Sunday, 30 December 2012

THE ARSE 7 THE TOON 3****"IT WAZ ON THE CARDS!" ("AND I DON'T MEEEN 'XMAS CARDS'!")

Updated '7:00pm bells' Sunday 30th December 2012      

"ANYTHING! CAN HAPPEN
IN THE NEXT HALF HOUR!!!"

The 'cricket score' that we envisaged @ 'The Theatre of Muppets' on Boxin' Day actually happened just three days later here in 'the smoke'!

It's painful to type this, but wor defence haz so many holes in it, that more scores like this are sureleee inevitable, unless we buy in the 'January sales'!

The last half hour of the game in particular waz a 'horror show' and we just collapsed like a 'pack of cards', concedin' an incredible FIVE! goals in this space of time! (it waz 'TWO-TWO' up til this point and we were az good az wor hosts up til then!)

The goal sequences were az follows:
(deeep breath!)

20th minute: Theo Walcott gans roond Tim Krul to put the home side aheed (1-0 to 'The Arse')

43rd minute: A Demba Ba free kick just ootside the box ricko-shades<(Geordie Times spelllin'!) off an 'Arse' defender to put us level! (1-1 !)

50th minute: A Danny Simpson 'throw in' finds a home player? who slots the baall to Chambelain, who fires past Tim Krul! (2-1 to 'The Arse')

59th minute: We level things with a fantastic goal  when 'The Angel Gabriel'< (it's STILL Xmas!) crossed the baall and 'Marveaux the Magician' slams the baall into 'The Arses' net!
(2-2 !)

64th minute: 'The Arse' again regain the lead when Podolski<(he's Polish--wud yoo believe!?) nodded in from close range!) (3-2 to 'The Arse')

69th minute: Demba Ba levels things once again with a great volley from a cross by 'Marveaux the Magician'! (3-3 !)

And then it aall went horribly wrang!

73rd minute: Walcott wellies the baall and it gans into the top corner of the goal! (4-3 to 'The Arse')

84th minute: Olivier Giroud heeds the baall past Tim Krul to give them a two goal advantage! (5-3 to 'The Arse')

87th minute: Giroud hits his 2nd goal in 3 minutes to 'finish us off' (6-3 to 'The Arse)

92nd minute: Walcott completes wor misery with hiz 'hat-trick! (7-3 to 'The Arse'---final score!) ("help!")

'The Arse' fans then 'take the p*ss', but they have short memories az it isn't so lang ago that THEY lost 8-2 @ 'The Theatre of Muppets'!---an even WORSE scoreline!--- we believe!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson (Ferguson 82), Perch, Coloccini, Santon, Bigiramana (Shola Ameobi 83), Tiote, Cisse, Marveaux (Tavernier 82), Obertan, Ba  

Attendance: 60,087 <(surely not az there were loads of empty seats? (2,000 'shell shocked' Toon fans!)


To 'hoy a spanner in the works' the '9 bells' train yem from King's Cross waz 'dry' by decree of the 'British Transport Dibbles' and it took an incredible FIVE hours to get back to Tyneside! (it normally teks 'THREE'!) (that's FIVE HOURS eatin' crisps and drinkin' 'Diet Coke'!)<(I'm on a slimmin' regime!)

PS: A'v done this 'match report' after a'v had a few 'Sunday lunchtime liquids', (to get mee heed straight!) but yiv aall probably seen the game anyway on the telly and yi divvint reeely need me to tell yoo the 'blindingleee obvious'! 

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST