Saturday 31 March 2012

THE TOON v THE LIVERBIRDS---APRIL FOOLS DAY!

Updated '8:15am bells' Saturday 31st March 2012
'THE LEAZES END' FROM LEAZES PARK LAKE

For the thord Sunday in a row we will be in Leegue action when we play The Mickeymousers of Anfield @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) ('1:30 bells' kick off---live on SKY yet agen!)

We are currentleee a 'massive'? eight points aheed of them in sixth place and shud we win? this 'April Fools Day' encoonta, then that will gan into double figures!

Not anly that!---but we would aalso move to within TWO POINTS of a Champions League place az Spors divvint kick off against Swanzee 'til afta wor game is ower!

Jose Enrique who 'jumped ship' to leave us for 'The Liverbirds', tweeted a few months ago aboot us:

"The club is allowing all major players to go!---Do you think it is the fault of the players?---With this policy, this club will NEVER again fight to be in the TOP SIX!!"

Actually, Jose, baby!---have yi seen the leegue table lateleee???

1 Cockney Glory Hunters of Salford---73 points
2 Blue Moonies---70 points
3 The Arse---58 points
4 Happy Harrys Hotspors---55 points
5 Kings Road OAP's---50 points
6 THE TOON---50 points!
7 THE LIVERBIRDS---42 points! 


FA VASE SEMEEZ
Because The Toon arnt playin' 'til the sabbeth again, 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston will again take centre stage this afternoon, az they are in action @ Staveley in the 2nd leg of the FA Vase semi finals. 

Dunston won the forst leg 1-0 last week and 'The Geordie Times entourage' iz gannin doon to Derbyshire in a couple of hours time to (hopefully!?) cheer them on to Wembley, where the final iz bein' held.

The other 'semi' iz between West Auckland and Herne Bay and the possibility of an aall north east final iz on the cards az 'West' drew 2-2 away last week in Herne Bay!

'Bad Blue Boys' match report to follow later tomorrow mornin'!

Friday 30 March 2012

"SPRECHEN DE 'GEORDIE' HINNEY!?" ("DO YOU SPEAK 'GEORDIE' MY FRIEND!?")

Posted '8:30pm bells' Friday 30th March 2012

The Geordie Times haz just received it's 500th hit from Jawmany and we'd like to thank everybody from Dusseldorf to Hamburg and Frankfurt to Berlin for their support and we're sure that there'll be a few 'Dennis' and 'Jimmy Nail' exiles oot there loggin' onto this site az well!

Once again thanx for your support!---- "Auf Weidersehen Pet!"----iz alive and kickin'!

Thursday 29 March 2012

GEORDIE TIMES NEWSFLASH!---OAP's AWAY---NOW IN MAY!

Posted 7:30pm bells' Thorsday 29th March 2012

Wor game @ Stamford Bridge against the OAP's of Chelski haz nuw been rescheduled for Wednesday 2nd May with a '7:45 bells' kick off, az they are in the FA Cup 'semeez' the day we are due to play them in the League.
And so yet anotha owerneet stay haz been forced upon us coz we cannit catch the last train yem!

THE TOON RESORVES 1 THE BAGGIE TROOSERS RESORVES 4---BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!---AGEN!!!

Updated '4:15pm bells' Thorsday 29th March 2012

The resorves took on WBA's equivalent @ Darsley Park, Benton @ '2 bells' this afternoon in wot waz yet anotha game bein' played behind closed doors, with NE admittance to plebs!/fans!

Az per usual in cases like this we sent wor intrepid 'Geordie Times' 'Stop the Pigeon' reporter, who 'winged' his way ower the Benton pitch!
He flew ower the action for the full 90 minutes to bring us the vital news message below of just wot the score waz and who scored the goals!

STOP! PRESS! STOP! PRESS!---THE BAD NEWS IZ!---
The final score waz!---1-4 ! to the visitors with Marcus Maddison scorin' wor only goal with a 25 yard shot-----(many thanx to 'Stop the Pigeon' who haz just contacted us on hiz mobile 'tellin bone' with this devestatin news!)

Footnote:
An exhausted 'Stop the Pigeon' iz nuw heedin for the Haymarket area of Toon to rest hiz wings and gan for some much needed 'liquid lubrication' and a packet of the finest 'Trill' bord seed! (yoo desorve it mate!)

Wednesday 28 March 2012

"NO NIGHTMARE SCENARIO!!!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 28th March 2012
"IT'S  A  CATASTROPHE!!!"
                                
The nightmare scenario of  'moanin martin's mackems' reachin' the FA Cup final iz ower!---thanx to 'The Toffee Noses' 2-0 victory @ the Stadium of "Sshhh!---Yee Naa Wot!", last neet!

Had they reached the final and we'd finished in wor current SIXTH position at the end of the season, then THEY would have booked a place in the Europa League at wor expense! even if they'd lost!, az the otha finalists, namely Chelski or Spors would automatically qualify for the Champions League/Europa League, through their current league position.

Under the rules, this would mean the losin' finalists then qualify for 'The Europa'! (it doesn't bear thinkin' aboot!!!?)

Of course---IF?  'The Toffee Noses' of Everton beat 'The Liverbirds' in the aall Morseyside semi final @ Wembley, then THEY will qualify instead, at wor expense! (shud we finish sixth)

Aall Toon fans shud now be rootin' for the red half of 'Mickeymouseland'< (one word!) to reach the final az 'Cringin' Kenny's' side have aalready qualified for the Europa League through their League Cup success!

Of course if we can finish FIFTH above Chelski, than this 'scenario' won't arise! (FOURTH! iz even a possibility???----but divvint haad yer breath!)

(see current league table below)

Tuesday 27 March 2012

EUROPEAN QUALIFICATION---AZ IT STANDS!

Updated '10:35pm bells' Monday 27th March 2012

Az it stands the followin' European places will be allocated az follows:

FA Cup winners/finalists--Europa League place guaran-teed 

Premier League European qualification: 4 places for The Champions League---3 places for Europa League


Az it stands with 8 games to gan!

1 Man U--played 30--points 73--Champions League

2 Man C 30/70--Champions League

3 The Arse 30/58--Champions League

4 Spors 30/55--Champions League

5 Chelski 30/50--Europa League

6 THE TOON 30/50--Europa League---'but only IF? 'The Liverbirds' beat 'The Toffee Noses' to reach the FA Cup final!---If this doesn't happen then we need to finish fifth to qualify!

7 The Liverbirds 30/42--Europa League qualifiers by virtue of winnin' the League Cup

8 SMB's 30/40--Can't qualify through FA Cup coz they got beat 2-0 off 'The Toffee Noses' in the FA Cup tooneet ("HA! HA!")

9 The Toffee Noses 30/40--Will qualify for Europa League if they beat 'The Liverbirds' to get to the FA Cup final, meanin' that The Toon MUST finish fifth to qualify

LIVERBIRDS---SELT OOT!!!

Posted '10:20am bells' Tuesday 27th March 2012
"COMIN' SOON TO 'THE TOON'!"

Wor forthcomin' home game against 'The Liverbirds' on April Fools Day (next Sunday) iz now a complete sell oot and a 52,000 plus crowd iz guaranteed for the '1:30 bells' kick off!
Not bad for yet anotha live Sky game at anotha reeediculuuus kick off time!

Sunday 25 March 2012

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS 1 THE TOON 3

Posted just before 'midneet bells' Sunday 25th March 2012
DEMBA CISSE (ON PENALTY SPOT IN THE ORANGE)
SCORES THE TOON'S 3rd GOAL OF THE GAME

A mezzzmeriszing forst half performance from 'The Toon', playin' in their 'Orangemen' away strip, sealed the three points, az we went 3-0 up in just 34 minutes in front of the exxstatic two thoosand travellin' faithful, who were housed in The Smethwick End.

Goal number one came in the sixth minute when Ben Arfa crossed from the byline to the waitin' Cisse and he blasted the baall into the net.

Number two wasn't lang after when in a complete reversal of the forst goal, Cisse foond Ben Arfa and he ran through the home defence to fire home a fine effort.

The thord waz the best of the lot when Ben Arfa again supplied Demba Cisse (in another reversal!) and he rifled the baall home from near the penalty spot for hiz second goal of the game.

'The Baggie Troosers' pulled one back orly in the second period after a mistake by Williamson, but that waz the end of the scorin' and we moved up to equal fifth with Chelski in the Premya Leegue table on 50 points!
(We now have a total of 1,002 'Premya' points!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini (Santon 46), Perch, Ben Arfa (Shola Ameobi), Guthrie, Cabaye, Gutierrez, Cisse (Ferguson 79), Ba 

Attendance: 25,049 (2,000 happy Toon fans!)

THE BAGGIE TROOSERS v THE TOON----TOODAY!

Posted 8:40am bells Sunday 25th March 2012

In little under an hours time The Geordie Times entourage will be settin' off for the west midlands and 'The Sportsmans Bar' in particular near West Brom toon centre, which iz aboot a twenty minute waalk from The Hawthorns.

Cheik Tiote iz expected to be back in wor startin' line up (hopefully!), and three points today would take us level with Chelski in fifth position.

Match report az usual, to follow much later when we get back!

Saturday 24 March 2012

THE BAD BLUE BOYS 1 STAVELEY MINERS 0--------FA VASE SEMI FINAL

Posted '9 pm bells' Saturday 24th March 2012

 Dunston took a slender lead to Derbyshire for next weeks crucial 2nd leg tie against Staveley Miners Welfare, who were 'shafted' 1-0 @ Federation Park this afternoon!

The anly goal of the game came deep into the 2nd half when "Bully---Bully"! scored with a fine strike with just 12 minutes to gan (Andrew Bulford!) to give 'The Bad Blue Boys' a slender lead for the 2nd encoonta in Derbyshire next Saturday!---with a place @ Wembley Stadium the ultimate prize for the winners!

979 were there to witness this 'lack lustre' game, but it's advantage Dunston in the 2nd leg and (hopefully!) a "day oot in Landan!" the ultimate prize!

Friday 23 March 2012

THE BAD BLUE BOYS v STAVELEY MINERS------- FA VASE SEMI FINAL---TODAY!

Updated '8:30am bells' Saturday 24th March 2012
Az we divvint play 'til Sunday afternoon away to 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom, centre stage this afternoon will be in Dunston!, where a certain FA Vase semi final iz takin' place @ '3 bells', with a trip to WEMBLEY! in the final the 'carrot' to progress!


This iz the forst leg of the two legged semi final with the second leg takin' place in Staveley (near Chesterfield) the followin' Saturday and iz the biggest game in Dunston's history!

A good crowd iz anticipated @ Federation Park (aka: UTS Stadium) and 'The Bad Blue Boys' (they play in aall blue!) expect at least SIX times their normal gate of aroond 180!
There's a clubhoose to 'tickle your tonsils' and quensh your thirst before and after the match, so there's NE EXCUSE! for NOT gannin!
The game is NOT aall ticket and admission iz six quid for big kids and three quid for sprogs and zimmerframeites!

It's anly a *TEN MINUTE bus ride from The Eldon Square bus station in the Toon (*dependin' on the traffic!) and busses, 11,31,43,44,45,46 and 47 can be caught (get off at 'The Mechanics Club' on the way to The Metro Centre---the groond iz at the top of the next road)

*For those of yoo who divvint naa, Dunston are a non league club who play in The Northern League, (which iz the 2nd oldest league in the world, behind The Footbaall League) which iz at 'level 9' (division 9) in the English pyramid system.

The FA Vase iz a cup for clubs at this level and doon to 'level 11'.
Higher level non league clubs like Gatesheed (level 5) play in the FA Trophy for the 'Wembley prize'!

'Az the drunken magpie fly's', Dunston's groond iz approx 2 miles from St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) and when both teams are at home on the same day it iz reputed that the Dunston fans know when The Toon have scored as they can here the roar of the crowd from across the Tyne!



The Geordie Times will be there and post a match report for this special game later tooneet!

Wednesday 21 March 2012

PREMYA LEEGUE TABLE---LATEST!

Updated '11:45pm bells' Thorsday 22nd March 2012

THE PREMYA LEAGUE TABLE @ '10:00pm bells' Wednesday 21st March 2012

1 Man U---played: 29---points: 70
2 Man C 29/69
3 Spors 29/54
4 The Arse 29/55
5 Chelski 29/49
6 THE TOON 29/47
7 The Liverbirds 29/42
8 Swanzee 29/39
9 SMBs 29/37
10 Everton 29/37
11 Stoke 29/37
12 Fulham 29/36
13 WBA 29/36
14 Norwich 29/36
15 Villa 28/33
16 Blackborn 29/28
17 QPR 29/25
18 Bolton 28/23
19 Wigan 29/22
20 Wolves 29/22

The reality iz!-- we are in SIXTH position, FIVE points aheed of 'The Liverbirds' and anly TWO points behind Chelski in fifth place and SEVEN points behind thord placed Spors, with anly NINE games to gan!

To GUARANTEE a place in The Europa League we must finish in FIFTH position.
SIXTH may be good enough, dependin' on which teams reach the FA Cup final, az the losin' finalists could qualify, shud the winners be in 'The Champions League' (we'll just have to wait and see!)

The Liverbirds are the ANLY team so far to qualify for a Europa League place by virtue of winnin' the League Cup (three Europa League places are up for grabs in total!)

If yoo said that a Europa League/Champions League place waz possible for The Toon at the start of the season, then yoo would have been classed insane!

It's NOT a lang way to gan nuw, and if we can keep the pressure up, then a top FIVE finish iz NOT oot of the question! (a top FOWER finish now looks highly unlikeleee az we are EIGHT points adrift of a 'Champions League place'!)

Tuesday 20 March 2012

THE TOON RESORVES 2 CHELSKI RESORVES 4

Posted '5:55am bells' Wednesday 21st March 2012

In front of just 400 fans The Toon lost 4-2  against Chelsea's equivellent in a resorve match at Blue Flames, Benton last neet! (aka Whitley Park)

The goals: The visitors took the lead in the 17th minute from the penalty spot when Alnwick in The Toon goal needlessly pulled doon Lukaku who duly covorted the spot kick.

We levelled things 5 minutes later when Donaldson hit a fine effort home.

The Pensioners retook the lead in the 39th minute when Chalobah heeded a corner into the net.

In the 55th minute it was 3-1 to them when Clifford fired home.

It was 4-1 soon after when Lukaku got his 2nd with a low shot.

The Toon got a consolation goal late on, when Henderson shot from close range.

That's SIX league games in a row now withoot a win for wor second string!

Sunday 18 March 2012

THE TOON 1 THE CANARY CUSTARD CRUMBLES 0

Posted '8:20pm bells' Sunday 18th March 2012

A fantastic strike from Demba Cisse @ The Leazes End in the 11th minute from a 'Fab' Coloccini cross was enough to seal the victory and the valueable three points for 'the black 'n'  whites' @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) this afternoon in wot was a scrappy game to say the least.
CISSE CELEBRATES HIZ WINNIN' GOAL!

The Toon were the better team throughoot, but the visitors did have a few chances, of which one was fantastically tipped ower the bar by Tim Krul in the second half and we managed to 'haad oot' this time for the victory.

'The Custard Crumbles', who had a 2,000 followin' in 'Level 7', sang: "Come on yoo yellows!" throughoot the match, despite the fact that they wore their GREEN! change strip! (are they f*****' colour blind or wot???)
("Er!"---the anly thing that was 'yellow' for them was the THREE ' yellow cards' the ref brandished to them durin' the match!)

The win keeps us in sixth position in the Premya Leegue, just two points behind Chelski and a coverted European place is still on the cards! 

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, Perch, Ben Arfa (Santon 64), Cabaye, Guthrie (Gosling 76), Gutierrez, Ba, Cisse (Shola Ameobi 69)
Attendance: 47,833 (2,000 colour blind canaries!)

'Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge' report to follow sometime tomorrow!

THE TOON v THE CANARY CUSTARD CRUMBLES ***** 'SKY' SUNDAY'!

Updated '9:40am bells' Sunday 18th March 2012
"THAT REMINDS ME DAD!---'THE GEORDIE TIMES
100 PUB CRAWL CHALLENGE' STARTS OFF
@ 'THE PITCHER AND PIANO' BAR ON THE QUAYSIDE
BEFORE THE NORWICH GAME!"----
OOH!---MEE FOOT!"

For the conveeenience of Norwich fans, this game will kick off @ '4 bells' this afternoon, just to make sure that they cannit get a train back to deepest 'Bernard Matthews Country'!---and they have 'SKY' telly to thank for this! (just like us on many! many! (many!) occasions this season!)
It isnt known yet just how many fans they are bringin' up---but we'll soon find oot!

'Wor 100 Pub Crawl Challenge' continues doon the quayside @ 'The Piano bar' (Pitcher and Piano) @ 'high noon bells', where we hope to de SIX new 'waaterin holes' before the game, which will take wor total up to a mooth 'waaterin hole' NINETY!

As usual, match (and pub crawl!) report to follow later toneet!

Saturday 17 March 2012

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!----'PADDYS DAY' IN 'THE TOON'!

Posted '8:40pm bells' Saturday 17th March 2012

Here's two photo's of the tower blocks of Elswick, not too far from St James' Park <(and aalways will be!)

The forst one waz taken a 'while back' and the second one waz taken tooneet on 'Paddys Day'  (spot the difference!)
^ "A WHILE BACK!" ^
^ "AND TOONEET!" ^


Thursday 15 March 2012

THE TOON RESORVES 0 BLACKBORN TANDOORI CHICKEN ROVERS RESORVES 0 @ WHITLEY PARK---THIS AFTERNOON!

Updated 'Midneet bells' Thorsday 15th March 2012
BORE SNORE DRAW! 

This afternoon the resorves played Blackborn resorves @ Blue Flames, Benton (aka Whitley Park) in a 'one bells' dinnertime kick off.
Originally the game was to be played behind closed doors next door at Darsley Park but was switched last week for whatever reason?

It ended goal-less on a waam spring day and the closest we came to scorin' waz when Greg McDermott heeded against the bar orly in the second half!---apart from that the match wasn't much cop "ZZZzzzzzzz!!!"
Attendance: 309


Swanzee away tickets for Good Friday are on sale to season ticket holders (25 loyalty points at the moment) and WBA away tickets are still on sale for wor game there a week on Sunday (zero loyalty points)

PS: Az Moneybags City were knocked oot of the Europa Cup toneet, it meens that wor game against them will definately? be played on Sunday May 6th @ '2 bells' to avoid clashin' with the FA Cup final---unless! 'SKY' have otha ideas--like!

Wednesday 14 March 2012

25,000 REASONS TO BELIEVE!----IZ THERE LIFE ON MARS!?

Posted '9:00pm bells' Wednesday 14th March 2012
"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!"
"WHEY AYE MAAN!"

This iz anotha 'historic'? day for 'The Geordie Times' az we have just received wor twenty fifth thoosandth hit @ preciseleee '8:37pm bells' and we thank each and every one of yoo for your loyal support in the last eighteen months (since we started dein' it seriousleee!

121 countries and territories aroond the planet, plus Mars! have now visited this site, with the latest countries bein' Ethiopia, Honduras, Sri Lanka, Bermuda and Armenia!---welcome to 'the nonsense-no nonsense' website for the *connoisseur! ("Er!"---or shud that be---'the no nonsense-nonsense website'???) 

*"Er!"--divvint naa wot connoisseur meenz---but!--it soonds good!)

"25,000 THANK YOOOZ!---
EARTH AND MARS!"


PREMYA LEEGUE LATEST TABLES/ATTENDANCE FIGURES

Updated '7:25pm bells Wednesday 14th March 2012
THE LEAZES END from LEAZES PARK

The latest leegue tables and average attendance figures for the premya leegue games are below with just ten games to gan.

1 Man U Played 28 Points 67
2 Man C 28/66
3 Spors 28/53
4 The Arse 28/52
5 Chelski 28/49
6 The Toon 28/44
7 Lpool 28/42
8 SMBs 28/37
9 Everton 28/37
10 Fulham 28/36
11 Swanzee 28/36
12 Norwich 28/36
13 Stoke 28/36
14 WBA 28/35
15 Villa 28/33
16 Blackborn 28/25
17 Bolton 28/23
18 QPR 28/22
19 Wolves 28/22
20 Wigan 28/21

Average attendances
1 Man U 75,366
2 The Arse 59,967
3 The Toon 49,411
4 Man C 47,037
5 Lpool 44,826
6 Chelski 41,545
7 SMBs 38,689
8 Spors 36,070
9 Villa 34,137
10 Everton 33,235
11 Stoke 27,211
12 Norwich 26,554
13 Wolves 25,671
14 Fulham 25,151
15 WBA 24,631
16 Bolton 23,391
17 Blackborn 22,068
18 Swanzee 19,971
19 Wigan 17,898
20 QPR 17,117

The average, average attendances are!: 34,497 

Tuesday 13 March 2012

THE ARSE 2 THE TOON 1

Posted '2:50pm bells' Tuesday 13th March 2012

A last gasp goal deep into injury time spoiled the party for the 1,500 Toon faithful who were present @ 'The Em', to send us yem with ne points!

It had started off oh so well, when Hatem Ben Arfa put us in the lead in the 14th minute with a great run doon the right and he finished it off with a glorious shot to put us 1-0 up at the far end from us!

This produced wild celebration from the away section, but just az we were in the middle of that, up stepped Van Persie to wipe the smiles off wor faces with an equaliser straight from the restart!

Fellow Dutchmen Van Persie and Tim Krul in the Toon goal then had a runnin' argument for the rest of the game az Van Persie accused Krul of time wastin'!

In the second half 'The Arse' laid siege to Tim Krul's goal and we had survived this 'til the fifth minute of stoppage time. 
Just when it looked that we had secured a vital point against aall the odds, the home side, through Vermalaen, stabbed the baall into the net for the winner, to send us into deep dispair!

Van Persie then goaded Krul with a 'two-one' hand gesture and aall hell broke loose on the final whistle as both players were booked az both teams pushed and shoved each other az they made towards the tunnel!

There waz anly one thing for it!----and we heeded for Wetherspoons next to Highbury and Islington tube station for a few gargels of absolutleee cr*p beer! to drown wor sorrows!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon (Perch 46), Obertan (Shola Ameobi 61), Cabaye, Tiote (Guthrie 81), Gutierrez, Ben Arfa, Ba

Attendance:60,095 (1,500 Toon fans)

Sunday 11 March 2012

THE ARSE v THE TOON----TOONEET IN "LANDAN!"

Posted '9:00am bells' Monday 12th March 2012

"LETS HOPE WE DIVVINT MAKE 'AN ARSE' OF IT!" 
"Wor bags are packed and we're ready to gan", (as the old song gans!) 'packed' with cans of 'liquid lubricant'!---that iz!---on wot will be wor 7th visit to 'The Arses' new abode in Islington.

The train az usual will take the strain on
Monday dinnertime for wor 'sorte to the smoke' @ 'The Em' at "em?" '8 bells' for live telly once again!

This will be wor manager 'I Beg Your Pardew's' 50th premya leegue game in charge of The Toon in which we have won 18 drawn 17 and lost 14 times.

Because we cannit get a train back because of the kick off time (once again!) we are stayin' in  the salubrious surroundins of 'The Hotel Dosshouse' @ Kings Cross, before catchin' the train yem orly Tuesday mornin' (this meens that there will be ne 'Geordie Times' match report 'til Tuesday neet, sometime!)

We won @ 'The Emirates' last season for the forst  time ever, when Chris Hughton was still in charge, thanx to a goal from wor 'then' number 9 'Andy Pandy'. who of course iz now resided on Morseyside 'L4', FIVE POINTS below us in the leegue table! (who wud ever of thought that at the start of the season?)

Friday 9 March 2012

YET ANOTHER BLANK WEEKEND!-------NEWTON AYCLIFFE---PERHAPS?

Posted '8:45pm bells' Friday 9th March 2012
"STAND AND DELIVER!"
Newton Aycliffe FC have (literally) just taken delivery of a 
 new 'flat pack' 'Ikea stand', which 'fell off the back of a lorry'!
(The question iz?---will they take it to away games???)

Yet anotha weekend when we'll be 'kickin wor heels' az we divvint play 'The Arse' @ 'The Em' 'til Monday neet, which meeez anotha owerneet stay in 'the smoke'!
'Work' were on the fone orlier this week:  "Can you work the Sunday and Monday neetshifts to Glasgow"?---they asked!
"Well actually!"-------"AAahhhh!"---------------It's tear yi hear oot time! folks!

Will try and de some local groundhoppin' tomorrow instead---'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston are away to Newton Aycliffe in 'The Northern League' and az this iz a local groond that we have still to visit, this iz where we will probably end up, especially az we've been telt that they have a 'canny clubhoose'!---like!

PS: This groond will NOT be included in wor 'mad-sad groundhoppin' list' az the game doesn't involve The Toon!


Updated '8:25pm bells' Saturday 10th March 2012

'The Geordie Times' did indeed gan to the above game and Dunston (in white) won 1-0 in front of a 'bumper' crowd of 222!

DESTRUCTION DERBY!---THE TOON RESORVES 3 THE SMB RESORVES 3

Posted '10:45am bells' Friday 9th March 2012
"BACK TO SKOOL ON MONDAY!"

Anotha draw to add to the big weekend derby shootout was the order of the day although some 'Teenage Mutant Numskull Magpies' were hell bent on rippin' doon some 'certain' sport related advorts from the back of 'The East Stand' and hoyin' them on the pitch near the end of the match!

Rather than tellin' a naughty child to 'stop it', they were left to 'run wild' and the above consequences were somehow predictable az the stewards conveniently torned a 'blind eye' to their childish antics!

This iz NOT! wot we want and if the club needed any more reason/excuse to play AALL wor resorve home games behind closed doors, then now they have it, due to some sheep-brained bairns!<(for 'sheep-brained' and 'bairns' iz wot they are!)

Now to the match!
The scorin' sequence went az follows!

23rd minute: Gabrial Obertan runs through to fire home a shot @ The Leazes End---1-0 to us! 

32nd minute: The SMBs equalise az Baird in the Toon goal haz an 'air shot' and misses the baall completely for a simple tap in---1-1!

45th minute: mackems score again to gan 2-1 up at the break!

58th minute: An Abeid corner finds Dan Goslings heed and he levels things---2-2!

66th minute: The SMBs regain the lead with a heeded goal---3-2 to them!

85th minute: Dan Gosling iz send off for a 2nd bookable offence and we gan doon to ten men!

86th minute: Just when it looks az though we've 'lost it', Ryan Donaldson comes to the rescue with a fine divin' heeder followin an excellent cross from Yven Moyo---3-3!---the 'destruction derby' starts!

Attendance: The Geordie Times predicted a 2,000 plus crowd and we were (just!) reet as 2,996 torned up! (not many SMBs this time!) 
This 'Geordie Times' match report waz supplied by wor ravin' reporters, 'Dave from York' and 'Mal the Ingish Skoool Teecha'!

Thursday 8 March 2012

THE TOON RESORVES v THE SMB RESORVES---TOONEET! @ ST JAMES' PARK!<(and aalways will be!)

Posted '9:00am bells' Thorsday 8th March 2012
The Geordie Times entourage HQ!

For the second time in fower days and the fourth time within the last three weeks, we take on a SMB team tooneet in a Tyne/wear derby!

The forst two meetins were both at the mackems 'Acad-emy of---"Sshh!---yee naa wot!" trainin groond' where the 'Under 16s' won 3-0 and the 'Under 18s' drew 2-2---and of course the last encoonta was the forst team's 'high noon shootout' @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) where we drew 'ones each' last Sunday. 

This time it's the torn of the resorve teams of both clubs to 'fight to the death'!---but rather than the 52,000 plus crowd we got on Sunday, it will probably be nearer the 2,000 plus mark toneet @ '7 bells' @ St James'<(aawb!)

Season ticket holders and members will be admitted free and for aall othas it's £3 and £1 @ 'The East Stand' tornstiles

Az per usual at theeze games 'The Geordie Times entourage'<(havvent got a clue wot it meeenz?--but! it soonds good!) will meet in 'The Newcastle Arms' between 'five' and 'six bells'! (forst to the bar gets the drinks in!--- so aa'll be there LAST!)(work permittin'!)

Wednesday 7 March 2012

MORE! FARCE!!!---MORE! POSSIBLE FIXTURE CHANGES!???

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 7th March 2012
Chelski's 2-0 win at Borming-ham in the FA Cup last neet meens that if they beat Leicester in the next roond, then wor game @ Stamford Bridge, scheduled for Saturday 14th April will have to be re-arranged, az the semi finals are that weekend (so divvint book your trains/flights yet!)

Wor final home game against Moneybags City haz been provisionaly moved from Saturday 5th to Sunday 6th May to avoid clashin' with the FA Cup final--BUT!---because of City's potential involvement in The Europa Cup final, it COULD be moved back to the Saturday!---Its a FARCE! 

BLACK & WHITE DAFT----ISSUE 8 OOT NOW!

Posted '9:30am bells' Wednesday 7th March 2012
ADVORTIZMENT!

The latest addition of 'Mad Mick's' 'Black and White Daft' fanzine iz nuw on the bookshelves of your local paper shop and 'The Back Page' in St Andrews Street, opposite 'The Newcastle Arms', which iz within easy 'hocklin distance' of St James' Park<(and aalways will be!)!
It's a canny read and one of the feature articles iz aboot wor 1974 FA Cup semi final against Bornley @ Hillsborough where 'The Geordie Times' haz 'penned' a story (gan to ground 030 in sidebar of this blog)
Priced at the price of a pint of John Smiths in 'The Arms' it aalso slags off the SMBs amongst othaz!

Monday 5 March 2012

VILLA RESORVES 4 THE TOON RESORVES 0

Posted 'qwaata to midneet bells' Monday 5th March 2012
Facin' a strong Villa team with a team full of  mostly junior players and players who have been telt that they are to be released at the end of the season, it waz neva gannin to be an easy task and wor second string went doon 4-0 @ Villa Park toneet.

We were let off lightly though az Villa aalso hit the goalframe a total of SIX times! so the scoreline cud have been a lot worse!

Next up iz a resorve derby against the SMBs on thorsday neet @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) for the second meetin' with them on home soil in just five days!

THE TOON 1 THE SMBs 1-----HIGH NOON SHOOTOUT!

Updated '10:50 am bells' Monday 5th March 2012

"SEVEN HEAVEN FOR INJURY TIME TORMENTOR!"
"THIRSTY FANS QUEUE FOR A DRINK
IN THE POURIN' RAIN!"
"IT'S QWAATA TO TEN ON A SUNDAY MORNIN'!!!"

A dramatic goal from 'life saver' Shola Ameobi deep into injury time at the end of the match saved face for The Toon and sent the 2,650 SMBs in Level 7 of The Leazes End home to that dark place 'winless' yet again.
Wor '100 Pub Crawl Challenge' started off in 'Sinners' @ 10 bells as the bars in 'The Gate' werent yet open!

We had to wait in a smaall queue for it to open, az it 'p*ssed doon'!,while next door @ 'Sam Jacks' the queues stretched up the road towards 'The Gate' at 'qwaata to ten' az Toon fans waited anxiously for it to open! 

When 'The Gate' finally opened, we 'did' 'Players Bar' and 'Mood' before heedin' for 'The Newcastle Arms' for the final pre match 'gargels'!

THE BIG KICK OFF!
We didn't start off well, but within the forst thorty seconds the SMBs made their intentions known when  Cattamole 'scythed doon' Cheik Tiote in front of the dugoots in wot waz surely an automatic sendin' off for the mackem captain.----But NO!---Mike Dean the ref 'bottled it' and gave him a 'yellow' instead, much to the annoyance of Toon manager 'I Beg Your Pardew' who was just yards from the incident.
This set the tone for the rest of the match as the away side tried to kick seven lumps of sh*te oot of the Toon players!

We then gave away a needless penalty at mid point of the half when Mike Williamson tugged a mackem player shirt in the box and the ref pointed straight to the spot!
The spot kick waz convorted by Bendtner to give them a rare lead against us.

We came close to an equaliser just before the break when Demba 'Ba' heeded against the 'bar' @ The Leazes End, but his effort boonced oot and we went in 1-0 doon at the break.

A different Newcasel came oot for the second half and we laid siege to The Gallowgate goal but couldn't find the equaliser.

The tornin' point of the game came in the 58th minute when Sessegnon elbowed Tiote and he waz given a straight 'red' by Dean to reduce the SMBs to 10 men.
The siege continued on The Gallowgate goal and from this point the mackems hardly got oot of their half.

Shola Ameobi was then brought into the 'fray' when he came on for Cisse in the 72nd minute much to the dread of the visitin' fans. (he's scored quite a few goals against them!)

They were quite right of course az just 10 minutes later in the 82nd minute he was brought doon in the box and again the ref pointed straight to the spot.

Demba Ba took it but his shot was parried away by the mackem keeper and aall hope of avoidin' defeat looked lost!

HOWEVER!---deep into injury time with the SMB hoards whistlin' frantically for the final whistle, Mike Williamson made up for hiz penalty 'gaff' and back heeded the baall to SHOLA (who else!) and he tapped the baall into the net for hiz SEVENTH goal against the mackems, to send 50,000 Geordies wild with delight!

"GOAL!"---"SEVEN HEAVEN FOR SHOLA!"


We even had time for a winner, but Williamson scuffed a shot which went for a corner from the six yard box and soon after this the ref blew for full time!

Aaltogether 9 players were booked to add to the sendin' off and there was a fracas between Moanin' Martin and 'I Beg Your Pardew' on the final whistle, then Cattamole finally got 'his just desserts' and was sent off for abusin' the ref  after the final whistle!
"WHY DON'T YOU F*** OFF BACK TO THE DARK PLACE!?"

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon (Ben Arfa 46), Ryan Taylor (Lovenkrands 88), Cabaye, Tiote, Gutierrez, Ba, Cisse (Shola Ameobi the life saver 72!) 

Attendance:52,388 (2,650 SMBs) (this was the highest attendance @ St James' Park <(and aalways will be!) for 36 years!)  

It was then off to complete wor 'pub crawl' for the day and we were in celebratory mood az we left the groond, even though we hadn' t won it!

"THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE ---IZ!---DIVVINT LOSE TO THE SMBs!"

FA VASE DRAW---DUNSTON v STAVELEY IN THE SEMI FINALS FOR A PLACE @ WEMBLEY!

Posted 1:45pm bells' Monday 5th March 2012
FEDERATION PARK---DUNSTON

Northern League side Dunston UTS (The Bad Blue Boys!) have been drawn @ home to Staveley in the forst leg of the semi finals of The FA Vase on Saturday 25th March and then away in the 2nd leg on Saturday 31st March.
The Toon arnt playin' on March 25th (we play WBA away the next day) so it would be great if a few Toon fans cud come alang and cheer 'The Bad Blue Boys' on their way to Wembley!

West Auckland, meanwhile have been drawn away to Herne Bay in the forst leg and then at home the followin' week, which means the possibility of TWO Northern league clubs in the Wembley final in May!

Sunday 4 March 2012

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IZ! *******WE DIDN'T GET BEAT!****THE TOON 1 THE SMBs 1

Posted '6:50pm bells' Sunday 4th March 2012

At the end of the day the most important thing in life iz!******* not to lose to the SMBs!

Match report to follow on Monday mornin' when aa finally sober up!

THE TOON v THE SMBs----HIGH NOON!---DERBY DAY IZ HERE AT LAST!

Posted '8:00am bells' Sunday 4th March 2012
"THE BIG PICTURE FOR THE BIG DAY!"

Derby day iz apon us once again and in just fower hours time we kick off against the SMBs in the high noon shootout @ St James' Park< (and aalways will be!)

'THE STRAWBERRY' CREST
IN THE SHADOWS OF
THE GALLOWGATE END
Because of the 'high noon bells' kick off time 'The Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge' will anly have time to de one new bar before the match, namly 'The Players Bar' in 'The Gate' which opens @ '10 bells'
There are othat boozers open orlier, namely The Strawberry @ 9:00 bells' and others we cannot mention coz they opened at '6 am bells' for unscheduled lock-ins!

The Pub Crawl will continue afta the match aroond the Greys Monument area>>>>>>>>>>>>

Match report to follow much! much! later than usual! 

Saturday 3 March 2012

A STAR IZ REBORN!

Posted '9:00pm bells' Saturday 3rd March 2012

Aa waz waalkin' doon Westgate Road puttin' 'the feelers oot' for any new drinkin dens that a'd missed on mee travels for 'The Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge'---when!----lights hit me from the direction of the aa'd 'Star Bar', which haz been shut for aall of this season, and guess wot???---the doors were open--so!--- (az yi de!) aa went in for a quick 'gargel' and to find oot the latest 'crack'!

The barman telt iz that it had just reopened yesterday and that it waz open @ '11 bells' Sunday for the pre match 'derby' drinks!

Now 'The Star', yoo see!--- waz one of mee fave 'haunts' in the 1970s when fans wud celebrate a home win by dancin' on the bar coonta and tables, much to the indifference of 'Robbie' the manager! (who sadly iz ne langer with us!)

A 'class' bar back then and aa have to say that it's great to see it 'back on the circuit'!

We'll give it 'a miss' for now, but we will come back when we near the 'moontain peak' of 100 'waaterin holes', before crossin' it 'off the list'!

"WOR JACKIE'S GANNIN YEM!"

Posted '1:30pm bells' Saturday 3rd March 2012
"HORRAY!---A'M GANNIN YEM AT LAST!"

News that the Jackie Milburn statue, currently on St James' Boulevard, is finally 'comin' home' iz great news for aall Toon fans!

Originally positioned in Northumberland Street for some puzzlin' reason? (he neva played there az far as we're aware?) and then moved to it's present site some time ago, when Blenheim Street became St James' Boulevard, it iz now to be placed ootside 'The Gallowgate End', opposite 'The Strawberry'

'The Gallowgate End' was Wor Jackie's favourite end of the groond, so it's anly fittin' that he shud finally end up there!

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST