Wednesday 29 February 2012

A SIGN OF THE TIMES!--A 'DISGRACEFUL' STATE OF AFFAIRS!

Posted '9:45pm bells' Wednesday 29th February 2012

THE WINDOW OF 'THE STRAWBERRY'

Toon pub openin' times for the 'high noon' derby next Sunday have been annoonced, with the forst boozer not openin' til 'NINE am BELLS!', nameleee 'The Strawberry'

This iz a 'disgraceful' state of affairs when yoo consider that 'in the old days', waaterin' holes like 'The Black 'N' White' in Blenheim Street (both 'boozer' and 'street' lang since demolished!) used to open at!---"wait for it!"-----'SIX BELLS' IN THE MORNIN' for the 'thorst quenchers' on derby day!

Aa remember a derby match in the 1980's when the game kicked off at '11:30 bells' in the mornin' and  aa tried waalkin into 'The Black 'N' White' through the 'lock in door' at the ungodly hour of '7 bells'! 

The bar was SO packed that aa couldn't get through the f***** door!---az there were SO many people inside 'gaggin' for a drink!

Now they divvint open til fower hours later than this!---wots the world comin' te---aa ask meesel!??? 

Monday 27 February 2012

FA YOUTH CUP QWAATA FINAL----THE TOON U18s 2 THE TANDOORI CHICKEN ROVERS U18s 2 (AET)---THE 'CHICKENS' WIN 3-0 ON PENS!

Updated '7:50am bells' Tuesday 28th February 2012

A game which lasted nearly two and three qwaata hours waz finally won on penalties by Blackborn after a 2-2 stalemate!

It aall started off so well az The Toon took the lead in the 19th minute, when JJ Hooper foond Michael Hoganson with a low cross and he wellied the baall into the net @ The Leazes End of St James' Park!<(and aalways will be!)
This waz the forst goal that the away side had conceded in the competition so far!

The lead waz short lived however!---az Rovers equalised just six minutes later though, with a divin' heeder, which gave Alex Baird in The Toon goal ne chance!

We retook the lead orly in the second period when JJ Hooper hammered the baall home from twenty yards oot @ The Gallowgate End.
It stayed that way til the 75th minute when a wicked defection wrang footed Baird and 'The Tandoori Chickens' were level once more.


There were ne more goals, so an extra thorty minutes was played, where 'cramp' then took it's toll on players from both sides and the trainers were onto the pitch every few minutes az they went doon like flies, but neetha side cud add to their tally!

Penalties then sealed wor fate @ The Gallowgate End, az we missed wor forst THREE spot kicks (one blasted ower by JJ Hooper and two saved from Ben Sayer and Micheal Hoganson!) as Rovers convorted aall of their three, to reach the semi finals of The Youth Cup and a tie against eetha Fulham or Bornley!

They'll be fryin' tonight in Blackborn!

Attendance: 2,026 (10 or so Blackborn fans)

FA YOUTH CUP QWAATA FINALS---THE TOONS U18s v THE TANDOORI CHICKEN ROVERS U18s

Posted '9:45am bells' Monday 27th February 2012 
ACTION FROM WOR YOUTH CUP TIE AGAINST DARLO

Tooneet the qwaata finals stage of the FA Youth Cup will be played oot @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) when we play Blackborns equivalent @ '7 bells'

Wor visitors havvent even conceded a goal yet in their three ties, havin' beat Thurrock 8-0, Coventry 2-0 and Stoke 4-0 in previous roonds, while we have won 3-0 against Darlo, 2-1 against Watford and 2-1 against QPR---aall at home!

Work permitin' 'The Geordie Times entourage' will be in The Newcastle Arms both before and after the match.
Admission iz THREE QUID for big kids as usual and a POOND COIN for zimmerframeites and little kids @ The East Stand tornstiles!
Extra time and penalties will apply if scores are level at 90 minutes.

Get yerselz alang if yiv nowt better to de??? (Cryforthenation Street haz been cancelled!---honest!)  and cheer the youngins on!---a semi-final place iz at stake!

Sunday 26 February 2012

THE TOON 2 THE WOUNDED WOLVES 2

Posted '8:05am bells' Sunday 26th February 2012

The latest 'round' of 'The Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge' started off on the quayside, IN 'The Quayside' and we did anotha four bars in that area before climbin' up 'The Side' (the name of a steep street) to 'Cosy Joes' in 'The Bigg Market'

From there we did one of wor usual 'haunts', namely 'The Newcastle Arms', before climbin' the 200 steps to wor seats in 'The Milburn Stand' (it's a canny way up from the quayside to 'Level 7'---aa can tell yiz!---"Pant!---Pant!---Pant!")

This waz The Toon's 600th competitive game of the 21st century and aalso The Geordie Times 600th 'in a row' az well!----so it was an 'historic day'? for us!
We could see that a near capacity crowd was assembled az we kicked off against the relegation threatened Wanderers and their 5-1 home defeat against deadly rivals 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom in the previous game shud have sent the alarm bells ringin' that a wounded animal was on the run.

The warnins however wornt heeded az 'The Wounded Wolves' came back from two doon to nick a point in a game The Toon were cruisin'!

We took the lead in the 6th minute @ The Leazes End when Yohan Cabaye crossed for Demba Ba and his shot ended up at the feet of his countryman and namesake Demba Cisse, who slotted home for his second succesive home goal,

Wor lead waz doubled in the 18th minute when 'Spiderman'hit an unstoppable shot into the roof of the net and is was 'game ower' az far az we were concorned (NOT!)

We shud iv naan better of course az we pulvarised the visitors goal and thoughts of 'five' or even 'six' goals entered wor heeds az Wolves were dreadful!

It aall went 't*ts up' az a great forst half waz replaced by a shambolic second, and with just 4 minutes of the half gone 'The Wounded Wolves' fought back with a goal from Jarvis which went in off Danny Simpson.

We fell apart after this as Wolves besieged wor goal and the impossible happened at the mid point of the half, when a free kick foond Doyle who slotted home for the equaliser in front of the 1,800 visitin' fans in 'Level 7' of 'The Leazes'!

They cud actually have won it in the final throes of the game, but it ended aall square and two valuable points were dropped in wor quest for a European place!

600 in a row and ONE to forget!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Ryan Taylor (Guthrie 65), Cabaye, Tiote (Shola Ameobi 80), Gutierrez, Ba, Cisse (Ben Arfa 65) 

Attendance: 52,287 (1,800 happy 'wounded animals'!) 

Saturday 25 February 2012

600 IN A ROW!----THE TOON v THE WOUNDED WANDERERS of WOLVERHAMPTON

Posted '9:15am bells' Saturday 25th February 2012 
600 IN A ROW!

Today we play the relegation threatened 'Wounded Wanderers of Wolverhampton' @ St James' Park<(and aalways will be!) 'but be warned!'---the 'boys from the black country' are a wounded animal followin' their 5-1 home humiliation against deadly rivals 'The Baggie Troosers of West Brom' (hence their new name!) but! they are unbeaten in their last four away games against 'The Arse', Bolton, Spors and QPR.
Late last neet they appointed a new 'part time' manager by the name of Terry Connor 'til the end of the season, not a name we are familiar with, but he will ne doubt try to fire them up, so we shud be wary of that! (hopefully!)

We'll have Yohan Cabaye back from suspension and Cheick Tiote back from African Nations Cup duty to shore up wor defence, which leeked five at Spors a fortneet ago!
Aalso in contention iz Ryan Taylor who iz back from injury

The Wanderers have sold 1,800 tickets for 'Level 7' of 'The Leazes End' and this cud quite possibly be wor LAST '3 bells' home start of the season because of aall the fixture changes for live telly!?
(A near 50,000 crowd iz antisipated once again)

This will be The Toon's 600th competitive game so far in the twenty forst century (since 3rd January 2000, when we drew 2-2 @ home against West Ham) and I have to tell yoo that 'The Geordie Times' haz been to EVERY ONE so far! ("Er!"---it shud be noted that we didn't get in til half time against both Panionios away in Greece in 2004 in the UEFA Cup, because of an air traffic controllers strike and aalso away to Fulham, midweek in 2005, because 'The Geordie Times entourage' had to drive doon late on, and couldn't get parked anywhere near the groond!)

Will TRY! and get in for the kick off this time! after wor Geordie Times100 pub crawl challenge, which 'takes off' today @ 'The Quayside', doon -----'the quayside'! (wud yoo believe?) next to The Swing Bridge and owerlookin' 'the sacred river' Tyne! (boozer number 74!---11:30 prompt!)

Match and pub crawl report to follow later toneet/tomorrow mornin', az per usual

Friday 24 February 2012

GEORDIE TIMES 'SENSATIONAL' PAPARAZZI PICTURES FROM ST JAMES' PARK!---LATEST!

Posted 'high noon bells' Friday 24th February 2012
SOMEWHERE ON BARRACK ROAD!--
"HALT!--WHO GANS THERE!?"

Followin' on from the news that security guards are patrollin' St James' '24/7', reports reach us that forthaa measures have been taken to stop fans in their tracks!

Wor undercover paparazzi reporter waz hidin' in some trees in Leazes Park at the break of dawn this mornin', when! he spotted this newly constructed watchtower next to the St James' Park main entrance steps!

He took this 'sensational' picture for The Geordie Times with hiz 'bottom of the range' zooom lenz camra, az the club prepares to fend off any 'St James' Park' sign writers before this weekends game against 'The Wounded Wolves'!

The above picture shows 'gulag style' security guards, who have been ordered and are ready to 'shoot on sight', shud any fan attempt to 're-christen' the main entrance sign yet again!
"Are there no lengths that 'The Fat Controller' will gan te to stop us!???"

Thursday 23 February 2012

ST JAMES' PARK UNDER ATTACK!--"ATTACK!, ATTACK,! ATTACK!, ATTACK!"

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 23rd February 2012
FROM LAST NEETS 'RONNY GILL'

Followin' fans 'heroic efforts' to replace the St James' Park signs that were 'vandalised' last week, the club have stepped up security and guards are now patrollin' the groond '24/7' to try and stop any repeat 'St James' Park' sign writer 'attacks'!------
HAZ IT REEELY COME TO THIS!???---
IT'S PATHETIC!---IZ'NT IT!???

Wednesday 22 February 2012

NOT! SUCH A 'GOOD FRIDAY'!----YET MORE F*****' FIXTURE CHANGES!

Posted '1:00pm bells' Wednesday 22nd February 2012

"YOGI BEAR!---IT'S AALL HIZ FAULT!"

Unbelievableee! we nuw face the prospect of havin' to travel to Swanzee on Good Friday for a 'FOUR THORTY BELLS'? kick off, az 'SKY' (bless em once agen!) have picked it for live telly!

They've aalso picked wor home game against Norwich, which will now be played on Sunday 18th March @ 'four bells', despite Sky aalready pickin' Villa v Bolton for that time slot!??? (which now presumably haz been abandoned!?)

It just gets worse and worse!---doesn't it!?
'Yogi Bear' haz got a lot to answer for! (the gadgie who invented TV!) ("Er!"--- or was it 'LOGIE BAIRD'!??) 

"ST JAMES' PARK SINCE 1880, AND AALWAYS WILL BE!"---HOUSE OF PARLIAMENT ORLY DAY MOTION TODAY!

Posted '10:00am bells' Wednesday 22nd February 2012
"ST JAMES' PARK AND AALWAYS WILL BE!, MR. SPEAKER!"

St James' Park iz even bein' debated in The Hooses of  Parliament today!, where a motion supported by MP's Ian Mearns, Pete Glass, Ian Lavery, Cathrine McKinnell, Chi Onwurah, Nick Broon, Mary Glindon, Dave Anderson, Stephen Hepborn, Alex Cunningham and Dennis Skinner!

Motion 2743: Newcastle United and the (attempted!) renaming of St James' Park.

"That this house deeply regrets the decision to (attempt to!) rebrand the historic home of Newcastle United Football Club; Condemns the corporate vandalism perpitrated by the club owners in the removing the name "St James' Park" from the stadium; warmly endorses the now famous front page banner of the local 'Evening Chronicle' 'ST JAMES PARK AND ALWAYS WILL BE!'; notes that the chief executive of Newcastle's new shirt sponsor, 'Virgin Money' has added her concerns about the (attempted!) rebranding and hopes that others will follow her example; notes that Newcastle City Council have debated and agreed a motion stating that the council have NO PLANS! to change ANY! way-finding signs which bear the name 'St James' Park', rather than the name of 'The Fat Controller's'< (or words to that effect!) business; and urges 'The Fat Controller'< (owtte!) to reconsider his decision!".   

Tuesday 21 February 2012

THE TEAM WITH NO NAME!---WHO ARE YOO!?

Posted '5:15pm bells' Tuesday 21st February 2012
Next up @ St James' Park iz that team from The Black Country toon of Wolverhampton who used to be knaan az 'Bent Nose McCarthy Wanderers' by 'The Geordie Times' until 'Bent Nose Mick' got the 'bullet' last week, followin' their 5-1 home humiliation against their deadly rivals 'The Baggie Troosers' of West Brom.

Various names have been bandied aroond for the vacant managers position with 'Broken Nose Bruce' the favorite to take ower the reins at Molineux.

Until that decision iz made however! 'The Geordie Times' iz 'in limbo' and wor new name for them will have to be put on ice for the moment!

We wait with 'baited breath' to see just who will be the new man in charge when they play us on Saturday @ the unusual kick off time of '3:00 bells'
(az usual!---watch this space!)

FIXTURE NEWS

Posted '1:00am bells' Tuesday 21st February 2012
"ST JAMES' PARK SINCE 1880
AND AALWAYS WILL BE!"
Wor home game against 'Delia's Rhubarb & Custard Crumbles' of Norwich @ ST JAMES' PARK! will gan aheed az planned on Saturday 17th March @ '3:00 bells', az 'The Combine Harvester Boys' from Norfolk were knocked oot of the FA Cup by Leicester at the weekend. 

Wor game away to 'The Arse' in "norf Landan" on Monday neet 12th March iz a selloot to Toon fans, with ne more tickets available for the away section (ne indication just to just how many tickets we have taken???)

Monday 20 February 2012

IT'S A 'SIGN' OF THE TIMES!

Posted '2:30pm bells' Monday 20th February 2012

Yet more new signage has been added to the St James' Park waalls!
ST JAMES' PARK SINCE 1880!---AND AALWAYS WILL BE!

Sunday 19 February 2012

GROUND NUMBER(s) 284a and 284b! The Academy of---"Ssshhh!!!---Yee Naa Wot!?", Cleadon ***********SMB U18s 2 THE TOON U18s 2 ***********SMB U16s 0 THE TOON U16s 3 ***********AGGREGATE SCORE 5-2 TO US!



Posted '9:45am bells' Sunday 19th February 2012

(Ground numbers 284a and 284b)
Date of First Visit: 18th February 2012
The Academy of SShhh! (yee naa wot!)

SMB U 18's 2 THE TOON U18's 2
SMB U 16's 0 THE TOON U 16''s 3



"TWO-TWO TO WHO!?"----
"ARE YOO SITTING COMFORTABLY???"---
"THEN I'LL BEGIN!"!
"Dennis Knight score from the penalty spot in
The Toon's U18's game on 'pitch number one'
@ 'The Mobile Tea-Hut End'!"

An unexpected double heeder against the SMB's youngins @ their Cleadon trainin' groond yesterday mornin' meant that we could try? and watch two games simitamiously on two ajoinin' pitches.

It was a new groond(s!) for me and aa anly expected the Toons U18's to be playin', but the added 'bonus' was that the U16's were playin' there az well with both games scheduled to kick off @ '11 bells'

The U16's game, however!, kicked off slightly later with the U18's startin' three minutes beforehand and this was the main game that aa decided to watch more closely!

Aa positioned meesel lookin' southwards towards the 'Seaborn windmill', so aa could glance ower to the U16's game shud there be a stoppage in play in the other!
The anly complication bein' that in the U18's game we kicked northwards towards a mobile tea-hut, which waz positioned behind that goal, (yes!--they had one!) (see main photo!) while in the U16's game, we kicked southwards in the forst half towards the windmill! ("help!")
(A'm not caalled 'The mad-sad groundhopper' for nothin'!)

Anyway!--forst 'blood' was drawn in the U18's game @ '11:26 bells' when the SMB's took the lead.
Their lead waz doubled just two minutes later az the wind howled aroond the isolated pitch, which had ne shelter for miles.

In the U16's game meanwhile, WE took the lead @ '11:38 bells' @ The Windmill End', but aa missed the goal az aa was concentratin' on the other game as we'd just been awarded a penalty which Dennis Knight cooly convorted @ '11:39 @ 'The Mobile Tea-Hut End'! (that's two goals in ONE minute for us at different end's of the groond(s!) (a new record!)

"Meanwhile!---Action from the Toon's U16's game on 'pitch number two'!"

Then in the second period(s) while there waz a lull in play in the U18's game aa torned roond to see wor number ten run through the home sides defence to score a fine goal @ 12:13.

Another goal a minute later for us (which aa missed this time!) sealed the victory for the U16's in that game, so aa concentrated fully on the U18's game from then on! (it doesn't get much dafter than this---folks!)

Wor penalty hero Dennis Knight then got himsel sent off for an alleged elbow on a SMB defender, but that didn't stop us from squarin' the game @ 12:26 precisely, when a Brandon Meile free kick deflected off a mackem's heed and into the net @ 'The Windmill End' and this was the final goal of the game(s)!

Not lang after this, the skies darkened and heavy sleet blew into wor faces for the final few minutes before the ref blew the full time whistle.
This meant that the 100 or so Toon fans in the crowd went yem, happy in the knowledge that at least the 'ten men' didn't get beat!  (most of the 300 or so mackem fans had left by this stage!)

On the way oot a mackem who had stayed, asked a Toon fan known az 'The Bear' wot the final score waz and he telt him that it waz "2-2"
"2-2 TO WHO?", he asked!!!! (there's ne answer to that one---iz there???) 

Combined attendances: 400 (estimated) (100 or so Toon fans/friends/family)


After this we heeded for Dunston for 'The Bad Blue Boys' FA Vase clash against Bethnal Green United of east London. (see match report on this game below!)

BAD BLUE BOYS 3 BETHNAL GREEN UNITED 0

Posted '12:30pm bells' Sunday 19th February 2012

Wor second game of the day ("sorry!---THORD!") waz at Federation Park, Dunston for the eagerlee awaited FA Vase tie between Northern League side Dunston UTS and Bethnal Green of east London.

Before the match the Bethnal team came into the bar and they were big lads aa can tell yoo, and we were telt that they were very physical and that 'The Bad Blue Boys' of Dunston were in for a hard game!

The reality was that they didn't look that taall when they actually got onto the pitch and the fact that most of them were wearin' gloves and tights sent a message to the home team that 'the southern softies' tag wasn't far off the mark!

The Bad Blue Boys took the lead in the bitin' wind through Andy Bulford with a fine effort.
A brace of goal from Danny Shaw sealed Bethnal's fate az hiz second came bang on half time.

The second period waz played oot in freezin' conditions and the 'eest Landeners' just wernt 'up for it'!
'The Bad Blue Boys' now face a trip to Peterborough Northern Star in the qwaataa finals with the ultimate 'goal' a trip to Wembley for the final in May!
Attendance: a disappointin' 327 (az far az we could see Bethnal anly had ONE FAN! at the game)

Footnote:
Whitley Bay lost 2-1 at home to West Auckland and Ashington fans were 'short changed' when they lost 3-0 away to Shortwood United!

Saturday 18 February 2012

A DOUBLE HEADER TODAY!---SMB U18s v THE TOON U18s---Then!---DUNSTON v BETHNAL GREEN in 'THE VASE'!

Posted '9:30am bells' Saturday 18th February 2012
"THE PIES ARE CANNY!---LIKE!"
The repercussions of wor disastrous FA Cup defeat at Brighton three weeks ago are startin' to bite, az it means that the forst team have a blank weekend, due to non participation in the competition.

HOWEVER!----az aalways there iz 'light at the end of the tunnel', for it gives us the opportunity to watch the Toon's U18s in action against their SMB coonterparts @ 'The Academy of "Ssshhhh!---ye na wot!?" in Cleadon this mornin' and 'clock up' another new groond and then we can move on to Dunston Fed @ '3 bells' for their important FA Vase 5th roond cup tie against
Bethnal Green United of 'eeest Landan', home of course to to imfamous Kray Twin gangsters who ruled this part of 'the smoke' back in the 1960's.

Now known az Dunston UTS after their sponsors, 'The Fed' (or 'The Bad Blue Boys', coz they play in aall blue!) are hopin' to get through to the next roond, where a tie away to Peterborough Northern Star or Tiverdale (wherever that iz?) awaits them in the qwaata finals and the 'carrot' of a trip to Wembley for the final in May.
It's six quid to get in for big kids and half price for sprogs and zimmerframites and a crowd of  700 to 1,000 or so is antisipated!---so get there orly, az it's anly a smaall groond!
(Near to the Metro Centre just off the A1 Western Bypass)


Whitley Bay (City Rollers) are aalso in action in The Vase and they have a home tie against West Auckland while 'The Pit Yaakers' of Ashington are away to Shortwood.

Get yerselz alang to one of these games and support one of your local teams!

Friday 17 February 2012

IT HAD TO HAPPEN!---DIDN'T IT!?

Posted 7:00pm bells' Friday 17th February 2012

A new sign haz just been 'erected' @ St James' Park to replace the old one which waz desecrated yesterday! 

DESECRATION OF SOULS!

Posted '5:00pm bells' Friday 17th February 2012


The front page heedline in tooneets 'Ronny Gill' sez it aall!!! 

A 'CHILLING' MESSAGE FROM 'THE FAT CONTROLLER'!

Posted just before 'high noon bells' Friday 17th February 2012

"IT'S  MY  TRAIN  SET  AND  I'LL DO  WHAT  I  F*****'  LIKE!"       
                                (see below!)

Thursday 16 February 2012

ST JAMES' DESECRATION!---16th FEBRUARY 2012

ST JAMES' PARK HAZ JUST BEEN DESECRATED TODAY!!!


THERE'S NOTHIN' MORE TO SAY REALLY!!!---IZ THERE???

MORE BAD NEWS FOR NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS!--------WACKO JACKO LOCKOOT!

Posted '4:10pm bells' Thorsday 16th February 2012
"WE COULD AALWAYS CLIMB THE FENCE!"
Wor forthcomin' resorve game against Fulham resorves @ Motspur Park, London, which waz due to be open to the public iz now bein' played behind closed doors on April 3rd @ the same venue!

We had intended to de 'this one', az it iz a 'proper groond' with stands and terracin' and we will now have to put 'the feelers oot' to try and get in past security!

The away game against Liverpool resorve will definateleee have to be 'put on ice', az the day before it's due to be played, we face 'The Arse' in London for a Monday neet forst team fixture and wor 'forced' owerneet stay there, puts 'the scuppers' on us gettin' to Morseyside on time for the '2 bells' start. (this is aalso behind closed doors!)

We 'can but try' to get in NEXT season alang with Everton's trainin' groond, which we didn't make orlier this week! (aalso another lockoot---would yoo believe!)

Wednesday 15 February 2012

HIGH NOON DERBY SHOOTOUT!---A COMPLETE SELLOOT TO CLUB MEMBERS!

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 15th February 2012


It haz been revealed that for the forst time ever, a game haz been sold oot to club members only, with no tickets available on general sale to the public for the forthcomin' derby match @ St James' Park.

46,000 Toon fans have club memberships (which includes season ticket holders) and they have snapped up every available ticket for wor high noon shootout against the SMB's at the beginin' of next month. (Members could buy two tickets each for the game)

Wor game against 'The Liverbirds' on April Fools Day iz aalso expected to be a 'members only' selloot with the retorn of 'Andy Pandy' and 'Bell-end the Poison Dwarf' much antisipated!

Tuesday 14 February 2012

THE TOFFEE NOSES RESORVES 6 THE TOON RESORVES 3 !

Updated '8:15pm bells Tuesday 14th February 2012

Secret Squirrel informs us that The Toons second string lost 6-3 behind closed door @ Evertons trainin' groond this afternoon.
It was 3-3 at one stage but the home side hit three more before the end to knock us for six for a second successive away game (Man U resorves beat us 6-0 last month!)
The Toons goals were scored by Dan Taylor, Phil Airey and Ryan McGorrigan (just az well we wernt there--like!) (will try and get in next season though!)

SECRET SQUIRREL IZ ALIVE AND KICKIN'!

Posted '5:45am bells' Tuesday 14th February 2012
Today @ 1:00 bells this afternoon 'The Toons' second string take on 'The Toffee Noses' of Everton @ their Finch Farm trainin complex @ Halewood near Liverpool behind 'closed doors'.

Because this fixture could have been caalled off at the last minute because of a frozen pitch and because it iz very difficult to get past security for this game (apparently they divvint even let in close family to watch their kids/bruuvas/etc!) aa decided not to risk it and I am at work instead!

Az it's torned oot aa probably could have got in through a secret contact, but this wasn't certain, so 'work it iz'!

When the game kicks off aa'll be at a bakery not a stones throw from West Brom's groond collectin' a lorry load of bread to bring back to Gatesheed!

Just why clubs like Everton are so secretive and paranoid aboot barrin' fans and not even lettin' in family members coz they are terrified of a bigger club 'pinchin' one of their resorve players, iz beyond me!
Footbaall gets dafter and dafter az the years gan by!
Will just have to try and get in next time we play them!

However!---'The Geordie Times' DOES have a secret reporter at the gane (see photo above!)
Result to follow (when aa get back from West Brom later tooneet!)

Sunday 12 February 2012

THE COCK A DOODLE DOOS 5 THE TOON 0

Posted '7:20 pm bells' Sunday 12th February 2012

BLACK & WHITE CATASTROPHE!
^ WANTED! ^---^DEAD OR ALIVE! ^

The day had started off aall reet az the train crossed 'The King Edward Bridge', with the 'customary' 'openin of the cans' halfway ower The Tyne to bring us 'good fortune'?----And three hours later we arrived @ 'Kings Cross' in good time for openin' time @ 'McGlynns' bar, not too far from the station and there to 'greet us' at the front door of the bar waz a black 'n' white cat which 'meeowed' az we waalked into the bar!----Another good omen or wot???  


After a few 'liquid refreshments' it was time to say goodbye to wor 'lucky' black 'n' white moggy and heed for 'Seven Sisters' in Tottenham and onto 'The Irish Club' just up the road from the train station

There are not many waaterin holes left in this part of 'Landan', mainly due to the fact that many are boarded up or were bornt doon in the riots last summer!
This meant that 'The Irish' was busier than ever and before lang the queues for the bar were thorty yards lang! (ne exaggeration!)

Anyway!--- it was soon time to heed for the tornstiles and the 2,000 or so Toon fans were in 'singin mode' az the game kicked off!
To cut a very lang story short a CATastophic performance @ White Hart Lane foond us 4-0 doon after just half an hour after some horrendous defendin' by 'the aall blacks' defence! (we played in aall black again, just like wor last disasterous visit to 'the smoke' at Fulham last month!) (a 5-2 defeat!)

Goals from Ekotto, Saha (2) and Kranjcar sent us reeeelin' and a cricket score looked on the cards at one stage in 'norf Landan'!

When Spors hit their FOURTH goal aa wished that the nightmare would end and that the ref would blow for full time and that we could aall gan yem!


We somehow managed to get to the break withoot anymore goals against us and 'Happy Harrys Hotspurs' added a fifth midway through the second period when Abebayor struck at the far end from us!

This (thankfully!) was the last of the scorin' and aa was GLAD to get away with 'just'? a 5-0 defeat in 'norf Landan'!

The 'McGlynns' black 'n' white cat proved to be anything BUT! a lucky mascot for us and when aa see that 'scroggy moggy' again on wor next visit doon here, AA'LL F*****' STRANGLE IT!--ne problem!

Another one to forget on another 'capital CATastrophe', ("it waz aall the cats fault!") which meens we have conceded a grand total of TEN GOALS on wor last two visits to 'the smoke'!

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Obertan (Ferguson 46), Guthrie (Lovenkrands 86), Perch, Gutierrez, Ba, Cisse (Gosling 68)
Attendance: 36,176 (2,000 cataclysmically shell shocked Toon fans!)   

Friday 10 February 2012

HAPPY HARRY'S HOTSPURS v THE TOON---TOMORROW!

Updated '6:50am bells' Saturday 11th February 2012

'HAPPY HARRY'---SEEN HERE IN ONE OF HIS MORE JOVIAL MOODS!

This afternoon @ 5:30 bells' we take on Spors @ White Hart Lane in 'norf Landan'.
Speculation that this could be Happy Harry's last game in charge of 'The Cock a Doodle Doos' before he moves on to pastures new @ Wembley is rife!

Yohan Cabaye iz still suspended and CheickTiote iz still in Africa where he will play in that continents cup final on Sunday and we aall 'wish him well' in hiz quest for a winners medal!

We are on the '8 bells' train this mornin' to Kings Cross, where plenty of liquid lubrication will be consumed on the downward jorney!
However! ---I have to tell yooo that 'The British Transport Dibbles' have put a 'spanner in the works' and declared that aall trains back to 'The Toon' toneet after the match will be 'DRY', with ne alcoholic beverages allowed.
Luckileee for us, we are not comin' yem til Sunday mornin' and we can tell yoo that these trains are definateleee 'NOT DRY'

A full match (and "Landan" pub crawl) report therefore will not be on line til at least Sunday neet!
Remember wor motto: "The Geordie Times will bring yoo the latest news 'late' and second hand, forst!"

In otha news---Dunston's FA Vase 5th roond tie against Bethnal Green today haz been caalled off because of a dodgy pitch and this game will now be played on Saturday week, when The Toon have a blank weekend!----So guess where we'll be that day??? (on that day in the mornin' wor Juniors will be playin' the SMB Juniors @ The Academy of SSsshhh! "yee naa wot?" @ '11 bells', which meens a 'double header' iz on the cards that day, az 'The Geordie Times' haz neva been to that groond before!)

Whitley Bay, meanwhile, are waitin' with baited breath to see if their FA Vase tie against West Auckland can gan aheed today?

Thursday 9 February 2012

THE TOON U18's 2 QPR U18's 1---FA YOUTH CUP---RESULT!

Updated '11:15pm bells' Thorsday 9th February 2012

@ '7 bells' tooneet 'The Toons' youngins took on The 'Steptoe' Rag and Bone youngins from Shepherds Bush in the 5th roond of the FA Yooth Cup @ St James' Park.
The Toon won 2-1 after extra time in freezin' fog which enveloped the groond.
The visitors took the lead in the 25th minute when Ben Brown struck a shot at The Gallowgate End against the run of play.
It took until 7 mins before full time to bring the scores level when an Adam Campbell penalty was convorted to send the game into extra time (just wot we DIDN'T want in the freezin' conditions!) 

The winner came in the 98th minute when JJ Hooper heeded home at The Leazes End to book us a place in the qwaata finals against Blackborn @ St James' Park


Attendance: 1,118 freeezin' cold punters!

STOP PRESS!---STOP PRESS!---'I BEG YOUR PARDEW' RULES HIMSEL OOT FOR THE ENGLAND MANAGERS JOB

Posted '10:00am bells' Thorsday 9th February 2012

'I Beg Your PARDEW'---NOT! gannin anywhere!

The Geordie Times haz just lorned through one of wor many 'exclusive' sources (The BBC NEWS CHANNEL!) that Toon manager 'I Beg Your PARDEW' haz ruled himsel oot of the runnin' for the England managers job! and iz quoted az sayin:

"It's not for me!---Not even in the frame as far as I'm concerned!---I want to make that very clear!---I'm in a really good project at Newcastle United!"

This iz great news for Toon fans az he iz dein' a great job for us and it leaves the way open for 'Appy 'Arry, who waz foond not guilty of fraud, to take ower the reigns @ Wembley!

Wednesday 8 February 2012

GROUND 283 REPORT NOW ONLINE!---BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!

Posted '3:15pm bells' Wednesday 7th February 2012 

At last!---a'v finally finished the 'mad-sad groundhoppers' report from wor FA Cup disaster at Brighton (nearly a fortneet late!) which iz published below.

REMEMBER wor motto:  'The Geordie Times' will bring yoo the latest news, second hand---forst!

283 amex stadium brighton







(GROUND NUMBER 283)

Date of First Visit: 28th JANUARY 2012

AMEX STADIUM, FALMER

BRIGHTON AND HOVE ALBION  1

NEWCASTLE UNITED  0

FA CUP 4th ROUND

ATTENDANCE: 21,558 (2,500 disillooosioned Toon fans!)



“WHEN WILL WE EVER LEARN!?”

BEWARE!---WOR LASS'S ROLLIN' PIN!"


It was the Chinese New Years celebrations the day after this game and wor lass’s mate had booked a table for four at a restaurant in China Toon on the Sunday afternoon, not far from St James’ Park and aa was under strict instructions to get back from Brighton for this—or else! (she threatened me with hor rollin’ pin if aa didn’t!)

This meant an owerneet stay in ‘The Smoke’ (London) waz oot of the question and az we couldn’t get a train back to The Toon on the Saturday neet because of the 5:15 bells kick off time, alternative travel arrangements had to be made by ‘jam jar’!

Four of us travelled doon to this one, namely ‘Tex Taylor’, ‘Norman the Cowboy Plumber’, ‘Fawlty Towers’, plus meesel of course! and we set off at the ungodly hour of ‘six thorty bells’ in ‘The Cowboy Plumbers’ ‘Merc’ for the 370 plus mile jorney to the Sussex countryside via the A1-M11-M25-M23 etc etc!.

The drive doon took us six and a half hours and we parked up at Lewes train station which iz the nearest ‘boozer friendly place’to the ground---which of course was built in the middle of ne where next to a village called Falmer! (which we thought was ‘pub-less!)

After a few ‘liquid refreshments’ in the three ‘drinkin dens’ up the hill from the station, which were aall ‘chocker’ with Toon and Brighton fans, it was time to heed back to the train station to catch the ‘cattle truck’ to Falmer which iz fower miles distant!

A’d asked a Brighton fan how much the retorn train fare to the ground waz and he just looked at me in amazement and said: “We don’t pay—WE NEVER HAVE DONE coz they havvent got enough train staff and they cannot cope with the number of fans who get on, so they don’t bother tryin’ to check tickets!”

He waz true to his word, az there were hundreds waalkin’ doon to the station and the TWO staff and ONE local ‘Dibble’ on duty were owerwhelmed by the volume of supporters crammin’ onto the platform az the train pulled in!

 Aa say ‘cattle truck’ az we were aall piled in the carriages like sardines and it was like travellin’ on the ‘London Undergroond’ in the rush hour! (we couldn’t complain though—could we?---az we’d got on for ‘nixxy’!)

There waz aboot a 50-50 mix of both Toon fans and Brighton fans az the train set off on wot we were telt waz a seven minute jorney to the groond (ER!---it took TEN minutes, actually!)

On close up inspection aa waz very impressed with ‘The Seagulls’ new ‘nest’az it wasn’t the ‘tinny shed’ a’d expected for a club of their stature. The rather nice brickwork outside the stadium looked az though it had cost a ‘few bob’ to build.


Once inside, wide padded seats greeted us and it reminded me of ‘The Emirates’ seats at ‘The Arse’, the anly difference bein’ that these were blue instead of red. Toon fan ‘Big Al’ (no!—not THAT one!)telt us they they HAD foond a ‘waaterin hole’ some three hundred yards from the groond, so it waz in fact a ‘ONE boozer groond’!

The arched roofs reminded me of ‘The Reebok’ at (ne where near!) Bolton, but this waz a much better build and there waz plenty of room to increase the capacity from the 21,000 (or so) now, to ower 30,000, az amazingly they have a 6,000 waitin’ list for tickets! ( A Brighton fan who waz next to us with hiz Toon mates, telt us this!)

ANYWAY!---the teams ran oot to a packed crowd and aa couldn’t see an empty seat anywhere, so the “Empty seats!” chant couldn’t be used today by The Toon faithful!

It waz a dour forst half and we just couldn’t get wor act together with ‘Captain Shola’ leadin’ the line up front, with Leon Best just behind.


Brighton were even worse and aa carnt recaall one shot on target from them in the forst period, which not surpizingleee ended goal-less!

The second half wasn’t much better with wor ‘toothless’ strikeforce unable to break doon the home sides defence az we kicked towards wor fans in ‘The Sooth Stand’

Just az though it looked like the match waz peterin’ oot into a goal-less draw and a replay, tragedy stuck with just qwaata of an hour to gan, when the home side scored wot waz to be the anly and winnin’ goal of the game!

The goal came in the 75th minute when Danny Simpson pulled oot of a tackle to let Will Buckley race through to the box and his shot deflected off the unfortunate Mike Williamson and into the net past the stranded Tim Krul in The Toon goal, to knock us oot of the cup at an orly stage yet again!

Oh! How we needed the two ‘Dembas’ to fill wor strikers roles! (‘Ba’ and ‘Cisse’, were still on African Nations Cup duty)

After the match we had to queue for half an hour to catch the ‘free’ train back to Lewes, which iz a jorney the Brighton fans have to endure every home game and one that WE divvint want to de ever again!

(Lets hope they divvint win promotion this season!---Eh?)

We left Lewes at qwaata to nine, but we didn’t get yem til qwaata to four in the mornin’, mainly because ‘Norman the Cowboy Plumber’ missed the M25 torn off!

After gettin' back on the reet track and az we
approached the Dartford Crossin’ the sign telt us it was free to cross after ‘ten bells’ (we got there at 9:55 and had to pay the toll!)  
To compound things the M11 waz shut az well!, so we had to divert forther aroond the M25, THEN!  az we approached the A1 at Dishforth in north Yorkshire, that section of the road was aalso closed and so we ended up gannin’ up the ‘A19’ past Smogland and SMB country before gannin through the Tyne Tunnel and eventually gettin' yem just before four!
(a 725 mile roond trip!)

So this iz yet another ‘Disaster Days Story’ to add to the never endin’ ‘Disaster Days list’!

And YES!---aa didn't get hit with wor lass's rollin' pin---aa just got 'hit' with the bill from the 'Chinese' instead!
NOT! me and wor lass!

(now 283 groonds visited---and coontin’!)





Fink (the mad-sad groundhopper!)



Tuesday 7 February 2012

"HIGH NOON SHOOTOUT!---IT'S A LOCKOUT!"

Updated '4:20pm bells' Tuesday 7th February 2012
HAPPY TOON FANS ON BARRACK ROAD RETORNIN' FROM
THE STADIUM OF "SSSHHH!---YEE NAA WOT"
ON AUG 20th AFTER WOR 1-0 VICTORY AGAINST THE SMB's!
(THE MILBURN STAND IZ IN THE BACKGROOND)

Wor forthcomin' home game against the SMB's orly next month in the Sunday 'high noon shootout' iz not suprizingleee a complete selloot, with a 52,000 plus crowd guaranteed.

Wor game @ Spors this Saturday is aalso a selloot.  The Toons allocation iz not known at this stage but yoo can bet we took wor minimum number of tickets as iz now the practice with NUFC, as they cannit be bothered with the hassle of sellin' them!
This iz because the home club keeps aall of the gate money and we divvint get any of it!

Bad news for Toon fans travellin' back from Spors on Saturday----the trains have been declared 'DRY' with NE 'alcoholic liquid refreshment' allowed.
('The Geordie Times' contingent iz not comin' back til Sunday mornin', so it (thankfully!) wont affect us!)

IN otha news, Gatesheed's home FA Trophy tie against Alfreton Toon toneet haz been caalled off because of a frozen pitch!---so divvint gan!

Monday 6 February 2012

"UNITED WE STAND!"

Posted '4:55pm bells' Monday 6th February 2012
At this moment in time 'The Geordie Times' haz three countries viewin' us!
The UNITED States of America
The UNITED Arab Emirates and of course!-------The UNITED Kingdom---Other 'hits' from aroond the globe today include: Ukraine---Singapore---Brazil---Jawmany---Greece---Nigeria---Norway
"HELLO TO YOO AALL!"

Wor crowd of 48,569 on Sunday @ 1:30 bells' against unattractive opposition waz brilliant, especially az it was live on the telly and it waz freezin' cold ootside!
Well done everyone who torned oot!
"UNITED WE STAND!"

Sunday 5 February 2012

THE DEADLY DEMBAS 2 THE VILLA 1

Posted '7:20 pm bells' Sunday 5th February 2012

Two strikes from 'The SSS' (Senegal Super Strikers!) secured the three points @ St James' Park to send The Toon back up to FIFTH place in the premya leeegue.

Demba mark ONE---(of the 'Ba' variety) put us in front in the 10th minute @ The Leazes End with a fine shot as he was faallin' to the groond, after a Ryan Taylor effort fell to him. Taylor was subsequently injured and had to be stretchered off the pitch.

Then Robbie Keane equalised for Villa FIVE minutes into forst half injury time when he side footed the baall into the net after a mix up in The Toon's defence.

Just as though it looked like the game was peterin' oot for a draw in the second period, up stepped debutant and new number nine, Demba mark TWO (of the 'Cisse' variety) (who had replaced the injured Leon Best) and he skillfully chested the baall doon to rifle an unstoppable shot into the top corner of the goal past the despairin' ex Toon keeper Shay Given with 20 minutes to play.

This proved to be the winnin' goal and az predicted by 'The Geordie Times' wor new 'ten million poond man', celebrated wildly in front of the joyous Toon fans @ The Gallowgate End of the groond! (see match preview below!)

Toon team: Krul, Simpson, Coloccini, Williamson, Santon, R Taylor (Obertan 33), Perch, Guthrie, Gutierrez, Best (Cisse 14), Ba (Shola Ameobi 90)
Attendance: 48,569 (less than 2,000 Villians)

'Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Report' to follow later this week!

Saturday 4 February 2012

THE TOON v THE VILLIANS--TOMORROW DINNERTIME!

Updated '9:35 am bells' Sunday 5th February 2012
"ST JAMES' PARK SINCE 1880---AND AALWAYS WILL BE!"
(THE GALLOWGATE END FROM OOTSIDE 'THE STRAWBERRY')
Another Sunday dinnertime start, this time against Villa @ St James' Park ('1:30 bells') for yet another live 'SKY' telly game! (are we ever off 'the box'?)

The two Dembas will be back from African Nations Cup duty and they'll swop the waam sunshine of Africa to the sub zero temps of Tyneside where more snow iz forecast!

Demba Cisse of course iz expected to make hiz lang awaited debut, (dependin' on his fitness levels of course) and the number nine shirt will hopefully be runnin' aroond the pitch celebratin' a victory at aroond '3:30 bells' this afternoon?

More to follow much later on toneet in wor match report!

'The Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge' will start of @ 'Pumphreys' in The Bigg Market @ '11 bells' this mornin' (IF it's open?) (boozer number 71 if it IZ!?)

PS: Aa came up from West Brom in mee truck last neet and the weather was atrocious, with accidents everywhere, because of heavy snow, ice and thick fog, and aa was very lucky to get back!
So just how Villa fans will get here is anybodys guess! (their groond iz just four miles from West Brom's)

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