Monday, 28 March 2011

TOON RESORVES 2 v TOFFEE RESORVES 1


Posted '11 pm bells' Tuesday 29th March
"Anybody got a spare helicopter?"

Yet anotha 'behind closed doors' home game was played @ Benton this after-noon @ '2 bells' against Everton resorves--wor last home league game of the season.
We won 2-1 thanx to Ryan Donaldson who heeded in after 8 minutes and then Phil Airey doubled wor lead 6 mins later with a close range shot.
The Morseysiders pulled one back in the 27th minute but The Toon held on to tek the points

This 'Geordie Times' match report waz compiled by!  >>>>>>   
                       
*******************************************
Unfortunately wor resorve game at West Brom's 'Great Barr Trainin' Groond' next Tuesday (5th April) is aalso behind closed doors---BUT! ---az it is a (potential?) new groond, aa will make every effort to be there and aa have a few 'irons in the fire' to somehow try and gain entry next week to add to mee 'mad-sad' groundhoppin' list!

"Az ever!---Watch this space!"


Monday, 21 March 2011

IT'S A LOCKOUT!


"NO ENTRY!"
 Posted '10:10 am bells' Monday 21st March
A worryin' trend is  develop-in' in wor resorve fixtures both home and away.
By the end of today a total of SEVEN oot of wor TEN home fixtures will have been played behind closed doors with NO public access!---a DISGRACEFUL! state of affairs when you consider that the three home games we have been allowed to attend have attracted nearly 7,000 spectators!
"NO ENTRY!"

As season ticket holders it was aalways  'wor right' to be able to watch the resorves as part of wor season ticket deal!---but NO MORE!---as in the smaall print it now states that anly 'designated games' will have public access!

Wor attractive resorve game against Man U  @
'3 bells' this afternoon is to be played behind closed doors in Benton---the question is---WHY????
Aa wouldn't be able to attend anyway as av got to gan to work, but that's not the point, as quite a few people that aa naa of would have went!

The next home game against Everton on the 29th of this month is aalso 'crowd free' as is wor away game against West Brom at their trainin' groond at the beginnin' of next month, denyin' any groundhoppers 'the right' to watch their team!

It' a sad state of affairs when yi cannit gan to watch your team play---ISNT IT JUST!???

"UNLESS YIV GOT ONE OF THEEEZE!!!"


Posted '10 am bells' Tuesday 22nd March
The Toon lost the above game 2-1 with Richardson gettin' wor solitary goal---Perch was sent off in the forst half
Attendance: Players relatives, the press and NUFC staff only! (no riff raff!---ie FANS!)


Saturday, 19 March 2011

THE POTTERS 4 v THE TOON 0

Posted '10:10 pm bells' Saturday 19th March
"EMERGENCY 999!"

"ANY CHANCE OF THREE POINTS , OFFICER?"
A 'disaster day' performance from 'The Toon' at Stoke left us just fower points away from 'the abyss'.
Aa just knew that it wouldn't be wor day when aa looked at mee seat number on mee match ticket----999! (a bad omen or wot?)
The 5-3-2 formation just didn't work and this was definately 'a one to forget' (very quickly!) as we sucumbed to an average Stoke side, watched by the 2,750 'away sufferers' in the selloot *27,505 crowd

Dial the emergency number----QUICK!

(*This was Stoke's biggest attendance of the season, beatin' their crowds against Man U, Man C and Liverpool respectively!)


'HEED IN THEIR HANDS!'

THE HEED 0 (2) v DARLO 0 (3)
Gatesheed made it a 'double disaster day' for Tyneside when they drew 0-0 with Darlo in the FA Trophy semi final 2nd leg at The International Stadium, which meant that they lost the tie 3-2 on aggregate and so will not be gannin' to Wembley for the final. ("Boo-Hoo!")
A bumper crowd of 5,156 were there, includin'  2,000 plus delighted Darlo fans

Thursday, 17 March 2011

023 the baseball ground derby


(GROUND NUMBER 23)

Date of First Visit: 3rd APRIL 1972
THE BASEBALL GROUND, DERBY

DERBY COUNTY 0
NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 (Tommy Cassidy)

(OLD) DIVISION ONE
ATTENDANCE: 38,119 (3,000 (or so) Toon fans)


MUD!----MUD!----'GLORIOUS' MUD!


LOOK!----Because it waz that lang ago!--- aa cannit remember just who aa travelled doon with on the train for this one to Derby Station!?, but most of them were in 'steel cappers', crombies and wore their 'braces slack'!

But aa can tell yih this!--- I was NOT! impressed with mee forst ever visit tih the capital of Derbyshire and after a few 'Arthur Scargills' near Derby station (and a couple of confrontation's with the local 'dibble'!) we heeded nearer to 'The Basebaall Groond' for some more 'liquid lubrications!
(AYE!---ah CAN! (of course!) remember havin' a few 'gargels' , but who with iz any f*****s guess!???)

Row upon row of Victorian back to back terraced hooses with thick smoke billowin' from their chimney's and blackened soot covered factories, lined the route tih the groond .
(Ne central heatin' in them days!---just coal fires tih keep yih waam!)
("Ahh!---memories!?")


ANYWAY!---wih made for the nearest 'hootch-hostelry' tih the groond, which was appropriately caalled 'The Footballer' and in keepin' with the rest of the place it was a dingy rundoon hovel!, with threadbare carpets, ripped waallpaper and a (very!) smelly 'toolshed'---BUT!---it did sorve---BEER!

The lop-sided pub sign sported a Derby player kickin' a baall and az 'skinheeds' were aall the rage back then, a 'good kickin' was aalso on the cards for the Derby fans on their way tih the match from the notorious 'Leazes Boot Boys' who had wrecked Sheffield just two days orlier on April Fools Day! (see ground 22 archive report)

And predictably that's exactly what happened to some unfortunate Coonty fans who were ambushed in a dead end alley next to a huge foundry beside the groond and they ended up with 'Doc Marten boot' prints as unwelcome 'souvenirs' 'imbedded' in various parts of their anatomies!

The Toon fans were housed behind the goal in front of a double decker stand with the rest of the groond consistin' of a forther two double deckers a single deck main stand to wor reet and the groond was completely hemmed in by the factories and hooses. The double deckers towered ower the pitch blockin' oot any sunlight and this defiantly effected the playin' area
"SPOT THE MUD!"
The kindest thing that can be said aboot the Basebaall
Groonds pitch in the '70s', is tih say that it resembled a 'glorified' ploughed field caked in thick mud!.
(Which doesn't say much for the rest of the place!---does it??)

This was a great advantage tih 'one' Brian Clough, who was Derby's manager at the time, and in the aad telly footage, yih can see that there was'nt a blade of grass on the pitch!.

'Cloughies' men were gannin for the Championship and had'nt been beaten at home for ower a year, so The Toon had an uphill task tih say the least!.
It had been 'chuckin' it doon' owerneet and the notorious pitch was like a quagmire as the teams ran oot.

The forst half ended goal-less, with the Derby forwards poundin' the Newcastle defence, but Willie McFaul and Bobby Moncur in particular, had blinders in the 'mud bath', tih keep oot the 'Ram Raiders'.

The deadlock was broken by The Toon in the 70th minute, when a Frank Clark free kick (ultimately) foond 'Supermac', who's raspin' shot was punched oot by County's keeper, but anly as far as Tommy Cassidy, and he calmly stroked the baall through the thick mud, and it rolled ever so slowly (and agonisingly!) ower the goal line and into the net for the one and anly goal of the game.

He was then mobbed by virtually the full team and it was quite a sight as 'they' rolled aboot and wallowed in the wet mud (as we 'rolled' aboot and 'wallowed' on the terraces!)
At the end they came off to a standin' ovation from the Toon contingent, but yi could hardly recognise them as they were aall caked 'up ti the eyebaalls' in 'yee naa wot'! ---'black 'n' white minstrel style'! (remember them!?)

21 year old Cassidy said later that it was!: "The greatest moment of my life!"
(A 'glorious mud' goal!---if ever there was one!)
Personally, aa would'nt gan 'that far'!, but it was still one of the great moments of that season.
(Except!---for the Derby fans---that is!)

 Now!---how does that aad 'hippo' song gan again?

Mud!---Mud!---Glorious Mud!
There's nothing quite like it, for cooling the blood!
T'was a 'class'? goal from 'CASS', from a 'SUPERMAC' 'pass'?

And there let them wallow, in glorious mud!♫♫



After the match, 'Cloughie' said that he thought the Newcastle defence were brilliant, but bragged that Derby were still top of the League, and that's where they would stay!.
He was reet!---as they won the League in a nail bitin' end tih the season, by one point, from Leeds, Liverpool and Man. City.
(The Toon finished eleventh)


Footnote:
(The Basebaall Groond is no more of course, and was bulldozed in 1997 to make way for---THIS!▼▼▼) (another 'mud-bath'!)


©Fink™ (the mad-sad gr☺unh☺pper!)

☺☻☺☻☺



OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY GLOSSARY OF TERM & PHRASE
(for the benefit of 'Geordie readers'!)


wallow=stagger/stumble/flounder/lurch/welter/reel!


☺☻☺☻☺


'A to Z' GEORDIE GLOSSARY OF TERMS & PHRASES
(for the benefit of 'non Geordie' readers!) (in Alfie-betikal order!)


aa/ah=I
Arthur Scargills=gargles=beers
aye=yes
anly=only
aad=old
aall=all
aalso=also
aboot=about
braces slack=a skinhead custom
baall=ball
crombies= skinhead jackets
cannit=cannot
caalled=called
coonty=county
chuckin' it doon=raing very heavily
dibble=police force/men
forst=first
foond=found
groond=ground
gargles=beers
gan(in')=go(ing)
heeded=headed
hooch hostelry=public house
Leazes boot boys=Newcastle United hooligans
Liquid lubrications=beers
lang=long
mee=my
ne=no
oot=out
ower=over
owerneet=overnight
reet=right
rundoon=run down
sorve=serve
steel cappers=steel capped Dr Marten boots
Toon fans=Newcastle United fans
The Toon=Newcastle United FC
tih=to
toolshed=netty=gents toilet
the rams=Derby's nickname
up tih the eyebaalls=covered from head to footwaallpaper=wallpaper
wih=we
waam=warm
yi(h)=you
yee naa wot=you know what







Wednesday, 16 March 2011

THE COCKNEY BOYS RES 4 v THE GEORDIE BOYS RES 2

Posted '1:35 pm bells' Wed 16th March
DEFINATLEEE NOT! BISHOP STORTFORD! (see below!)
A fower -two defeat in 'Eeest Landan' for wor second string at The Boleyn  Groond yesterday afternoon was predictable as we had anly ONE player with ANY forst team expierience on the pitch, namely Phil Airey who scored the openin' goal of the game
The Cockney Boys on the otha hand had several players with forst team expierience in their resorves and this proved decisive as they put fower past Alnwick in The Toon goal.
(Greg McDermott added a second for us 10 mins from time)

Attendance: havvent got a clue!?

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

WEST HAM RESORVES STADIUM MOVE OUTRAGES NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS!


"NO NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS HERE!"

Posted
'high noon 
bells'  Tuesday 15th March





As mentioned previousleeee, West Ham's decision to move to a new stadium has caused 'outrage' amonst  the NUFC 'mad-sad groundhoppers!'--- 

NO!---a'm NOT! taalkin' aboot their decision to move from Upton Park to The Olympic Stadium!---A'm taalkin' aboot their decision to move their resorve game against Newcastle Resorves from Bishop Stortford to Upton Park today at '2 bells' this afternoon!

Thoosands upon thoosands of Newcastle fans were plannin' to 'groundhop' to this game had it taken place at Bishop Stortford's Hertfordshire base,  as it was a brand new groond for us! (whey!---at least TEN 'saddos' that aa naa of,  had planned to gan---anyway!)
But az it has nuw been switched to Upton Park---
(a groond we've been te a 'million-trillion times') , there's not much point in gannin---iz there!?----

This means that anly ONE! 'annonymous'< (hope av spelt that reet!?) NUFC 'saddo' that aa naa of, is plannin' to gan here today from the north east, as he attempts  to de EVERY! resorve league game this season, home and away!
Anybody from 'The London Branch' shud note that it's NOT! bein' played behind closed doors and they can get in!

'The Brady Bunch' however shud hang their heeds in shame for denyin' us a visit to a new groond!

Sunday, 13 March 2011

ANOTHER! BLANK WEEKEND

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 13th March

Because Man U beat 'The Arse' 2-0 in the FA Cup yesterday, it means that we now have to find a new date for wor home league game against them, as the cup semi final is on the same weekend we were due to play them in April

Saturday, 12 March 2011

DARLO 3 v THE HEED-'BANGERS'! 2

Posted  Saturday 12th March @ '11:30 pm bells'

Az we had a free Saturday because of ' non-FA Cup' commitments, aa went doon to Darlo alang with a few other Toon fans to cheer on the other black 'n' white Tyneside team (Gatesheed) in the FA Trophy semi final forst leg ----for a place at Wembley ne less!

'The Heed' were 2-0 up at the interval but blew it in the 2nd half  when Darlo replied with 3 devestatin' goals to gan into the 2nd leg with a one goal advantage----4,283 were there includin' 1,082 'Heed-Bangers'! -----Gatesheed's biggest away followin' for fower decades!

The 2nd leg iz next Saturday, but unfortunately 'The Toon' are away to Stoke the same day----so that game must take advantage (for me at least!)
Howay 'The Heed'---we'll be willin' you on at Stoke next week!

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

THE TOON Resorves 2 THE ARSE Resorves 1

Posted '11:20pm bells' Wednesday 9th March

St James' 
waz the settin' for a rare event toneet!-----The resorves were playin' their forst home league game in front of a crowd for SIX MONTH'S! v Arsenal's '2nd string'

Sadly, the club had previously deemed that we were not welcome for 'the most part' at wor normal resorve venue of Darsley Park in Benton and had played the last few games behind closed doors!

It waz FREE! to get in for the '7 bells' kick off and ower 2,000 took advantage as 'The Toon ran oot 2-1 winners on a freezin' caad neet!

Greg McDermott (son of Terry) opened the scorin' from 12 yards oot for Newcastle and we went in 1-0 to the good at 'half time bells'

The Londoners equalised in the 54th minute through Tosh Rees, but Phil Airey 'saved the day' with a powerful heeder in stoppage time to win it for us in spectacular fashion!.

In total, 2,462 'freebeez' were there, includin' 2 from 'The Arse', who were constantly ridiculed by the home fans throughoot the match!

Sunday, 6 March 2011

THE TOON 1 THE TOFFEES 2

Posted '10:35 am bells' Sun 6th March

A 'bad day at the office' was put in by The Toon yesterday as we went doon 2-1 to Everton @ St James' Park.
We took the lead at The Gallowgate End in the 23rd minute when Leon Best heeded in from close range.

However!---another 'Leon' (Osman) levelled things for the visitors barely 7 minutes later in front of the 3,000 plus Evertonians in 'level 7' of The Leazes End with a shot that went straight through wor shambolic defence.

It got worse 5 minutes later when Phil Jagielka heeded into the roof of the net to put The Toffees 2-1 up after another defensive mix up!

In the second half Everton had numerous chances to gan furtha aheed but they couldn't get past Stevie Harper in the Newcastle goal.

Somehow we are still nineth in the table but anymore performances like this will sureleee see us drop doon the table!
The crowd was 50,128

Friday, 4 March 2011

166 nou camp barcelona


(GROUND NUMBER 166)
Date of First Visit: 26th NOVEMBER 1997
NOU CAMP, BARCELONA, SPAIN


FC BARCELONA 1
NEWCASTLE UNITED 0

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE Group C
ATTENDANCE: 25,000 (8,000 Toon fans)




"THE RAIN IN SPAIN FALLS MAINLY IN 'THE NOU CAMP'!"


Part One:
"IN THE GHETTO!"


A dream come true for me!----If yi'd asked iz the question of which groond in the world aa would love to gan te the most, then 'this one' would win 'hands doon'!---Aa meeen!--- 'The Toon ' playin' at the mighty 'Nou Camp' stadium against *the best ever supported club in the world IS without doubt a 'groundhoppers utopia'!
(*In the 1947-48 season Newcastle's average gates were a staggerin' 56,299, which at the time was a world record! (and THAT was in the aad Second Division az well!)
This record was broken some years later by Barcelona who averaged a breathtakin' 93,000! (So at least we have somethin' in common!)


Mee mate Davy had travelled ower with his gorlfriend Barbara and had been there a few days to 'suss the joint oot' and when aa asked him on the 'tellin bone' wot the weather was like and would aa need to take 'a 'nanny goat', his reply was sommik like this! ---and I quote!:"Divvint be daft!----It's a heat wave ower here—the temperature iz in the 80's--and there's brilliant sunshine! ---YIH DEFINATLY DIVVINT NEED A COAT!" ◄(famous last words indeed!) (reeed on!)


Barcelona is a massive place as we soon foond oot on wor arrival as wor hotel was f***** miles away from the city centre in the middle of ne where, so!—taxis were the order of the day to get us to 'the main drag' which iz known as 'La Ramblas', (The Rambles) where there were a canny few cafĂ©/bars to quensh wor thirsts!
We'd met Davy and Barbara on 'La Ramblas' and they telt us that they'd foond a great boozer and took us towards it.


But beware!---this takes you doon some narrow back lanes where the sun suddenly disappears in the shadows and a waalk doon it takes you into a different world with washin' hangin' from high rise slums where the locals live with 'pick pockets' lurkin' doon every ally waitin' for 'victims!' (ie: "US!") 


The bar appeared in the distance and on enterin' it we were amased to see it decked oot in REAL MADRID! colours!? There were pennents,photos and framed shirts on the waalls! and this akin to 'The Hotspur' or 'The Newcastle Arms havin' mackem photos on it's waalls ,as everybody knows Barcelona HATE Real Madrid and vise versa!


But the huge framed photo behind the bar coonta was the best of aall! It showed a cartoon of a Real Madrid pig dressed in their aall white strip , screwin' a Barcelona pig dressed in their strip! (wish a'd brought mee camera!) and this divvint forget was reet in Barca's heartland!

The locals (or shud that be 'locos'?) looked a bit 'dodgy' so we drank up and heeded forther into 'the ghetto' to the next 'waaterin' hole' which looked even dodgier! As soon as we waalked through the door everybody stopped taalkin' and looked at us as though we had horns stickin' oot of wor heeds! (ie: it didn't look too clever eetha!) and this 'drinkin' den' aalso had Real Madrid photos on the waalls!? (was this an enclave of Madrid?)


Anyway!---Davy got taalkin' to the owner who spoke broken English and as we were aboot to leave for the next 'dive' he telt us NOT to gan to the next bar deeper into the ghetto. Davy who was 'canny sorved' by now decided to ignore his advice and started waalkin' in the wrang direction. The owner then rushed oot of the bar and said, "NOH!-NOH!-NOH!"-----"CCCCCCHHHHHHH!!!!", and did a 'cuttin' motion' across his face and throat with his index finger!

"Davy!"---aa said as aa grabbed hold of him---"wih gannin THAT WAY!"---and pointed in the direction of La Ramblas! (and safety!)
Wih thanked the owner for his advice and did a 'U' turn for the 'main drag' for (yet!) some more 'liquid refreshments' before heedin' back to wor oot of toon hotel for the neet!
"ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz!!!!!"




Part Two:
"IZ THIS GATESHEED IN DISGUISE!"




Next day was match day, an' the sky looked a bit black, but it was still canny waam. Wih heeded back to La Ramblas where wih aall had to meet up tih get the busses tih the groond under police escort. Wi'd been telt to meet up three hours before the game and that we had tih gan with the escort or wih WOULDN'T get in!

So we set off in the convoy and arrived at The Nou Camp two and threeqwaata hours before the kick off and by this time the weather had torned a bit inclement to say the least as the heavens opened and before lang it was 'chuckin' it doon'!


Mee forst impression on seein' the Nou Camp for the forst time was that the concrete structure and slopin' ramps looked remarkably like the ootside of 'The Get Carter' car park in Gatesheed toon centre


Aa took mee place at the back of the huge open terrace which was aboot 6 miles above pitch level!, cursin' the fact that aa hadn't brung mee coat, brolly or telescope with iz!, as there was ne cover at this side of the stadium, an' aall had tih keep iz dry was mee faithful black 'n' white top! (Mee mate Davy's got a lot to answer to-as of course he telt me that aa wouldn't NEED a f*****' coat!)

By the time the match kicked off aa was like a half drowned rat alang with the other *8,000 Toon fans who'd made the 'pilgrimage', which amazingly was almost one thord of the crowd. (We would have had double that number ,but they wouldn't give us any more tickets!)
Aanly *25,000 were inside when the game started an' there were huge gaps on the terraces, which meant that there ower 70,000 empty seats, which was very disappointin'. This was due entirely to the fact that 'Barca' couldn't qualify for the next roond of 'The Champions League'


From mee standin' place in row ZZZZZZZ! the players were like tiny specs on the field below, an' aa could hardly make the team oot!


The forst game at St James' had ended 3-2 to The Toon (after leadin' 3-0!) two month's orlier and a notable absentee for this game was Tino Asprilla who had scored a hat-trick in that game and this was to prove decisive in this one.




"WHERE'S THE FLAG!?"


Anyway!--- John Beresford had a 35yard shot that went well wide in the 10th minute to be followed moments later by John Barnes, who's 25 yard effort went just inches past the post to huge gasps from the *8,000 soakin' wet travellin' hoards. (*accordin' to 'The Sporting Life')
However!---the deadlock was broken in the 17th minute by the home side when Brazilian ace Giovanni chipped Shaka Hislop in The Toon goal to muted roars from the 17,000 Barca fans present .
Jon Dahl Tomasson then hit the bar for us in the 35th minute which brought more huge gasps (of despair!) from The Toon fans and that was the closest we came to scorin' durin' the forst half.


Durin' the match a'd kept lookin' roond to see where the giant Toon Army flag was as 'Barrett meen time' (the flags eternal gardian!) said the previous week that he was bringin' it ower on 'The Toon Army Travel' flight----but!—where the hell was it?—(or him for that matter!) (we would find oot next day!)


Then!---as the second half started the few 'Barca' fans present could be seen fightin' amongst themsels in the lower reaches of the stand behind the left hand goal as many of The Toon fans stripped off their soakin' wet tops, wrang them oot and twirled them aroond their heeds as the torrential doonpour saw ne sign of lettin' up (Er!---mine was stuck to my magnificent 17 stone torso---by the way!)


On the otha hand the action on the pitch was less than a damp squid with the anly plus point from us was when a great chance fell to Stevie Watson just before the end, but he heeded wide when it would have been easier to score!
That was the last chance we had and the defeat meant that like Barca ,we were oot the Champions League as well (so!---that's sommik else we had in common with them!?)
We'd 'dryed oot' a bit by the time we got back to La Ramblas where we 'drowned' wor sorrows (sic!) before mekin' the marathon trek back to wor oot of toon hotel---"ZZZZZZZzzzzzzz!"


Part Three:
"TOON ARMY FLAG R.I.P!"


We finally bumped into 'Barrett meen time' the next day and the forst question aa asked him was--- "Where was the f*****' flag at the match?"
His answer 'shocked me to the core!'----Before the match they got the flag, which was was in their hotel, handily placed next to the groond, and aboot 20 Toon 'foot soldiers'helped tih carry it to the tornstiles. The local 'Dibble', obviously frightened that the flag was aboot to 'attack them', decided to 'baton charge' the 'said' flag which weighs aroot 'a ton' (especially when it's soken wet!)
'The flag' (unable to defend itsel!) was left unceremonisly ootside as 'The Dibble' refused to let it in and it sadly 'missed the game'!
In the mornin' they went back to the groond to pick it up---but!---it had mysteriousleee disappeared!?
Aa meeeen!---how the hell can yi LOOOSE sommik THAT BIG?


(Aa can just see the advort in the 'lost and foond' column of 'The Barcelona Times'------Lost: TOON ARMY FLAG!---Colours: BLACK & WHITE STRIPES!---Size: 120 FEET by 80 FEET WITH TWO 50 FEET MAGPIES ON EITHER SIDE & A BIG BLUE STAR IN THE MIDDLE!----ANSWERS TO THE NAMES OF 'NEWCASTLE UNITED' & 'HOWAY THE LADS'! WHICH IS WRITTEN ON THE TOP & BOTTOM OF THE FLAG!----Reward: A CRATE OF BROON ALE TO THE LUCKY FINDER! )


Futher enquiries revealeded that the Barcelona Refuse Department had hoyed it into a f*****' bin lorry, carted it away and dumped it on the local tip!!!!
So!---if yi'd ever wondered what had happened to the giant flag---WELL!---NUW YI NAA!
Epitaph: 'TOON ARMY FLAG R.I.P. BARCELONA 1997!'



"A'V LOST MEE JOB!---WOR LASS HAS LET IZ!---WOT ELSE CAN GAN WRANG!?"


One Toon fan who shall remain anonymous (for good reason!) got more than he bargained for
when he visited the Catalan capital. After checkin' in to his hotel he decided to phone his lass tih tell hor that he'd arrived safely.
She told him that his boss had been on the phone and that he'd been sacked for takin' time off to gan to the match! She aalso told him that she'd had enough of him gannin' to the matches and was waalkin' oot on him for good!




Devistated!—he decided to 'drown his sorrows' and have a few 'gargels' doon 'La Ramblas' and in between bars he got his pockets 'dipped' and somebody nicked his wallet!, so he had to gan back to his hotel to get some more 'lowwy' which he'd left in his room. He went back on 'the hoy' and as he was waalkin' doon a back lane a local pulled a knife on him and he got mugged again!


Once more he heeded back to his hotel for yet more 'lowwy' but this time he decided to stay off the drink and find a local 'scally' instead. He foond one and she took him doon a back alley to give him a g***le! He tried to gan a bit further and unzipped hor dress and got his 'hand away', anly to find that 'she' ---was really a 'HE'!!!.


Panickin'!---and with his strides still roond his ankles, he legged it 'sharpish' doon the alley!
Next day he went to 'The Nou Camp' for the match and of course The Toon lost! On his arrival back at Barcelona airport (mortal drunk by this time!) he started shoutin' at the top of his voice and tellin' the whole world aboot his problems!


"A'v lost mee job!"---he cried---"Wor lass has left iz!"-"A'v been mugged twice!"-"The Toon got
F*****' beat!"-"An' a'v had a g***le of a transvestite!"—What else can gan wrang???"------"BASTARDS!"---SOMEBODY'S NICKED MEE WATCH AS WELL!!!!!!"



Footnote: *Some reports gave the crowd as 20,000 and the Toon support as 7,000 and some 25,000 and 8,000 respectively (it was hard to tell which was reet in the 98,000 capacity stadium!)




Geordie Glossary of Terms and Phrases (for the benefit of 'non Geordie' readers)
(in the order that they appear)


Iz=me
Aa=I
Groundhopper=someone who visits different football grounds
Aad=old
Mee=my
Suss the joint=have alook around
Tellin' bone=telephone
Nanny goat=coat
Sommik=something
Divvint=don't
Ower=over
Yih=you
Wor=our
Ne=no
The main drag=the main thoroughfare
Telt=told
Boozer=pub
Doon=down
mackem photo=s/land team photo
Coonta=counter
Screwin'=(go to bottom of page for answer!)
Reet=right
Barca=Barcelona
Dodgy=mad
Waaterin' hole=pub
Heeds=heads
Eetha=either
Drinkin' den=pub
Canny sorved=very drunk!
Wrang=wrong
Wih=we
Gannin'=going
Liquid refreshment=beer/lager
Oot=out
Neet=night
Waam=warm
Gan=go
Threeqwaata=three quarter
Lang=long
Chuckin' it doon=raining very heavily
Forst=first
Ootside=outside
Gatesheed=the town of Gateshead
Thord=third
Orlier=earlier
Roond=round
Barrett meen time=name for Toon fan who has his own time zone as he's always late! (as opposed to Greenwich mean time)
Toon Army Travel=the tour operator (Barrett meen time)who took many fans to Barcelona
Themsels=themselves
Heeds=heads
Dibble=police officers
Howay the lads=come on the boys
Broon ale=Newcastle Brown Ale
Nuw yi naa=now you know
Gargels=beers/lagers
Dipped=money stolen
Lowwy=money
The hoy=going for a few drinks of alcoholic beverage!
Scally=scally wag=sh**!=prostitute
G**ble=(work it out!)(see below)▼
Hand away=(if yi don't know the answer then ask your mammy and daddy!)








©Fink™(the mad-sad gr☺undh☺pper!)







Thursday, 3 March 2011

JOYOUS NEWS FOR NUFC GROUNDHOPPERS!

Posted '11 am bells' Thu 2nd March

News reaches 'The Geordie Times' that West Ham's move to The Olympic Stadium haz been 'rubber-stamped' at last!
This iz brilliant news for aall NUFC groundhoppers az it meeenz we will have at least one new stadium to visit in a couple of years time.

Spurs could aalso move to a site next to White Hart Lane makin' anotha new ground and finally because Spurs havvint won the Olympic Stadium bid and will NOT now revamp The Crystal Palace Athletic Stadium, Crystal Palace have said that they would like to move there from Selhurst Park

THAT'S! ---THREE! NEW POSSIBLE LONDON GROUNDS TO VISIT IN THE NEAR FUTURE!-----get the Broon Ale oot!

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