentrate on wor next vital game against 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom on Saturday!

With anly one away win aall season in the leegue we can anly hope that we can double that tally @ The Hawthorns, but can we?<(we did beat them at home---like!)
EIGHT away points oot of a possible FORTY EIGHT this season iz a pathetic total and we have aalso lost the last FOWER away from home az well!<(things aint lookin' good!)

Apologies and promises from wor manager and the players, of wot we will de this Saturday in the local 'rag', to 'make it up' to the fans, 'doesn't wash' with us anymore!<(we've hord it aall before!)

Will we come oot of the blocks fightin' like 'lions' az we did against Benfica last Thorsday, OR!, will we 'raise the white flag of surrender' before we start!---and play like 'lambs' az we did last Sunday?


This iz NUFC we are taalkin' aboot and anything iz possible!
The Toon 'end' iz a complete sell-oot and we will of course, support them 'evermore'---come wot may in MAY!?

Monday, 15 April 2013

100,000 FANS IN TOON!---AND 100 YEARS OF DERBY VIOLENCE!

Posted '2:20pm bells' Monday 15th April 2013

In the aftermath of 'Derby Disaster Day' the heedlines on the national news and papers were NOT of the action on the pitch, but the reaction off it after the match!

Two papers, The Daily Mail and 'The Ronny-Gill' have printed reports on the violence aall ower the city centre, az fans spilled onto the streets from the groond and the pubs that were showin' the game.

'The Mail' gans on to say that the trouble @ Wembley the day before by Millwaall fans waz because of the '5:15 bells' kick off az fans had plenty of time to 'fuel up' with drink before the game!
Therefore, they argue, the game should have started much orlier to stop this!

Wor game kicked off @ 'high noon bells' of course and there waz loads of trouble so this theory 'doesn't wash'!

The truth iz that most of the trouble waz caused by 'fans' who were 'fuelled up' in the 200 or so pubs and clubs in the city and beyond which were showin' the game live and NOT those who were actually AT the game.
That's 50,000 Toon fans at the match and 50,000 others watchin' it on 'Sky'!

The SMBs wernt blameless eethaa az they hoyed smoke bombs and flares from 'level 7' into the Toon section below them in The Leazes End.
One disabled Toon fan in a wheelchair waz burned by one of the flares which hit him az he watched the match!

They'll NEVER stop fans drinkin' before the match, no matter wot time they kick off!
I got a text message on Saturday for example, tellin' me that a certain pub in the Gatesheed area waz openin' @ '7:30 bells' on the mornin' of the game and that 'jack the rippers' would be providin' the 'entertainment'!<(the text message waz off a lass!---who shall remain nameless!)

Other pubs opened LEGALLY @ '9:00 bells' in the city centre and most of the others opened @ '10'

We at 'The Geordie Times' wish the trouble had never occured, but az waz proved yesterday, switchin' the kick off time to 'high noon bells' DOESN'T work and that they may as well start it at '3 bells' az most fans would wish!<(me thinx they'll NEVER completly stop the violence az it's been gannin on for ower 100 years!)
(see below!)


"WHERE WAZ YOUR GREAT GREAT GRANDFAATHAA ON GOOD FRIDAY 1901?"
 
*There waz a much worse derby riot on Good Friday 1901 when drunken fans invaded the St James' Park pitch, tornin' it into a ploughed field and rippin' the goal posts doon!---which forced the match to be abandoned!

One Toon fan waz SO drunk that he fell oot of the grandstand which nearly collapsed!
A sund'lind fan who waz beaten up by half crazed rival fans sued Newcastle for hiz money back, but lost hiz case and had to pay £70 costs!<(a considerable sum in those days!

THAT'S REET!---NINETEEN 'O' ONE! 
ONE HUNDRED AND TWELVE YEARS AGO!

*Extracts taken from: 'The Football Grounds of  England and Wales'  


60,000 THANKOOOZ!

Posted '10:25am bells' Monday 15th April 2013

"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"
It's time to 'move on' from wor 'Disasterous Derby Display' yesterday and concentrate on next Saturdays game @ The Hawthorns when we play 'The Baggie Troosers of West Brom!

Forst of aall though, we must thank wor loyal reeeders from aroond the world (and beyond!) for takin' wor total pageviews past the SIXTY THOOSAND mark at the weekend!

The Top Ten Countries are az follows:

1 UK (England, Scotland, Northern Ireland & Wales) 31,110
2 USA 9,753
3 Ukraine 2,427
4 China 1,320
5 Jawmany 1,251
6 The Guinness Republic 941
7 Rushaa 843
8 Spain 703
9 Greece 683
10 France 443

Total pageviews from the 134 countries and territories who have logged onto this site @ '10:25am bells' 60,313<(includin' Mars!)



 

Gettin' back to wor next game, we can anly hope that the two FA Cup finalists, 'The Blue Moonies' v 'The Blue Wigs' Leegue game this comin' Wednesday, ends in a win for the home side, coz if it doesn't we could be in the sh*t by Saturday!

More to follow on yet anothaa 'must win game' for 'us', az the week progresses!

Sunday, 14 April 2013

THE TOON 0 THE SMBs 3

Posted '9:40pm bells' Sunday 14th April 2013

"A BLACK DAY IN WOR HISTORY!"
"SMBs TAKIN' THE P*SS!"
(A WELL KNOWN BOOZER'S 'TOOL-SHED'  
NEAR SJP BEFORE THE MATCH!)

It haz been very hard to write this report, but write it we will!

A totally inept performance from 'the black n whites' @ St James' this afternoon haz put us back in 'the abyss', when a win would have banished aall fears of it!

We simply didn't play, once again, and it pains me to say it, but the SMBs were the better team in both halves!

Oot of the thoosand plus games a'v watched 'The Toon',  this gans into the top ten of disasterous defeats that a'v ever witnessed!

It waz obvious from the word 'go' that it would be a tough afternoon az the SMBs fought for every baall, az we lost wor way, with many of wor passes gannin astray!

They took the lead in the 27th minute when the baall waz given away by Gutierrez and Sessegnon beat Tim Krul in the Toon goal @ The Gallowgate End.

It stayed that way til the break and at half time 'The Toon' threw on wor 'ace card' in the shape of Shola Ameobi, who haz scored seven goals against the SMBs in recent derbys between the two clubs, but it waz to 'ne avail'.

Tim Krul waz led off with a dislocated shoulder not lang after the restart, to be replaced by Rob Elliot and this proved to be the 'beginnin of the end' for us!

Soon after this, Demba Cisse put the baall into the roof of the net @ The Gallowgate End after fine work from Marveaux, but yet again for the 3rd time in fower days, hiz effort waz disallowed for offside, when clearly, he waz 'on'!

The visitors doubled their lead in the 74th minute through Johnson and it waz effectively 'game ower' at this point!
It waz soon 3-0 to add to wor misery when Vaughan put the game beyond us with less than 10 minutes to gan!

A 'black day' in wor lang history and one we won't forget in a lang time!<(get the 'black armbands' oot!)

Toon team: Krul (Elliot 57), Debuchy, Steve Taylor, Yanga, Gutierrez, Marveaux, Tiote, Cabaye (Ben Arfa 62), Gouffran (Shola Ameobi 46), Sissoko, Cisse

Attendance: 52,355 (2,700 SMBs)  

Saturday, 13 April 2013

THE TOON v THE FASCIST DWARF'S SMBs ***'HIGH NOON BELLS' TOOODAY!

Posted '8:15am bells' Sunday 14th April 2013

In exactleee 3 and 3qwaataa hours time from now, wor biggest Leegue game of the season kicks off, when we play 'The Fascist Dwarf's X1' @ St James' Park in the now usual 'high noon bells shootout'!

Just why the local 'dibble' make us kick off at this ridiculous time iz open to debate----aa meeen!, some bars in 'The Toon' are openin' legally @ 'NINE BELLS' this mornin', so the idea of stoppin' people drinkin' by havin' an orly start IZ a 'non starter' anyway!  

'The Geordie Times' can excluuusivleee reveal that Steve Taylor will defiantleee! be in the startin' line up, az told to us by wor 'secret club sauce'!
Mathiau Debuchy, Yohan Gouffran and Cheik Tiote are expected to play az well and we understand that Hatem Ben Arfa will be on the subs bench!

A win would take us EIGHT points clear of thoze who survive on benefits 12 miles south of the Tyne and Premyaa Leegue safty would surely be secured if this happens!

The 'dibble' have warned that facsist salutes by anyone will result in instant arrest, which will surely put that idea in to the heeds of anyone who hadn't thought of that!<(Aa wonder if this includes a certain Italian fascist dwarf, who will be rantin' and ravin' in the 'Away' dugoot!???)

A full match report will follow much later az per usual!

Friday, 12 April 2013

THE TOON 1 THE TEAM FROM THE 'PROPAA' STADIUM OF LIGHT 1 (BENFICA WIN 4-2 on AGGREGATE)

Posted '4:10pm bells' Friday 12th April 2013
THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES END
(1st half) (View from row 'Y' Middle Tier)

TWO! disallowed goals from Demba Cisse in this game plus his TWO! shots that hit the post last week in Lisbon, (but rebounded oot!), ultimately cost us this tie and we are heartbreakingleee oot of Europe for another year and a qwaata at least!<(due to the fact that wor current Premyaa Leegue position means we have 'ne chance' of qualifyin' for Europe next season!)

'The Geordie Times'z' 113th competitive European game 'in a row'<(and the last, for a while!) started off with the visitors the brighter of the two teams and they nearly scored orly on when Lima went close with Toon goalie Tim Krul stranded. Then Haidara saved the day for us with a clearance from a Gaitan effort, az Benfica went for the 'jugular'!

We simply couldn't get started and several passes went astray in the forst period az the clock ticked doon. Cisse waz then denied a goal just before the break @ 'The Leazes End' az the linesman flagged him for offside!

The second half waz much better from wor point of view and we went 'hell for leather' to reduce the 3-1 deficit from the forst leg az the crowd got behind the team.
Again, Demba Cisse foond the back of the net @ 'The Gallowgate End', but he waz denied once again by 'the liner'!
THE TOON ATTACK THE GALLOWGATE END
(2nd half)

Cisse DID eventually get onto the scoresheet when he tapped in a simple effort with 20 minutes to gan to send 50,000 Geordies wild with delight, az the linesmans flag stayed doon!

A 2-0 scoreline would give us the tie under the 'away goals rule' but we couldn't get the second goal. Ben Arfa who had came on az sub nearly 'did it', but his fine shot dipped ower the bar az the minutes ran doon!
And then at 'the death' Benfica's Salvio fired in unmarked to put the tie beyond us az the 1,500 'Propaa' Stadium of Light Brigaders' celebrated in 'level 7' above us!

A fair result against a great team, but wor thoughts torned to the two chalked off goals, which could have put us through to the 'semis' and a trip 'TO HELL' against Torkish side Fenebache!

That's 20,000 miles we have travelled this season in Europe, from Greece to Madiera to France to Belgium to Ukraine to Rushaa and finally to Portugal!< (and groond number 300 off the 'mad-sad' groundhoppers' list!)
The Euro trophy dream iz ower---for anothaa TWO YEARS at least!<(and aa didn't need to gan to Durham Passport Office to 'fast track' a new passport eethaa!) (see below!) 

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Haidara (Marveaux 67), Yanga, Williamson, Cabaye, Bigiramana (Shola Ameobi 46), Anita (Ben Arfa 63), Cisse, Sissoko, Gutierrez

Attendance: 52,157 (1,500 Benficans!) 

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

THE TOON v THE TEAM FROM THE 'PROPAA' STADIUM OF LIGHT! ***TOOONEET!

Updated '12:50pm bells' Thorsday 10th April 2013


Yet again we must switch wor attention between the domestic scene, to the European scene, when we welcome the great Benfica of Lisbon to St James' Park toneet for the 2nd leg of wor Europaa Leegue qwaata final tie!
(The game kicks off @ '8:05 bells' and iz live on ITV4)

Followin' wor dramatic win against 'The Wacko Jackos' of Fulham on Sunday (see below!) we are on 'a high' once again in the run up to this game!

It won't be easy az we of course lost the forst leg
3-1 @ 'The 'Propaa' Stadium of Light' last week<('Estadio Da Luz' in their lingo!) but dafter things have happened in the past! <(like on Sunday gone!) and we will be 'up for it' in wot will be a selloot 52,000 plus crowd!<(divvint naa how many Benfica have sold?)

Several of wor players like Demba Cisse and Steve Taylor and former players like Bob Moncur and 'Fat Boy' Quinn'<(az opposed to 'Fat Boy Slim'!) have been writin' in the local 'rag' that the tie iz far from ower az far az they're concorned!<(Lets hope they're reet!)
THE BACK PAGE OF WEDNESDAY'S 'RONNY-GILL'!

A white hot atmosphere awaits them and if we de get through to the semi-finals, aa'll have to rush to the passport office in Durham on Friday to renew mee passport, which runs oot soon!<(A'v aalready 'pre-booked' an appointment with them for 'high noon bells', to 'fast track' mee application, just in case we DE get through!)<(fingers and toes crossed!)

Update Friday mornin' 11th April
Unfortunatly, av been caalled into work unexpectedleee and have got to gan to Glasgow and will not be able to put the Benfica report online til late on Friday afternoon!    

Monday, 8 April 2013

GEORDIE TIMES 'EXCLUUUSIVE' PHOTOS FROM WOR GAME AGAINST 'THE WACKO JACKO JIVERS' OF FULHAM!

Posted 'high noon bells' Monday 8th April 2013




CISSE (extreme right of pic) SCORES THE WINNIN' GOAL!

 


CISSE JUMPS INTO THE CROWD TO CELEBRATE!

 



WOR MANAGER AALSO JUMPS INTO THE CROWD,
CLAIMIN' LATER THAT SOMEBODY HAD
'HALF-INCHED' HIZ KEYS!
(Note the blonde lass in red, gannin' for
hiz back pocket!)<"STOP THIEF"!

 
ANOTHER VIEW OF CISSE'S WINNER!
(on deck in centre of pic!)

MATCH REPORT BELOW!
 


THE TOON 1 THE WACKO JACKO JIVERS 0

Posted '7:15am bells' Monday 8th April 2013

"FROM AGONY TO ECSTASY!"
"THE TOON ATTACK 'THE GALLOWGATE END'
DURIN' THE 2nd HALF!" (View from The Milburn Stand balcony)

A dour forst half and news that the SMBs were winnin @ Chelski and that QPR had had a player sent off against Wigan, filtered through to the 'faithful', az we contemplated the fact that, shud we lose, we could be one point behind the SMBs, come the crucial derby game @ St James' next Sunday @ 'high noon bells' and equal with Wigan shud they win!

Really, we didn't get oot of the blocks in the forst period and a nil-nil scoreline looked on the cards az we couldn't break doon the away sides defence and looked unlikely to do so!

The 2nd half waz much better az we attacked 'The Gallowgate End'. Vurnon Anita had a shot which deflected onto the crossbar in the 53rd minute but the baall went ower the bar, rathaa than into the net!
Then, at the mid point of the half we hit the post TWICE in the space of a few seconds when Cabaye's heeder struck the upright and reboonded oot to Cisse, who's shot aalso struck the same post but, cruelly reboonded oot again! (the FIFTH time we had hit the goal frame and not scored in the last two games, includin' the two which hit the post against Benfica last Thorsday in Lisbon!) 

Just when it looked az though we would have to settle for a point and contemplate bein' equal thord bottom, up stepped Demba Cisse in the thord minute of injury time to poke the baall home @ 'The Gallowgate End' and win the game for 'The Toon'!---(The thord home game in a row that Cisse had won it for us in stoppage time!)<(the othaa two were against Stoke and Anzi!)

When he scored I swear the roof lifted off the groond az a deafenin' noise of relief and justice enveloped the stands!
Wor manager then jumped into the crowd in unbridled joy (and lost hiz keys in the process!), while Cisse waz booked for AALSO dein' the same thing!---such waz the emotion of the moment!

News then filtered through that the SMBs had lost 2-1 and that Wigan had anly drawn against the ten men of QPR which meens that we are now FIVE points above 'the abyss' instead of bein' 'in it'!

Surelee there iz ne othaa game like futbaall, to change your feelings of 'agony' one minute to 'ecstasy' the next!?

Toon team: Krul, Simpson (Campbell 80), Santon (Anita 17), Steven Taylor, Yanga, Gutierrez, Cabaye, Marveaux, Gouffran (Shola Ameobi 69), Sissoko.

Attendance: a magnificent 51,847 includin' 502 'Wacko Jackos' from Fulham

Fixture and results section just updated---see top tool bar and 'click' <(23 days late!)

Saturday, 6 April 2013

THE TOON v THE WACKO JACKO JIVERS ***THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated '9:05am bells' Sunday 7th April 2013

"WOR 'VIEW'? FROM CRAVEN COTTAGE IN
WOR GAME THERE, ORLIER THIS SEASON!"
(We lost 2-1!)


We must torn wor attention away, once again, from wor exploits in Europe to the domestic scene, when we take on 'The Wacko Jacko Jivers' of Fulham @ St James' this afternoon @ '3 bells' in a non televised game<(unless yi watch it on one of the 'dodgy' channels!---like!)

Yet again it's a MUST WIN game az we are just 3 points above 'the abyss' az aa write this az again some results went against us yesterday!

Yohan Gouffran retorns to the squad aftaa missin' oot in Lisbon and Cheik Tiote iz aalso expected to retorn, while Danny Simpson iz 50/50 to play!
However!---current injuries to Ben Arfa, Debuchy, Haidara, Ryan Taylor and Vuckic meen that we will have fewaa to pick from once again!

Match report (az per usual) to follow later
Tomorrow mornin' sometime?

Friday, 5 April 2013

THE PROPAA STADIUM OF LIGHT BRIGADE 3 THE TOON 1 ****300 GROONDS!***AND COONTIN'!

Updated '9:00pm bells' Friday 5th April 2013

Ground number 300!
Date of First Visit 4th April 2013
Estadio Da Luz, Lisbon, Portugal

Benfica 3
Newcastle United 1 (Cisse)

Europa League Quarter final 1st leg
Attendance: 44,133 (aroond aboot 4,000 Toon fans!)

"THE 300 GROUNDS CLUB!---AT LAST!"




'The holy grail' of 300 groonds watchin' 'The Toon' waz finally  reached by 'The mad-sad groundhopper' @ The Estadio Da Luz<(Stadium of Light) last neet, but waz tinged with disappointment of course because of wor attempt to throw the tie away by pressin' the 'self destruct button'!

Below iz a brief trip report and aa will add loads more az the days gan by!

The 'nine bells' chartaa flight on Wednesday mornin' from Toon Airport waz uneventful and we touched doon in the Portugese capital some three hours later!
Aftaa a quick 'wash n brush up' in wor city centre hotel we were 'off on the hoy' once agen in yet anothaa European city in wor (seeeminglee!) nevaa endin' adventure!

'The Hard Rock Cafe' waz wor forst 'port o caall', a good 20 minutes waalk from the hotel and from there we heeded up a 'very' steep hill to some 'very' cheap boozers at the top!
'The Wasp' bar certainly didn't 'sting us' @ ONE Euro a pint<(less than a quid!) and from there we moved onto the various drinkin dens dotted aroond that area, many of them filled with Toon fans with the same idea az us!<(f*****' plonkies!)
"NO STING IN THE WASP!"

At aroond aboot 'midneet bells' we decided to gan for an orly mornin' 'retirement' back to the hotel to catch up on some much needed sleep! "ZZZZZzzzzz!!!!!"

Next day of course waz 'match day' and we heeded back to 'The Hard Rock' where quite a few of the 4,000 Toon fans who had travelled ower were congrigated.
The main area knaan az 'Rossi Square', (we were telt) waz packed with Toon fans by orly afternoon and so we heeded back to wor old 'haunts' 'on the hill' for a quiet afternoons 'gargelin', az it waz off 'the beaten track'!

Before lang we were off to the match where a thorough search waz completed before they would let us in, ne doubt to see if anybody had been hidin' flares or smokebombs doon their pants!

Just before the match kicked of a giant eagle waz released in the centre of the pitch (Benfica are knaan az 'The Eagles') and flew aroond the pitch menacingly for five minutes, much to the amusement of the Toon fans!
Az it landed back on it's keeper's glove there waz huge applause from both the Benfica fans and the Toon fans for this novel pre match innovation! Certainly A'V nevaa seen out like this before!<(perhaps WE shud copy them and release two magies before eech home game @ St James'?)<(one for sorrow TWO for JOY!)

Anyway!--mee 'historic' 300th groond to watch the Toon waz complete when *Cisse kicked the game off and aa carnt imagine EVAA bein' able to de 400, az a'd run oot of groonds! (*Aa aalways say that aa haveent been to a groond until a Toon player touches the baall!)

We took the lead in the 12th minute when a pinpoint through baall from 'The Sissoko Kid' foond Cisse and he made 'ne mistake' from close in to send the travellin' faithful into rapures high in the stands behind the far end goal!
Cisse then agonizinglee hit the post, but his effort reboonded oot and the chance to double wor lead waz gone!
It aall went 'pear shaped' aftaa this though az in the 25th minute Tim Krul in the Toon goal could anly push a save to the feet of Moreno and he had the easy task of firin' the baall into the net to level things!

Then just aftaa the restart we had a glorious chance to once agen retake the lead when 'Marveaux the Magician' foond Cisse and hiz chip ower their goalie looked to be gannin in' anly for the spinnin' baall to agonizingleee hit the post once agen and boonce oot!
Then disaster struck when an attempted back pass from Santon to Krul waz intercepted by Lima who shot into the empty goal!
^ "GUESS WHO HE SUPPORTS!?" ^

It waz soon 3-1 to Benfica when Steve Taylor needlesly handled in the box to give the home side a penalty which Cardozo convorted at the 2nd attempt! (the ref made him retake the 1st one which he aalso scored from!)

There waz ne way back from this and despite a couple of chances to reduce the defesitt<(Geordie Times spellin'!) we must now gan into the revorse fixture @ St James' next week and hope for more luck!
A game we shud have won 3-1 torned oot to be the exact opposite!---and to say we pressed the 'self destruct button' would be the understatement of the year!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson (Gosling 83), Santon, Steve Taylor, Yanga, Cabaye, Perch (Anita 62) Sissoko, Gutierrez, Marveaux (Sola Ameobi 80), Cisse

We were locked in for ower half an hour aftaa the game, much to the annoyance of 'us' and a couple of skirmishes broke oot between some frustrated Toon fans and the local 'dibble' dressed in riot gear who drew and used their batons!<(completlee ower the top in wor opinion!)

We were then bussed straight to Lisbon Airport for wor flights back, eventually arrivin' at mee front door at 'presisely' 'fower twenty five bells' this mornin'!

A 'BIG ONE' off the list this time!


'Geordie Times' groondhoppin' milestones!

1964***1st groond***St James' Park of course! (1st team v Coventry City***(Old) Division Two)

1969***10th and 1st European away groond***Ibrox Park, Glasgow (1st team v Rangers***Inter Cities Fairs Cup)

1978***50th groond, Craven Cottage, London (1st team v Fulham***(Old) Division Two)

1991***100th groond, Prenton Park, Birkenhead (1st team v Tranmere Rovers***(Old) Division Two )

1997***150th groond, Louis II Stadium, Monte Carlo, (1st team v Monaco***UEFA Cup)

2001***200th groond, Somerset Park, Ayr (1st team v Ayr United***Friendly)

2005***250th groond, Kingsley Park, Ryton (Resorves/Juniors v Ryton***Friendly)

2013***300th groond, Estadio Da Luz, Lisbon (1st team v Benfica***Europa League)


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