Saturday, 8 October 2011

FORT WILLIAM LOCH NESS MONSTERS 0 TURRIFF UNITED 1-------THE SIX SICK SADDOS! ON TOUR!

Updated '9:35 pm bells' Saturday 8th October 2011
"THE PITCH LOOKS A BIT WAATERLOGGED---LIKE!"

Az there waz yet anotha blank weekend because of the international fixtures, six of the 'NUFC groundhoppers'  decided (against their better judgement!) to heed for 'Loch Ness Monster Country' in bonny Scotland instead and tek in a Highland 'Fling' League game @ Fort William of aall places! (NOT! ME! aa hasten to add!)

They  actually sponsored the match baall @ twenty five quid a heed and got free admission, plus food and DRINK! hoyed in with the price!

'The Mad Professor', (az the name suggests!)  organised it and he put on a 'posh' Geordie voice when he phoned their secretary to sponsor the baall!
He iz a keen moontaineer (he lives on a hill!) and  'climbed' Ben Nevis which owerlooks the groond before the match!
"AA THOUGHT 'BIG BEN' WAZ IN LONDON?"

The other saddos went up by cable car by the way! (lazy b******s!)
'The Geordie Times' makes no apologeee for namin' the 'Six Sick Saddos' who went for a lang wet weekend! (it's waz boond to rain up there!---and it DID!) 
They were!---'The Caped Crusader', 'Mal the Ingish Skoool Teecha', 'Big Al' (no!---not that one!), 'Sarnie Steve', 'Paul the Pensioner' and 'The Mad Professor' of course!

Rumour haz it that they intended to run on the pitch before the match between Fort William and Turriff United wearin' 'Loch Ness Monster' costumes as the annooncer named the match baall sponsors! (this didn't happen coz they were tooo p***ed!)

 'The Geordie Times carrier pigeon'  haz sent us this 'exclusive' match report from the game!

"Fort William lost one-nil to Turriff United in  a rain sodden match and remain bottom of the Highland 'Fling' League with NE! points after SEVEN games! (full stop!)

Attendance (which waz supplied by 'The Mad Professor' after hiz 'compulsary' waalk aroond the pitch and after consumin' many FREE 'alcoholic liquid refreshment beverages') ---132!, which included the Fort Williams officials, their youth team, two moontain goats, a 'yeti' and SIX 'mad-sad groundhoppers', dressed in 'Loch Ness Monster' costumes! (see above!)

ARCHIVE GROUNDS MATCH REPORT LIST