Monday 31 October 2011

HALF A YEAR! (183rd DAY) SINCE THE TOON LAST LOST A PREMIER LEAGUE GAME!

THE PLASTIC POTS v THE TOON

Posted '11:00 am bells' Monday 31st October 2011
We have now past the 'half year mark' since we were last beaten in the Premya Leegue, but aall this could change tooneet of course when we take on 'The Plastic Pots' of Stoke @ The Britannia Stadium @ '8 bells' (live on Sky)

Aa say 'Plastic Pots' coz the bar we were in last season before the match anly had the dreaded plastic glasses and as there were ne otha boozers anywhere near, we had ne choice but to 'slum it' and drink there! 

Followin' the results ower the weekend we are still in a 'Champions League' position, but anly just! az Spors moved level on points with us with an inferior goal difference.

The scenarios are this toneet!
IF! we win or draw we owertake the pensioners of Chelsea and move into thord place!
IF! we lose by one goal we stay in fourth place!
IF! we lose by two goals or more, Spors will owertake us on goals scored and we will drop doon to a Europa League place in fifth position!

On this day last year we beat 'Broken Nose Bruce's SMB's 5-1 in 'The Hallo'ween Derby Massacre' @ St James'!----Lets hope this iz a good omen for tooneet!

Match (and plastic pot!) report to follow sometime tomorrow

Sunday 30 October 2011

WHY? WHY? WHY? DELILAH!?

Posted '10:15 am bells' Sunday 30th October 2011

Tomorrow neet @ 8' bells' we take on 'The Lang Throw In Specialist Boys' of Stoke @ The Britannia Stadium in wot iz sure to be a very tough game and wor unbeaten league record will be under severe danger.
Wor last visit here orly on this year was a horror show which we lost 4-0, so lets hope (and pray!) we divvint have a repeat of that performance tomorrow neet!

Now here's one thing that's aalways puzzled me?---just WHY? do Stoke fans have 'Delilah' by Tom Jones az their 'anthem', WHEN! Tom Jones iz from Wales, WHICH! iz ne where near Stoke, WHICH! iz in ENGLAND! (believe it or not!?) 

Answers on a postcard pleeeze to: 'The Geordie Times', Wor Hoose, Wor Street, Geordieland  on Tyne

Friday 28 October 2011

NUFC TRAININ' SESSION---JAMIE @ ST JAMES'

Posted '4:00 pm bells' Friday October 28th 2011
"A FULL GALLOWGATE END!"

The open trainin' session @ St James' was a great success with an estimated 6 to 7,000 tornin' up to see the Toon in action! ('Geordie Times' estimate!)
"ELEVEN BELLS!"

Most were bairns who had been brought by their mammys and daddys az a treat and they thoroughly enjoyed themsels!
"THE 'FIVE A SIDE' GAME IN PROGRESS!"
"ELEVEN FIFTEEN BELLS!"

However!---az young bairns invariableee do, they get bored very quickly and after aboot half an hour watchin' a five a side game, shootin' practice and seein' the players run roond plastic traffic cones!, it's time to start faallin' asleep in their muthas arms!-----"Aaaaarrrr!"---"Bless 'em!"
"ELEVEN THORTY BELLS!"


TRAININ' SESSION @ ST JAMES'---FRIDAY MORN'

Updated '9:45m bells' Friday 28th October 2011
2010 TRAININ' SESSION @ ST JAMES'---
AN ESTIMATED 4,000 ATTENDED!

An open trainin' session will take place this mornin' between '10:30 and 12:30 bells' on the St James' Park pitch!

Admission iz FREE! @ 'The Gallowgate End' which will be open from '9:30 bells' 
A good torn oot iz anticipated coz of the skool hols!---SO!--- Bring the bairns for a look at 'The Cathedral'! 
We're a bit late, but 'The Geordie Times' iz on it's way now!
Photos of trainin' session to follow! 

180 DAYS SINCE THE TOON LAST LOST A PREMIER LEAGUE GAME!

Updated '4:30 am bells' Friday 28th October 2011

WE ARE DEFIANT!---------OK!---we lost wor unbeaten record in AALL competitions on Wednesday,(see below) but we STILL! remain unbeaten since May Day in the Premya Leegue! 

"Er!"--there's a little matter of those lang throw in specialists, 'The Pullis Potters' of Stoke away next Monday and visits to the two Manc clubs, plus! the pensioners of Chelsea comin' up!----we may az well enjoy it while we can!---"EH!?"

Thursday 27 October 2011

TOP 'O' THE WORLD!---17,000 TIMES!

Posted '2:45 pm bells' Thorsday 27th October 2011

'The Geordie Times' haz just past the seventeen thoosand 'hit' mark today and we thank aall wor loyal reeders for loggin' in yet again!
"TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!---
WHEY AYE MAAAN!"
We've now been viewed in 113 countries aroond the globe (and beyond!) >


"Hello! Mauritius!---Hello! Cyprus!---Hello! Jamaica!----Hello! Sierra Leone!"

TANDOORI CHICKEN ROVERS 4 THE TOON 3 (aet)

Posted '2:15 am bells' Thorsday 27th October 2011

"IT'S OVER!"

                         PETER LOVENKRANDS PENALTY------3-3
           ( PS: "IF YI WONDERIN' WHY THE PHOTO'S A BIT BLURRED
               ---IT'S COZ AA WAZ 'HALF CUT' WHEN AA TOOK IT!")

Wor run of 178 days withoot defeat iz over az we succumbed to Blackburn in the 4th roond of the League Cup, a little over 3 and a half hours ago @ Ewood Park. (The Batmobile's rocket boosters were on 'full blast' on the way back!) 

It aall started off badly when Rovers took the lead in the 5th minute through Rochina in front of the Toon fans, housed in The Darwen End.  
The ref then denied us THREE! clearcut penalties before givin' one to the home side half way through the 2nd half, which was converted by Yakubu and it looked game ower, especially when the game entered stoppage time!
Amazingly---however, we got one back in the 93rd minute when Guthrie rifled home for *The Orangemen (wor forst shot on target in the entire game!) and then Cabaye hit a fantastic free kick on the edge of the box into the roof of the net to level the scores in the 96th minute, to send the 4,000 plusToon fans wild with delight and in turn, send the game into extra time.
(*We played in wor orange away strip)

Rovers again retook the lead in the 99th minute through Pederson, anly for Peter Lovencrands to level things again for 'The Orangemen', from a forst period stoppage time spot kick in the 108th minute, when a penalty was given by the linesman for some shirt pullin',which the ref---'one' Robert MADley, yet again! had missed! 
(This 'mad'dened the Toon manager, players and fans alike, aa can tell you, until, the linesman put his flag across his chest to indicate a penalty!)


Just az it looked as though a penalty shootout was imminent, Blackburn's Givet heeded past Tim Krul in the dyin' seconds of extra time, which looked a canny bit offside!, but the linesman didn't see it? and the ref waved Toon protests away and blew for full time barely one minute later to send us from ecstasy to agony! 

Wor manager, 'I Beg Your Pardew' said  less than a week ago,  that he "wanted a major trophy within two years"?-- which haz (predictiblee!) proved to be 'the kiss of death'! 
Attendance: 10,682 (4,000 (plus) Toon fans in 'The Darwen End')

Neva mind!----there's aalways the FA Cup in January!---isn't there?

Wednesday 26 October 2011

TANDOORI TAKEAWAY ROVERS v THE TOON

Posted 'high noon bells' Wednesday 26th October 2011
Tooneet @ '8 bells' we take on 'The Chicken Curry Boys' of Blackburn in the 4th roond of the League Cup @ Ewood Park in this 'TV free' game and we hope to extend wor unbeaten run to 179 days and 15 matches in aall competitions!
It will be interestin' to see just wot wor team line up iz for tooneet?
We have won the previous 3 cup games here (aall of the 'FA' variety) which iz a good omen for the 3,500 plus Toon fans who are makin' the jorney to deepest Lancashire.
(Extra tickets WILL be on sale to Toon fans on the neet from '6 bells' @ The Darwen End ticket office)

Match report to follow sometime tomorrow az per usual!

Tuesday 25 October 2011

STEPTOE GAME---NEW DATE FOR THE TELLY!

Posted '7:15 pm bells' Tuesday 25th October 2011
"THE NOOOCARRSIL GAME'S NOW ON A SUNDAY, PATER!"

Wor forthcomin' game against 'The Rag and Bone Rangers' of Shepherds Bush iz the latest game to be changed for live telly and haz been moved from '3 bells' Saturday 14th January to '1:30 bells' on Sunday 15th January for live coverage on 'Sky'

For wor forthcomin' live TV games, scroll doon to NUFC fixture list below or look in right hand side toolbar

GET YOUR SEASON TICKETS NOW!

Posted 12:30 pm bells Tuesday 25th October 2011
"NO MORE OF THEEEZE!---PLEEEZE!"

The Geordie Times carrier pigeon haz just flown in with news that 'The Toon' are offerin' existin' season ticket holders the chance to buy a second one for 'HALF BAT! to help fill St James' for future games.

This iz a great idea az the sight of thoosands of empty grey seats in Level 7 of The Leazes End doesn't look good on wor CV (or TV!) and they may az well sell the seats for half price than to have ne arses on them at aall!

"WE'LL BRING YOO THE NEWS,2nd HAND,FORST!"
It works oot at less than FIFTEEN QUID! a game for a seat in The Leazes End, for example and large queues have been reported ootside the ticket office, with up to a one hour wait! to get served, and this haz been conformed by wor club 'sauce'---'Porcy the Pigeon'!
('Tellin' bone' caallers have aalso had to wait up to an hour before gettin' an answer!) 

Sunday 23 October 2011

THE TOON 1 THE BLUE WIGS 0

Posted '10:10 am bells' Sunday 23rd October 2011
THE BIG PICTURE

"Marveaux The Magician!"

In complete contrast to wor 100mph game against Spors last Sunday, this one was az mistake ridden az it gets, in wot was trueleee a shockin' performance from 'the black 'n' whites', apart from Tim Krul in The Toon goal, who made a fantastic save in the forst half, and that apart the game had 'nil-nil' written aall ower it!---UNTIL THAT IZ!----wor number fower, Yohan Cabaye rode to the rescue with just eight minutes left on the clock, with a fantastic 'wellied' strike from the edge of the box at 'The Gallowgate End', thanx to a superb pass from super sub 'Marveaux the Magician'!
(Cabaye's forst goal for us!)
ACTION REPLAY!---YOHAN CABAYE GOAL!

This sent the 48,000 Toon fans wild and gave us anotha valuable three points to put us on level torms with third placed Chelsea and amazingleee anly THREE points behind 'top o' the table' Man City!, and send 'The Blue Wigs' to the bottom of the leegue table in the process.

Attendance:48,321 (321 Blue Wigs!) (perhaps?)
(Best home crowd of the season so far!)

Footnote: Fast forward 8 hours:
The top of the Premya Leegue luks like this---
Anly 2 teams remain unbeaten---Man C and The Toon and WE have conceded the least number of goals! (6)

                P  W D  L    F   A  Pts GD Average gates
Man C----9--8--1--0--33--7--25 +25       46,906
Man U----9--6--2--1--26-12--20 +14      75,472
Chelsea---9--6--1--2--29-10--19 +10     41,611
TheToon-9--5--4--0--12--6--19  +6       46,111
Spors-----8--5--1--2--15-13--16   +3      36,184
Lpool-----9--4--3--2--12-10--15   +2      44,932
TheArse--9--4--1--4--15-18--13   -3       60,090

'The Geordie Times 100 Pub Crawl Challenge' update, sometime tomorrow (see top tool bar for pubs visited)

Saturday 22 October 2011

THE TOON v THE BLUE WIGS

Posted '4:45 am bells' Saturday 21st October 2011
(A'v been workin' neetshift!)
VIEW OF 'THE LEAZES CORNER'

The Toon are expected to be unchanged from the team that drew 2-2 with Spors last week and look to extend wor unbeaten run to 14 consecutive games whilst wor visitors will be tryin' to end a 5 match losin' streak (lets hope they divvint succeed!)

The club are tryin' a new 'novelty' today to try and boost the attendance against 'The Blue Wigs' by havin' cheap cash tornstiles between '1 and 2 bells' only, for the princely sum of twenty quid for big kids (a savin of six quid!) fifteen quid for zimmerframeites and a tenner for sprogs.

The 'early (magpie) bird' tornstiles 87 and 88 at 'The North West Corner' (that's 'The Leazes Corner' to yoo and mee!) will close forthwith at '2 bells' prompt!

For 'The 100 Pub Crawl Challenge' (see above toolbar) we will be startin' off this time at 'O'Neills' (pub 26) opposite 'The Central' @ '12 bells' prompt! and then workin' wor way towards the groond in a 'zig-zag' fashion!

Match&pub crawl reports to follow later!

Thursday 20 October 2011

I BEG YOUR PARDEW---BBC 'RADIO NEWCASTLE' Q & A LAST NEET

Updated '3:00 pm bells' Friday 21st October 2011
THE PINK PALACE---GUESS WHY?

Radio Newcastle did a one hour question and answer session @ '6:30 bells' last neet with wor cockney manager, from 'The Pink Palace' on Barrack Road (which iz within 'hocklin' distance' of St James'z) and 'The Geordie Times'  listenined intentleee to wot he had to say.
We are the ninety forst to admit that he iz very gradually winnin' the fans ower!

And indeed most of the caalls came from 'grovellin' Toon fans eatin' 'humble pie' and praisin' the way the team iz playin'

Some of  'I Beg Your Pardews' quotes:
"We are desperately trying to bring success here under our 'financial plan' that we have---and I think we CAN and that's the important point!"

"It's to try and win a trophy---try to be competitive---TRY and keep our BEST PLAYERS!"--- once we've got ourselves in a good financial position and that's where we are!"

"If you are asking me what do I want in the next two years, I would like us to win a trophy!" (and he then went on to say) "If one of the big clubs came in again for one of our players we would HAVE to consider selling him!" (or words to that effect!)

ie: In other words, the most likely scenario iz!---the 'trophy' we are 'most likely' to win iz!--- 'The Northumberland Senior Cup'!, against the likes of Blyth Spartans or West Allotment Celtic! 

Yoo can listen to the full one hour interview  on your computaa via the 'BBC i player'

'GEORDIE TIMES' GLOBAL RANKIN'---24,085,436!

Posted '8:50 am bells' Thorsday 20th October 2011

"STATS!--STATS! & MORE STATS!"

The latest 'hit list' has been released by 'Alexa Traffic Rank' and we have to tell yoo that 'The Geordie Times' iz the (deep breath!) 24,085,436th most popular website/blog in the world!
We have moved up 133,911 places from the previous rankin' of 24,219,347th place and wor aim iz to get into the 'Top 20' ("er!"---that's the top 20 MILLION by the way!)

Accordin' to 'Wikipedia' there were 156 million websites/blogs as of 16th February 2011, so if we gan by this, it means that there are (another deep breath!) 131,914,564 websites/blogs worldwide with less hits than 'The Geordie Times'! 

"SO NUW YI NAA!"

Thanx for aall your support from aroond the world (and beyond!)

Tuesday 18 October 2011

TOON RESORVES 3 LIVERBIRDS RESORVES 2

Updated '10:00 am bells' Wednesday 19th October 2011

"THE TALE OF THE LOPSIDED SIGN ERECTORS!"


Last neet 'The Toons' 'second string' took on wor Morseyside counterparts @ Whitley Park, Benton @ 7 bells.
The Toon ran oot 3-2 winners (0-1, 1-1, 2-1,3-1, 3-2) with wor goals comin' from Nile Ranger who scored two (one a tap in just after half time and one a heeder in the 53rd minute) and Michael Richardson (58th minute shot) in a bitter windswept game to extend wor unbeaten start to the season (just like the forst team!)

Attendance: 582 (includin' at least 2 Liverpool fans!)

Before the match a'd had a massive argument with a bus driver who said that mee bus and metro 'aall day ticket' to 'Four Lane Ends' (nearest station to Whitley Park) was six poond fifty, despite wor lass gannin forther afield to Whitley Bay the previous week for FOWER poond ten.

After five minutes arguin' and with the bus passengers gettin' impatiant, aa reluctantly 'coughed up' the 'bit' with the intention of complainin' at the Haymarket bus station office when aa got there.
On arrival the ticket office was!----SHUT! (@'3:45 pm bells'??) so aa heeded for the Metro ticket office instead to demand a refund, where a gadgie behind the desk telt me that infact the driver was!---REET! in the forst place and that wor lass's ticket shud have been used ANLY on the Metro!

Sheepishly!---(and with mee coat collar uptorned!) aa made A SHARP exit for 'The Hotspur' for a couple of 'gargels' before catchin' the train to Benton.
'Dave from York' just happened to get into the same carriage and off we set for 'The Benton Ale Hoose' which iz within 'hocklin distance' of the Metro station.
Then 'The Caped Crusader', followed by 'The Mad Professor' and 'Paul the Pensioner' (with his grandson) came saunterin' through the door and az we looked oot of the window we could see two gadgies puttin' a sign up ower the road ootside a restaurant.
"It's lopsided!", 'The Mad Professor' cried and he duly left his pint and ran ower the road to point this oot to the two startled sign erectors! 
(He's not caalled 'The Mad Professor' for nothin'!) 

They then went away and came back with a spirit level, but it did them ne good az the holes for the sign had aallready been drilled into the waall and they couldn't adjust it (see below!)
"A'V ANLY HAD TEN PINTS!---IT LOOKS STRAIGHT TO ME---LIKE!"
It was then off to the match after two or three more 'liquid lubrications'-----Yi COULDN'T make it up!

Sunday 16 October 2011

THE TOON 2 HARRY'S HOTSPURS 2

Posted '9:45 pm bells' Sunday 16th October 2011

This was an absoluteleee brilliant game for the 'cootch potato' 'neutral TV fans', watchin' this on 'Sky', (especially the 2nd half!)but did nothin' for the weak hearted diehearted fans who were actually present for this 2-2 thriller!

Spors took the lead in the forst half when 'The Toons' Steven Taylor was judged to have fouled Adebayor in the box and after several seconds the 'ref in red' eventually gave a penalty, which was duly convorted by DutchmanVan De Faart. (er!---sorry!--that shud read---Van Der Vaart!) to gave the Londoners a 1-0 lead five mins before half time @ The Gallowgate End

We hit back with just two minutes gone in the 2nd half when Demba Ba hit a sweet 'Spiderman' cross home to level the scores.

'Happy Harry'??? (Spors manager!) then brought on Jemaine Defoe to score a belter in front of the 3,000 or so 'Spors fans' housed in 'Level 7' of 'The Leazes End' in the 68th minute and it looked az though at this point that wor unbeaten five and a half month run waz comin' to an end!

However!---'I Beg Your Pardew' (Toon manager!)then made a double striker substitution of Ben Arfa and Shola Ameobi (replacin' Demba Ba and Leon Best) a few minutes later, which paid off handsomely when 'Shola' cut in from the 'East Stand side' to hit a fantastic shot past the despairin' Spors keeper to level things once again, with just fower minutes to spare and extended wor unbeaten run for another week at least!


Wor '100 pub crawl challenge' started off at the appropriatly named 'Hotspur' boozer in the Haymarket (pub 21) az predicted and we did a fortha fower 'new' pubs, before retirin' for the neet at 'Rosies Bar' (pub 25) after the match!

Attendance 46,420 (3,000 Spors fans)

'Match of the Day's' on soon---must dash!

THE TOON v HARRY'S HOTSPURS--TODAY @ '4 BELLS'

Posted '10:00 am bells Sunday 16th October 2011
TOMMY WALKER SCORES IN THE 1951, 7-2 DEMOLITION

Just ower sixty years ago 'The Toon' beat the then League Champions 'Spors' 7-2! @ St James' Park---A repeat of that scoreline today would de very nicely indeed!---Thank yoo very much!

Where else could we start wor 'pub crawl' today but 'The Hotspur' in the Haymarket?----we'll be there @ '12 bells' if anybody fancy's joinin' us on wor '100 pub crawl challenge'? ('The Hotspur' will be 'waaterin hole' number 21!)

We gan into todays game, unbeaten and STILL in a 'Champions League place' after yesterdays matches and anly a high scorin' win by wor visitors today will dislodge us from wor lofty perch (a draw will keep us in 4th position)

Wor most likely team line up iz?---Krul--Simpson--Coloccini--Steve Taylor--Ryan Taylor--Obertan--Tiote--Cabaye--Gutierrez--Best--Ba

Match and 'pub crawl' reports to follow much later tooneet!

Friday 14 October 2011

ST JAMES' PARK---WORLDS OLDEST TOP FLIGHT CLUB GROOND!

Updated '1:00 pm bells' Saturday 15th October 2011
ST JAMES' PARK---1904

Not many people naa this!--but!---St James' Park iz  the oldest top flight club groond in England,  and az the English League iz the oldest in the world, it iz therefore the oldest in the world az well!
Club futbaall was forst played here 131 years ago in 1880 when Newcastle Rangers occupied the groond until 1882.  Newcastle West End then took ower the groond in 1886 and with the amalgamation with Newcastle East End in 1892 became Newcastle United FC

Current Premier League grounds list---oldest to newest

1 St James' Park 1880 (Newcastle Rangers)
2 Anfield 1884 (Everton!)
3 Molineux 1889
4 Ewood Park 1890
5 Goodison Park 1892
6 Craven Cottage 1896
7 Villa Park 1897
8 White Hart Lane 1899
9 The Hawthorns 1900
10 Loftus Road 1904
11 Stamford Bridge 1905
12 Old Trafford 1910
13 Carrow Road 1934
=14 Britannia Stadium 1997
=14 Reebok Stadium 1997
=14 The Stadium of Shhhh! (yee naa wot!) 1997
17 DW Stadium 1999
18 City of Manchester Stadium 2003
19 Liberty Stadium 2005
20 Emirates Stadium 2006
VIEW OF THE WEST STAND

U.S.A. AALLTHE WAY!

Posted '8:20 am bells' Friday 14th October 2011

'The Geordie Times Online' haz just received it's 2,000th 'hit' from the United States of America, which iz brilliant news considerin' that wor American cousins are NOT? supposed to like futbaall of the roond baall variety!
 "HELLO! NEW YORK!"---"HELLO
DALLAS!"---"HELLO! WASHINGTON DC!"---"HELLO! HOLLYWOOD!"

Meanwhile!---wor latest and 113th country haz just visited wor site! "HELLO! VANUATU!" in the Sooth Pacific Ocean!

Thursday 13 October 2011

THE TOON v HARRY'S HOTSPURS----PLUS TICKET NEWS

Posted 'high noon bells' Thorsday 13th October 2011

For the second time aalready this season we have a fifteen day gap between games because of Internationals and to be honest it seems like an eternity since we played and beat Wolves @ Molineux nearly a fortneet ago!

Harry's Hotspurs are next up @ St James' for wor fourth live TV game of the season @ 'fower bells' on Sunday and we gan into the game full of confidence followin' wor unbeaten start to the season.

Indeed!---we havvent been beaten in a competitive game since wor 3-0 revorse against the Liverbirds way back on 'May Day' near the end of last season! 

AWAY TICKET NEWS
Tickets for wor away game against Man City on the 19th of November are nuw on sale to season ticket holders priced @ £38 for grown ups, £32 for zimmerframeites and £20 for under sixteen sprogs

We've anly taken wor minimum allocation (again!) of 1,700 tickets, aall in the lower tier behind the goal (ie: we didn't take ANY tickets for the upper tier this time???) 

League Cup tickets for Blackburn on the Wed 26th October are on sale @ £20 & £10 and Stoke on Mon 31st @ £30 plus various prices for concessions

Tuesday 11 October 2011

BAD BLUE BOYS 1 v WORLD CUP WINNERS 3

Updated '9:45 pm bells' Tuesday 11th October 2011
UTS PARK---HOME OF DUNSTON UTS FUTBAALL CLUB

It's aall quiet on 'the western front' (er!-- 'west' of the Tyne Bridge---that iz!) as we are left kickin' wor heels until Sunday when we play 'Harrys Hotspurs' @ St James' in a live 'Sky' game @ fower bells. (a 15 day gap since we beat 'Bent Nose McCarthy's' Wolves @ Molineux)

We needed a 'quick fix' so 'The Geordie Times' went to see the Dunston v West Auckland game tooneet @ UTS Park in Dunston (formerly Federation Park) for a Northern League Division 1 encoonta! (KO '7:30 bells')

West Auckland of course are former World Cup winners havin' beaten the great Juventus of Italy TWICE! to win the coverted silverware way back in history ower 100 years ago!
"THE BRIGHT LIGHTS OF DUNSTON!"

It wasn't  a canny neet for 'The Bad Blue Boys' though (Dunston play in aall blue!) az they lost 3-1 in the pourin' rain in front of 200 or so hardy souls!

Monday 10 October 2011

TOON AALL STARS X1--1 v LIVERBIRDS AALL STARS X1--4

Posted '3:30 pm bells' Monday 10th October 2011
In a re-run of the classic 1996 4-3 game between Liverpool and The Toon at Anfield the two teams lined up again at Kingston Park for a charity match with 'King Kev' wor manager once more!

The Toon lost 4-1 with wor anly goal comin' from Steve Watson who latched onto an Alan Shearer through baall and he shot past veteran goalie Bruce 'handstand' Grobbelaar to give us the lead in the 7th minute.
The lead was short lived however and the 'Mickey Mousers' came back with two goals to lead at the half time break.

'Big Al' then missed a penalty for us on the hour mark, before two more goals from the visitors sealed the victory for them. 

Amongst those 'guestin' for The Toon were cricketer Steve Harmison, 'Run Geordie Run' 'runner' Mark Allison and fanzine editor and match organiser Steve Wraith who has printed some of mee archive stories in his 'Toon Talk' fanzine.
Attendance: a selloot 10,000! 

Sunday 9 October 2011

282 parc y scarlets llanelli

Here at last iz the 'mad-sad groundhopper match report' from wor resorve game at Llanelli in sooth Wales eleven days ago (the carrier pigeon got lost on the way back!)


(GROUND NUMBER 282)

DATE OF FIRST VISIT: 28th SEPTEMBER 2011

PARC Y SCARLETS, LLANELLI, SOOTH WALES


 
SWANSEA CITY RESERVES 3

NEWCASTLE UNITED RESERVES 5 (Michael Richardson, Shane Ferguson, Dan Gosling,

Nile Ranger (pen), Gregg McDermott)


 
FA PREMIER RESERVE LEAGUE (NORTH?)

ATTENDANCE: 692 (30 or so Toon fans)


 


"YIH AZ MAD AZ A HATTER!"


 



News that wor resorve game against Swansea was DEFINITELY bein' played at the oddly named 'Parc Y Scarlets', Llanelli, had been conformed meant that we would visit wor second new resorve ground in the space of eight days, followin' wor visit to Chesterfield the previous Tuesday (see ground 281)


 
However!---it was not beyond the realms of possibility that it could have been moved to Swansea's *Liberty Stadium at the last minute (it HAS happened to us before) (*been there before---got the Tee shirt!)
An old mate called 'Dylan' who a'd forst started gannin' to the matches with in the 1960's had text iz the day before and asked if aa was gannin to the match?---Aa replied 'YES!' and he text back 'YIH AZ MAD AZ A HATTER!'

We had wor fingers (and toes!) crossed that it wouldn't be moved for whatever reason and set off @ '10:30 bells' for the 750 mile roond trip in 'The Batmobile' for a (new) sooth Wales ground! (That's 'Wales and NOT 'Australia'!) Three of us were gannin, namely---'The mad-sad groundhopper' (me!)', 'The Bear' and 'The Caped Crusader' who of course was drivin' 'The Batmobile'

Four other 'saddos' were aalso makin' the trip by train and we arranged to meet up at the nearest boozer to the ground as per usual




FERRYBRIDGE POWER STATION---THE CLOUD FACTORY!


We took the 'scenic route' via Wetherby racecourse, 'the cloud factory @ Ferrybridge power station, Trowell services on the 'M1' and past the distant slag heeps in the Welsh valleys, then onward to Llanelli and finally arrived at the retail park next to the new stadium nearly six hours after departure!

If THIS didn't prove that we were sad b******s then nothin' would!


  


 
"THE 'SADDOS' CAME IN TWO BY TWO!"





After parkin' up next to the stadium we heeded for the one and anly 'Beefeater' boozer which was a few hundred yards away for some much needed 'thirst quenchin' golden liquid!


 
Before lang 'train buffs' 'Dave from York' and his sidekick 'Alex of St George' sauntered through the door and 'Alex' said that they planned to gan back via the scenic 'through the Welsh valleys route' to Manchester as they'd never been on that line before and therefore they could cross that one off their list!. (It gets sadder and F*****' sadder folks!)

(Memo: Must do this when a'm 'truckin' roond the U.K. roads!---come to think of it? ---a'v neva drove on the 'B8011' 'Stornoway' to 'Uig' road through the Outer Hebredes before!---"Dear Diary!") (Er!---on second thoughts, perhaps NOT!)

'Glenn from Ashington' and his 'sidekick 'Byzy' then made their appearance and the 'seven saddos' entourage from the north east was complete!


 



It was soon 'match time' and so off we heeded in the direction of the ticket office to get some complimentary tickets which 'The Bear' had been promised (Swansea were chargin' a ridiculous TEN QUID? to get in so the complimentary's came in very handy to say the least!)

After bein' sent 'to and fro' between the ticket office and the main reception area coz nebody could find any tickets for us, we finally got wor hands on the prized pieces of paper just before the kick off and heeded for the main stand (the anly one open)

The new stadium which is used by Llanelli Scarlets rugby union team looked really smart and with a capacity of just under 15,000 it was more than enough to accommodate the estimated 600 or so who were housed in the main stand!

We took the lead in the 10th minute when Michael Richardson tapped in an easy chance from five yards oot.

We then doubled wor lead in the 15th minute when Shane Ferguson toe poked the baall past the Swans keeper.



It was 3-0 to us just 7 minutes after this when Dan Gosling picked up a loose pass to fire the baall home and it was 'game ower'!---whey!---not quite! as Swansea pulled one back before the break through Luke Moore after a terrible mix up in the Toon defence.

Then just as the ref was aboot to blow for half time Swansea's Steven Dobbie pulled another one back, with his shot wrang footin' Rob Elliot in the Toon goal.

Things then went from bad to worse just after the restart when Dobbie got his second with a shot off the post to unbelievably level the scores at 3-3!

We honestly thought that after this we would totally implode and lose the game but we were (thankfully!) wrang just one minute later as Nile Ranger went doon in the box 'like a sack of tatties' and the ref gave a penalty to us, with (justifiably!) strong protests from the home players!

Ranger took it himself and scored to restore wor lead in this 'see-saw' match!

The inevitable next goal came three minute later when Gregg McDermott became wor FIFTH scorer of the game when he tapped in from point blank range to put us 5-3 up to loud applause and relief from the 30 or so Toon fans present!

It wasn't ower yet though and the Welshmen nearly pulled another goal back in the last throws of the game, leavin' us bitin' wor finger nails and fearin' another comeback, until the ref put the whistle to his lips to blow for full time!

What a game!—but it was well worth it as we sped back through the Welsh valleys, arrivin' back yem at 2:45 am bells after clockin' up at total of 749.9 miles from whence we started! (accordin' to the 'Batmobiles trip meter!)


 
©Fink™ (the mad-sad grJundhJpper!)

EBBSFLEET UNITED 0 THE HEEDBANGERS 1

Posted '10:45 am bells' Sunday 9th October 2011
Gatesheed retorned to the top of The Confer-ence with a one-nil win away to Ebbsfleet @ Stonebridge Road in Northfleet, Kent yesterday afternoon.
The anly goal of the game was scored by defender Jeff Henderson who is on loan to 'The Heed' from 'The Toon' and his goal was a scrambled effort just before the half time break.
Attendance: 947

Saturday 8 October 2011

FORT WILLIAM LOCH NESS MONSTERS 0 TURRIFF UNITED 1-------THE SIX SICK SADDOS! ON TOUR!

Updated '9:35 pm bells' Saturday 8th October 2011
"THE PITCH LOOKS A BIT WAATERLOGGED---LIKE!"

Az there waz yet anotha blank weekend because of the international fixtures, six of the 'NUFC groundhoppers'  decided (against their better judgement!) to heed for 'Loch Ness Monster Country' in bonny Scotland instead and tek in a Highland 'Fling' League game @ Fort William of aall places! (NOT! ME! aa hasten to add!)

They  actually sponsored the match baall @ twenty five quid a heed and got free admission, plus food and DRINK! hoyed in with the price!

'The Mad Professor', (az the name suggests!)  organised it and he put on a 'posh' Geordie voice when he phoned their secretary to sponsor the baall!
He iz a keen moontaineer (he lives on a hill!) and  'climbed' Ben Nevis which owerlooks the groond before the match!
"AA THOUGHT 'BIG BEN' WAZ IN LONDON?"

The other saddos went up by cable car by the way! (lazy b******s!)
'The Geordie Times' makes no apologeee for namin' the 'Six Sick Saddos' who went for a lang wet weekend! (it's waz boond to rain up there!---and it DID!) 
They were!---'The Caped Crusader', 'Mal the Ingish Skoool Teecha', 'Big Al' (no!---not that one!), 'Sarnie Steve', 'Paul the Pensioner' and 'The Mad Professor' of course!

Rumour haz it that they intended to run on the pitch before the match between Fort William and Turriff United wearin' 'Loch Ness Monster' costumes as the annooncer named the match baall sponsors! (this didn't happen coz they were tooo p***ed!)

 'The Geordie Times carrier pigeon'  haz sent us this 'exclusive' match report from the game!

"Fort William lost one-nil to Turriff United in  a rain sodden match and remain bottom of the Highland 'Fling' League with NE! points after SEVEN games! (full stop!)

Attendance (which waz supplied by 'The Mad Professor' after hiz 'compulsary' waalk aroond the pitch and after consumin' many FREE 'alcoholic liquid refreshment beverages') ---132!, which included the Fort Williams officials, their youth team, two moontain goats, a 'yeti' and SIX 'mad-sad groundhoppers', dressed in 'Loch Ness Monster' costumes! (see above!)

MAD-SAD GROUNDHOPPERS NEWS ----------BARNSLEY U18's 1 v THE TOON U18's 1

Updated '2:30 bells' Saturday 8th October 2011
Because 
it's an 'inter-national weekend' once more, there are ne forst team fixtures, 
however! the juniors dd take on Barnsley away @ 'high noon bells' today and drew  one's a piece with wor goal comin' from Campbell with a fine strike orly in the 2nd half to level things after 'The Tykes' had taken the lead in the forst half. 

The great news for any 'new' NUFC groundhoppers who fancied gannin was that the game was played @ Barnsley's Oakwell groond and NOT the trainin' pitch next door which is the usual venue for Barnsley junior games.
Admission was FREE!

Friday 7 October 2011

TOP 'O' THE WORLD!---16,000 TIMES!

Posted '5:15 pm bells Friday 7th October 2011

The Geordie Times online haz nuw passed the sixteen thoosand hits mark and haz been viewed in ne fewer than 112 countries aroond the world (plus Mars!)

Hello! Ghana!---Hello! Gibralter!---Hello! Trinidad & Tobago!---Hello! The Sultan of Brunei!  Many thanx to aall wor reeeders!

THE SKYS THE LIMIT--NEW TV GAMES ANNOONCED

Posted '1:20 pm bells' Friday 7th October 2011

The followin' three games have been moved for live TV coverage---aall games on 'SKY'

SAT 3rd December 2011---Chelsea---home @ 12:45 bells

FRI 30th December 2011---Liverpool---away @ 7:45 bells'

Wed 4th January 2012---Man U---home @ 8:00 bells

Tuesday 4 October 2011

NE WHERE NEAR BOLTON,WANDERERS RESORVES 0 THE TOON RESORVES 3

Posted '12:30 pm bells' Wednesday 5th October 2011
Last neet, the resorves took on Bolton resorves at the Lanca-shire FA HQ in Leyland @ '7 bells' and ran oot 3-0 winners!
The Toon opened the scorin' in the 24th minute with a fine lob from Sammi Ameobi which beat the home keeper.
We doubled wor lead in the 59th minute when Silvain Marveaux hit a sweet left footer into the net and finally he roonded it off with another effort eight minutes later from close range.

The Geordie Times mad-sad groundhoppers have been here before, so we didn't gan, like! (we're just part time supporters yi naa!)

Attendance: divvint naa yet, but there would'iv been a few dozen Toon 'saddos' there to represent us!

Sunday 2 October 2011

BENT NOSE McCARTHY WANDERERS 1 ***********THE TOON 2

Posted '10:00 am bells' Sunday 2nd September 2011

Another 'jinx' ended at last as we recorded wor forst top flight win @ Molineux for 53 years!, aalthough we were a bit fortunate to get the three points to take us up to THORD place and an automatic Champions League qualification place! (Er!---for the time bein' at least!)

Before the match we heeded for 'The Great Western' drinkin' den near the train station for a few 'tonsil ticklers' and then onwards to Molineux

Demba Ba opened the scorin' for us in the 17th minute when a corner kick @ *'The Buildin' Site End' opposite us, from Yohan Cabaye, foond Demba's heed and he nodded in from close range.
(*Wolves are currently rebuildin' The North Bank Stand)
GUTIERREZ---"BRILLIANT 2nd GOAL!"
Wor lead was then doubled less than 10 minutes later, when a fantastic jinky run by 'Spiderman', (who went past three Wolves players!), foond the far corner of the net with a precision shot past the disparin' Wolves keeper from the edge of the box, to send the twelve hundred Toon fans wild with delight!

We dominated for lang periods and were well on top for the forst half hour, but Wolves did have their moments. 
Tim Krul in The Toon goal had a blinder, and he kept 'the Wolves from the door' with several fine saves late on in the forst half as the home side fought back.

The home side then appealed for a penalty which was reet in front of me and at forst aa thought that the refs decision to give them a free kick instead on the edge of the box was the correct one, but on seein' replays on 'Match of the Day' aa have to concede that both me and the ref were wrang and a spot kick shud'iv been awarded!

'Bent Nose McCarthy's Boys' came oot with aall guns blazin' in the second half, but again Tim Krul denied them with some more brilliant saves, but their pressure finally paid off in the 88 minute with a scrambled goal from Fletcher.

A Wolves goal was then ruled oot by the linesman near the 'death' and to be honest we couldn't see from where we were at the far end of the pitch, just why it had been disallowed ('Match of the Day' again showed that the goal shud have stood!)

'Bent Nose McCarthy' was NOT a 'happy bunny' az he stood in the technical area, fumin'! 
"I CAN'T BEND IT ANY FURTHER!"

We hung on to tek the points, but it was wor lucky day, make no mistake aboot that!  

Attendance: 26,561 (1,200 Toon fans)

PS: A'm miles behind with some 'stuff', like the Swansea resorve groundhoppers report and the 100 pub crawl challenge marathon, but hopefully aa'll get them online in the next few days!

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