Saturday, 30 June 2012

EURO 2012---PUB PLONKIES AND 'CAN OF CARLSBURG ON THE COUCH', POTATOES, TELLY GUIDE!

Final update '10:50am bells' Monday 2nd July 2012 
OLYMPIC STADIUM KIEV IN 1997


"ENGLAND EXPECTS!---AND GOT EXACTLEEE WOT WAZ EXPECTED!"

The Euro 2012 Championships final waz tooneet of course and 'The Geordie Times'  produced ower the last 3 weeks a compreeehensive TV guide for yoo to cut oot and keep for aall matches!

The final  at The Olympic Stadium in the Ukraine capital of Kiev @ 7:45 bells and az we now naa, SPAIN hammered ITALY---4-0---and just in case yi wonderin'---oh yes!---'The NUFC mad-sad groundhoppers' have been here az well! (TWICE in fact!) to watch The Toon in The Champions Leegue!
England, of course beat Sweden here last Friday (just!) in the now reduced 60,000 capacity rebuilt stadium (It waz faallin' apart when we were last here 10 years ago!)  

To coincide with the final, aa'm deein' a 'match report' of wor forst visit here in 1997, when 'Bill Quay Kev' drank a full bottle of vodka before the match in a bar ootside the groond!
He didn't get in 'til half time and fell asleep in the 2nd half and MISSED the game! which ended 2-2, with unlikely hero John Beresford gettin' both wor goals. (aall that way for nowt!)

'Sensible' 'me'!?--on the otha hand!, ended up in the KIEV END! in the 100,000 crowd that day, afta gettin' completlee lost tryin' to find the Toon fans tornstiles!
It'll be well worth a reeed---aa promise yoo! 

PS: Just finished the nightshift truck run from Gatesheed to Glasgow and back.
Gannin for some much needed kip now and aa'll put the Kiev groundhoppin' story online when aa get up at teatime!----"ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz!!!!!!!"
(see above!)




(THE EURO 2012 TV STORY SO FAR!)

Friday 8th Joon

Poland v Greece @ 5 bells on BBC1
1-1 draw***Attendance:56,826

Russia v Czech Republic @  7:45 bells on ITV1
Russia won 4-1***Attendance: 37,348 

Saturday 9th Joon

Holland v Denmark @ 5 bells on BBC1
Denmark won 1-0***Attendance: 56,826

Jawmany v Portugal @ 7:45 bells on BBC1
Jawmany won 1-0***Attendance: 33,951

Sunday 10th Joon
Spain v Italy @ 5 bells on ITV1
1-1 draw***Attendance: 43,615

The Guinness Republic v Croatia @ 7:45 bells on ITV1
Croatia won 3-1***Attendance: 43,200

Monday 11th Joon
France v ENGLAND @ 5 bells on ITV1
1-1 draw***Attendance: 42,000

Ukraine v Sweden @ 7:45 bells on BBC1
Ukraine won 2-1***Attendance: 60,000

Tuesday 12th Joon
Greece v Czech Republic @ 5 bells on ITV1
The Czechs won 2-1***Attendance: 35,213

Poland v Russia @ 7:45 bells on ITV1
1-1 draw***Attendance: 53,617


Wednesday 13th Joon
Denmark v Portugal @ 5 bells on ITV1
Portugal won 3-2***Attendance: 34,915

Holland v Jawmany @ 7:45 bells on BBC1
Jawmany won 2-1***Attendance: 38,633



Thorsday Joon 14th
Italy v Croatia @ 5 bells on BBC1
1-1 draw***Atendance: 37,096

Spain v The Guinness |Republic @ 7:45 bells on BBC1
Spain won 4-0***Attendance: 38,633



Friday Joon 15th
Ukraine v France @ 5 bells on ITV1
France won 2-0***Attendance: 48,000

Sweden v ENGLAND @ 7:45 bells on BBC1
England won 3-2***Attendance: 64,640



Saturday 16th Joon

Czech Republic v Poland @ 7:45 bells on BBC1
Czechs won 1-0***Attendance: 41,680

The Czechs gan through to the knockoot stage
Poland gan oot!


Greece v Russia aalso @ 7:45 bells on BBC3
Greece won 1-0***Attendance: 55,614

Greece gan through to the knockoot stage
The Russians gan oot!


Sunday 17th Joon


Denmark v Jawmany @ 7:45 bells on ITV4
Jawmany won 2-1***Attendance: 35,000

Jawmany gan through  to the knockoot stage
The Danes gan oot!




Portugal v Holland aalso @ &:45 bells on ITV1
Portugal won 2-1***Attendance: 38,633

Portugal gan through to the knockoot stage
The Dutch gan oot!


Monday Joon 18th

Croatia v Spain @ 7:45 bells on BBC3
Spain won 1-0***Attendance: 38,371

Spain gan through to the knockoot stages
The Croats gan oot!

Italy v The Guinness Republic aalso @ 7:45 bells on BBC1
ITALY WON 2-0***Attendance: 44,416

Italy gan through to the knockoot stages
The Guinness Republic were aalready oot!



Tuesday 19th Joon

ENGLAND v Ukraine @ 7:45 bells on ITV1

England won 1-0 and will play Italy in the knockoot stages  in Kiev on Sunday!***Attendance: 51,504

Sweden v France aalso @ 7:45 bells on ITV4

Sweden won 2-0 but it's the French who gan through to play Spain in Donetsk on Saturday!***Attendance: 65,000



Thorsday Joon 21st

Qwaata finals
Czech Republic v Portugal @ 7:45 bells on ITV1
Portugal won 1-0 and progress to the 'semis'***Attendance:55,590




Friday Joon 22nd

Qwaata finals
Jawmany v Greece @ 7:45 bells on BBC1
Jawmany easily won 4-2 and progress to the 'semis' (possible opponents---ENGLAND!)***Attendance: 38,751



Saturday Joon 23rd

Spain v France @ 7:45 bells on ITV1
Spain won 2-0***Attendance: 47,000



Sunday Joon 24th

ENGLAND v Italy @ 7:45 bells on BBC1

0-0 after extra time----Italy won 4-2 on penalties!
and progress to 'semis'----England fly home with NE FANS to great them at the airport! (wot does THAT tell yiz!?)***Attendance: 64,340


Personally!--we  gave England 'ne chance' of winnin' it, despite their 'lucky' 1-0 win against Ukraine last Tuesday neet, with yet another 'ower the line' 'no goal' for the joint hosts! (although it WAS offside!---like!)
It waz possible we could beat Italy of course---BUT!---the dreaded penalty shootoot defeat (for the SEVENTH time!) meeenz that we must say 'goodbye to yet anotha tournament! 



Wednesday 27th Joon

Portugal v Spain @ 7:45 bells on BBC1
0-0 after extra time---Spain won 4-2 on penalties and progress to the final on Sunday ***Attendance: 48,000



Thorsday 28th Joon

Jawmany v Italy @ 7:45 bells on BBC1
Italy won 2-1 and progress to the final on Sunday against Spain 


THE FINAL!

SPAIN v ITALY on both BBC1 and ITV 1 @ 7:45 bells! (take your pick!)
Spain easily won 4-0 to pick up the trophy once again!***Attendance: 63,170



We've said aall alang that the final would be between Spain and Jawmany and we were bang on course with wor prediction!---However!-- Italy have spoilt wor party, so it's just az well we didn't have a fiver on that to happen!

Sunday, 24 June 2012

ENGLAND EXPECTS!

Posted 8:35am bells' Sunday 24th Joon 2012
'THE JUNCTION' WAATERIN HOLE IN THE HAYMARKET!


The eyes of the world will be on Kiev toneet where ENGLAND take on Italy in the semi finals of Euro 2012.
The whole of Tyneside iz rootin' for the boys in white!---but can they de it!???----we'll let yi naa aroond aboot 'ten bells' toneet! (or a bit later if it's a penalty shoot oot!

SOMEWHERE IN DUNSTON!

Saturday, 23 June 2012

BLACK AND WHITE DAFT FANZINE ISSUE 10***NUW ON SALE!

Posted '6:45am bells' Saturday 23rd Joon 2012
The latest issue of 'Mad Mick's fanzine 'Black and White Daft' iz nuw on sale from hiz shop in St Andrews Street (opposite The Newcastle Arms and within eazy 'hocklin distance' of St James' Park!)

'The Geordie Times' 'House of Horrors' trip to Watford in 1984 iz included az well az the usual anti SMB stuff!

It's well worth a reeed for the 'price of a pint' in The Newcastle Arms and 'The Geordie Times onterage' will be there at some point on Saturday for 'liquid refreshments' (etc!) if yi fancy a 'gargel' with us!?
The story from Watford which we published on-line the otha week can be viewed below!
(Thoze of yoo who are of a norvous disposition---look away now!) 

073 vicarage road watford


(GROUND NUMBER 73)

Date of First Visit: 27th October 1984

VICARAGE ROAD, WATFORD

WATFORD 3

NEWCASTLE UNITED 3  (Neil McDonald, Peter Beardsley, Kenny Wharton)

(OLD) DIVISION ONE

ATTENDANCE: 18,753 (3,000 Toon fans)





“PSYCHO   THREE!  THREE!”

“SORRY ABOUT THE CHIP IN THE CUP!”



“THE TALE OF THE CHIPPED CUP!” (WITH NE HANDLE!)

Aa went on ‘Finks Travels’ for this one (ie: MY ‘jamjar’!) and in addition ‘Magpie Travel’ had aboot 20 bus loads of fans who’d aalso made the jorney doon, which meant ‘The Toon’ had a canny followin’ on this grey October day!

Ronny ‘The Hunter’ who waz one of wor travellin’ companions had insisted that we left orly to catch openin’ time in Watford and we duly set of at ‘six am bells’ to comply with hiz wishes!

However!---we got there very late coz of major traffic congestion on the ‘M1’, and wih parked behind some allotments doon a narrow lane a few hundred yards from the groond with less than half an hour to spare ‘til kick off and to top it aall we were ne where near any boozers eetha! (much to ‘The Hunters’ annoyance!)

Yih had ti walk through the ‘said’ allotments tih reach the tornstiles and with the ‘three bells’ start time approachin’ we had to make A MAJOR DECISION!---ie: Eetha miss wor pre match ‘gargels’---or!---miss the start of the match!

It waz ‘ne contest!’---‘the match’ waz more important than’the hootch!’ and so we hurried towards a ‘cut’ which winded through the allotments and tih the tornestiles beyond!

It waz more like ‘Follow the grey shingle track’ than ‘Elton Johns’ ‘ Follow the Yellow Brick Road!’ and some keen gardeners were merrily diggin’ their ‘precious plots’ and hoein’ the weeds az the Geordie hoards made their way to the groond! (diggin’the weeds waz obviously more excitin’ than watchin’ Watford!)

There were lang queues at the tornstiles, and so it waz just az well that we’d went straight there, rather than gan for ‘that’ ‘gargel’ doon the road! (yiv got to get yi priorities reet!—ah meen!---yih can get a few Arthur Scargills at anytime!---carnt yi?---but yi can hardly ask Peter Beardsley tih ‘re-score’ hiz spectacular owerheed sizzers kick again coz yi missed it!---can yi?)

This waz a typical lower league ground of that time, with a mixture of open terraces and wooden stands.

Wor end waz covered terracin’ which waz very shallow, and tih get a good view yi had tih crane yi neck and stand on yi tip-toes tih see anything at aall! (good job a’m six foot taall!) (NOT so good if yi a Dennis Wise size guy!)

A’d managed to get a good vantage point az the game kicked off, but there were hundreds of Toon plonkies who had ‘risked’ a ‘quick liquid’, who were still ootside, desperate to gain admittance az anly two tornstiles were open! (which waz typical of a ground like this in them days!) and yi could hear them shootin’ and baallin’ to get in! (drunken bu**ers!---shud have got hear orlier like us!)

Watford would normally expect a few hundred away fans and not the thoosands that The Toon had brung that day!  The players ran oot to rapturous applause with ‘ROCKET MAN’! (wot else?) blarin’ oot ower the (very!) loud speakers! (*a message to aall yeez ‘young pups’ readin’ this!---Elton John waz Watford’s chairman in them days!)

LET THE ACTION COMMENCE!

We made a great start orly on and took the lead after fine work from Chris Waddle on the wing, who foond Pat Heard and he threaded a through baall to Neil McDonald who fired home at ‘The Vicarage Road End’ at the far end of the groond from us.

John Anderson then made two excellent clearences off wor goal line and thanx mainly to him we went in 1-0 up at half time.

It wasn’t lang before we doubled wor lead in the second period when Heard and McDonald combined to send a through baall to ‘Pedro Beardsley’ and he slooted the baall past the advancin’ Watford keeper to put us two goals clear in front of the ecstatic 3,000 Toon faithful in ‘The Allotment End’.

However!---this waz NUFC and before lang the home side had pulled one back followin’ tremendous pressure on the Toon goal.

The Inevitable equaliser came a few minutes later and a point looked on the cards.

Nevertheless!---Kenny Wharton had otha ideas and put us 3-2 aheed near the end to the fotha delight of the travellin’ fans.

Wor hearts then sank in injury time az ‘The Blaydon Races’ rang oot aroond Vicarage Road when Watford cruely denied us wor win with a last gasp equaliser! (it just wasn’t to be!)



“THE HOUSE OF HORRORS!”



After the game we heeded back alang the track and after stickin’ a pin in mee ‘AA’ road atlas, wi decided to heed for Loughborough in Leicestershire az it wasn’t too much ‘drinkin time distance’ away! (er!---actually! The ‘pin’ had ended up stuck in some unprenoooceable place in north Wales with with aboot twenty seven letters beginnin’ with ‘LLL’! (too far away for a ‘gargel’, and in the wrang direction!---so Loughborough it waz!)



We duly arrived in Loughborough,  namely Bob ‘’Patter’, ’Tex’ Taylor, Ronny ‘The Hunter’, ‘Fawlty Dowaz’, ‘Smudger’ and of course little ol’ me! (Er!—that’s six of us in a five seater car?---mee memory must be playin’ tricks???)

On arrival, we dumped the car in a side street and heeded for the nearest waaterin’ hole for some ‘sustenance’ and to ask for the nearest (and cheapest!) hotel.

We asked the pub manager where we could get digs for the neet and he pointed us in the direction of the toon centre

A scruffy deranged lookin’ ‘Rigsby type character’ waz eavesdroppin’  on wor conversation az he supped hiz pint of ‘lubrication’ at the bar!  He waz az ‘skinny az a rake and he had lang scraggly hair and huge teeth that a shire horse would have been proud of!

He piped up---“I’ve got a large lodgin’ house not far from here and I could put you up for TWO QUID includin’ a bacon and egg breakfast in the mornin’ az my lodgers are away at the moment!”

TWO F*****’ QUID! FOR BED AND BREKKIES!?---It was an offer we COULDN’T refuse and so we arranged to meet him at ‘chuckin’ oot time’ ootside the boozer!

Battered and bruised with the drink (we bumped into a couple of lamp post on the way!) we staggered back to the forst boozer after several pints in the toon centre hostelries and dives. ‘Rigsby’ (az he waz now ‘affectionately’  known!) duly torned up (‘cattle trucked’ az well!) at the appointed time and we heeded up a hill with ne street lights where a huge three story hoose stood on it’s own.
"SOMEWHERE IN LOUGHBOROUGH!"

Uncannily---it looked remarkably like Bates Motel in the Alfred Hitchcock house of horrors film ‘Psycho’ and the anly thing that waz missin’ were a few bats and ‘Norman Bates’ himself! (the psychopath hotel owner in the film!) Although there waz a full moon to complete the scene! (Honest!)

But!---and  come to think of it!?, wor 'deranged friend' with hiz huge teeth and scraggly hair DID look a bit like Norman Bates’s mother from the same film! (help!)

(‘Q’ High pitched violin music!) “EEE! EEE! EEE! EEE! EEE! EEE! EEE!”

Anyway!---He took us up to the rooms where threadbare carpets adorned the creakin’ floorboards and me and ‘Smudger’ were allocated one of the lodgers rooms on the second floor, which wouldn’t have been oot of place in Steptoes livin’ room. (hardly ‘The Ritz’!---ne wonder it waz anly two quid a neet!)

Az soon az we got in we  bolted the door securely,(just in case!) and ‘Smudger’ (who I didn’t naa very well) then started searchin’ the draws and cupboards,  where he foond a half eaten ham sarnie covered in green mould and an apple ‘gook’ which had been bitten to the core!

From there he went into ‘the toolshed’ and took the back off the toilet cistern to have a look inside???

He then came back and started takin’ the pictures off the waalls and undoin’ the frames to look inside the back covers???

“WOT! THE F**K ARE YI DEEIN’ LIKE!?”, aa said to him, thinkin’ that ‘the demon drink’ had taken it’s toll and he didn’t naa wot he was deein’!

“This iz where they hide the money, Fink!”, he said excidedlee az he prized a picture frame off with a kitchen knife he’d foond in one of the draws, but hiz sorch for any hidden ‘treasure’ waz in vain (apart from the sarny and apple gook!) and he re-hung the pictures back onto the waall

(it wasn’t until later on, when aa telt the rest of the lads wot he’d done, that aa waz telt that he waz a F*****’ HOOSE BURGLAR!) (“help!”---“where’zz  mee wallet gone!”)



Next mornin’ aa had a quick wash n’ brush up in the manky bathroom, az there waz ne way aa waz gannih take a shower az half the floor tiles were missin’ or broken.  On top of that, there were loose electric cables hangin’ from the wall sockets next to the shower cubicle and aa didn’t fancy bein’ electrocuted! (OR stabbed to death, like in the film!)  It waz then doon the stairs to the manky basement dinin’ room where brekkies waz bein’ sorved from ‘hells kitchen’.
"AA WASN'T TAKIN' ANY CHANCES!"



‘Rigsby’, who looked eerily like ‘death waamed up’ from hiz hangower ,  offered me a cup tea, but when he came back with the cup,  he uttered these ‘immortal words’ that will live with me forever!: “SORRY ABOUT THE CHIP IN THE CUP!”, he said, az he handed it to me------the anly problem waz!!!----it had NE F*****’ HANDLE! (which had been broken clean off!)

After a quick ‘slurp’ of stewed tea from ‘the cup with ne handle’, aa peered into ‘hells kitchen’ and could see that the stove waz thick of grease az he used the fryin’ pan spatchaler to flick the black fat onto the fried eggs, most of which missed the eggs and splattered onto the filthy waalls! (the word ‘food poisonin’ came to mind!) (ie: Egon Ronay cuisine it wasn’t!)

But we WERE ‘Hank Marvin’ by this time (starvin’!) and we forced the bacon, eggs and grease laden brekkies doon wor ‘john o groats’! (nearly ‘hoyin up’ in the process!)  before sayin’ wor ‘goodbyes’, thankful that we hadn’t been electrocuted, poisoned or stabbed to death in ‘the house of horrors’! 

It waz then a three hour jorney back up the M1 and A1 back to Tyneside and yet another story to tell for the archives!----and di yi naa wot!?---a’v NEVA been back to Loughborough since that day!

Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)



Wednesday, 20 June 2012

THE GEORDIE OLYMPICS 2012!

Updated '9:00am bells' Thorsday 21st Joon 2012

Just in case yiv been on a distant planet for the last few months!---St James' Park iz one of the venues hostin' the Olympic Football Tournament in July, az the logo on the Tyne Bridge clearly states!
(SOMEWHERE ON THE PLANET MARS!)
"The Toon have got the Olympics!"---"like!"--- "Take me to your leader!"---"Whey aye maan!"

PS: The Olympic committee wouldn't let the Olympic torch gan past the Milburn Stand on Barrack Road or de a lap of honour aroond the pitch az 'The Fat Controllers' advorts hadn't been removed!
Ne advertisin' iz allowed durin' the Olympics apart from THEIR OWN! (that 'rings' true!)

Sunday, 17 June 2012

"USA!---AALL THE WAY!---5,000 THANK YOOOZ!"

Posted 10:00pm bells' Sunday 17th Joon 2012

Fantastic news from the USA!--az wor friends from across the little pond have just visited 'The Geordie Times' website  for the
FIVE THOOSANDTH TIME!

And az yoo can see!---the celebrations in New York have started aalready!!!

We thank each and every one of yoo for your loyal support 'TOON ARMY USA'!

NUFC PREMIER LEAGUE FIXTURES 2012-2013-***TOMORROW MORNIN'!

Posted 6:20pm bells Sunday 17th Joon 2012
ST JAMES' PARK FROM LEAZES PARK LAKE

Tomorrow mornin' @ '9 bells' the Premya Leegue fixtures are released for the new season and yoo can rest assured that 'The Geordie Times' will have the complete list on line by dinnertime!

Of course---oot of the 38 fixtures aroond 30 will be probably be moved because of live telly or European involvement, so in a way, it's a complete waste of time printin' them az they are boond to be changed!
Neverthelessss!--we WILL print them in some kind of 'cryptic form' (to avoid copyright infringements!---we divvint want to be sued!) and we'll give yoo some clues to just who the teams are somewhere on the page!

WATCH THIS SPACE FROM 'NINE BELLS' IN THE MORNIN'! 

Thursday, 7 June 2012

"COMIN' NOW!---THE TALE OF THE CHIPPED CUP!" (WITH NE HANDLE!)

Updated '5:55pm bells' Thorsday 7th Joon 2012

At last!---- a'v finally finished the archive trip to Vicarage Road, Watford in 1984 (ground 73) when we ended up in 'The House of Horrors' in Loughborough, where we were given 'B&B' by a 'Rigsby' type character in a 'Bates Motel' type lodgin' hoose!
 Those of yoo who are of a norvous disposition shud take some tranquilisers before reeedin' it!
(SEE BELOW!)

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

THE BLAYDON RACES 150th ANNIVERSARY TRAIN!

Posted '9:00pm bells' Wednesday 6th Joon 2012

Wor very own Alan Shearer named a train 'BLAYDON RACES' @ Newcastle Central station this mornin' to commemorate the anniversary of this great song, written by Geordie Ridley in 1862 which iz of course the 'Geordie National Anthem'

Big Al said: "Blaydon Races is a much loved north east anthem, best known threw (er! sorry 'THROUGH!) it's association with Newcastle United Football Club who's fans have made it their own!
From my own playing days at St James' Park I know how inspiring the sound of 50,000 Geordies singing The Blaydon Races is!
It's the ultimate signature tune of the Tyne, and now it's name will be seen throughout the East Coast Main Line!"

Saturday the 9th of Joon iz of course 'the big 150th borthday' of this famous song----and may it live on for ever more!
(Much more on The Blaydon Races celebrations az the week gans by!)  

Saturday, 2 June 2012

"ON YI BIKE!"

Posted '1:35pm bells' Saturday 2nd Joon 2012

The followin' eleven player have been telt that they are ne langer required by NUFC and have been released---They are!---
Danny Guthrie---Peter Lovenkrands---Sam Adjei---Phil Airey---Ryan Donaldson---Steve Forlan---Jeff Henderson---Tamas Kadar---Craig McDermott---Patrick Nzuzi and finalleee!---Alan "I neva scored a competitive goal for The Toon" Smith!

Meeeenwhile!---the followin' six squad players have been offered new contracts---They are!---
Paul Dummett---Brad Inman---Michael Richardson---Conor Newton and James Tavernier 

Friday, 1 June 2012

"30,000 THANKYOOOZ!"

Posted '9:30pm bells' Friday 1st Joon 2012
"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

The Geordie Times haz just reached a new historic milestone today (or shud that be 'millstone'?) az we have just had wor thorty thoosandth pageview, of which twenty thoosand have been within the last year!

The thing that amazes us more than anything iz the fact that nearly fourteen thoosand of those 'hits' are from owerseas, (and the solar system beyond!) with the USA by far and away the largest from across the big pond with ower 4,500!

The Geordie Times 'Top Ten' 'Hit-List'

1 UK 16,585
2 USA 4,690
3 Ireland 710
4 Greece 685
5 Jawmany 595
6 Russia 284
7 Ukraine 267
8 Nigeria 261
9 Holland 228
10 Australia 210

We thank each and every one of yoo in the 124 countries and territories (plus Mars!) that have visited www.geordietimes.com website for your unwaverin' support, az we gan from little acorns to smaall sapplings!?

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